Heavy wave after 22 months?

[dutchguy]

Though 2 months ago I could finally look through a window, things have returned to be pretty bad. I am so eager to resume my live to some extend and start some voluntary work but my condition is not improving. The dizzyness and cognitive problems won't go away and I feel even very depressed last days, something I did not experience earlier in withdrawal. I even started vomiting again today.
Though I have an enormous will to live, still a social life and a very loving mother and a good PP buddy, I am in a stage of losing hope. I read just too many CT stories of people who never recovered and I seriously fear that the damage due to the CT trauma is irreversible, even from 10 mg. I have no idea where this will end, my employer is loosing patience and I will definitley be fired next January and that with no single doctor who recognizes my sickness due to CT Paxil discontinuation.
I have still hope that is it just a bad wave again. But is this possible more than 20 months after the last dose? I am so keen to hang on and survive this, but I am so afraid losing the battle...

[scotia21]

It sounds like just a bad wave. I haven't heard of anybody who has NEVER recovered from withdrawal (cold-turkey or otherwise). Be kind to yourself - this is a rough thing to endure. Take some deep breaths and don't do anything to upset yourself in the next few weeks. It will pass - I promise.

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by dutchguy

I read just too many CT stories of people who never recovered .

I've never read any stories of someone NEVER recovering. But, I think you should probably stop reading for a while, as this can have a profound effect on your psyche and how you feel.

[Goldenbawls]

Hey dutchguy. im 19 months off a ct and can relate to just how horrible it is. i wake up everyday hoping things wil get better but it is such a slow process you dont realli notice the improvements until you sit down and think hard about the first few months of withdrawal which is not easy to do with a muddled up mind. im a cable engineer and out on the road alone so if i feel poop i can just chill for half hour but if i was in a office job i woulda been fired long ago, its so frustrating and the fact nobody but us understand makes it a long and lonely road. Hang in there iv read many times that 2years is a real turning point so head for that and see how your doin then

[dutchguy]

Thanks for your motivating answers, indeed it is better not to read too much about it but the internet sometimes act as a magnet when you feel bad due to the w/d.

I haven't heard of anybody who has NEVER recovered from withdrawal (cold-turkey or otherwise).

Expecially I read the site paxilfree.org and it is not something that makes you happy... The guy behind this site has written a memo 5 years after his (CT?) quit and still appears to do bad and think he has permanent damage despite his former optimism.
In fact I felt almost recoverd a few weeks ago so I really have to be optimistic! And YES I am doing a lot better than in my worst days, though last year I felt a lot of anger and hatred but wasn't exactly depressed... depression was never an issue, even not before turing to Paxil. But now feel pretty anxious and depressed but I suppose it is part of the wave and will vanish again... 2 weeks ago I still felt pretty good!
Let's hang on!!!

[LCrawford67]

Keep in mind, Dutchguy....this person you're reading about; Do you know his entire story? Do you know what brought him to Paxil? Do you know what he's doing, 5 years later, to deal with that original reason that took him to Paxil to begin with?

I'm not saying what he's experiencing is, or isn't Paxil related. But, you have to keep in mind, here and on other sites, you only know what the poster is telling you. Therefore, you can NEVER EVER base your experience on what someone else is going through. Your experience is your own. Your situation is your own. However, the power of suggestion is very powerful, indeed and if reading things like that is distressing you and setting you back in your own recovery, then it's time to step away for a while.

[dutchguy]

Of course I do not know personal stories of most people... I fact I would never have believed before that one can still be so damn sick almost 2 years after using paxil on a "low dose", although I doubt if the dose makes much difference in the w/d effects. I have to admit that this person describes many strange symptoms I never experienced, neither did I ever experience the infamous brain zaps.
But he describes the w/d experience as being cut-off from society and that is what I experience too. I am just so desperately looking forward to recovery after such a long time virtually and feeling at least physically fine again... and retaining hope is sometimes so difficult! I REALLY want to believe that the damage is reversible and I will recover!!!
So heading for the 2 year point...

[spikenala]

Hey...while I cannot really relate with what you are going through, A. because i didnt take paxil but zoloft, and B. I dont have severe w/d from stopping it..but I can tell you that I have had a horrible time with undiagnosed lyme disease for the last 8 months...and have lost hope many times. Your bad times will pass my friend...they always do. In regards to your fears about your brain never recovering. Pick up the book called "the brain that changes itself" by norman doidge. It isnt about ssri w/d or anything like that...but it examines the concept of neuroplasticity...the ability of the brain to actually change and accomodate for issues and disabilities. To put things in perspective....they talk about a woman in there who had her vestibular apparatus destroyed by taking an antibiotic...so she had no ability to orient herself in space,and was constantly dizzy and couldnt walk. The researchers in the book devised a helmet which had a position sensor in it..which sent signals to an electrode on her tongue which stimulated the nerves in a specific way depending on the orientation of her head. Over the course of many months of wearing this helmet...her brain was able to "learn" how to use the cells and nerves in her tongue for spatial orientation. So if someones brain is capible of that...think of what else it can do...I highly doubt your brain is damaged from paxil to the degree that you will never come back from this....because you will for sure!

[Sewgirl]

Hi Fairly new here but for what it's worth:
This may sound like a broken record, repeated through different forum searches, but are you drinking enough plain old water to stay hydrated? So many times we ignore that simple admonition, including myself.

If you can be open minded about religion, there is a youtube presentation regarding cells in our bodies and may be inspiring to you. YouTube - Louie Giglio - Laminin
(Don't know enough to make a link--sorry!)

Hoping for better days for you......