Constant confusion

[gsWade3]

Does anyone else feel like everything in life is a constant blur of confusion and that even the most simple information is a struggle to process and think through? I don't necessarily think my core intelligence has been affected, but everything I do that requires the outward demonstration of intelligence--finding the right words, organizing ideas, forming coherent sentences, having a debate, explaining a concept--these things are unbelievably challenging. It feels like my brain is completely overwhelmed, ADD, and quickly confused or lost. At what point did this relent for you guys, if at all?

[Lucy]

I completely understand how you feel, since I have the same problem. It hasn't cleared up for me yet - almost 17 months since I quit lexapro. You stated the problem so well that I think you're way ahead of me!

I hope someone will have something encouraging to say about this.

[alivehope]

I have the same problem and it is annoying as hell .

[NewQuestions]

I have the same problem! Its by far my worst symptom. Many long time benzo users have the same problem. It can take 18 to 36 months to pass. I go to benzo withdrawal sites and look for success stories to give me hope.

[NoRx4me]

Unfortunately, I have the exact same issues. It's so frustrating. I'll sit at my computer and learn all this stuff but that's the best I can relay the information; "all this stuff". I just thought about this yesterday; I'm not stupid but it's like their is a short circuit preventing completion of thoughts and actions.

I'll be sitting on the couch and start thinking, "I need to do this, this and that" (there is SO much that doesn't get done anymore) but when I start to do anything, before one thing is accomplished, I'm confused and walking in circles or staring into space trying to remember, or just plain blank.

It happens every time. Getting dressed has become difficult. How do you explain this to anyone or try to get help?

I'm really sorry you are going through this right now. This should be a wonderful time in your life. Hang in there. I wish I had better advice or some coping strategies to share.

Are you eating healthy, taking a good multi-vitamin and getting some exercise? I hear those work. I find even those things difficult to do.

[jule1]

I started to get more clarity at the 22 month off mark or so. I literally woke up one day and everything was 100 times clearer. And as time has gone on the clarity is getting better and better although it is still a slow process. Hopefully you will see some of this soon!

[Lucy]

NoRX, I could have written those words too! I have walked miles in circles inside my house getting nothing done, and can't get started on the things I need to do, even when I can write them out on paper! Nothing comes naturally any more, even cooking a meal. Exercise does seem to help get my brain organized a little bit, and I'm more focused and accomplish more after a walk outdoors.

jule1 -- thank you for that post!

[luc]

Originally Posted by gsWade3

Does anyone else feel like everything in life is a constant blur of confusion and that even the most simple information is a struggle to process and think through? I don't necessarily think my core intelligence has been affected, but everything I do that requires the outward demonstration of intelligence--finding the right words, organizing ideas, forming coherent sentences, having a debate, explaining a concept--these things are unbelievably challenging. It feels like my brain is completely overwhelmed, ADD, and quickly confused or lost. At what point did this relent for you guys, if at all?

Well put. Same experience here. Though I do realise it gets better. Very slowly, but it gets better.

[ajm222]

same here. i was on zoloft for basically ten years and part of me wonders if i was always this way because i can hardly remember anything before. but i am hoping it's because of the ssri. i even think it may have something to do with an ADD diagnosis when i was 30. no one i know thinks i am really ADD, but there are many issues i have now regarding attention, focus and memory that seem to resemble ADD. again, i am hoping these things are more a result of the meds and will eventually get better. i was always considered very bright when i was in school but now i feel like a moron. then again, even before meds i think sometimes people thought i was a little ditzy. so maybe it's not all because of the meds. time will tell i guess. i also think some of my issues with learning new things might be partly because of anxiety. i know i can do most anything, but when faced with new challenges the anxiety always kicks in and sort of gums up the works so to speak.

[gsWade3]

Originally Posted by NoRx4me

Unfortunately, I have the exact same issues. It's so frustrating. I'll sit at my computer and learn all this stuff but that's the best I can relay the information; "all this stuff". I just thought about this yesterday; I'm not stupid but it's like their is a short circuit preventing completion of thoughts and actions.
.

To me this is the ultimate exemplification of the difficulty of our situation. We are bright enough to understand the causes of our troubles, but rendered unable to communicate it. I know, for example, that when I try to explain my struggles to people I often come out simplistic and unconvincing, repeating something like "the drugs ruined my life" " the medicine made me stupid" etc sounding like some kind of maniac. If i could put together a coherent argument about how these meds affect my life I feel like I'd be in a much better place.

Thanks everyone for your comments. I really do hope the fog just lets up soon, though its hard to imagine when my view of the whole world is so fuzzy and obscured.

[palm]

Originally Posted by gsWade3

Does anyone else feel like everything in life is a constant blur of confusion and that even the most simple information is a struggle to process and think through? I don't necessarily think my core intelligence has been affected, but everything I do that requires the outward demonstration of intelligence--finding the right words, organizing ideas, forming coherent sentences, having a debate, explaining a concept--these things are unbelievably challenging. It feels like my brain is completely overwhelmed, ADD, and quickly confused or lost. At what point did this relent for you guys, if at all?

This has been one of my major problems during the tapering even though I have tapered slowly. It is like my brain is a step slow in processing.

Last month, I ate dinner with my siblings and when we were debating an issue that I had a great interest in, I couldn't come up with the words to make my point. I was so frustrated.

Palm

[NoRx4me]

We are bright enough to understand the causes of our troubles, but rendered unable to communicate it. I know, for example, that when I try to explain my struggles to people I often come out simplistic and unconvincing, repeating something like "the drugs ruined my life" " the medicine made me stupid" etc sounding like some kind of maniac.

I think this is why there are so few malpractice suits.

If i could put together a coherent argument about how these meds affect my life I feel like I'd be in a much better place.

I feel the same. I've been gathering information for some time now, in hopes of someday having enough facts to back up what I can't even say.
I have about five 2 1/2 inch binders full of information (FDA Warnings and labels, Court documents, Medical studies, Patient accounts, news articles, stuff about brain damage, polypharmacy, conflicts of interest...). I have five books on these subjects, all highlighted and marked with notes. I have pages of writing of misc. thoughts and facts that have gone through my head.

All this research in hopes of being able to put it all together and make a coherent argument one day (Initially, it was in hopes of filing a lawsuit but statutes are up and many lawyers declined).

I'd like to write a book but the problems I'd like to write about are the ones preventing me from writing. As I was gathering this information, I was expecting my brain to be healing and to regain my cognitive functioning, etc. Still waiting.

I've tried to let it go. Forget about it and just live. But then, the problems are still there. I can't put my clothes away (I stare at the pile and don't know what to do) or shop for food without getting confused. How can you forget about it and "let it go", "move on" when it effects your life every waking moment?

Recently, I got lost going to target. The target that I went to 3-4 times a week between 9/04 and 9/08 (I worked down the street). This really scared me. I knew I would find it...I was close, but the fact that I couldn't remember the exit and what happened off the exit, the disorientation was alarming to me.

I can't imagine being in a new place like you are. Especially, a city! Do you have a problem with these types of things too? Or is it mostly the school work and concentration on harder stuff?

Sorry, I veered off topic a bit.

[palm]

"Recently, I got lost going to target. The target that I went to 3-4 times a week between 9/04 and 9/08 (I worked down the street). This really scared me. I knew I would find it...I was close, but the fact that I couldn't remember the exit and what happened off the exit, the disorientation was alarming to me."

That is the exact reason I finally got a GPS system which has been a lifesaver. I need to go to places that I wouldn't have gotten lost going to prior to meds.

But even a GPS sometimes isn't helpful if I am going to an unfamiliar place in the dark. Recently, I literally had a panic attack trying to find a restaurant I was meeting my family at. That has never happened to me.

Then when I was so close, I couldn't figure out that I needed to walk a half block more to find the place. I had to call the restaurant to figure it out.

I definitely feel your pain.

To add to what I have already mentioned, there are situations that come up where I feel like I should understand what is going on and I am totally confused. I feel that wire shortage as I am just on the periphery of trying to figure it out and I can't.

Palm

[gsWade3]

Originally Posted by NoRx4me

I can't imagine being in a new place like you are. Especially, a city! Do you have a problem with these types of things too? Or is it mostly the school work and concentration on harder stuff?

Sorry, I veered off topic a bit.

Well, that potential problem is solved by the fact that I never venture off campus. In the few times I have, while it is difficult to get oriented because I can never seem to remember where I just came from, I do pretty well with directions and can get myself where I need to go. However, the overwhelming loneliness and negativity, as well as general purposelessness i feel every time i leave campus gates pretty much prevent me from getting up and going.

It mostly manifests itself in school work, particularly in writing papers like the one i'm working on now. While I understand all the specific concepts that I am writing about, it is extremely difficult to unite things into an overarching theme because I can't keep multiple things in my head at the same time. I almost have to write with blinders on so nothing gets in the way of what i am thinking about in that exact moment. The only way I can make connections between things is when i look back over what I've written, comparing things side by side to see what emerges. I'm really unable to do comprehensive research for a paper because I get too confused in trying to synthesize information from all these sources.

These kind of problems have led me to abandon the humanities and I am now working towards a finance/accounting degree instead. Its too bad because before all these med issues I was very excited about/talented at putting together ideas and papers, but im starting to accept that it doesnt really matter if i follow a different path in life.

[NewQuestions]

Julie--how bad was your confusion and how much has it gotten better?

[NoRx4me]

im starting to accept that it doesnt really matter if i follow a different path in life.

Lifepaths have a way of twisting and turning. Maybe you'll end up back on the previous one somewhere down the line.

[TryingtoGetWell]

This has been a huge problem for me in w/d, and improvement has been gradual with ups and downs so it's impossible for me to say when it improves.

I had such severe problems my improvement has been considerable, even though not complete (very likely compounded by continuing sleep issues, specifically frequent waking, and very possibly benzo-related problems).

I do find, however, that there is a strong correlation between my mental function and my physical energy level. Has anyone else found this to be the case?

[TryingtoGetWell]

Originally Posted by gsWade3

It mostly manifests itself in school work, particularly in writing papers like the one i'm working on now. While I understand all the specific concepts that I am writing about, it is extremely difficult to unite things into an overarching theme because I can't keep multiple things in my head at the same time. I almost have to write with blinders on so nothing gets in the way of what i am thinking about in that exact moment. The only way I can make connections between things is when i look back over what I've written, comparing things side by side to see what emerges. I'm really unable to do comprehensive research for a paper because I get too confused in trying to synthesize information from all these sources.

These kind of problems have led me to abandon the humanities and I am now working towards a finance/accounting degree instead. Its too bad because before all these med issues I was very excited about/talented at putting together ideas and papers, but im starting to accept that it doesnt really matter if i follow a different path in life.

I expect those abilities will come back, but I sympathize with what a problem it must be when you're in school. I'm amazed that you're able to do all you're doing!

I don't know if this will help or not, but when I was in high school I had a brilliant teacher who told us learning research and writing skills mattered more than the subject he was teaching - we were required to write a research paper, and he said we wouldn't remember most of what we learned about the topic we researched, but we'd have the skills to research and write about anything and that was what would matter in life.

He had us follow a certain method; decades later I can't remember all the specifics precisely, but essentially we were to break down the subject we were researching into topics (in outline form that would form the structure of our paper) and to research everything we could about our paper's subject, writing each fact on a separate 3/5 slip of paper. One fact per slip of paper! Then sort the slips of paper into the outline categories, and when we were done researching we were to spread out the (hundreds of!) slips of paper in each category topic, and arrange and rearrange them into logical sequence.

I don't think I'm explaining it well, but it worked! Tedious, yes, but he was right about how it helped us see and structure our thoughts. It was amazing how an enormous amount of information on very broad subjects started to fall into place and evolve as we proceeded.

There are probably computer programs that would do this kind of thing more expediently now, but I don't know that anything would work as well as actually looking at and viewing those slips of paper.

Don't know that this would suit papers you have to write, but maybe you could develop some variation of it, if it doesn't sound too crazy (or too low-tech).

(By the way, this class was one of a group of "academically enriched" classes for "above-average students" only; what he taught us was definitely not remedial but geared toward our being able to write effective, well-thought out college and later professional papers. There were students in the class who were correcting and contributing to advanced level math textbooks, but everyone agreed that what we learned from this teacher was an invaluable skill.)

Although I haven't used actual slips of paper in some time, I might use that again if I have to write an extensive essay, and I've developed and incorporated the premises of what he taught us in various ways over the years.

I will never forget that teacher. He was right; I've forgotten most of what I learned in school, but the skills he gave us I've carried through my life. (Never dreamed I'd later be adapting them for dealing with paxil w/d, and he would have been floored...!)

I do think your mental functions will return, but hope this might give you some ideas how to get through this difficult time, and my class found the skills a godsend even though we weren't dealing with w/d issues.