Depression crash...

[HanPanes]

Thank you guys for who ever's replied to my posts before - I hope you'll do it again......

I'm now 5 weeks into my withdrawal from 9mg to 8mg Prozac and I never expected it to be this hard. In my head this is such a small drop that I don't know how it can have completely ruined me at the moment.

The last week I've barely been out of bed, let alone out of the house and my depression levels have dropped through the floor. I had a little sleep just now and when I woke up I felt that there was not even a drop of anything left in me even to bother staying awake, even go to the bathroom, ever eat again or talk etc......felt like I was going into a comatose state where the darkness just engulfed me. I FORCED myself to get up and talked my way through eating something. There just doesn't seem any point anymore.

I know this may seem like I'm blowing something out of proportion but I'm so so frightened of being taken away to a psych ward, I've been there before for quite a long time and I could not could not could not endure that again.
Is it normal to have this crushing depression, that seems to suck every drop of life out of me so far after my last drop. I was suffering quite badly from akathisia this time last week and intense anxiety and panic, this has calmed down somewhat and this is what I'm left with.

I'm honestly starting to believe that I'm really mentally ill and that I'll never cope withoug these drugs. Please don't think I'm being melodramatic but I've been on them since I was 17 and don't know if 'I' exist outside of all this anymore.

Be good to hear from you lovely lovely people.

[Rachelina]

Yes, these depression "crashes" are normal during tapering. They are for me anyway. You did such a good job describing what it feels like. When I feel like that I can't even type a sentence. I know what you mean about worrying you really are mentally ill - I have the same thoughts - but you know, you can't judge yourself by how you feel now. Your brain is still in chaos from drugs and from withdrawal. It may be a long journey to being drug-free....but if you find other ways to keep your mind and spirit healthy, I know you can do it. Hope things get better soon. xxoo

[babs]

YES, what you are feeling is completely normal, though miserable. We find that levels of depression and/or anxiety in withdrawal are much much greater than anything you experienced before the med. There is a chemical chaos going on in your brain and it can really do a number on your emotions. So know that what you are feeling is normal, it's not the "real you" and you are not broken or defective. You are just struggling to regain balance and it takes time. My heart goes out to you because I know what it feels like. I struggled with intense episodes of depression throughout my taper and recovery, and I thought it would never end, but it did. I hope you get some relief from this soon. ((HUGS))

[bengal_daddy]

Hi Han Panes,

I am so sorry that another human being, even though I know nothing about you is in so much pain. Pain I know only too well.

I agree with Rachelina that you did an excellent job of describing it what it's like and I agree also, that when I'm half as bad, I simply can't bring myself to type.

You must re-assure yourself that this is only temporary and if the worst comes to the worst you can always go back up in dose.

You have clearly done so well (from your sig) and are most definately a warrior!

I really believe that some tapping would help.
I would suggest going here > click
and tap on all the points concentrating on the upper body and head, and knocking the two karate points together.

I have been many times in the space where you have just described.

How the F*** is doing this gunna help a hard-core neuro-transmitter imbalance with tapping?? I know, I was the same.

But it works, and works best when your as tuned in right now to your pain as you are. As your tapping, concentrate on how bad your feeling. Spend a good 10/15 mins on it, let me know how you get on.

Like I say, I have been as bad as you are now, and am currently in a "down wave" due to withdrawal.

Lots of love,

BD

[jule1]

I don't really know anything that helps except the passage of time but I just wanted to let you know that I was one of the ones never put on an ad for depression but for sleep but now I can tell you I know exactly what depression feels like. I call it the black hole and it used to be SO bad during withdrawal that I began to think like you...am I just one of these people who is really depressed and needing meds?? But as time goes on, it does get better. I still get visited by the black hole/doom and gloom every once in a while but it seems to die in intensity and not last as long. Hope this helps!

[bengal_daddy]

oh forgot to say....

today, I necked 400mg of Magnesium Citrate, a vit B complex, 2 multivits 2g of vit C, 25 mgs of zinc and washed it all down with powdered amino acids.

My mood lifted a good 35-40% in a couple of hours or so, so I must have been pretty low. Pretty low because my diet was dire.....because I have been so depressed.... oh what a viscious cycle. I'm sure we've all been there!!!!

[HanPanes]

Thank you so much everyone for your replies, it amazes me how people can give of themselves when suffering too and I appreciate it.

Rachelina - looks like you're at the same stage as me except my poison is Prozac these days not Paxil.

BD - interested in EFT and had a little tap just now! I've downloaded some info about it so bed time reading! If you say it works I'm happy to go along with that!
I agree that supplements make a big diff - the last few days I haven't taken mine so regularly (similar ones to you) just because I don't see the point. Will get back to them tho, cos I'm sure they do help.
Just out of interest what is in your powdered amino acids? I do take aminos but not in powder form....

[bengal_daddy]

It's predominantly L-Glutamine + a few others. Sorry, but I decanted it (can you do that to powder?) and so have lost the ingredients.

Here's a couple of links to give you hope!

http://www.emofree.com/articles.aspx?id=10

and

http://www.youtube.com/results?searc...rch_type=&aq=f

Just remember, whatever happens, it WILL pass.

BD

[rain]

I have nothing to add, but I'm sending positive thoughts for strength, hope and endurance... along with many warm hugs!

[bengal_daddy]

One more thing that I find also helps a lot, both when your down, very down, and right where you are now is this....

Lie down and shut your eyes.
Relax fully.
Tune in to the pain.
Focus on it, and actively feel it as completely and thoroughly as you can.
Attempt to have it literally take you over completely and silently acknowledge it fully.
Hold in your mind that you want insight into why and how you feel this way.

I have had major breakthroughs in doing this, both in simply V V bad depression AND depression purely down to withdrawal.

The technique is one I was taught by a shaman and can be very powerful if done whole-heartedly and sincerely.

Ask for insight and relief, you could end up being very surprised.

Hugs x 3 from BD

[efexorsam]

I'm in the same position as you. I could diagnose myself with pretty much every mental illness known, manic-depressive, depression, psychosis, etc etc. It is the drugs, and I believe it goes away once off although not straight away. I'm off now to try out Bengal_Daddy's advice!

[Songbird]

Originally Posted by HanPanes

I was suffering quite badly from akathisia this time last week and intense anxiety and panic, this has calmed down somewhat and this is what I'm left with.

It might seem like a small drop, but I crashed badly last year just going from 5mg to 4.5mg, I had the severe akathisia, anxiety, panic and a whole lot more horrendous stuff as well. After struggling along for a while I eventually updosed to get relief. I know that in that state I wasn't thinking clearly, I also had visions of being carted off to a psych ward and even felt suicidal at times. Afterwards, when I'd updosed and started feeling better, it seemed obvious that updosing was the better option, but at the time I had med paranoia and didn't really consider updosing even though I felt so terrible.

I'm not saying this is what you should do, but keep it in mind as an option if things get too much for you to handle. You could then taper again more slowly.