Hey Guys IM BACK!!!

[anjopom]

Hi Guys,

Well, have just flown into the UK today, and have to confess this holiday has been harder than i ever thought possible.

For those that dont know, I have just spent 3 weeks in the Dominican republic, we stayed at a gorgeous resort, which soon filled up over this last week with french, spanish, german and not too many from the UK.

Heck, how I wish it had gone better, the anxiety, the panic attacks, the awful cying jags, hell there were nights I couldnt even go into the restaurant to eat. My poor hubby, he worked hard to pay for this and I have ruined it - hell we never even went out at night for a drink, i found myself wanting to feel safe back in my room, albeit usually upset or crying, I feel so guilty!!! I just cdant help the way I am feeling right now, I just feel my nerves are shot!!!

The days were spent mainly on the beach, and were ok once the anxious spells had passed - I suppose for my hubby it has been an eye opener as i dont think he realised just how bad this has been, as he is normally at work.
After the second week, I just got so homesick!!! although i cant think why that should be, but its true.

My last night in the dominican was spent writing a letter to GOD, as I was by now having anxiety about flying home, i supposre i was just looking for some reassurance that i would get home safely.

So, now I am home, just feel so upset about the whole thing, and my attitude while |I was away, although it was lovely to spend quality time away with my hubby, it was not the paradise holiday I wanted it to be, THANKS GSK for nothing!!!

Anjopom

[Jean56]

welcome back. we missed you. i'm sorry your holiday didn't turn out well. but you're safely home. big hug

[carolyn]

Oh Anj!!

Don't beat yourself up over it! I'm sure you didn't "ruin" anything. {{{BIG HUG}}}

I think vacations (and traveling in particular) is so much more strenuous than we give it credit for. We think of people sipping rum drinks on beachfront hammocks and don't remember the cramped airplane seats and taxi drives and time zone changes and unfamiliar beds and etc.

Honestly, I've had terrible panic and anxiety problems while on vacation, Paxil or no Paxil. I think it's just a really stressful situation in its own way.

But anyway, good for you for enjoying the beaches when you could and for going at all in the first place!!! {{HUG}}

[pokie]

Anj,
Sorry to hear things did not go so well.Hopefully the next time you go you will be off the GSK crap and be able to enjoy yourself more. If I remember the last trip went fine. I have been asked numerous times to go on vacation and feel I am not ready....
Pokie

[anjopom]

Oh God,

Why oh why, could i not just go and relax, why couldnt i leave my anxiety friend at home, heck I didnt ask him to come away with us.
I just feel so cheated, and so sorry for my poor hubby, he was so good, although i knew he was fed up too, he did absolutely everything he could do to help, but somehow it just wasnt enough to help the way I was feeling.

The restaurants, well like i said they were very busy, and I did have a funny turn in there one night, and every night after that it kicked off my anxiety when it was time to eat. My poor hubby was bringing food out, although i must admit, i didnt care much wether i ate or not to be fair.
Night life, exactly the same, just so overwhelmed by so many strange and unfamilier people - it could have been a really lovely holiday, but for all of this baggage i took along with me. My hubby was entitled to go for a drink after dinner at night, but because of me he didnt.

Panic attacks yes big ones, even on the beach and trying to hide what i was going through from all the other people on the beach, that was hard, espercially when i was going through hell and feeling like i was gonna die at any moment, and yes it was so hot, not much fun when your walking round having hot flushes and feeling faint from the anxiety!!!
So definately, any trips were off the menu, good job we went last year and did them then, as they definately werent gonna happen this time.

Plane, well very apprehensive about taking off, but oince up in the air, usually ok, except this time, worse on returning, i started having the anxiety about the flight home about 3 days beforehand, the last night was absolutely horrendous with me in floods of tears worrying, and my poor hubby sat there in the middle of it all, not really understanding, what the hell was going through my mind.

And now, well i am home safely, jet lagged and feeling like crap, but im here, and hubby well, he has said he will not tell my family how i was on holiday and will play it down as we ythoroughly enjoyed our time away together.
Why oh why could i not just have one holiday alone with my husband, where we could really enjoy it?

Anjopom

[LCrawford67]

I'm sorry your holiday wasn't what you wanted it to be, Ang. But, you're home now and hopefully, you'll be able to relax.

[nickels]

Oh Anj, I'm so sorry that things didn't go as planned...I feel so terrible for you. I know how frustrating it is when you have high expectations and then anxiety steps in and ruins everything. I've been in the same place as you before so many times so I know how upsetting it really is. You should still be proud that you managed thru it all and eventhough it was rough, you survived. Also, thank God for supportive husbands, right?

[Rachelina]

Angie, it's great to have you back, I missed you! Don't worry that your vacation wasn't perfect. Like Carolyn said, vacations are very stressful, and when you are tapering you're extra sensitive to stress. And you are at what is a difficult part of the taper for many people. Read my thread and you will see that I have just had a total meltdown and had to go up in dose, and am so agoraphobic I can barely walk around the block without having a panic attack. And you just flew over the ocean!! I think you're doing awesome. And you'll have plenty of wonderful vacations in the future when you are free of Paxhell.

[eileen]

Hi Angie, I've been thinking about you the last couple of days. I'm sorry that your vacation didn't go the way you would have liked but I think you deserve a Gold Star for getting through it all when you weren't feeling well. Try to put it behind you now and blame it all on GSK. Not your fault honey, you are in WD and we are not quite ourselves at this time.
Get some rest now that you are home and be kind to yourself.
Eileen

[Cayte]

Oh Angie...hi.
Oh dear, I'm sorry about your holiday.
Maybe 3 weeks was quite a long time?...and of course you'll now be having the jet lag.
I remember we went to Singapore when I hadn't been off Paxil for long, and we argued nearly the whole of the time.
Holidays are nearly always stressful at the best of times, let alone when coming off medication.
Good to have you back...missed you. XX

[pax80]

Welcome back! Sorry your trip wasn't so nice, i would have felt the same, or even worse, i wouldn't even put a foot on a plane!

[Toby 4 ever]

Aww (((Anjo))- glad to see you back but sorry to hear you suffered so on the trip- it will take a few days to settle back in to your routine - hopefully your stress level will improve once you calm down some.

thinking of you, Toby

[Songbird]

Holidays can be very stressful, especially when there is a lot of travel involved and unfamiliar places. You were homesick because home is familiar and makes you feel secure. And you are down to 4mg, it is not surprising you are very sensitive. Please don't beat yourself up about it, give yourself a break, tapering is not easy! I actually think writing letters to God is quite a good idea! I'm glad your hubby has been understanding. I hope you are able to relax now that you're back home.

[AussieGirl]

Welcome back. LIke many have said travel and holidays can be very stressful. You gave it your best shot and that is all any of us can do. How is your hubby not your back ? I hope he was supportive of you . Myabe next time a shorter break would work better and one not so far away ?

Huge hugs (((((((((((()))))))))))))

[Robert K]

Welcome Back!! :-))
Anjie, dont get yourself down.. look how much you have already accomplished. You have been already on 30 mg and you are down to 4.2 mg :-)) that is what you call success... you almost there girl!!!!!
And yes, you will fully enjoy your next vacations for sure :-))

[Through the storm]

Anj,

Welcome back! I'm so sorry to hear your holiday didn't go...quite...as planned

Goodness, thankfully you are through it now and can re-adjust to being back at home again. I understand you must be feeling pretty torn up about what happened. Perhaps if anything good came out of it, it's that your husband now understands more of what you're going through and can offer you added support. It sounds like he was more concerned for you than feeling let down during the holiday, would this be right?

I have to say you are very brave for going away when you were feeling like this. It can't have been easy. My hubby wants to holiday overseas, but we've decided I just couldn't cope with it right now. So we're spending more quiet times together at home, or having 'date' nights (catching a moving or tea at a restaurant). Maybe you guys could spend more moments like that together, and trial-and-error how you feel by these.

Don't feel guilty about the holiday. You did the best you could under difficult circumstances. It was out of your hands. Hope you're feeling better soon!

[WhatIsNormal]

(((((((()))))))))

[Nelly]

Hi Anj

so sorry the holiday didn't quite go as expected. I think you are really brave though. One day this will just be a horrible memory and will fade into the background when you overwrite it with really great holidays.

much love