War against the Devils drug ... I will get my life back!!!

I am on day 7 cold turkey from Paxil. Things seem to be a little better for me ... but not much. I refer to Paxil as the Devil's drug because I have now been to hell and back. I have had just about all the side effects you can possibly have. I started taking it when I was in my 4th month of pregnancy. I have "pregnancy rage" and told my doctor about it and asked if she had any experience with it. She assured me that she had and that all I had to do was tell her when I was feeling the rage. She knew exactly what to do. Well, that time came and when I told her she called in a prescription ... Paxil. She didn't tell me anything about it except that it would take a week to work and that I would feel much better. I asked if it was approved to take while pregnant and if there were any side effects. She assured me that it was safe to take during and after pregnancy and that theside effects were so minimal that she didn't want to worry me with them. "They are just the regular side effects, nothing to worry about". Well, after giving birth to my 4th boy I continued Paxil because my doctor (a different one I switched to that told me the same as my previous doctor about Paxil) felt as if I should continue to take it for a few more months to make sure I was ready to get off it. I didn't nurse my son very much .... probably 4 oz a day or so. When I stopped I noticed he would cry like I've never heard before ... a blood curdling SCREAM. It scared me and my doctor said he was just a little colicy and just wanted more attention. I never thought it could be the Paxil. I truely think my newborn son had to go cold turkey off Paxil. I now feel horrible for what he had to go through, because it was ME that put that pill in my mouth before doing any research. I shoul.d have went with my first instinct and checked it out for myself. All I could do was hold my son while he screamed uncontrollably. And at times I felt like I couldn't handle his screams. Why? Why did my son have to go through that? I have tried to go off Paxil cold turkey 3 or 4 other times. This time I am going to do it if it kills me. My infant was forced to do it ... and I have control over doing it. And a little pill is NOT going to control me anymore. I went to my doctor yesterday and discussed it with him. I told him I was concerned that he was prescribing Paxil without knowing the full truth about ALL the side effects. After saying what I needed to say he actually had the nerve to ask me if I wanted to try the new Paxil CR. I about lost it!!! He didn't even take all the articles I printed off for him to read over. I told his nurse how upset I was and left the articles with her. I asked her to read them before letting them hit the trash. I am so mad and upset I don't know what to do. I have such anger for him. The agonizing pain I have gone through, the suicidal thoughts that consume my mind daily, the dizziness and vomiting so bad that the only way I can describe it is that I feel like I am "hung over" 24 hours a day. I am not a drinker because I hate that feeling of being hung over the next day. Now I walk around everyday feeling like a drug addict drunk. I take all the back road when I drive becasue it is so hard to concentrate on the road. I know I shouldn't drive right now, but it isn't an option to just stay home or rely on my friends and family to take me and my family everywhere I need to go. No one really understands what i am going through. They just think it will go away in a couple days. I can't really even explain it to them ... so how can I expect them to understand? I am hoping this will all be a big night mare in my past someday. I was a victim of severe physical, emotional and mental abuse for 4 years. I live through that ... got away ... and made it part of my PAST. I beat the abuse and I will beatthe Devil's drug too. Thank you DonnaRN for taking the time to write me and help me see that there are people out there that DO understand and that can help me ... as much as I'd like to help them. You, DonnaRN and everyone else that has taken the time to read this are in my thoughts and prayers. I am going to take my life back!!!!!!!!!!!

Princess, don't keep beating yourself up for having made a mistake. You didn't know about Paxil and took it on your doctor's "sound advice." You can't do one single thing about the past--it's over and done. What you can do is to take control now. Make a plan to get off the Paxil, but be flexible so that you can succeed. Don't make an unrealistic timetable. Just tell yourself that you will taper slowly until you get to zero--the time it takes to do so is unimportant in the scheme of things.

Read advice from the in-the-trenches survivors here. We are not medical doctors but can offer suggestions that may work better than what the actual medical professionals offer. You have to read and make decisions based on accurate information, so pick and choose. Lots of the people here are knowledgeable on two counts: they've read what the medical professionals who know the facts have to say and also know what has worked personally for them. There are real things you can do to make a difference in your withdrawal and ultimate success. Are you aware of the vitamins, supplements, and over-the-counter remedies that help during withdrawal?

You and your son will get through this. Do not dwell on the past--chalk it up to experience. Gather all the info you can. Stick with this group--it's a powerhouse of information. Good luck!

NW,
Thank you for the reasurring reply. I was having a real bad night when I wrote that and realise that I do need more help getting off this drug. I will look into your suggestions.
Thank you so very much
Princess