please respond, hubby problems

anjopom · 07-27-2009, 04:59 AM

Hi Guys,

I would like for each of you to share your experiences of w/d and the ways in which it has affected your health , minds and lives, as my husband seems to think i am unique in some way, and somewat different to all of you.

So although this is personal and im hoping each of you dont mind that,as a family suffering together here at pp, i have a problem that is causing me great distress.

As most of you know, I have had marital problems and i thought they were being resolved, well due to the fact that im in w/d ,im now at 5mg and do NOT feel like sex constantly, my husband seems to think we have marriage problems again, as you can imagine, this is placing me under a great deal of stress, and im starting to dread going to bed at night.
I asked him what he wanted me to do, "fake it till i make it" kind of thing, but he doesnt want that, so what does he want, something i cant feel or give right now!!!

Im getting accused of "going off him" and things slipping again, and im getting text messages from him saying we need to talk.

Why does he not understand that in w/d we just feel too sick to even think about sex, we just have too many other things going on in our heads, and that does not mean that i dont love him or even want to do it, its just what it is w/d and nothing more!!!

He went on to say last night, that the only reason i agreed to give our marriage another shot is that i couldnt have a "full relationship" with this other guy? and I was worried it wouldnt last because of this.

For Gods sake, i never contemplated a sexual relationship with this other guy, that was the furthest thing from my mind to be honest, it was all about companionship, attention and affection, all the things that had been missing from my marriage for such a long time.

He says he has read enough about this w/d thing and knows everything he needs to know? then why do i feel so pressurised and stressed.
Has anyone else been affected in this way?

Why cant he understand (as he knows so much about it) that when you get to the last 5mg, its so hard, and all thats on my mind really is making it through each day, eventually wanting and hoping to be pill free.

Any advice guys, i really need some help with this one!!!!!
Anjopom

deedee1 · 07-27-2009, 05:23 AM

If he wants everyone's experiences have him spend 5 minutes at this forum! Ugh, this reminds me of when I was going through withdrawal, my boyfriend DID NOT BELIEVE that I had no sex drive anymore, he thought it was because I wasn't attracted to him anymore, or even that I was cheating on him. I mean, can he google "SSRI discontinuation syndrome" and see that low (ok, extinct) libido is a side effect? Sorry for being snappy but this just reminds me of the frustration I had continuously trying to explain this to my boyfriend and his complete and utter lack of understanding, and unwillingness to even try to understand.

Dear anjopom's husband: this is completely a side effect of Paxil discontinuation.. it is pretty much unavoidable, it has happened to most of us here, it has nothing to do with you personally.. I understand it is difficult (really, I do), but the best thing you can do is be there to support her during this time.. this is going to end one day, and your support definitely helps.. this is not going to be happening forever!

No matter what has happened between you guys in the past, it is a fact that low/no libido is a side effect from discontinuation, and that's what she is experiencing right now, AND IT'S AWFUL!

(I broke up with my boyfriend partially because he just couldn't understand why I had no desire to have sex with him anymore.. we'd been together for years.. he was super selfish during this time.. I've since met a guy who is the exact opposite.. maybe I overreacted, but it definitely doesn't help withdrawal to have negative people around you

)

Cayte · 07-27-2009, 05:31 AM

Paxil/ Seroxat kills love. It's bad enough when on the drug but once off it the feeling of isolation can be worse... much worse.
I think at the end of the day we are on our own in our battle.

Si in Wales · 07-27-2009, 06:20 AM

Ang

I can't really offer good relationship advice, as I was pretty much single the whole time I was on Seroxat! However, that kinda tells its own story - a numbness that affected my interest in the physical and emotional side of relationships.

I can assure your husband that Seroxat and has profound effects on people in this respect.

I sincerely hope things work out. Take care.

Si

Cayte · 07-27-2009, 06:31 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cayte

Paxil/ Seroxat kills love. It's bad enough when on the drug but once off it the feeling of isolation can be worse... much worse.
I think at the end of the day we are on our own in our battle.

No...no.
Ignore this please. A feeling sorry for 'self moment....

DUTCHY · 07-27-2009, 07:27 AM

[quote=Cayte;577642]No...no.
Ignore this please. A feeling sorry for 'self moment....

Exactly Cayte....Paxil did not kill the love I have for my boyfriend, quite the contrary to be honest!

Angie.......
It definately killed my sex drive for a LOOOOONG time!
....once off and in the thick off withdrawal I couldn't even bare to be touched at all!....sometimes a well ment hug would already tick me off!
It was obvious to both of us that this wasn't the typical "me" like person, but "just" another symptom/ side effect like all the others WE had to deal with!
He left me at "peace"and NEVER made a drama out of this......HE NEVER TOOK IT PERSONALLY!!!..........

Hope your husband can reach this state of acceptance too.....in the long run it will only make things better for both of you! Best of luck! xxxxxxxx

westeewoman · 07-27-2009, 07:48 AM

Dear Angie's Husband,

Low libido is a major cause of people stopping taking SSRIs and w/d syndrome pretty much guarantees the problem continues. It's real, it's documented. My psychiatrist wanted to prescribe ANOTHER drug that is good for the libido to help me out...HAng in with your wonderful wife!

Deborah

Robert K · 07-27-2009, 09:02 AM

Hello Angie's Husband,

I was on Paxil for only 3.5 months and lost my sex drive completely. My wife could not believe I am not interesting in the sex anymore and I was trying to explain to her it is damn pill. She did some research on the internet and kind of understood but I have to be honest, not compeletely.

Angie's Husband, it is not your wife who has not desire, it is withdrawal from this pill. Please please be just little bit more patient and you both will enjoy soon what was missed. Please just give it some more time.

Angie has been great help and support for everyone here on forum and I must say she is really a great person.

My my best,
Robert

Rachelina · 07-27-2009, 10:42 AM

Ditto to what everyone else has said. Paxil and Paxil withdrawal both kill sex drive. I can barely remember what it felt like to enjoy it. But from all I have heard, it does come back in time when you are off the drug, you just need to be patient.

rain · 07-27-2009, 01:00 PM

Yes, for sure, the sex drive takes a back seat. That said, it sounds like your husband feels left out, and not just sexually. Of course you want him to understand where you are coming from... but, you have to try to understand his feelings also. I'm tempted to say.. fake it until you make it.

Difficult situation I know.

Songbird · 07-27-2009, 10:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by anjopom

it was all about companionship, attention and affection, all the things that had been missing from my marriage for such a long time.

I'm sensing here a problem that seems quite common in relationships, whether w/d involved or not. For many men relationships are about sex and sexual desire, for many women relationships are about companionship and affection. So when sex isn't happening in a relationship, perhaps because of the woman's low libido, the man interprets this as that the woman doesn't want him any more. When the woman doesn't get any hugs and affection she interprets this as that the man doesn't want her any more. It is like they are talking two different languages. I do find it frustrating that sex is something that most men seem to 'need', like water and oxygen! As if they will die without it. Sorry, I don't have any answers, but I do sympathise. Paxil definitely messes with libido and sexual function.

AussieGirl · 07-29-2009, 01:24 AM

Hi Angie

Just wondering how you are and how things going now ?

anjillian · 07-29-2009, 02:26 AM

This is a tough one because there are men that are just really persistent and if they don't "get it" on a regular basis become nuts. lol..

It's a prob weaning off paxil because although sexual drive does come back a little, most of the time it's just a burden for us women.

I think there are a few options. First would be to do stuff even you aren't in the mood just to get him off your back and keep him happy and to stop bugging you, which actually will give you more peace and "alone time" until his testosterone builds up again lol.

2nd is avoid it by pretending to be asleep, falling asleep on the couch, saying you have a headache, stomachache.. i mean faking being ill.

3rd would be having a talk with him and having him read the forum to get some idea what you are going through.

pokie · 07-29-2009, 03:49 AM

Angie,
I was with someone who was a journalist and did a story for 20/20 (a news program)so you know he had MUCH information on it. He got paid for doing this segment though it was not run due to GSK-lawsuit. So he would be the first to know about this. Anyway he started seeing other woman behind my back and the relationship was over. He complained about it -though I would give in and said I was the most unromantic woman he ever met. Well thanks to Paxil I probably was. I hope things cheer up for you !!!! I know what it's like to distance yourself and not want anyone bothering you.
Pokie

mdonnab44 · 07-29-2009, 03:41 PM

The loss of libido is definitely real. It has caused problems in my relationship as well, mostly with me feeling guilty. My husband tries to be very understanding but he is also, as you can imagine, very frustrated.

I especially have a hard time with that feeling that I sometimes can not stand to even be touched. What's up with that? It makes me crazy because I do want to be close to my husband but my body can't stand it! I am confused and frustrated with this myself sometimes.

I do have good moments occasionally and try to take adtvantage of them and give my husband some attention but these moments are are far too few between for him.

We are working through it. I wish you both well.

paxilgirl · 07-29-2009, 09:59 PM

Dear Anjopom's hubby,

You need to be more understanding and stop thinking about what is down your pants.

Paxil kills any affection one may have for a loved one. It's happened to me and it does come back.

Unfortunately, many spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends don't understand.

This isn't a quick fix. You need to better understand that this drug messes you up and that it needs a time to resolve.

pokie · 07-29-2009, 10:44 PM

MdonnaB44,
That line is right on target-It makes me crazy because I do want to be close to my husband but my body can't stand it! I am confused and frustrated with this myself sometimes.
Pokie

carolyn · 07-29-2009, 10:49 PM

What follows is just my own personal experience, so I hope no one takes my comments as what I believe is true for everyone -- as we know oh too well, nothing is the same for everyone!

Anyway, a couple of months ago, my husband and I were having very similar problems. I had zero interest in sex (probably less than zero

), I didn't want him to touch me even platonically, etc. Emotionally, too, I was distant and on the times when I "gave in" and we would have sex, it would inevitably end poorly because he could tell I wasn't into it, so his interest would fade, which would kill any vestige of interest *I* had.

I felt very sorry for myself during this stage -- why couldn't he see that I just wasn't interested? I didn't want to be touched, I just couldn't put the effort in, I was tired.

Thanks to another member on this board, I picked up a book that changed this for me. PM me if you want the book name/author (it has nothing to do with Paxil and my point is not that the book itself made a huge different in my withdrawal, because that isn't the case, it just changed my mind about this one specific issue).

This book basically said, "whenever your husband wants to have sex, do it."

WHAT??? Didn't the book know that I was having withdrawal and totally uninterested???

But I tried it. Now, granted, my husband is a rockstar and agreed to things like "I'd like to go down on you but only for 2 minutes" for a few days.

The weird thing though....I started to like it again. NOTHING changed with my Paxil intake, nothing changed with my stress levels...I just kinda started to like it again. I started wanting to be a woman to my husband, to treat him like a man. Doesn't that sound weird and 1950s? But it's true.

We still have times when I make excuses for not having sex or snuggling, but seriously, this has made a huge impact in our marriage.

I think it's the equivalent of feeling down or lethargic because of withdrawal but getting up and doing some gardening or taking a bubble bath anyway. SO much of withdrawal is affected by your outlook (I know I'll get the flames here about "but it's physical too!" which I'm definitely not arguing) and I think it applies to sex, too.

So....I guess it boils down to yeah, fake it til you make it...but DON'T tell him that's what you're doing. Pretend and be an actress and tell him how hot he is and how you love how it makes you feel. It sounds really corny, but it really did help me.

Again, just my personal experience.

Goodwill · 07-30-2009, 06:08 AM

Dear Angie its so good so many of them have written notes to your hubby. I m pretty sure your hubby would take the right essence if he gets to read those. You have been a great support to many here and I wish all's well with you. As someone said, I too think faking the act once in a while helps you so you dont have to bottle up the guilty feeling either. keep us posted N take care dear.

paxilgirl · 07-30-2009, 07:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by carolyn

What follows is just my own personal experience, so I hope no one takes my comments as what I believe is true for everyone -- as we know oh too well, nothing is the same for everyone!

Anyway, a couple of months ago, my husband and I were having very similar problems. I had zero interest in sex (probably less than zero

), I didn't want him to touch me even platonically, etc. Emotionally, too, I was distant and on the times when I "gave in" and we would have sex, it would inevitably end poorly because he could tell I wasn't into it, so his interest would fade, which would kill any vestige of interest *I* had.

I felt very sorry for myself during this stage -- why couldn't he see that I just wasn't interested? I didn't want to be touched, I just couldn't put the effort in, I was tired.

Thanks to another member on this board, I picked up a book that changed this for me. PM me if you want the book name/author (it has nothing to do with Paxil and my point is not that the book itself made a huge different in my withdrawal, because that isn't the case, it just changed my mind about this one specific issue).

This book basically said, "whenever your husband wants to have sex, do it."

WHAT??? Didn't the book know that I was having withdrawal and totally uninterested???

But I tried it. Now, granted, my husband is a rockstar and agreed to things like "I'd like to go down on you but only for 2 minutes" for a few days.

The weird thing though....I started to like it again. NOTHING changed with my Paxil intake, nothing changed with my stress levels...I just kinda started to like it again. I started wanting to be a woman to my husband, to treat him like a man. Doesn't that sound weird and 1950s? But it's true.

We still have times when I make excuses for not having sex or snuggling, but seriously, this has made a huge impact in our marriage.

I think it's the equivalent of feeling down or lethargic because of withdrawal but getting up and doing some gardening or taking a bubble bath anyway. SO much of withdrawal is affected by your outlook (I know I'll get the flames here about "but it's physical too!" which I'm definitely not arguing) and I think it applies to sex, too.

So....I guess it boils down to yeah, fake it til you make it...but DON'T tell him that's what you're doing. Pretend and be an actress and tell him how hot he is and how you love how it makes you feel. It sounds really corny, but it really did help me.

Again, just my personal experience.

Wow, what a great post.

I guess I sounded a bit harsh, but I get frustrated when men believe the lack of intimacy means they are not loved...paxil WD doesn't change the feelings, it just shuts them up!!!! Grrrrrrr....

It's true men need to be treated like men and sex is important for them. The book sounds interesting and hope it helps those that are struggling.

Paxilalmostkilledme · 07-30-2009, 07:24 AM

What's funny is that your husband is probably going to have more sex than he wants once you get through WD.

Imagine that

carolyn · 07-30-2009, 09:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by paxilgirl

I get frustrated when men believe the lack of intimacy means they are not loved...paxil WD doesn't change the feelings, it just shuts them up!!!! Grrrrrrr....

Amen, sister! I can agree with that!

TORY · 07-31-2009, 01:06 AM

To follow on from what Songbird put so well.

Read men are from Mars, women are from Venus, it explains very well how different the sexes are, helps you understand your significant other so much better.

07-27-2009, 04:59 AM	#1
anjopom Join Date: Oct 2006 Posts: 1,548	please respond, hubby problems Hi Guys, I would like for each of you to share your experiences of w/d and the ways in which it has affected your health , minds and lives, as my husband seems to think i am unique in some way, and somewat different to all of you. So although this is personal and im hoping each of you dont mind that,as a family suffering together here at pp, i have a problem that is causing me great distress. As most of you know, I have had marital problems and i thought they were being resolved, well due to the fact that im in w/d ,im now at 5mg and do NOT feel like sex constantly, my husband seems to think we have marriage problems again, as you can imagine, this is placing me under a great deal of stress, and im starting to dread going to bed at night. I asked him what he wanted me to do, "fake it till i make it" kind of thing, but he doesnt want that, so what does he want, something i cant feel or give right now!!! Im getting accused of "going off him" and things slipping again, and im getting text messages from him saying we need to talk. Why does he not understand that in w/d we just feel too sick to even think about sex, we just have too many other things going on in our heads, and that does not mean that i dont love him or even want to do it, its just what it is w/d and nothing more!!! He went on to say last night, that the only reason i agreed to give our marriage another shot is that i couldnt have a "full relationship" with this other guy? and I was worried it wouldnt last because of this. For Gods sake, i never contemplated a sexual relationship with this other guy, that was the furthest thing from my mind to be honest, it was all about companionship, attention and affection, all the things that had been missing from my marriage for such a long time. He says he has read enough about this w/d thing and knows everything he needs to know? then why do i feel so pressurised and stressed. Has anyone else been affected in this way? Why cant he understand (as he knows so much about it) that when you get to the last 5mg, its so hard, and all thats on my mind really is making it through each day, eventually wanting and hoping to be pill free. Any advice guys, i really need some help with this one!!!!! Anjopom __________________ medicated by doctor for grief. 15th Jan 1997 -Nov 2005 30mg paxil, c/t off by doctor. Dec 05, prozac 20mg, propranelol and 10mg Diazepam. March o6 c/t - doctor. April 06 -Nov 07 20mg paxil, Nov 07 - 18mg, dec 07 -16mg, jan 08 - 14mg, feb -12mg, mar -10mg,jul -9mg,aug -8.5mg,oct -8mg,nov -7.5mg,dec 08-7mg, jan09-6.5mg,feb-6mg, 1st mar-5.5mg,end mar -5mg,apr-4.2mg,CRASHED, may-5mg, aug-4.5mg,sept-3.8mg, oct-3.2mg, oct - 2.8mg, nov, 2.2mg. Currently taking 300mg magnesium!!!!!

07-27-2009, 05:23 AM	#2
deedee1 Join Date: Nov 2006 Posts: 55	Re: please respond, hubby problems If he wants everyone's experiences have him spend 5 minutes at this forum! Ugh, this reminds me of when I was going through withdrawal, my boyfriend DID NOT BELIEVE that I had no sex drive anymore, he thought it was because I wasn't attracted to him anymore, or even that I was cheating on him. I mean, can he google "SSRI discontinuation syndrome" and see that low (ok, extinct) libido is a side effect? Sorry for being snappy but this just reminds me of the frustration I had continuously trying to explain this to my boyfriend and his complete and utter lack of understanding, and unwillingness to even try to understand. Dear anjopom's husband: this is completely a side effect of Paxil discontinuation.. it is pretty much unavoidable, it has happened to most of us here, it has nothing to do with you personally.. I understand it is difficult (really, I do), but the best thing you can do is be there to support her during this time.. this is going to end one day, and your support definitely helps.. this is not going to be happening forever! No matter what has happened between you guys in the past, it is a fact that low/no libido is a side effect from discontinuation, and that's what she is experiencing right now, AND IT'S AWFUL! (I broke up with my boyfriend partially because he just couldn't understand why I had no desire to have sex with him anymore.. we'd been together for years.. he was super selfish during this time.. I've since met a guy who is the exact opposite.. maybe I overreacted, but it definitely doesn't help withdrawal to have negative people around you ) __________________ My progress journal!! Off Paxil since 04/01/07. Through with Paxil Withdrawal (mostly) since 06/21/07.

07-27-2009, 05:31 AM	#3
Cayte Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 4,320	Re: please respond, hubby problems Paxil/ Seroxat kills love. It's bad enough when on the drug but once off it the feeling of isolation can be worse... much worse. I think at the end of the day we are on our own in our battle. __________________ Anti-deps since summer 1990. 12 years of Paxil....Quick taper from Aug-Nov 2006. (Not recommended). I struggle if I'm being honest. Still small benzo dosage to tackle. July'09 From 2.5mg- @ 2mg ( hot) now @1.75mg just horrid! After nearly 3 years free....August '09 on 20mg Prozac... VERY disappointed! 'Sometimes you have to be lost to understand yourself!'

07-27-2009, 06:20 AM	#4
Si in Wales Join Date: Mar 2009 Location: Body in Cardiff UK, heart in Pembrokeshire Posts: 152	Re: please respond, hubby problems Ang I can't really offer good relationship advice, as I was pretty much single the whole time I was on Seroxat! However, that kinda tells its own story - a numbness that affected my interest in the physical and emotional side of relationships. I can assure your husband that Seroxat and has profound effects on people in this respect. I sincerely hope things work out. Take care. Si __________________ 1999 - 20mg Seroxat for depression 2003 - up to 40mg (problems at work) 2004 - back to 20mg Spring 2005 - came off tablets quickly. Problems started after 3/4 months Jan 2006 - back on 20mg April 2008 - started a 6 month taper Oct 2008 - free of Seroxat Now - doing OK, but have anxiety and various withdrawal symptoms. Biggest problems are sweating (affects my work) and tinnitus.

07-27-2009, 07:27 AM	#6
DUTCHY Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Holland Posts: 169	Re: please respond, hubby problems [quote=Cayte;577642]No...no. Ignore this please. A feeling sorry for 'self moment.... Exactly Cayte....Paxil did not kill the love I have for my boyfriend, quite the contrary to be honest! Angie....... It definately killed my sex drive for a LOOOOONG time! ....once off and in the thick off withdrawal I couldn't even bare to be touched at all!....sometimes a well ment hug would already tick me off! It was obvious to both of us that this wasn't the typical "me" like person, but "just" another symptom/ side effect like all the others WE had to deal with! He left me at "peace"and NEVER made a drama out of this......HE NEVER TOOK IT PERSONALLY!!!.......... Hope your husband can reach this state of acceptance too.....in the long run it will only make things better for both of you! Best of luck! xxxxxxxx __________________ DUTCHY paxil 20mg - june 2005 start taper - oct. 2007 paxil-free - may 2008 magnesium 400mg - evening primrose oil 500mg

07-27-2009, 07:48 AM	#7
westeewoman Join Date: Apr 2007 Location: Massachusetts Posts: 945	Re: please respond, hubby problems Dear Angie's Husband, Low libido is a major cause of people stopping taking SSRIs and w/d syndrome pretty much guarantees the problem continues. It's real, it's documented. My psychiatrist wanted to prescribe ANOTHER drug that is good for the libido to help me out...HAng in with your wonderful wife! Deborah __________________ [size="1"]Paxil 1993-1998 poop-out/ct Celexa 1998-2005 poop-out/ct Cymbalta 60 mg July, 2005 last propranolol 15 mg/day April 6, 2007 last Serax 10 mg/day April 6, 2007 Cymbalta 60 mg 8/23/07 to 50.5 mg on 2/24/08 in six drops Cymbalta 49.0mg 3/26/2008 to 40mg 2/6/2009 in nine drops Cymbalta 38.5mg 4/15/2009 Cymbalta 36.0 5/15/2009 Cymbalta 35.6. 9/15/2009[ Cymbalta 35.0 10/15/2009 /SIZE]

07-27-2009, 09:02 AM	#8
Robert K Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 262	Re: please respond, hubby problems Hello Angie's Husband, I was on Paxil for only 3.5 months and lost my sex drive completely. My wife could not believe I am not interesting in the sex anymore and I was trying to explain to her it is damn pill. She did some research on the internet and kind of understood but I have to be honest, not compeletely. Angie's Husband, it is not your wife who has not desire, it is withdrawal from this pill. Please please be just little bit more patient and you both will enjoy soon what was missed. Please just give it some more time. Angie has been great help and support for everyone here on forum and I must say she is really a great person. My my best, Robert __________________ 1. 07/08 c/t 2 mg Klono 2. 09/08 added 10 mg Lexapro (my inability to sit still started) 3. 10/08 stopped Lexapro and took 300 mg Luvox and 15 mg Busipron 4. 11/08 1.5 mg K. 5. 01/09 stopped Luvox and Busipron. stayed on 1.5 mg Klono added 40 mg Paxil, 15 mg Tranxene (0.5 mg of K) and 1000 mg Depakote 6. Taper 1.5 mg Klono in 6 wks; still on 20 mg Tranx, 20mg Paxil and 500 mg Dep. Worst symptom: inability to sit still for 8 months. what caused it? either c/t of K or side effect of SSRIs.

07-27-2009, 10:42 AM	#9
Rachelina Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: New Hampshire Posts: 842	Re: please respond, hubby problems Ditto to what everyone else has said. Paxil and Paxil withdrawal both kill sex drive. I can barely remember what it felt like to enjoy it. But from all I have heard, it does come back in time when you are off the drug, you just need to be patient. __________________ Paxil 2000 - 2003. Started again 3/07 Failed 3-month taper from 30 mg ended 1/1/08. Nightmare started 4 weeks later; back to 10 mg 3/5/08. Down to 9 mg Paxil 10/8/08 * 8 mg 11/5/08 * 7.2 mg 12/17/08 * 6.4 mg 1/14/09 5.7 mg 2/11/09 * 5 mg 3/11/09 * 4.5 mg 4/22/09 * 4 mg 5/13/09 CRASHED, worst ever depression. Up to 5 mg 5/31, 7.5 mg 6/7, 10 mg 6/11. Trying again! Paxil 9.5 mg 7/19/09 * 9 mg 8/23/09 * 8.5 mg 9/27/09 *** 8 mg 11/1/09

07-27-2009, 01:00 PM	#10
rain Join Date: Aug 2006 Posts: 1,887	Re: please respond, hubby problems Yes, for sure, the sex drive takes a back seat. That said, it sounds like your husband feels left out, and not just sexually. Of course you want him to understand where you are coming from... but, you have to try to understand his feelings also. I'm tempted to say.. fake it until you make it. Difficult situation I know. __________________ Currently 20mg Celexa 6/6/09 - 17mg appx. 7/6/09 - 15mg 9/7/09 - 12 1/2 appx. 10/24/09 10mg ...and then the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. Anais Nin

07-29-2009, 01:24 AM	#12
AussieGirl Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: Australia Posts: 1,223	Re: please respond, hubby problems Hi Angie Just wondering how you are and how things going now ? __________________ 1988-1997:Nardil ( MAOI) for PND & Panic attacks 1997: Off Nardil & comm.Paxil 60mgs 1998:Went c/t. w/d was awful . Went back on 40mgs paxil. 1998-2001: 20-10mgs paxil. 2002: 20mgs paxil whilst pregnant. Daughter 2 months prem 8th Sept.08 To 10mgsTHEN found this site!!!! 31st Oct. 10mgs struggling 1stDec.9mgs1stJan09.8mgs1stFeb.7.5mgs 28March6.8mgs23rdapril6.1mgspharmacist liquid23rdMay5.5mgs15Jun5mgs7thJuly4.5mgs[[b]23rdJulyCrashed. Back to 10mgs.

07-29-2009, 02:26 AM	#13
anjillian Join Date: Jan 2006 Posts: 934	Re: please respond, hubby problems This is a tough one because there are men that are just really persistent and if they don't "get it" on a regular basis become nuts. lol.. It's a prob weaning off paxil because although sexual drive does come back a little, most of the time it's just a burden for us women. I think there are a few options. First would be to do stuff even you aren't in the mood just to get him off your back and keep him happy and to stop bugging you, which actually will give you more peace and "alone time" until his testosterone builds up again lol. 2nd is avoid it by pretending to be asleep, falling asleep on the couch, saying you have a headache, stomachache.. i mean faking being ill. 3rd would be having a talk with him and having him read the forum to get some idea what you are going through.

07-29-2009, 03:49 AM	#14
pokie Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Long Island NY Posts: 3,118	Re: please respond, hubby problems Angie, I was with someone who was a journalist and did a story for 20/20 (a news program)so you know he had MUCH information on it. He got paid for doing this segment though it was not run due to GSK-lawsuit. So he would be the first to know about this. Anyway he started seeing other woman behind my back and the relationship was over. He complained about it -though I would give in and said I was the most unromantic woman he ever met. Well thanks to Paxil I probably was. I hope things cheer up for you !!!! I know what it's like to distance yourself and not want anyone bothering you. Pokie __________________ Been on this crap since 1995 First taper 10% 2006 20mg to 8mgs crashed My 2nd Taper attempt! 10/01/08 40mgs 12/9/08 36mgs 01/09/09 33mgs 02/09/09 30mgs 03/12/09 27mgs 04/28/09 24mgs 05/24/09 23mgs 06/09 CBT started 07/21/09 22.5mgs 08/12/09 22mgs 09/03/09 21.5mgs 09/24/09 21mgs 10/16/09 20.5mgs 11/07/09 20mgs

07-29-2009, 03:41 PM	#15
mdonnab44 Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: North East United States Posts: 48	Re: please respond, hubby problems The loss of libido is definitely real. It has caused problems in my relationship as well, mostly with me feeling guilty. My husband tries to be very understanding but he is also, as you can imagine, very frustrated. I especially have a hard time with that feeling that I sometimes can not stand to even be touched. What's up with that? It makes me crazy because I do want to be close to my husband but my body can't stand it! I am confused and frustrated with this myself sometimes. I do have good moments occasionally and try to take adtvantage of them and give my husband some attention but these moments are are far too few between for him. We are working through it. I wish you both well. __________________ Donna 6 yrs Prozac 20 mg/day Quit over 6 week period Last dose: 11/13/07

07-29-2009, 09:59 PM	#16
paxilgirl "Stinks of lavender" Join Date: Jul 2004 Location: Canada Posts: 10,381	Re: please respond, hubby problems Dear Anjopom's hubby, You need to be more understanding and stop thinking about what is down your pants. Paxil kills any affection one may have for a loved one. It's happened to me and it does come back. Unfortunately, many spouses/partners/boyfriends/girlfriends don't understand. This isn't a quick fix. You need to better understand that this drug messes you up and that it needs a time to resolve. __________________ Paxilgirl Put on Paxil for situational depression in August 2003. Was also on .5 mg of Clonozapem. Started on 10mg and increased to 30mg. Weaned off during the summer of 2004. Became PAXIL FREE October 4, 2004. Completely recovered!!!

07-29-2009, 10:44 PM	#17
pokie Join Date: Dec 2005 Location: Long Island NY Posts: 3,118	Re: please respond, hubby problems MdonnaB44, That line is right on target-It makes me crazy because I do want to be close to my husband but my body can't stand it! I am confused and frustrated with this myself sometimes. Pokie __________________ Been on this crap since 1995 First taper 10% 2006 20mg to 8mgs crashed My 2nd Taper attempt! 10/01/08 40mgs 12/9/08 36mgs 01/09/09 33mgs 02/09/09 30mgs 03/12/09 27mgs 04/28/09 24mgs 05/24/09 23mgs 06/09 CBT started 07/21/09 22.5mgs 08/12/09 22mgs 09/03/09 21.5mgs 09/24/09 21mgs 10/16/09 20.5mgs 11/07/09 20mgs

07-29-2009, 10:49 PM	#18
carolyn Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: SF Bay Area, CA Posts: 3,103	Re: please respond, hubby problems What follows is just my own personal experience, so I hope no one takes my comments as what I believe is true for everyone -- as we know oh too well, nothing is the same for everyone! Anyway, a couple of months ago, my husband and I were having very similar problems. I had zero interest in sex (probably less than zero ), I didn't want him to touch me even platonically, etc. Emotionally, too, I was distant and on the times when I "gave in" and we would have sex, it would inevitably end poorly because he could tell I wasn't into it, so his interest would fade, which would kill any vestige of interest I had. I felt very sorry for myself during this stage -- why couldn't he see that I just wasn't interested? I didn't want to be touched, I just couldn't put the effort in, I was tired. Thanks to another member on this board, I picked up a book that changed this for me. PM me if you want the book name/author (it has nothing to do with Paxil and my point is not that the book itself made a huge different in my withdrawal, because that isn't the case, it just changed my mind about this one specific issue). This book basically said, "whenever your husband wants to have sex, do it." WHAT??? Didn't the book know that I was having withdrawal and totally uninterested??? But I tried it. Now, granted, my husband is a rockstar and agreed to things like "I'd like to go down on you but only for 2 minutes" for a few days. The weird thing though....I started to like it again. NOTHING changed with my Paxil intake, nothing changed with my stress levels...I just kinda started to like it again. I started wanting to be a woman to my husband, to treat him like a man. Doesn't that sound weird and 1950s? But it's true. We still have times when I make excuses for not having sex or snuggling, but seriously, this has made a huge impact in our marriage. I think it's the equivalent of feeling down or lethargic because of withdrawal but getting up and doing some gardening or taking a bubble bath anyway. SO much of withdrawal is affected by your outlook (I know I'll get the flames here about "but it's physical too!" which I'm definitely not arguing) and I think it applies to sex, too. So....I guess it boils down to yeah, fake it til you make it...but DON'T tell him that's what you're doing. Pretend and be an actress and tell him how hot he is and how you love how it makes you feel. It sounds really corny, but it really did help me. Again, just my personal experience. __________________ 10mg: 5/02 - 8/07 for panic disorder 20mg: 8/07 - 8/08 CBT: 8/07 - 2/08. Recommended! 1 unsuccessful taper in 7/08; went back to 20mg 2008: 8/2: 18.75mg 8/24: 17.25mg 9/28: 16.10mg 10/19: 15mg 11/9: 13.75mg 11/30: 12.5mg 12/21: 11.25mg 2009: 1/11: 10.6mg 2/1: 10mg 2/22: 9.4mg 3/6: 9.2mg (liquid) 3/29: 8.4mg 4/19: 7.6mg 5/10: 6.8mg 5/31: 6.2mg 6/21: 5.6mg 7/12: 5.1mg 8/2: 4.8mg 8/23: 4.4mg 9/13: 4mg 10/4: 3.7mg 10/25: 3.4mg 11/15: 3.1mg

07-30-2009, 06:08 AM	#19
Goodwill Join Date: Jul 2009 Posts: 23	Re: please respond, hubby problems Dear Angie its so good so many of them have written notes to your hubby. I m pretty sure your hubby would take the right essence if he gets to read those. You have been a great support to many here and I wish all's well with you. As someone said, I too think faking the act once in a while helps you so you dont have to bottle up the guilty feeling either. keep us posted N take care dear. __________________ Feb 2003 – Mar 2004 - Paxil CR 12.5 mg (twice a day) + Propanonol 10mg Mar 2004 – Nov 2007 - Paxil CR 12.5 mg (twice a day) Nov 2007 – Dec 2007 - Paxil CR 12.5 mg (once a day) Dec 2007 – Apr 2008 - Escitalopram 10 mg Apr 2008 – Jun 2008 - Escitalopram 5 mg Jun 2008 – 3 wks - Total withdrawal Jul 2008 – 2 wks - Paxil CR 12.5 mg, increased to 25 mg after 2 weeks. Aug 2008 – Jun 2009 (wk 3) - Paxil CR 25 mg (once a day) Jun 2009 (wk 4) – Present - Paxil CR 12.5 mg (once a day)

07-30-2009, 07:24 AM	#21
Paxilalmostkilledme Join Date: Jun 2007 Location: Montreal, QC Vancouver, BC Posts: 625	Re: please respond, hubby problems What's funny is that your husband is probably going to have more sex than he wants once you get through WD. Imagine that __________________ Paxil - 2000-2006 40mgs, weight gain of 50 pounds tapered for one month as I had to get off due to behavior issues. late Dec 2006....last paxil 3 months of major w/d. supplements: b-complex, mags, fish oil "Your Mileage WILL Vary" should be stamped across every drug dispensed. Your doc shouldn't poo-poo your reaction. You live inside your body. You know what's happening in there.

07-31-2009, 01:06 AM	#23
TORY Join Date: Oct 2007 Location: Hamilton New Zealand Posts: 76	Re: please respond, hubby problems To follow on from what Songbird put so well. Read men are from Mars, women are from Venus, it explains very well how different the sexes are, helps you understand your significant other so much better. __________________ - Aropax since 2001 - post natal pychosis - switched to Generic - Loxamine in 2007. Bad reaction to Loxamine, so went back onto Aropax in 2007 September 09 down to 20 mgs ( 1 tab ) Still dont sleep without aide. Will taper very slowly from this point on and hope to get the liquid next time I get a script.

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