Success Story!

NewQuestions · 12-01-2009, 06:44 AM

I copied this story from a benzo withdrawal site. Obviously, its not an SSRI withdrawal story but the syndrome is similar.

Dear Group,
Most of you don't know me......I joined the group back around Sept.
2001. I'm posting this success story as my way of giving back to the
group. I owe much of my recovery to Geraldine Burns who started this
group, Yvonne Day who talked to me every week on the phone for over 1
1/2 years, Hillary Noppinger who befriended me early on and others
who helped me intermittently like Eva Sapi, Sheila from NH, Tom in
Wisconsin, Kim in St. Louis and numerous others.

I can't exhaust the litany of symptoms and ALL the horror I went
thru, it would take volumes, but I'll relate what I can as best as I
can. I can tell you what eventually worked for me and how I
succeeded. It took me 3 1/2 years to get to where I am today, but if
you read on, you'll see that I was one of the worst. The first year
was all survival and that was it, and I will tell you that at some
point you have to take control and do some things to make yourself
better, but if you were as bad as I was, there was not much I could
do except what you have all heard before.......TIME.....it will heal
you......

I was on Klonopin, just 1 mg for 12 years after some situational
panic attacks. I moved around a lot in those days so the doctors just
kept me on the stuff.......you know the routine.......I was a
successful Investment Broker, natural bodybuilder, mountain biked,
roller bladed and many other things, I had a pretty full life, and
then it started to come crashing down.

Somewhere around the 8th year though I'm sure it started to effect me
before that, I started to get sick more often, handled stress not as
well, ran out of energy more often and didn't seem to have the
postive outlook on life like I once had......since this crap is so
insideous, it took several more years for the **** to hit the fan...

Let me tell you right now so as not to concern those that have
struggled, or those who symptoms are troublesome but they can still
kind of function, and anyone knowing Geraldine, Yvonne or Hilliary
can attest to, I was in the top 5% of the worst cases you will ever
see. I don't say that lightly cause I know we all think we are the
worst......But I really really was........so here is how it went for
me, and then I'll tell you what I did to finally get well......pull
up a chair....

When I came off in Sept of 2001 and since I didn't know of this site,
I went to a detox center instead of tapering......WRONG THING TO DO
my friends, especially if like us, you are susceptible to protracted
WD but of course, you would never know it until you got off. Suffice
it to say that as hard as tapering is, cold turkey is the epitome of
hell on earth.......hundreds of times more painful than the tapering
process....

The first two months off were terrible but then like many, in the
third month, hell opened up and invited me in.....I had over 75
symptoms and though I never did get the dp/dr like many, believe me,
I had almost all the rest....for me, the head pressure was horrific,
first exploding outwards for the first year, then crushing my brain
like an orange the 2nd and part of the 3rd year....I did not sleep at
night for onver two years.....I could not open my mail for a year,
cook for myself, answer the phone, hell I couldn't even change the
clocks during the change time....I was debilitated beyond belief.

I was in bed 90% of the time for the first year, my central nervous
system blown to hell.....even looking at tv or the computer was too
much to bear, felt like my head would explode, my brain actaully
vibrated and I was helpless.......my folks saved my life and took
care of me.......they had too and I thought of suicide every day for
at least 4 months until I could actually leave my bedroom and go into
the front room.....all hope of even a small existence was gone and I
thought would never ever return.......

Sorry I can't relate more of the misery, but just know that I
suffered more than the majority.......my good friends Geraldine,
Yvonne and Hilliary will tell you.....

Around 6 months off I first spoke with Geraldine and Yvonne. They
both said I should go see a naturopath.....I have a background in
health and supplements but never heard of candida......well, you may
or may not believe in it but whatever I had, it was just like it. I
went on a special diet mostly like an Atkins diet cause any sugar
even natural would destroy me, and any wheat products the same
thing...I stay on this type of diet for at least a year and maybe
relaxed a little after 1 1/2 years off Klonopin.

At 10 months off I finally could walk around the block.....but only 3
days a week cause it would take me two days to recover from just
walking a mile.....this is the part where I decided to try and take
charge a bit.......but for those of you who say, "I just can't do it",
I understand totally.....but you have to try at some point.....if you
can't.....try again in a week....if I walked to the mailbox in the
first 10 months, that is all I could do for the day....and most of
the time I didn't cause I couldn't handle the stress....I could only
walk at night cause daytime would hurt sooooo much.....

I walked further and further but still only 3 days a week until about
18 months off....remember, I was a weight trainer and jock, but I
couldn't mangage more than this. I was still bad but improving a
little.....I finally went back to the gym at 18 months but let me
tell you...before all this at 6'1", I was 200 lbs of muscle and 12%
body fat.....now I was 230, lost all my muscle and was probably 35%
bodyfat.....I started to lift and resistence exercise seemed to help
more but it killed me later cause my brain and body were so revved
up, pressurized etc that my ears would ring all night, not that I
slept anyway, and would be in agony most of that time...

anyway, I did this routine for another year, I still couldn't handle
any stress......any........maybe going to the store but that was
it...but I persevered......and let me tell you......TIME still is the
major healing force, but my exercise, while painful, exhausting was
helping me strengthen my nervous system and adrenal glands....but
very slowly.....

OK.....that is just a small part of the hell I went thru...again,
there is much much more but I know it is just too much to
write....but HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS........I am 95% and going back to
work now after 3 1/2 years....I weight train with more weight than
before and in fact have gained back all my muscle, lost most of the
fat. I can handle most stress now actually better than before and I
am calmer now than ever in my whole life....

I was transformed into a better me.....when you hear people say that
you will forget most of your symptoms they are right.....when you
hear them say, "it was worth it"......I know you don't believe it
now, but it was.....the keys for me were keeping my diet simple,
progressively exercising more but you have to go slow on that, and
when you start to see some daylight and feel almost healed, it was
best for me to get back into my meditation, and read books like "Mind
Power" by John Kehoe, Total Self Confidence by Dr. Robert Anthony.

What worked for me may work for you.......most of you will heal long
before I did and thank God you will....most will never see the
extreme nature of protracted hell like I did....bless your fortune
and as bad as it is now.........it will heal itself provided you
assist it along the way....when you can.....never reinstate after you
have been off for a few months....or even years, it will reverse any
progress......

But YOU GUYS and GALS will heal......it will go away.....and it will
get better and better......it even know is getting better and better
and even when I feel, well, maybe I"m done healing.......it continues
to heal.......hell, know I lift weights 4 times a week, do interval
cardio twice a week and long distance cardio twice a week....two
years ago.......no way.........and now I"m going to work.....my
adrenals were the last to heal and are still healing....my energy is
still not back to par but at 48 yrs old, I'm exercise more than most
my age and most even 10 years younger...

I'm living proof that you do heal from this torture, you really do,
and I know some just can't or don't believe it.....don't worry about
it, I didn't either.......but it happened if you just take any
measures you can WHEN you can.....either way though, you will return
to your self and in some ways be even better, cause after going thru
this torment, nothing bothers me much anymore......how could it,
nothing including war, divorce, other illness, etc could ever be as
bad as what I had to endure.........

So my friends.......there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is
salvation from benzo WD.....the healed ones have told you and know
I'm telling you......one of the worst has no blossomed into someone
even better.......if you can't smile now......you will......faith is
hard but you must dig down deep and know that what I tell you is
true...I have never posted much on this site cause I as too sick..

But I found my mentors and did what they said.......I forever will
love Geraldine and Yvonne for their care, nurture and guidance, their
knowledge and empathy......they saved my life....literally.....and I
still talk with them to this day......but about good stuff, not
bad....thanks to Hilliary who helped me thru the worst 4 months and
though she is still mending......she gave me hope early on....and all
the others that took time to lead me down the path of healing...

........and to all of you that are still symptomatic and hurting or
even being tormented, your day will come....I promise......the sun
will shine upon you, the Lord (or your God) will lift you up from the
despair and misery......I know I have said alot, but you have heard
it from others before........and one day perhaps soon, you will be
writing your own success story.......COUNT ON IT........

God Bless you all.....you are all in my prayers each and every
day....and know that good things will happen....

Paul.....

pax80 · 12-01-2009, 07:18 AM

that could be me, even the name!

NicolasG · 12-01-2009, 07:53 AM

Is the benzo withdrawal comparable with the Paxil/SSRI one?

pax80 · 12-01-2009, 10:49 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicolasG

Is the benzo withdrawal comparable with the Paxil/SSRI one?

it can be worse...

luc · 12-01-2009, 11:22 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by NicolasG

Is the benzo withdrawal comparable with the Paxil/SSRI one?

Before I c/t'd Paxil I did the same with Xanax. BOTH are red hot HELL. Interestingly, when coming off Xanax and looking for help at benzo forum, the very frequent question I came across was "Is Paxil WD as hellish as benzos ?".
Yes, they BOTH are hellish. In fact, after I c/t'd Xanax I was actually pretty confident that Paxil would be much easier. Looking back and having experienced BOTH, I can say they are equally painful. As much as it's possible avoid "helping" yourself with benzos. I remember one of the PP members who was on his way to recovery, but got hooked on benzos as the suffering in Paxil WD became unbearable. As far as I remember, he eventually went back on Paxil not seeing any major improvement in his Paxil withdrawal. But I'm pretty positive he must have started to heal Paxil-wise, but went into a benzo withdrawal at the same time. He didn't realise it and must have thought that his "Paxil suffering" would never end. To be honest, if I didn't know how addictive benzos are, I would probably "help myself to them" to alleviate the Paxil WD myself. Take them ONLY if it is absolutely necessary...

NewQuestions · 12-01-2009, 12:25 PM

A lot of the symptoms are similar. Benzos have been around a lot longer so there are more stories and data on protracted withdrawal.

12-01-2009, 06:44 AM	#1
NewQuestions Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 297	Success Story! I copied this story from a benzo withdrawal site. Obviously, its not an SSRI withdrawal story but the syndrome is similar. Dear Group, Most of you don't know me......I joined the group back around Sept. 2001. I'm posting this success story as my way of giving back to the group. I owe much of my recovery to Geraldine Burns who started this group, Yvonne Day who talked to me every week on the phone for over 1 1/2 years, Hillary Noppinger who befriended me early on and others who helped me intermittently like Eva Sapi, Sheila from NH, Tom in Wisconsin, Kim in St. Louis and numerous others. I can't exhaust the litany of symptoms and ALL the horror I went thru, it would take volumes, but I'll relate what I can as best as I can. I can tell you what eventually worked for me and how I succeeded. It took me 3 1/2 years to get to where I am today, but if you read on, you'll see that I was one of the worst. The first year was all survival and that was it, and I will tell you that at some point you have to take control and do some things to make yourself better, but if you were as bad as I was, there was not much I could do except what you have all heard before.......TIME.....it will heal you...... I was on Klonopin, just 1 mg for 12 years after some situational panic attacks. I moved around a lot in those days so the doctors just kept me on the stuff.......you know the routine.......I was a successful Investment Broker, natural bodybuilder, mountain biked, roller bladed and many other things, I had a pretty full life, and then it started to come crashing down. Somewhere around the 8th year though I'm sure it started to effect me before that, I started to get sick more often, handled stress not as well, ran out of energy more often and didn't seem to have the postive outlook on life like I once had......since this crap is so insideous, it took several more years for the **** to hit the fan... Let me tell you right now so as not to concern those that have struggled, or those who symptoms are troublesome but they can still kind of function, and anyone knowing Geraldine, Yvonne or Hilliary can attest to, I was in the top 5% of the worst cases you will ever see. I don't say that lightly cause I know we all think we are the worst......But I really really was........so here is how it went for me, and then I'll tell you what I did to finally get well......pull up a chair.... When I came off in Sept of 2001 and since I didn't know of this site, I went to a detox center instead of tapering......WRONG THING TO DO my friends, especially if like us, you are susceptible to protracted WD but of course, you would never know it until you got off. Suffice it to say that as hard as tapering is, cold turkey is the epitome of hell on earth.......hundreds of times more painful than the tapering process.... The first two months off were terrible but then like many, in the third month, hell opened up and invited me in.....I had over 75 symptoms and though I never did get the dp/dr like many, believe me, I had almost all the rest....for me, the head pressure was horrific, first exploding outwards for the first year, then crushing my brain like an orange the 2nd and part of the 3rd year....I did not sleep at night for onver two years.....I could not open my mail for a year, cook for myself, answer the phone, hell I couldn't even change the clocks during the change time....I was debilitated beyond belief. I was in bed 90% of the time for the first year, my central nervous system blown to hell.....even looking at tv or the computer was too much to bear, felt like my head would explode, my brain actaully vibrated and I was helpless.......my folks saved my life and took care of me.......they had too and I thought of suicide every day for at least 4 months until I could actually leave my bedroom and go into the front room.....all hope of even a small existence was gone and I thought would never ever return....... Sorry I can't relate more of the misery, but just know that I suffered more than the majority.......my good friends Geraldine, Yvonne and Hilliary will tell you..... Around 6 months off I first spoke with Geraldine and Yvonne. They both said I should go see a naturopath.....I have a background in health and supplements but never heard of candida......well, you may or may not believe in it but whatever I had, it was just like it. I went on a special diet mostly like an Atkins diet cause any sugar even natural would destroy me, and any wheat products the same thing...I stay on this type of diet for at least a year and maybe relaxed a little after 1 1/2 years off Klonopin. At 10 months off I finally could walk around the block.....but only 3 days a week cause it would take me two days to recover from just walking a mile.....this is the part where I decided to try and take charge a bit.......but for those of you who say, "I just can't do it", I understand totally.....but you have to try at some point.....if you can't.....try again in a week....if I walked to the mailbox in the first 10 months, that is all I could do for the day....and most of the time I didn't cause I couldn't handle the stress....I could only walk at night cause daytime would hurt sooooo much..... I walked further and further but still only 3 days a week until about 18 months off....remember, I was a weight trainer and jock, but I couldn't mangage more than this. I was still bad but improving a little.....I finally went back to the gym at 18 months but let me tell you...before all this at 6'1", I was 200 lbs of muscle and 12% body fat.....now I was 230, lost all my muscle and was probably 35% bodyfat.....I started to lift and resistence exercise seemed to help more but it killed me later cause my brain and body were so revved up, pressurized etc that my ears would ring all night, not that I slept anyway, and would be in agony most of that time... anyway, I did this routine for another year, I still couldn't handle any stress......any........maybe going to the store but that was it...but I persevered......and let me tell you......TIME still is the major healing force, but my exercise, while painful, exhausting was helping me strengthen my nervous system and adrenal glands....but very slowly..... OK.....that is just a small part of the hell I went thru...again, there is much much more but I know it is just too much to write....but HERE IS THE GOOD NEWS........I am 95% and going back to work now after 3 1/2 years....I weight train with more weight than before and in fact have gained back all my muscle, lost most of the fat. I can handle most stress now actually better than before and I am calmer now than ever in my whole life.... I was transformed into a better me.....when you hear people say that you will forget most of your symptoms they are right.....when you hear them say, "it was worth it"......I know you don't believe it now, but it was.....the keys for me were keeping my diet simple, progressively exercising more but you have to go slow on that, and when you start to see some daylight and feel almost healed, it was best for me to get back into my meditation, and read books like "Mind Power" by John Kehoe, Total Self Confidence by Dr. Robert Anthony. What worked for me may work for you.......most of you will heal long before I did and thank God you will....most will never see the extreme nature of protracted hell like I did....bless your fortune and as bad as it is now.........it will heal itself provided you assist it along the way....when you can.....never reinstate after you have been off for a few months....or even years, it will reverse any progress...... But YOU GUYS and GALS will heal......it will go away.....and it will get better and better......it even know is getting better and better and even when I feel, well, maybe I"m done healing.......it continues to heal.......hell, know I lift weights 4 times a week, do interval cardio twice a week and long distance cardio twice a week....two years ago.......no way.........and now I"m going to work.....my adrenals were the last to heal and are still healing....my energy is still not back to par but at 48 yrs old, I'm exercise more than most my age and most even 10 years younger... I'm living proof that you do heal from this torture, you really do, and I know some just can't or don't believe it.....don't worry about it, I didn't either.......but it happened if you just take any measures you can WHEN you can.....either way though, you will return to your self and in some ways be even better, cause after going thru this torment, nothing bothers me much anymore......how could it, nothing including war, divorce, other illness, etc could ever be as bad as what I had to endure......... So my friends.......there is light at the end of the tunnel, there is salvation from benzo WD.....the healed ones have told you and know I'm telling you......one of the worst has no blossomed into someone even better.......if you can't smile now......you will......faith is hard but you must dig down deep and know that what I tell you is true...I have never posted much on this site cause I as too sick.. But I found my mentors and did what they said.......I forever will love Geraldine and Yvonne for their care, nurture and guidance, their knowledge and empathy......they saved my life....literally.....and I still talk with them to this day......but about good stuff, not bad....thanks to Hilliary who helped me thru the worst 4 months and though she is still mending......she gave me hope early on....and all the others that took time to lead me down the path of healing... ........and to all of you that are still symptomatic and hurting or even being tormented, your day will come....I promise......the sun will shine upon you, the Lord (or your God) will lift you up from the despair and misery......I know I have said alot, but you have heard it from others before........and one day perhaps soon, you will be writing your own success story.......COUNT ON IT........ God Bless you all.....you are all in my prayers each and every day....and know that good things will happen.... Paul..... __________________ Drug history: Started Zoloft (200 mg) in 1993, experienced major change in side effects (beginning of poop out) in 2003, cycled through every other antidepressant available for the next 5 years looking for relief but they made me worse; last dose of an SSRI (Effexor) was in November 1997, last dose of an antidepressant (Parnate) was in December 2008 and last dose of a benzo (Ativan) was in February 2009.

12-01-2009, 07:18 AM	#2
pax80 Join Date: Jul 2005 Location: Portugal Posts: 3,765	Re: Success Story! that could be me, even the name! __________________ 2002- 10mg diazepam(for a neck pain) 2003- 20mg seroxat(for benzo wd) 2005-stopped diazepam (1 year taper plus acupuncture) 2006-stopped paxil (1 year taper) 3 years free from drugs

12-01-2009, 07:53 AM	#3
NicolasG Join Date: May 2009 Location: Europe Posts: 97	Re: Success Story! Is the benzo withdrawal comparable with the Paxil/SSRI one? __________________ 2001-2003: 40-20mg Paxil 2003-2005:20 mg Paxil 2005: second attempt to quit (6 weeks tapering) 2005: up and down (feeling completely lost) , at that point found out about w/d. then tried a one mg/week taper from 30mg...unsuccessful 2006-09: chaos...several attempts to quit, poop-out, switch to other AD and others (Effexor,Lexapro,abilify..), August 2009: finally drug-free after a final 6 monthes taper of effexor. At 6 months out, started to feel slowly better!

12-01-2009, 12:25 PM	#6
NewQuestions Join Date: Jan 2009 Posts: 297	Re: Success Story! A lot of the symptoms are similar. Benzos have been around a lot longer so there are more stories and data on protracted withdrawal. __________________ Drug history: Started Zoloft (200 mg) in 1993, experienced major change in side effects (beginning of poop out) in 2003, cycled through every other antidepressant available for the next 5 years looking for relief but they made me worse; last dose of an SSRI (Effexor) was in November 1997, last dose of an antidepressant (Parnate) was in December 2008 and last dose of a benzo (Ativan) was in February 2009.

Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)