A Mess - Severe Anhedonia

[Sparrow84]

Thank you for your help, Neuron Twist. Way back before I started Ritalin I remember being a happy kid. I became more depressed as time went on. I was on Ritalin continuously for 17 years and after that I took it as needed.

I've been on AD's since age 16, but taking them as needed (stupid I know) over the past couple of years because they were really affecting my memory when I took them. I was depressed before the adverse reaction, but I definitely had good days, and I wasn't THIS bad. I really hope that my brain can repair itself. Maybe ultimately I do need anti-depressants, but I feel that I can't put anything in my body for a while. The last adverse reaction is proof that my system is too damaged to handle anything right now.

I hope this is enough info. Let me know if you need more.

[Lucy]

I do have some times when I feel a little better, mostly when I'm outdoors and sometimes when I'm spending time with friends.

For me, I think the anhedonia comes in waves, like everything else, because I can't say I feel terrible all the time. When I'm in the middle of a bad wave, it's hard to remember that I've had times that were better than this.

Anyway, my "windows", when they come, are not usually really bright ones, but they do happen, and I'm sure they will for you, also, as time passes. And I'm sure mine will get brighter as time passes ---I've had couple that were pretty good. I think I'm at a point now of being really discouraged because this has gone on for a year. Reading nolex's recent 3-year update was encouraging to me - look for her update if you haven't read it.

I know that I had one really good weekend in July, and another one sometime before that, so at least I know it's possible, and I'm sure it will come again. Both were times that I spent time outdoors, with friends, and lots of walking. I didn't expect to feel OK either time, but it just happened.

[Sparrow84]

Originally Posted by Lucy

I do have some times when I feel a little better, mostly when I'm outdoors and sometimes when I'm spending time with friends.

For me, I think the anhedonia comes in waves, like everything else, because I can't say I feel terrible all the time. When I'm in the middle of a bad wave, it's hard to remember that I've had times that were better than this.

Anyway, my "windows", when they come, are not usually really bright ones, but they do happen, and I'm sure they will for you, also, as time passes. And I'm sure mine will get brighter as time passes ---I've had couple that were pretty good. I think I'm at a point now of being really discouraged because this has gone on for a year. Reading nolex's recent 3-year update was encouraging to me - look for her update if you haven't read it.

I know that I had one really good weekend in July, and another one sometime before that, so at least I know it's possible, and I'm sure it will come again. Both were times that I spent time outdoors, with friends, and lots of walking. I didn't expect to feel OK either time, but it just happened.

Lucy, I'm so glad that you are getting windows. That is a sure sign of healing. It seems that it's not unusual for it to take a couple years for things to get completely back to normal, so I'm guessing that if you are starting to see windows now, you should be back to your old self within the next year (just a guess). That may seem like a long time, but it will be so worth it when it happens, and it could happen much sooner than you think. I've heard a few people say that they really got better all of a sudden within the course of a month sometimes. They were not doing well, and then they really turned the corner out of the blue.

Yeah, I remember being depressed sometimes before this reaction, mostly around certain times of the month, but I lived my life to the fullest, played in two bands and hung out a lot with my friends (I guess I had mild, functional depression). I went from that to being barely functional. It's unlike any hell I've ever seen or experienced.

Reading Nolex's recent update gave me great hope. It seems like she was in a really bad state and pulled through quite well.

[Moira]

Sparrow:
Perhaps the klonopin, even though you took it for a short time, is causing you some symptoms. If you took it for 2 weeks and then cold turkeyed it, that could have had an effect too. Check out benzo.org.uk for info. on benzos like klonopin.

M.

[Sparrow84]

Originally Posted by Moira

Sparrow:
Perhaps the klonopin, even though you took it for a short time, is causing you some symptoms. If you took it for 2 weeks and then cold turkeyed it, that could have had an effect too. Check out benzo.org.uk for info. on benzos like klonopin.

M.

Thanks for the link, Moira. When I came off the Klonopin my first thought was withdrawal, too, because that was when I got severe akathasia and insomnia, which I'd never had before on Prozac. In the end, I can't be sure what exactly went down. I think that the Prozac is a big culprit in most of the brain fry that I am now experiencing, but I have no doubt that the Klonopin played a role, though. I could have sworn that I was experiencing some withdrawal symptoms after I stopped taking it even though my doctor claimed that this is not possible. My doctor said to only take it for two weeks and when I stopped that was when the insomnia and anxiety went through the roof. I think my system was so sensitive that two things were essentially happening that lead to the insanity that I experienced 1) I was experiencing some withdrawal from the benzo 2) the benzo had been masking what the Prozac was really doing in my system all that time which was escalating my anxiety, and when I stopped taking the benzo, the Prozac showed it's true colors. Again, I can't really say for sure, but that's my best guess.

[Moira]

You are young, Sparrow, so I think you will heal from this.

Thinking of you,

M.

[Sparrow84]

Thanks so much, Moira! I really appreciate the good thoughts.

Just to let you know I used Ritalin and never had depression until I got off my SSRIs, which I think is the withdrawal, so who knows about that. There are rat studies that prove it but rats brains are much different from humans.