THINGS DO NOT GET BETTER

[frankdee]

THE HARDEST PILL TO SWALLOW IS THAT OF ACCEPTANCE. I HAVE TO ACCEPT THAT MY DNA MADE ME THE WAY I AM. DEPRESSED, MELANCHOLIC, WEAK, DRUGS JUST MADE THINGS WORSE. I DO WISH I WAS DEAD. IT HAS BEEN ALMOST 3 YEARS SINCE I GAVE UP EFFEXOR. COLD TURKEY, BUT EVEN PRIOR TO THIS I WAS ALWAYS THIS WAY. I NEED TO ACCEPT IT, AND WAIT UNTILL I AM DEAD AND EVERYTHING WILL FINALLY BE OVER. I AM STUCK WHERE TIME STANDS STILL MINUTES FEEL LIKE HOURS AND THERE IS NO RELIEF IN SIGHT OF RESTLESSNESS AND DISCONTENT. I HATE BEING THIS WAY BUT THERE IS NOTHING I CAN DO. THAT IS WHAT MAKES THINGS TOUGH. NO SUPPLEMENTS, OR DRUGS, OR PRAYER, JUST LONG YEARS MAYBE. IT DOES NOT GET BETTER. I CANT EVEN LIFT MY FINGERS TO TYPE. SO BLAH. SO PASSIVE, SO DEAD. DEPRESSION IS AN ATTENUATION OF OUR NATURAL MODE OF EXXPRESSION. I AM FOREVER TRAPPED BEHIND THAT WALL OF ATTENUATION. I AM TRULY IN PRISON. A SPIRITUAL PRISON.

[nickels]

I'm so sorry that you are suffering Frankdee, I know how discouraging and exhausting it is to fight our problems sometimes. Have you sought out any type of therapy?

[slappyintheface]

Frankdee - I do not believe for a second that anybody is destined to be depressed or that you will be like this forever. You have to work to get better. It's like digging a hole - the more you dig, the deeper it gets and the harder it is to get out of it. You have to work on this. You need to seek therapy and talk to somebody about all of this. Do you get out of the house at all?

[Mixter]

Oh I am so sorry for you frankdee, and you cold turkeyed from effexor, 3 years ago, wow, which dose was it from? cold turkey from effexor nearly killed me also, reinstated 3 months out to prevent death.. or death wish. was so restless, so sleepless and totaly down in the black hole, could not bare one day wake up only one hour unrestful sleep and to start wander the corridors of terror like a horror movie. It is very hard, enough, to do CBT therapy but trust me, it helped, you have to give in to the fear and face it to be able to push through all insane thoughts and see them for what they are - only distortions (I call them demons) but they are because the excitatory/inhibitory (gabaergic/glutamergic) system of the brain is broke but will correct over time, I promise, I have notived improvements in this area. Going out and meeting people helps if you can control the agitation. It is brutal, but faith helps tho. I wish I could be more helpful, but 3 years out, you are definitively starting to see the light - the waves is very brutal, maybe 50% of them are a window, and the rest are not. If you can tell if you had a window? Hang in there, you are a fighter - 3 years, wow. {{{HUGS}}} to you!

[texgirl]

Originally Posted by frankdee

DEPRESSION IS AN ATTENUATION OF OUR NATURAL MODE OF EXXPRESSION. I AM FOREVER TRAPPED BEHIND THAT WALL OF ATTENUATION. I AM TRULY IN PRISON. A SPIRITUAL PRISON.

Frankdee, I'm sorry you're suffering so badly. Effexor CT is brutal. However, I also believe that, if you believe the statements above, then they will be your reality. Not to dismiss the very real physical and emotional toll these drugs take on us, but the truth is that we create our own reality through our thoughts, and even though it can be extremely difficult, especially with the added burden of withdrawal, we *can* choose what we think. If acceptance is to be part of your method of coping, then why not try switching your mantra to one of hope and healing? Many, many people before you have healed, but first you have to create an opening in your mind that such a thing is possible.

[Cosette123]

Frankdee you must not feel desperate. I cold turkeyed too (Paxil off since may 2008...Very very hard) and I have better days after bad days.Sometimes height ,sometimes low :I have not two days which are the same and I often feel tired but not desperate :I do hope I will heal one day!
And YOU will heal too!
You are not alone: we can find help and empathy on this site.

[jule1]

I CT'd off Effexor. Pretty much because it was like a 3 month wean somehow, can't remember. I don't want to speak too soon frankdee but I am seeing improvements now. I noticed it just a month or two ago and although it is very very slowly, it is happening. Of course I am not working right now so I believe this has helped to speed up the recovery process for me but I can honestly say that I can now see the light at the end of the tunnel. I am not 100%, but maybe 70% and a lot of things that were crippling me are starting to ease away. Hang in there, anything is possible if you set your mind to it. Willpower and faith in God alone and the support of my husband and places like PP have gotten me through it. And I think my supplements have helped me as well. What works for some might not work for others. You have to do what's best for you and your situation. Don't lose hope, because with time, recovery is possible.

[Songbird]

Your post made me so sad. Please don't give up. On another thread you wrote "deep down I know that time heals all wounds. If I have to wait 3 more years it will be worth it." Tell yourself that again. You are not weak, you are strong, look at what you've got through. Acceptance of symptoms is a good thing, but that is just for now, it doesn't mean they will last forever.