our logo
Freedom is in you...
You are enough. You are your solution.  
Go Back   paxilprogress > Paxil > General Discussion
User Name
Password
Register Moderation Guidelines Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Discussion Open discussion about Paxil, Paxil Withdrawal, successes and progress, good stories and bad, with and without.

Adverse Drug Reaction Reporting    FDA Warnings    Published Withdrawal Studies    Pregnancy Warnings    Forum Psychology

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 10-02-2009, 09:45 PM   #1
Mozart22
 
Mozart22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 344
Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

For those of you who toss and turn at night, have stomach issues,
brain fog, heavy sweating, akathisia, anxiety and discomfort,
how do you manage not to commit suicide?

I used to think my social anxiety sucked, and that my Paxil-induced
sweating was so embarassing and uncomfortable. But goodness,
this monster called withdrawal is debilitating. A few days ago I felt
so bad and was considering killing myself to stop the pain. I went back
up to 10 mg, but then went up to 20 mg and am staying at that level.

But even at 20 mg I still can't sleep and I'm so restless and uneasy.

Seriously people, how do u manage not to kill urselves? I don't mean
this in funny way or anything, it's just that when u feel so crappy due
to withdrawal, even a single day sometimes feels like 10 years.

That's why I don't get much comfort when people say "it will get better
soon", because each week that passes makes me more exhausted,
scared, and hurt.

Oh and by the way, how do you manage to work and pay your bills?
Seriously!! This is messed up
__________________
Successfully tapered off 20 mg over an 18 month period. No Paxil since June 4, 2011

Update October 2012: 75% healed from withdrawal, in much better condition, but some important issues remain: Poor sleep, apnea and heartburn, fatigue and lack of energy, poor concentration. Trying hard to solve these issues. More energy, better sleep, and better focus needed to be able to work and hold a job. Hard to do for now.
Mozart22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2009, 09:49 PM   #2
carolyn
Hmm, horse penis and lemongrass?
 
carolyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,510
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

One foot in front of the other. {{{HUG}}}

That and therapy. Seriously, it helps.
__________________

10mg: May 2002 - August 2007 for panic disorder.
20mg: August 2007 - August 2008; doubled dose after hitting poop-out.
Started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in August 2007. Recommended!
Tried to taper too fast in July 2008 and went back to 20mg.
Started to taper on August 2, 2008.
Dropped by 8% to 10% every three weeks.
Switched to liquid at 9.2mg on March 6, 2009.
PAXIL FREE: June 27, 2010
carolyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2009, 09:58 PM   #3
Mozart22
 
Mozart22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 344
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyn View Post
One foot in front of the other. {{{HUG}}}

That and therapy. Seriously, it helps.
Does therapy really help with w/d?
My guess would be not really, because unlike
regular depression or anxiety, w/d is purely a chemical
response to getting off Paxil. Can therapy really help
upset stomachs, akathisia, and brain fog from w/d?
It seems unlikely due to the origin of the problems.

Therapy deals with changing your bad thoughts into more
positive ones to feel better. But with w/d, it's not that I have bad
thoughts or feel depressed. The problem is that the lack of sleep,
pounding heart, and constant restlessness make it hard to keep
living.

I have yet to meet a therapist who can fix the turmoil
Paxil withdrawal does to the neurotransmitters in our brains
__________________
Successfully tapered off 20 mg over an 18 month period. No Paxil since June 4, 2011

Update October 2012: 75% healed from withdrawal, in much better condition, but some important issues remain: Poor sleep, apnea and heartburn, fatigue and lack of energy, poor concentration. Trying hard to solve these issues. More energy, better sleep, and better focus needed to be able to work and hold a job. Hard to do for now.
Mozart22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2009, 10:02 PM   #4
carolyn
Hmm, horse penis and lemongrass?
 
carolyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,510
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozart22 View Post
Therapy deals with changing your bad thoughts into more
positive ones to feel better. But with w/d, it's not that I have bad
thoughts or feel depressed. The problem is that the lack of sleep,
pounding heart, and constant restlessness make it hard to keep
living.
The thing is that it really doesn't matter whether the symptoms came from an anxiety disorder or Paxil withdrawal, or what -- the symptoms are still the same and something like CBT *can* help.

Learning things like progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness, and how to channel your thoughts will help you sleep better, will rest your heart rate, and will relax your muscles.

I know you don't believe me, but seriously, why would I keep saying it if it weren't true? There are more rewarding hobbies than spewing bull$hit on the internet.
__________________

10mg: May 2002 - August 2007 for panic disorder.
20mg: August 2007 - August 2008; doubled dose after hitting poop-out.
Started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in August 2007. Recommended!
Tried to taper too fast in July 2008 and went back to 20mg.
Started to taper on August 2, 2008.
Dropped by 8% to 10% every three weeks.
Switched to liquid at 9.2mg on March 6, 2009.
PAXIL FREE: June 27, 2010
carolyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2009, 10:08 PM   #5
Mozart22
 
Mozart22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 344
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyn View Post
The thing is that it really doesn't matter whether the symptoms came from an anxiety disorder or Paxil withdrawal, or what -- the symptoms are still the same and something like CBT *can* help.

Learning things like progressive muscle relaxation, mindfulness, and how to channel your thoughts will help you sleep better, will rest your heart rate, and will relax your muscles.

I know you don't believe me, but seriously, why would I keep saying it if it weren't true? There are more rewarding hobbies than spewing bull$hit on the internet.
By the way, I see you're doing a very slow taper. How do you do it?
Liquid paxil? I could never accurely measure such small doses
__________________
Successfully tapered off 20 mg over an 18 month period. No Paxil since June 4, 2011

Update October 2012: 75% healed from withdrawal, in much better condition, but some important issues remain: Poor sleep, apnea and heartburn, fatigue and lack of energy, poor concentration. Trying hard to solve these issues. More energy, better sleep, and better focus needed to be able to work and hold a job. Hard to do for now.
Mozart22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2009, 10:13 PM   #6
carolyn
Hmm, horse penis and lemongrass?
 
carolyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,510
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Yeah, I switched to liquid at 9.2mg. It's made a huge difference for me. Splitting the pills was pretty easy but the liquid is a piece of cake.
__________________

10mg: May 2002 - August 2007 for panic disorder.
20mg: August 2007 - August 2008; doubled dose after hitting poop-out.
Started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in August 2007. Recommended!
Tried to taper too fast in July 2008 and went back to 20mg.
Started to taper on August 2, 2008.
Dropped by 8% to 10% every three weeks.
Switched to liquid at 9.2mg on March 6, 2009.
PAXIL FREE: June 27, 2010
carolyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-02-2009, 11:33 PM   #7
911Carrera
 
911Carrera's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2008
Location: Los Angeles
Posts: 698
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozart22 View Post
Does therapy really help with w/d?
My guess would be not really, because unlike
regular depression or anxiety, w/d is purely a chemical
response to getting off Paxil. Can therapy really help
upset stomachs, akathisia, and brain fog from w/d?
It seems unlikely due to the origin of the problems.

Therapy deals with changing your bad thoughts into more
positive ones to feel better. But with w/d, it's not that I have bad
thoughts or feel depressed. The problem is that the lack of sleep,
pounding heart, and constant restlessness make it hard to keep
living.

I have yet to meet a therapist who can fix the turmoil
Paxil withdrawal does to the neurotransmitters in our brains
my views on therapy are exactly like yours. it did not help me during withdrawal, while it was helpful before going on pills... didnt solve my problems but helped me to live with them. during withdrawal my symptoms were too severe to be helped by therapy, and i was despirately looking for help in therapy but it just wouldnt do anything anymore, my mind and body was too messed up chemically.

yeah staying alive was extremely hard for me. i was suicidal for 1.5 years, only the past month i got a major improvement and stopped being suicidal, and thats due to my alternative medicine herbal supplement therapy... the reason why im still alive. what was driving me to kill myself was my severe constant akathesia, it didnt go away for a second for a year and half. it is mostely gone now, but i still have many other problems, just not as severe as the akathesia. when i was not thinking about going through with my suicide i was praying and telling myself to just hold on even though i could not hold on anymore... just like that killers song "when you cant hold on, hold on."

how long ago did you get on 20mg?
__________________
On SSRI's since April 2006.
December 2007: discontinuation and WD start.
February 2008: SSRI reinstatement.
Currently taking: 26mg Citalopram, 1mg Risperidone (for insomnia).
Current symptoms: OCD, social anxiety, agitation in legs, insomnia, weight gain, muscle fatigue, poor skin healing.
911Carrera is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 05:51 AM   #8
Junior
 
Junior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 10,682
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Mozart22 View Post
For those of you who toss and turn at night, have stomach issues,
brain fog, heavy sweating, akathisia, anxiety and discomfort,
how do you manage not to commit suicide?

I used to think my social anxiety sucked, and that my Paxil-induced
sweating was so embarassing and uncomfortable. But goodness,
this monster called withdrawal is debilitating. A few days ago I felt
so bad and was considering killing myself to stop the pain. I went back
up to 10 mg, but then went up to 20 mg and am staying at that level.

But even at 20 mg I still can't sleep and I'm so restless and uneasy.

Seriously people, how do u manage not to kill urselves? I don't mean
this in funny way or anything, it's just that when u feel so crappy due
to withdrawal, even a single day sometimes feels like 10 years.

That's why I don't get much comfort when people say "it will get better
soon", because each week that passes makes me more exhausted,
scared, and hurt.

Oh and by the way, how do you manage to work and pay your bills?
Seriously!! This is messed up
I know exactly how you feel. Last Monday I had to ring in sick to a job I've only been IN a week. I'd only had 2 1/2 hours sleep and knew it wasn't safe to drive. I was so completely messed up, both mentally and physically that I seriously considered taking an overdose of sleeping tablets. Not enough to kill myself, since I didn't really want to do that, but enough to land me in hospital. The proverbial 'cry for help'.

I got the Temaze from the kitchen, got myself a glass of water, and went back to bed. I put them both on the bedside table and looked at them. I couldn't do it so I hid under the covers again and just lay there. A bit later I told my cat (who was with me), "I'm gonna do it" and I counted out 10 tablets. I held them in the hand, looked at them for a minute, and again couldn't do it.

I think I thought about the poor state of our mental health system (I'm an Aussie) and knew it wasn't going to get me the help I needed. I had also googled Temazepam overdose and I didn't like the sound of it at all!!! It's now Saturday night and I'm feeling substantially better. Since last Monday I've started telling people around me how I feel and that in itself has helped a lot.

Don't give up. But if you need to talk to a therapist, do it. That's what I'm going to do. I mean a psychologist though, not a psychiatrist. Someone who can help you to sort out your feelings.

I wish you all the best
Junior
__________________

Aropax (Paxil) taper:
2009 23 Sept - 40mg; 12 Dec -30mg;
2010 Up and down - 25mg-30mg; 17 Dec-26mg
2011 25mg- 18 mg
2012 17mg -12.5mg
2013 27 Jan-12mg, 11 Mar-11.5mg, 2 May-11mg, 10 July-13mg, added 12.5mg Amitryptline 20 July; 5 Aug-titrated up to 75mg, stopped @13 Aug due to SS

Last dose of 13mg Aropax 15 Oct 2013. Switched to Citalopram 21 Oct in an attempt to stabilise.

There are things that are known, and things that are unknown; in between are doors - Anonymous
Junior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 10:37 AM   #9
Tcg
 
Tcg's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2006
Location: South Jersey
Posts: 851
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Does suicide make sense? - simple answer - NEVER! Trust me, I know what I am talking about, almost did it after Paxil & Remeron Cold Turkey and am so glad it didn't work. It was hell for three or more years after, but I am alive and am happy to be so. Don't let that thought find a comfortable place in your mind no matter what. Remember the answer is - NEVER!
__________________
Trent

Paxil 20 mg - 10 years
Paxil free Dec. '05
Remeron 15mg - 7 years
10/12/09 0 mg. Remeron free at last after +2 1/2 year taper!

"True love comes when you fulfill the needs of others."
Cesar Millan

Tcg is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 10:46 AM   #10
scotty
Administrator
 
scotty's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2004
Location: new jersey
Posts: 49,682
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Junior View Post
Since last Monday I've started telling people around me how I feel and that in itself has helped a lot.

Don't give up. But if you need to talk to a therapist, do it. That's what I'm going to do. I mean a psychologist though, not a psychiatrist. Someone who can help you to sort out your feelings.
Key point bolded above. If you stay inside yourself during this process, it will overwhelm you. Finding a trusted person to talk to can and IS a huge help. While the "therapy" aspect may not result in huge emotional strides during weaning, it's still vitally important to take those thoughts in your head and get them out in the open. You need someone else to temper the "I can't do this I want to die" with the logical "You're in pain and frustrated" thinking pattern.
This is an extremely exhausting process to go through. Sharing the burden can make it easier. It's this sharing that has made this site so popular, but there's nothing like face to face.
__________________
AKA Laurie

"Faith is taking the first step even when you don't see the whole staircase."
MLK
scotty is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 10:48 AM   #11
LCrawford67
Moderator
"Freakishly Optimistic"
 
LCrawford67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 34,690
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tcg View Post
Does suicide make sense? - simple answer - NEVER! Trust me, I know what I am talking about, almost did it after Paxil & Remeron Cold Turkey and am so glad it didn't work. It was hell for three or more years after, but I am alive and am happy to be so. Don't let that thought find a comfortable place in your mind no matter what. Remember the answer is - NEVER!
I couldn't agree more.
__________________
aka LC
aka Laurie C.


Paxil, 20 mg since 1997, for IBS
Two unsuccessful attempts to quit.
Started tapering 11/27/06
PAXIL FREE 12/29/07


Today is the best day, EVER!
LCrawford67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 06:41 PM   #12
westeewoman
 
westeewoman's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Massachusetts
Posts: 1,760
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Mozart, is there any place close by where you could learn mindfulness meditation? I ask because after decades of therapy and drugs, I found it and have been better - really better than ever before.

I am thinking of you and praying that you will find an alternative to suicide and drugs. Even during withdrawal, if you learn how to live in the moment, your life can be a precious gift.

Hugs to you.
__________________
"Half this game is ninety percent mental."
--Philadelphia Phillies manager, Danny Ozark


Prozac, imipramine, klonopin 1989-1993
Paxil 1993-1998 poop-out/ct
Celexa 1998-2005 poop-out/ct
Cymbalta 60 mg July, 2005
last propranolol 15 mg/day April 6, 2007
last Serax 10 mg/day April 6, 2007
Cymbalta 60 mg 8/23/07 to 50.5 mg on 2/24/08 in six drops
Cymbalta 49.0mg 3/26/2008 to 40mg 2/6/2009 in nine drops
Cymbalta 38.5mg 4/15/2009 to 30mg 7/14/2010 in eight drops
westeewoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 06:55 PM   #13
Jackson
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 213
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by westeewoman View Post
Mozart, is there any place close by where you could learn mindfulness meditation? I ask because after decades of therapy and drugs, I found it and have been better - really better than ever before.

I am thinking of you and praying that you will find an alternative to suicide and drugs. Even during withdrawal, if you learn how to live in the moment, your life can be a precious gift.

Hugs to you.
I know you meant this in the best intentions, but severe withdrawal doesn't work that way. It's physiological changes in the brain (brain damage if you will), and finding "ways to cope with your problems" and "alternatives to drugs" is completely irrelevant to anything, when you are so extremely sick that you can hardly leave your house. We are not talking about anxiety, or other psychological issues. We are talking about a severe medical condition, that cannot be allievated through therapy.

I'm with Mozart and Grant on this one. If you have psychological issues and difficulty with coping, yes, therapy is wonderful. But do not fool yourself into thinking that therapy is gonna make your withdrawal symptoms any less intense. It just doesn't work that way.

You can't talk away constipation.
You can't "feel better" about having muscle spasms and tics.
You can't "cope" with having a destroyed memory and heavily impaired thinking.
You can't feel better about yourself, when you are too ill to take a shower.
You can't work on your social skills when you are so agitated that you want to kill people around you or yourself.

Please understand this. Suggesting therapy is good, and I will also recommend it to everyone! But it will NOT make your withdrawal symptoms better and it will not make the agony less severe. However it might very well help you to see that there is a better place behind the mess you are in and give you will to fight on if you are about to give up.

Peace
Jackson is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 08:17 PM   #14
carolyn
Hmm, horse penis and lemongrass?
 
carolyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,510
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Argh! That is just not true!

CBT is not talk therapy, it is not sitting around and talking about your feelings and getting all kum bah yah and $hit.

Where the heck do you guys think that panic attacks and physical symptoms come from? It's the exact same mechanisms in the brain that are misfiring whether it's due to withdrawal from a medication or an inherent problem with the brain in the first place!

I'm sorry for being so pissed off here but it really drives me bat$hit to see people say that the physical symptoms that withdrawal causes are so incredibly different than the physical symptoms that anxiety, OCD, panic attacks, and other limbic system disorders cause that the things that can help one can't help the other.

I think that you guys think that saying "something is caused by anxiety" is saying "it's all in your head, so buck up, little soldier". You think that anxiety is the butterflies you get in your stomach before a test or something.

Want to know what anxiety and panic disorder was for me? I couldn't drive in a car for more than 10 minutes. I pulled over to the side of the freeway sobbing and literally ripping my hair out. I lost all of my friends. I lost a relationship. I couldn't sleep through the night for months at a time. I picked at scabs until they bled and scabbed. I lost weight until I was 95 lbs. I didn't have enough energy to walk through a store. I had dangerously low blood pressure. I was sick constantly. I had stabbing stomach pains. I had chronic chest pain, tightness, and burning. I went through phases where I couldn't walk because my legs shook so hard. I couldn't read a book without forgetting what the previous pages said. I couldn't remember peoples' names. I got terrible grades in college. I drank. I cut. I was violent, angry, and would get "red rages" where the world would focus to a single pinpoint. I punched people. I threw things.

I lived with the above for seven years, which is a hell of a lot longer than I see people talking about withdrawal.

I'm sorry, but that is also physiological changes in the brain. In my case they just happened to be from birth and not from quitting a drug. But it's the same system in the brain, the same pathways, the same physical reactions to something going on in the brain.

I am NOT saying that some people don't have symptoms worse than others and I am NOT saying that you walk into a CBT office and all of your physical and psychological problems go away.

But to say that "it will not make your withdrawal symptoms better and it will not make the agony less severe" is categorically false.
__________________

10mg: May 2002 - August 2007 for panic disorder.
20mg: August 2007 - August 2008; doubled dose after hitting poop-out.
Started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in August 2007. Recommended!
Tried to taper too fast in July 2008 and went back to 20mg.
Started to taper on August 2, 2008.
Dropped by 8% to 10% every three weeks.
Switched to liquid at 9.2mg on March 6, 2009.
PAXIL FREE: June 27, 2010
carolyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 09:52 PM   #15
Junior
 
Junior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 10,682
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

I agree with Carolyn here. Although withdrawal is a physiological process, it scares the living daylights out of us. Probably because we are dealing with our brains and our minds. It's not like we have a broken leg. That's why so many people post on forums like this. We need to try to understand what is going on. And if we can begin to understand, it makes the journey a little easier. It is also comforting just knowing that other people are going through it too. That we are not alone.

However, having real-life people to talk to - as Scotty said - is a far far better option than talking to people online. Don't get me wrong, this forum is excellent, it's just that it is better to form real-life support networks. Ones that will be there for you both now and in the future. Additionally, online buddies tend to come and go. It's rare that they become long-term 'real' friends. So it is better to deal with this in the real world while using the forums as an adjunct (additional place to talk).

Just my opinion
__________________

Aropax (Paxil) taper:
2009 23 Sept - 40mg; 12 Dec -30mg;
2010 Up and down - 25mg-30mg; 17 Dec-26mg
2011 25mg- 18 mg
2012 17mg -12.5mg
2013 27 Jan-12mg, 11 Mar-11.5mg, 2 May-11mg, 10 July-13mg, added 12.5mg Amitryptline 20 July; 5 Aug-titrated up to 75mg, stopped @13 Aug due to SS

Last dose of 13mg Aropax 15 Oct 2013. Switched to Citalopram 21 Oct in an attempt to stabilise.

There are things that are known, and things that are unknown; in between are doors - Anonymous
Junior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-03-2009, 09:53 PM   #16
Junior
 
Junior's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2009
Location: Melbourne, Australia
Posts: 10,682
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by scotty View Post
Key point bolded above. If you stay inside yourself during this process, it will overwhelm you. Finding a trusted person to talk to can and IS a huge help. While the "therapy" aspect may not result in huge emotional strides during weaning, it's still vitally important to take those thoughts in your head and get them out in the open. You need someone else to temper the "I can't do this I want to die" with the logical "You're in pain and frustrated" thinking pattern.
This is an extremely exhausting process to go through. Sharing the burden can make it easier. It's this sharing that has made this site so popular, but there's nothing like face to face.
Agreed
__________________

Aropax (Paxil) taper:
2009 23 Sept - 40mg; 12 Dec -30mg;
2010 Up and down - 25mg-30mg; 17 Dec-26mg
2011 25mg- 18 mg
2012 17mg -12.5mg
2013 27 Jan-12mg, 11 Mar-11.5mg, 2 May-11mg, 10 July-13mg, added 12.5mg Amitryptline 20 July; 5 Aug-titrated up to 75mg, stopped @13 Aug due to SS

Last dose of 13mg Aropax 15 Oct 2013. Switched to Citalopram 21 Oct in an attempt to stabilise.

There are things that are known, and things that are unknown; in between are doors - Anonymous
Junior is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2009, 01:06 AM   #17
samantha
 
samantha's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2006
Location: Montara, CA
Posts: 728
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

I agree and in addition to CBT there are other therapies that do help with physical symptoms of withdrawl. For instance, nausea was a constant symptom of withdrawl for me. I would wake up every morning with horrible anxiety and nausea and end up throwing up which was making me even sicker. After joining a Stanford research program on breathing therapy, the new breathing techniques I have learned have actually taught me to get rid of the nausea when I wake up in that state (which results in me not throwing up!) Now that is a therapy that is used to combat a physical symptom, in withdrawl, which has worked!! Sitting back, not being proactive and just waiting it out is one way to go about it, but until you have tried every avenue - things that may sound crazy (BTW accupuncture is another godsend for me) then its just a cop out to end up going back on the drugs. Your mind is the most powerful tool you possess and even in withdrawl you have the power to at least make it more tolerable - its just that getting to that point is a lot of hard work!
__________________
August 12th- Resuming taper, 9 mgs
August 30th- 8mgs
September 15th - 7.1mgs
October 7th - 6.5 mgs
October 18th - 6 mgs
November 9th - 5 mgs
December 13th - 4.5mgs
December 29th - 4 mgs
Jan 23rd - 3mgs, no side effects on this drop
Feb 22nd - 2.5 ish mgs
Mar 22nd - 1.9 ish mgs
April 15th - 1 mg ish - Haven't had any significant withdrawl side effects since below 3mgs.
May 22nd 2010- 0
samantha is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2009, 05:22 AM   #18
Mozart22
 
Mozart22's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2008
Posts: 344
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Thank you for the input, people. I appreciate it and will consider it.
W/d does seem to make me desperate tho, cause it's constant
anxiety and restlessness, hardly any relief. Makes me want to die
just to end the pain
__________________
Successfully tapered off 20 mg over an 18 month period. No Paxil since June 4, 2011

Update October 2012: 75% healed from withdrawal, in much better condition, but some important issues remain: Poor sleep, apnea and heartburn, fatigue and lack of energy, poor concentration. Trying hard to solve these issues. More energy, better sleep, and better focus needed to be able to work and hold a job. Hard to do for now.
Mozart22 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2009, 10:11 AM   #19
Moira
 
Join Date: Oct 2009
Posts: 9
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Mindfulness meditation could be helpful as it teaches one to be in the moment and to appreciate that things change and that even though you are suffering, you are not your suffering.

Also, a belief in a Higher Power helps. Personally, when I contemplated suicide, what kept me from it was the thought of that act being wrong and against God's commandment: "though shall not kill". I was worried that by killing myself, I would doom myself to hell and would not have God's salvation after death.

Have faith that your suffering will end and that it won't be permanent.

Best wishes,

M.
Moira is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-04-2009, 10:50 PM   #20
Songbird
Queen of the appendage vocabulary
 
Songbird's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2007
Location: New Zealand
Posts: 12,482
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Hi Mozart, in the middle of last year I was where it sounds like you are now. I became suicidal for a while (only to end the pain, as you describe), but luckily I made it through alive. At one point earlier on, I hadn't slept for a whole week and I now believe that the lack of sleep actually made things a lot worse. I was pretty much non-functional, and was off work for a while, and when I went back I started with only a couple of hours a day and increased gradually. Lots of things helped me through, the support at PP was a huge help, I believe there are people here who pretty much saved my life. Relaxation methods helped me a lot. Another thing that helped me a lot was a book by Claire Weekes. I also used a relaxing yoga CD, a sleep CD, valerian tincture, affirmations and positive self-talk. Everything helped to some degree.

I struggled on for a while with periods of improvement, but after several setbacks I decided to updose to 10mg, and then 20mg. It took many weeks to recover and stabilise again, and there was a lot of up and down along the way, but eventually I did feel better again. I also used other meds to sleep for a while and then weaned off them as the updose began to help improve my sleep.

I can understand the physical vs psychological debate here, my take on it is that w/d causes some physical symptoms that you may not be able to make go away completely, however using relaxation and CBT/psychological techniques you can learn to cope with them better, stop them escalating, and may be able to reduce them to a point. So they are well worth it, and can give much improvement, even though not a complete cure.

I think one of the things I need to learn is how to detach from the thoughts and feelings that w/d brings, to see them for the mind game that w/d plays and not my own thoughts and feelings. That is very difficult to do when the symptoms are so severe and overwhelming. It sounds like the mindfulness meditation would help with that, although I've never been much good with meditation. I'm better off either speaking affirmations and stuff out loud, or listening to a tape with someone talking.

I really feel for you, I've been there and I know how it feels. If you have updosed, then keep telling yourself you will get relief soon, just as you would reassure a scared child, it helped me a lot to keep telling myself this.
__________________
Jul 01-Feb 02 Aropax
Feb-Dec 03 Citalopram
Jul 04 Aropax
Jan 07-Feb 08 20mg > 5mg Apr 4.5mg 5mg Jun 10mg Jul 20mg Oct Loxamine Dec 17.5mg 15mg
2009
Jan 12.5mg > Dec 6.3mg
2010 Aug 6.15mg Nov 6 mg
2011 Feb 5.9mg Apr 5.8mg May 5.7mg Jun 5.6mg Sep 5.5mg Nov 5.4mg Dec 5.3mg
2012 19 Feb 5.2mg 14 Oct 5.1mg 6 Dec 5mg
2013 25 Jan 4.9mg 4 Jul 4.8mg 29 Aug 4.7mg 8 Oct 4.6mg 24 Nov 4.5mg 15 Dec 4.4mg
2014 18 Jan 4.3mg 31 Mar 4.2mg 12 May 4.1mg 7 Jun 4.0mg 26 Jul 3.9mg 5 Sep 3.8mg
Songbird is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2009, 03:22 AM   #21
palm
 
Join Date: Aug 2006
Posts: 2,572
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyn View Post
I'm sorry for being so pissed off here but it really drives me bat$hit to see people say that the physical symptoms that withdrawal causes are so incredibly different than the physical symptoms that anxiety, OCD, panic attacks, and other limbic system disorders cause that the things that can help one can't help the other.

I think that you guys think that saying "something is caused by anxiety" is saying "it's all in your head, so buck up, little soldier". You think that anxiety is the butterflies you get in your stomach before a test or something.

But to say that "it will not make your withdrawal symptoms better and it will not make the agony less severe" is categorically false.
Carolyn,

I have been following the discussions of whether CBT is helpful or not for withdrawal symptoms and I wanted to chime in.

I don't want to give rise to the chemical imbalance crowd but I can tell you from personal experience that I couldn't do CBT with the severe insomnia I have right now. Heck, if I can't even do a mind mapping program that I used to love doing to work out complex decisions I struggled with, I am not going to be able to do CBT.

If I was interested in going that route (I am not right now), I could see being able to do it once my insomnia improved.

Maybe that is what people are saying about certain symptoms as I don't think they are minimizing what you have gone through?

I think all our experiences are different as to what we can handle. When I was suicidally depressed from Prozac, I greatly looked forward to therapy even though it was a chemical reaction. And when I saw a psychologist last year briefly, I looked forward to going even though I was still dealing with withdrawal issues. But I didn't have insomnia which is a whole other ballgame.

Maybe when Grant and Jackson are objecting to CBT, they are saying that whatever they have is their equivalent of my insomnia. I think that needs to be respected just like you want us to rightfully respect your situation. Again, I don't see them dissing your experiences but maybe I am missing something.

Palm
__________________
Was on a cocktail of meds for 15 years. Finished taper in June 2010
palm is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2009, 08:27 AM   #22
carolyn
Hmm, horse penis and lemongrass?
 
carolyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,510
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by palm View Post
Maybe when Grant and Jackson are objecting to CBT, they are saying that whatever they have is their equivalent of my insomnia. I think that needs to be respected just like you want us to rightfully respect your situation. Again, I don't see them dissing your experiences but maybe I am missing something.
I don't think they're dissing my experiences. And I do respect that CBT doesn't work for everyone (as I mentioned in my post). But I do think that it's ridiculous to say that it doesn't work at all for anyone with comments like "But do not fool yourself into thinking that therapy is gonna make your withdrawal symptoms any less intense." and "But it will NOT make your withdrawal symptoms better and it will not make the agony less severe."

My take is, if someone is hurting and desperate -- as many of us are or have been -- then something like CBT should be a first step. To say to someone "no, don't even try this" is a mistake and not a viewpoint that I can get behind.
__________________

10mg: May 2002 - August 2007 for panic disorder.
20mg: August 2007 - August 2008; doubled dose after hitting poop-out.
Started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in August 2007. Recommended!
Tried to taper too fast in July 2008 and went back to 20mg.
Started to taper on August 2, 2008.
Dropped by 8% to 10% every three weeks.
Switched to liquid at 9.2mg on March 6, 2009.
PAXIL FREE: June 27, 2010
carolyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2009, 08:51 AM   #23
edrophis
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 454
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyn View Post
I don't think they're dissing my experiences. And I do respect that CBT doesn't work for everyone (as I mentioned in my post). But I do think that it's ridiculous to say that it doesn't work at all for anyone with comments like "But do not fool yourself into thinking that therapy is gonna make your withdrawal symptoms any less intense." and "But it will NOT make your withdrawal symptoms better and it will not make the agony less severe."

My take is, if someone is hurting and desperate -- as many of us are or have been -- then something like CBT should be a first step. To say to someone "no, don't even try this" is a mistake and not a viewpoint that I can get behind.
Carolyn,I would definately like to give CBT a shot,but I cant afford it right now,and I dont think that they offer it were I live.
edrophis is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2009, 09:11 AM   #24
carolyn
Hmm, horse penis and lemongrass?
 
carolyn's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Location: SF Bay Area, CA
Posts: 4,510
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Here are some books:

Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook

Hope and Help For Your Nerves.

There are also a few online courses, I know a couple people here have tried them.
__________________

10mg: May 2002 - August 2007 for panic disorder.
20mg: August 2007 - August 2008; doubled dose after hitting poop-out.
Started Cognitive Behavioral Therapy in August 2007. Recommended!
Tried to taper too fast in July 2008 and went back to 20mg.
Started to taper on August 2, 2008.
Dropped by 8% to 10% every three weeks.
Switched to liquid at 9.2mg on March 6, 2009.
PAXIL FREE: June 27, 2010
carolyn is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 10-05-2009, 09:37 AM   #25
edrophis
 
Join Date: Apr 2009
Posts: 454
Re: Suicide? Does it Make Sense?

Quote:
Originally Posted by carolyn View Post
Here are some books:

Mastery of Your Anxiety and Panic

The Mindfulness and Acceptance Workbook for Anxiety

The Anxiety and Phobia Workbook

Hope and Help For Your Nerves.

There are also a few online courses, I know a couple people here have tried them.
Thank you Carolyn,you are a sweetheart.
edrophis is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 04:25 AM.


We are not in any way affiliated with Paxil's manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline.
Our ideas and suggestions are anecdotal, inspirational, and they work.

Get the best web browser, FireFox

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.