Im So Sorry for being this Negative

Hi Chaps.

First of all id like to say im SO sorry for everyone who has had to go through what we are goin through.

Il start off by saying at least our condition is finally being recognised, with our condition finally having a name.

PANES.

Cant remeber what it stands for, but do a google, and everyone can read the info themselves.

Im twelve months down the line of withdrawal and im still so angry

I know Darcys advice is to accept the situation and try to move on, (which may i say is sound advice), but as hard as i try i just cannot forgive the doctors for putting me on this in the first place.

My post really is to quell the myth of this cold turkey, vs taper argument.

Im sorry chaps but it really doesnt make that much of a differnce.

And ill tell you why.

The reason we all go through this hell is not withdrawal, as some want to put it down to. These drugs (specifically SEROXAT/PAXIL), are NOT ADDICTIVE.

Yet they are still very very bad for us.

If we stop abruptly we wil feel the initial SEVERE discomfort for a number of weeks, because our body is used to high levels of serotonin, and is shocked when we reduce that so quickly.

When we taper, however, we still get the same mount of shock and withdrawal only lengthened out over months of tapering.

(Same reaction, only over a longer period of time).

The truth of the matter is, we get so ill for years (and i still dont find posts saying when or indeed if there is a difinitve end), and suffer for so long because of one reason only.

These SSRIs and particularly the potent one that is PAXIL, kill off our brains normal funstions.

Anyone ever had those headaches that come on in a second and die off in five more seconds????????

Im sure you have!!!!!!

Thats is your brain killing another serotonin release and uptake site, as foretold by Dr Breggin.

This is a bad thin, and something that NO-ONE knows whther is recoverable or not.

And as it stands a year after taking my last pill, and feeling minimally better, i would say maybe not.

To back this up i did a test.

I used to take EXTASY. A drug that is riducled ion the press and yet does not much more than your average anti depressant.

The differnce being that EXTASY releases a whole lot more serotonin, than usual, while also blocking the reuptake.

However this is a party drug that is taken once a week maybe and not every day.

When a user takes EXTASY their pupils dilate, and a normal humans pupils will dilate to the edges of their (colour part of their eye, i forget the name), in a perfect cicle.

However during my experiment with post paxil extasy i noted that my pupils were not perfect circles, and indeed were almost recatngles with round edges at the top and bottom.

Indeed if i cehck my pupils ion the dark, one pupil will be bigger than the other and will float in my eyes in weid places.

This proves that our serotonin system within our brains is out of sync, and mine has been ever since i took my first SEROXAT/PAXIL Pill.

Its been a year and to be honest there has been minimal improvment.

Yes, my muscle aches have gone but considering SEROXAT acts as a muscle relaxant aswell, i would expect that.

But do i feel normal, No!!!!!!!!!!

Do i still get headaches. YES!!!!!!!!

Is my brain damaged, HELL YEAH!!!!!!!!

Am i angry, AGAIN HELL YEAH!!!!!!!

What can i do, NOTHING!!!!!!!!

Its not withdrawal people, im sorry to say, but its damage.

Damage from these disgusting things my doc told me were safe to take.

Do our brains FRY when we take these things, like some warnings say, INDEED THEY DO!!!!!

Its so hard to take, but its true.

Some accept, but i cant.

I still remember how i felt pre PAXIL, and i want it back, otherwise my life is over.

YET WHAT DOES THIS OR ANY OTHER RANT ACHIEVE, NOTHING!!!!!!!

Im so sick of feeling like a 90 year old, at 21.

Controversial m8, but i see where you are coming from.

It makes sense to me, because if it is an addicition we are fighting then why does every single SSRI produce the same problems, only in varying degrees.

If the less intelligent people cant believe that evry single different SSRI on the market is an addictive chemical.

And if so, then how is it that the symptoms of the addiciton are exactly the same where an addictive chemical such as nitcotine or alcohol dont produce the Brain Zaps.

I dont like to consider what im going through a withdrawal because it just isnt, its a process of my body trying to live life with a new brain chemistry, that is actually a less than healthy one, only masked by the high amounts of serotonin floating around the brain while actually taking the SSRIs.

I believe Breggin thinks there is a good chance that given time, the brain can heal itself to some extent, like mild stroke victims can heal to almost 100% health again.

However i have heard too many stories of people years down the line who are still effected by their symptoms, to truly believe that.

I did once read a case of a youngish girl who was three years off of zoloft, i believe, who said that although it took a long time to heal, she actually feels better than she ever did now.

I also read a story of which i can only remember the line, "It took me a full two years,until i woke up one morning and said to myself, Thank God,Im better".

These last two stories are the ones i hold onto, although they are few and far betwen, but i figure that once a person has healed themselves of this misery they dont really go online to post about it because they are too busy trying to make up for lost time.

I feel for you Woody, and i understand your frustration, but you are a year down the line, and you should give yourself a pat on the back for that, and try to believe things can get better. Its amazing how the posotive frame of mind can make you feel somewhat better instantly, while the negative, angry and frsutarted frame of mind serves only to make you unhappier and ill.

But everyone has to figure that out for themselves.

Good Luck m8, Hang In there.

[scared*diana]

>These last two stories are the ones i hold onto, although they are few >and far betwen, but i figure that once a person has healed themselves >of this misery they dont really go online to post about it because they >are too busy trying to make up for lost time.
I totally agree. I´ve had various illnesses for which I´ve gotten support from the internet. After I´ve gotten much better I tried to move on and drop a note every now and then, but after a while you just feel you don´t want to even remember the bad times. I´m sure there are many success stories we don´t hear about, and also people who don´t get any bad side effect of whom we neither hear about.

About the anger, well we all have the right to feel it. But eventually it just destroys whatever is left of us... Most of my anxiety, the one that made me take this damn medicine in the first place, coems from family abuse and their reluctance to send me early to therapy. There are many people who instill on us some kind of "permanent" damage, but it´s up to us to not let ourselves destroy the parts that are left intact.

Diana