what should i do????suicide?

i took 20 mg for about a year. i went down to 10mg for a month and then 5mg for a week then quite....i had no idea you had to ween off that gradually and i didnt know about withdrawl from it. after a week of being off paxil i started getting really bad side effects that lasted about a month....im talking screwed up!!! i couldnt function, i thought i was dying, the docs said it was all in my head. i had blood tests that showed nothing.... they said it was anxiety. i had heart palipitations, panic, insomnia, nightmares, blurry vission, nasea, migrane, dizzy, spinning, chills, vommiting, no appetite, hard to swallow, teeth grindind, numbness in the limbs,diahrea, pulsating skull, ringing in the ears ect.. i wanted to die. now im on week 6 and im a lot better but i still have intermittent anxiety, heart palipitations, blurry weird vission, neck stiffness, headaches, tight throat, bad dreams. not nearly as bad as before but still there. what should i do, will it ever end or am i like this forever???? if it stays i might kill myself....can you imagine living this way, i have to resume work in two weeks.....i pray it goes away. im not gonna quite, iv gone this far but i need assurance....will it get better???
so by your knowledge i can expect to be messed up like this for a couple months!? man, i dont know if i can hang on. i dont know if i should take 10mg and taper or stay off and wait. some say to start again and taper, others say it is the worst thing i could do. i just dont know. they googly blurry vission, dizziness, and major palipitations, anxiety, are the only real bad ones i have left- which is better than before but, like i said i have to work in two weeks...can i handle it??? i need to know.
liquid_sharp@hotmail.com
thanks

[Ariella]

Listen. Hear me : this is temporary and you are not condemned to forever feeling like this. The fact that you are, means you already moving away from it. Life doesn't seek to repeat difficulty.

Now in light of noticing life's natural direction to move forward, away from agony, you can rest easy (and litterally do I want you to rest easy heh) knowing that your success is guaranteed when you trust the process.

You will change gradually. A year from now, the today of today will be a memory and you'll feel completely different. So take heart knowing that you're getting there and your suffering is simply a judgment on the time frame. Let go of the need to predict, of the need to thrust your attention forward trying to predict your doom, real or not. Your life exists RIGHT NOW and that is the only place you belong. The future comes as a result of cumulative NOW moments.

So choose not to end your physical life. Choose not to fear you not being able to cope. You ARE capable, you are doing it already, proving it so. There is no gradation of, nor levels of capability. You either choose to create the future the way you want it, or you refuse to participate. But even in refusing to participate, you are making a choice in the moment, which IS participating. Choose what perspective would help create the greatest vision of your future self. And armed with that vision, you will be amazed at how little time it takes to feel yourself already moving towards it.

Of course, listening to me and bringing these truths out from yourself are different experiences and I hope you sseek the latter more than the former. Trust yourself, have faith in yourself, your personal power is beyond measure.

I want you to treat today as today. Don't live your next 25 years in your perspective of today. That's not fair. Commit yourself to rest, to doing the things you love, to hugging and kissing a little bit more, to petting the pet or playing in a child-like way. Yes, litterally, bring out the legos and build hehe. I can't begin to tell you how kicking a soccer ball with the neighbor's kids was the greatest therapy I've ever received. You often have to be out of your mind to get back to your senses.

You can and will build your life differently. It will come, but don't judge the process as wrong nor forsake yourself to misery. And realize that you're not alone. The universe is huge, its creator always present, and you were never left behind.

I certainly won't let you go. Send me an E-mail or personal message at any time, and I'll be there. Ok, realistically I can't answer E-mail or messages as they arrive, but you know what I mean hehe.

i know, but sometimes the symptoms get so bad i just cant take it and there is no off switch.


been off cold turkey for 2 months, was getting a little better but doc put me on again at 1o mg said i need to taper properly.
its just that i went on it again because it was supposed to make me feel better. for the few days since i have taken it i now get the shakes, really dizzy, major heart palipitations....i wasnt this bad before i took it. so i cant take it, it makes it worse. i have stopped taking it. im taking ativan now. doc says take ativan for two weeks and by then these feelings should be better....if they are not then i have to try something else. why am i shaking and soooo nerveous and dizzy etc from two days of paxil??? im starteing 5htp soon. it will produce seratonin, the same thing the paxil does but in a safer and less painful way....should help a lot with the withdrawls i mean, arent amy of them caused by lowered seratonin as you come off?

liquidsharp,
im so feeling you dude. i so know where you are right now with this. listen to darcy, this is such a temporary place youre at. i was right there. in that same spot. feeling every word you write. its gone now. i wish i could say totally gone, but from where i was when i was where you are, that stuff is gone.
i havent discused this here yet and i can feel the tears welling and my throat clumping as i start to, but a little over two years ago, my little brother commited suicide. i say little but he was a grown man. he was always my little brother and will continue to be my little brother.
i went to see my shrink and though in the years i saw him he never spoke one word to me that helped me, he only prescribed me drugs and nodded at my attempts to discuss my problems, the time i saw him after my brother died, i told him what had happened. and the sentence he spoke was worth the time i wasted of my life sitting in his office, he said, "suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem". and he was exactly right. and to you since you mentioned this word, and because i felt exactly the same thing that makes you mention this word, i can tell you with perfect clarity and knowledge of the fact, what you are feeling is totally temporary. completely temporary.
i know its hard. its the hardest thing i ever had to go through. its still hard. but compared to where i was, i am so much better now.

"heart palipitations, panic, insomnia, nightmares, blurry vission, nasea, migrane, dizzy, spinning, chills, vommiting, no appetite, hard to swallow, teeth grindind, numbness in the limbs,diahrea, pulsating skull, ringing in the ears". i had all of that and it seems the same reaction to all of it that you are having now. its all gone. the battle i fight today is against being to emotional all the time. thats it.

trust darcy. trust me. we know. we have zero reason to lie or decieve. we are expert warriors at this battle. i remember it being nearly impossible to believe those here when they told me it was a temporary place i was in. they knew there stuff. i found a way to trust them even though it seemed impossible what they were saying was true. youre going to be fine.

my heart is with you.

my post above. forgot to login. peace

ok, been off for 8weeks. was getting a little better recently but doc said to go back to 10 mg and taper. took it for two days and ended up in emergency. now people are saying cold turkey is too hard on the system and all this stuff....well i tried to go back and taper but look what happened. i havent taken it in two days because look what it did. i was planning on just going the way i was and wait it out but people are saying it will leave permanent damage. well what about my blackout and mini jolts and major anxiey from re taking it?????? i dont know what to do. i think im gonna just stay off and get through it but now iv read all these people saying not to go cold turkey, well i already did and going back to try and taper didnt work. i tried. what to do then? i was really a lot better a week ago before i restarted than i am now. i havent taken it for two days but the last trhee days i cant even type sometimes without shaking, major palipitations, nervous, dizzy light head, blurry vission, supper insomnia...i take ativan to help. so what are anybodys oppinion. getting better slowly before, or messed up because i took it for two days....take it or continue cold turkey and ride it out??? i really feel like my body hates it.

[Cindy]

Dear Liquid,

Believe what Danny is saying...what Darcy is saying...at exactly your point...at about 8 weeks...and I weaned off fast too...I felt so similar to the way you are describing. The symptoms you are experiencing are all related to the withdrawal..."yes" what you are experiencing now is "anxiety" but it will get better, believe me. The anxiety I experienced during withdrawal was so much worse than anything I had ever experienced before...and I too, almost ended up at Emergency more than once. I remember coming so close to having myself comitted as the suicidal thoughts were so prevelant. Try and see them as just "thoughts"...as part of the process of withdrawal. The frustration also comes in "feeling as if no one understands"...but we on this board do.

I am now almost five months paxil free and I am doing so much better...I still need to battle the anxiety at times...but it is an anxiety I can cope with...unlike how I felt during withdrawal.

Take the ativan...drink lots of water, take a B complex vitamin, fish oil capsules, exercise when you are able...sleep...take care of yourself. It's very scary...and I can feel your fear, your pain...it takes me back.

Thinking of you.

Cindy

thanks for the replies and support, i really appreciate it. i need it. i need to know that people have had the same things i do because it is so horrible. how long did it take for it to be nearly gone???? cindy says five months. so cindy, you did the same as me??? then 8 months from then you were the same??? and it got better, thats what i need to know. danny, you too? how did you deal with the anxiety?? i dont like to take ativan, not gonna take it more than 10 days. what supplements, vitamins, herbs did you all take. anything that would help i appreciate. the blurred vission, and palipitations and anxiousness are hard ones.....insomnia is a killer.

thank you all, i greatly needed that

Liquidsharp, please go to the healthfood store and get yourself some
5-HTP that is ENTERICALLY COATED. Take that and some Omega fatty acids (fish oil). These two things should help a little with the withdrawals. I'm sorry your doctor told you to go back on Paxil when you had already made so much progress in getting off of it. I personally had to throw away all of the Paxil in my house, because I knew there may be temptation to go back on. I have been off of it now for almost a month. I am better now, but the first couple of weeks were pure hell. Suicide was in my mind all the time, but you know what helped? Just repeating to myself: "This is not me, this is the Paxil (withdrawal)." And I got angry too. Angry for all of us struggling like this. Angry at the pharmaceutical company, Glaxo-Smith. LiquidSharp, did you know there is a class action lawsuit against the makers of Paxil? Hundreds of people are suing because of what you and I, and everyone else on this board are going through. I don't know about you all, but I find that comforting in the sense that we are not the only ones going through this.
Remember there is a calmer, happier you at the end of the tunnel. Do everything in your power to nurture yourself right now. Your brain needs to rebuild itself. A good vitamin B complex, the Omega fatty acids, 5-HTP (enterically coated), those are all a good start to help your body restore itself to the way it was before Paxil. Excercise, fresh air, yoga, pilates, in addition to the supplements will help even more.
Just prepare yourself for a bumpy ride at first, but know that it will get so much better.
Please email me if you want to talk. I can use a friend too.
Anna
annaripka@earthlink.net

liquidsharp,
i think you need to accept the fact that you went cold turkey and realize that even if you had tapered off you would be feeling much the same as you do now, only to a lesser degree. tapering reduces the overall extremity of the withdrawal effects but does not take them away entirely.
both cindy and i tapered off and though not as slowly as some would say to, we both were at one point where you are now. others on here have tapered off very slowly and still experienced many of the exact same problems youre having. whether you go cold turkey or taper off for a year, to one extent or the other you are going to have these same problems no matter what you do. i took five months to taper down from 40mg and i still went through the hell you describe, exactly as you describe it.

after some review of my posts it looks like ive been off completely for 3 1/2 months. after two months i was 100% better than i was after two weeks. after 3 1/2 months i am 50 % beter than i was a month and a half ago. the recovery cycle with this thing is not a straight line. you MIGHT find that after a month you have a severe week. then after two months you have a severe ten days. then after three months you have a hellish week. the ride out of this thing for me has been a roller coaster ride. but each time the lows arent as low and the highs are higher. im not out of the woods yet. but i know, because i must know, that the end is near.

some tools for dealing with the anxiety that i used are really not ways of dealing with the anxiety, but rather ways of dealing with the isolation the anxiety creates for me. i call friends and talk to them on the phone. i try not to bring up my condition because what i am hoping to get from talking to them is some sense of normalcy. finding out whats going on with the people i know. living a bit vicariously through them. this way i dont lose touch with the fact that i am part of a group of humans. the anxiety can temporarily take away a part of my ability to function out there in the world, but it cant take away my humanity. this way when the anxiety subsides a little, i feel i am still connected to the world outside myself. any and all interaction you can have with the outside world that is comfortable with you i think you should persue.

i have always had what i call safe houses or places where i dont struggle with anxiety. i have a couple of friends whose company must feel very safe for me because i dont panic when im with them. now granted i cant go out to eat with them or to the movies or the mall, but i can go and hang out with them at their homes. so as often as i can, i visit them. it may not seem like much, but it keeps me connected to a world i am very much a part of, although my anxiety has me on a temporary vacation from it.

i may be wrong but i dont think the problem when you stop taking paxil is that you have to little seratonin, its that when you stop taking paxil, you have way to much seratonin. i believe and i may be wrong, that when you take paxil it regulates the amount of seratonin your brain will take up, therefore you brain begins to produce way more of it than you need because it isnt getting enough, then when you stop taking paxil your brain is still producing way to much. this over production combined with no regulation by the paxil of how much you brain takes up is what causes all the problems. as your brain begins to normalize itself, producing the correct amount and taking the right amount, you begin to get better. when your brain has fixed this balance, you will be well.

i refuse to believe that i have experienced brain damage from this experience. i do not believe you have either. your doctor only knows what skb/gsk told him or her about this drug. its his job. only after skb/gsk gets their collective heads out of their asses and admits that all this we are all experiencing is real (and they know it is, but they want our money) and tells doctors the truth, will doctors begin to take what we are all going through serious. then doctors like yours will know not to introduce or reintroduce people to this horrible drug.

believe darcy and cindy , myself and the others and on here and the voice in your head that tells you, youre going to be alright. the human brain is i believe the single most miraculous thing on this earth. it can fix itself. what you have to do to speed this up is take care of yourself while this is happening up there.

and i know this sounds like a hard thing to do, and maybe a hard thing to figure out how to do, but you need to be nice to yourself. each time you feel yourself getting down, prop yourself up. find a way to talk to yourself that is positive and loving. if the pain of this has you wanting to say, "i cant handle this". let yourself know that YOU CAN handle this. and you are handling it. if the discomfort and confusion leads you to think about doing something bad, tell yourself the truth about this situation, that this situation is temporary, that soon the despair and confusion will slip away and be gone.

we have to be patient, i know. well, its been 2 months so that means i only have onother 1 to 3 months to go (aprox) till i feel almost recovered.

i can do it as long as i keep reasuring myself that in those few more months it will get better.

too much seratonin eh??? hmmm, i see, maybe at the beginning but after about the 6th week i started getting depression, anxiety, and hopelessnes, and suicidal, things i never had in the weeks prior. i read that low seratonin is the cause for those symptoms. well, im not a scientist so i dont know but im curious, i need to know these things.

thnks and good luck to you all, lets keep in touch with the progress.