What Are You Doing Today To Live "As If"?

[rangerNY]

Thanks to Lisa (Amaya's Nana) for sharing how she overcame her issues at least in part by getting up every morning and acting "as if" everything was perfectly normal. Outstanding strategy in terms of breaking the anxiety fear cycle and learning not to fear what we think and feel.

So, what are you doing today to live "as if nothing is wrong"? My experience over the last few years tells me that sharing success stories and encouraging each other to face challenges motivates people to move forward, inspires them to improve things, and empowers them to get up some courage and take back some control.

I'll start.

I'm elbow deep in a very stressful and worrisome business situation for the past two weeks. Stress can still manifest itself as fear for me (I'm working on it), and the situation has forced me to quickly expand outside of the comfort zone I guess I've created for myself over the last few years.

Result? Anxiety. Plenty of it, along with all the usual symptoms and sensations that we all know. Scary? Hell yeah, but so freakin' what!

Today I'm going with my daughter to the 5th grade car wash fundraiser at her school. We're gonna spend some time together with friends washing cars, hopefully raising some money for the class, and enjoying the weather. Right now my brain is fogged up, my vision isn't quite right, my legs are a bit rubbery, everything feels kinda unreal and there's an underlying general sense of fear running through me. I guess that just means I'm going to have to feel like that while I'm at the car wash spending some quality time with my daughter. I feel like crap, but I'm going to act as if I don't. I'm pretty sure I'm going to feel much better once I get going (I virtually always do), but even if I don't I will not let these sensations dictate what I do today. I'm 100% sure that no matter how badly I might feel at any point, I'll live to tell the tale and when its all over I'll be happy that I did it.

OK, who's next?

[kathleen2]

I woke feeling anxious due to lousy sleep. My first instinct was to stay in bed all day. Instead, I'm making myself go to a movie with a frined. I know I'll have fun once I get there.

Drew, have a good time at the car wash--I hope you raise a lot o' money!

[warbird]

I hate when I have sleep issues..! I slept poorly last night too. I feel asleep at 8pm and woke up two times to use the bathroom. I woke up for good at 230am...YUK!

I felt like you did Drew. I had very tight chest muscle tension and then neck muscle tension. The "fight or flight" chemicals dumped but I said "so what".. I had to go to the office and help with inventory. My anxiety level raised and lowered. At one point I felt a bit panicky but kept going. I then came home, woke up my kids and a buddy came over. We spend two hours in 95 degree heat removing several hedges. We then drove to the dump, went to lunch and then came home. All the while my anxiety level caused continual tension in my upper body and yucky feelings. SOO what.. I still did what I needed to do. I still enjoyed the day with my kids and my friend.

I'm realizing one thing I do wrong a lot. On tough, high anxiety days, I catastrophize them into being this HUGE DEAL that I BARELY SURVIVED in my head instead of viewing them as, "yes, I was a bit anxious today but it was no big deal and I'm sure I'll feel better tomorrow"..

[Amaya's Nana]

Drew - I hope the carwash was a success and you guys raised lots of money!!

Yesterday, I woke up and my head felt "weird." I don't recall ever feeling that way before Paxil withdrawal but since withdrawal, one of my biggest fears was the weird head feeling.....pressure, kind of off balance, and you feel sort of depersonalized but not as horrible as it was in withdrawal, but I have this fear that it will come back with a vengeance and never go away. So, when I get that feeling, my IMMEDIATE reaction is fear and panic. So, I once again pulled out from my tool chest that I learned here at PP, my "as if" thinking. I told myself "well, I'm going to act as if this weird head feeling is not bothering me, I will act as if my head feels clear, my thoughts are clear and my balance is perfectly fine." Within less than an hour, after I adopted that attitude, I felt perfectly fine! And felt perfectly fine for the rest of the day!

Today, I took LC's advice and said almost as soon as I woke up "today is going to be a GREAT day." I'm going to work really hard at adopting this thought process every morning. Mornings are still my biggest obstacle in living panic-free.

[slappyintheface]

@Amaya's Nana - I know exactly what you mean about just feeling "weird". I have felt like that for about a month now and I know that every bit of it is stress related. not really numb, not really dizzy, not really vertigo, not really sleepy ... just feel weird

So this morning, I decided that moping about the crap in my life that I don't like isn't going to change a damn thing. So I made myself a list of the things that I am going to get done today:

1. Call doctor and find out blood work results
2. Call gastro doctor and set appointment
3. Find a Wordpress theme for my new website
4. Send out 5 query letters to literary agents
5. Sign up for the alumni association at the university where I got my Masters

So far, I have done 4 of those things already today !!! One of my favorite mottos is "Stop Complaining and Start Changing". Going to live by that one today my friends !

[kathleen2]

Scotia, and the day's hardly yet begun!

I made myself go to the gym despite sucky feelings of unreality. And I'm making myself stay out of bed all day. And I'm doing what everyone's been telling me unemployed folks should do: make a schedule and stick to it (instead of constantly telling myself: If it's not work, and you're not getting paid, why bother?)

As Amaya's Nana says: all we have is the present.

Good luck w/ the literary agents!

[rain]

This is an excellent thread! My pdoc and I discuss this very thing all the time. I haven't figured out how to do it yet, altho some days are better than others. It's almost 12:00 and I've yet to do something productive. Okay, gonna give it my best shot. Getting off the computer... now... showering and starting my day... wish I knew why this is so difficult.

[kathleen2]

Inertia's a powerful force in depression and anxiety. For me, all my cognitive distortions try to argue really convincingly: Why bother? What difference will it make? Who cares? But from a mindfulness perspective, the only thing that matters is what we're doing right now--are we living? experiencing pleasure? connecting with others? learning something new? and so forth. If we boil it down to this--what would make me enjoy this day?--the answer can be so simple. I've always been a goal-oriented person--bachelor's, master's, blah blah blah--and am trying hard to unlearn decades of thought regarding what's "worth" doing.

From a CBT standpoint, the thing is to just do; making a cup of tea feels better than staying in bed, thus is worth doing.

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by Amaya's Nana

Today, I took LC's advice and said almost as soon as I woke up "today is going to be a GREAT day." I'm going to work really hard at adopting this thought process every morning. Mornings are still my biggest obstacle in living panic-free.

YAY!!!

I truly notice a difference on the days I don't say "today's the best day EVER!" before I get up. If I start off with that attitude, the second I open my eyes, it really does make a difference.

And, even if it ends up not being the best day ever, my attitude towards the things that weren't great, is different.

[scotslass]

Struggling with depression the past couple of days and today was my day to go swimming and I really wanted to just lie in bed and cry.However I did not do that,I went to the pool,swam 20 laps and was so glad I made myself go.The depression was still there but at least I was 'doing' something positive.In the past I would have just stayed in bed.

[rangerNY]

Is it wrong for me to say that I LOVE THIS THREAD since I started it? LOL

Kidding aside, seeing the responses is really awesome. Mondays are generally higher anxiety days for me. They just are. Combined with a stressful business situation, I don't mind saying that I was feeling pretty lousy this morning. The feeling of derealization and the general fogginess and unsteadiness that comes with it are the hardest anxiety symptoms for me to deal with, even after all this time.

Using the "life as if" idea, I just kept telling myself to act like a "normal" person would act. Reading what others have said here helped reinforce that, and sure enough by noon or so I was feeling much stronger. I didn't solve any major problems in the business today, but I did make progress by shedding light on problems that needed to be exposed and I've got a clearer roadmap to follow as a result. All in all a pretty good day.

I know all about the tools and techniques for combating anxiety, but the idea of living "as if" simplifies it, consolidates it, and gives the whole thing more of a human face. The nuts and bolts are important, but I like them much better wrapped in this particular package!

[Cici]

I love the idea of swapping "what if" for "as if". So today it was not "what if" the next earthquake happens while I'm at the supermarket (we've had over 1000 significant aftershocks in 24 days) but I'll go "as if" all is normal. So we went - took the dog for a run on the beach - talked to everyone at the super market - (we're all swapping quake stories)- and now I'm about to catch up with some gardening.The sun is shining and working in the garden is great for letting go of anxiety and releasing chest tension. (Afterwards I can always tell myself that that tight chest is just sore muscles from pulling weeds!)

[warbird]

I have to agree with you Drew. Monday's seem to be a challenge, more so than other days. I woke up at 2am after 6 hrs sleep to waves of anxiety. I was pretty tired and around 6am got my rear end up and drove to work. I had meeting scheduled this morning. My anxiety really started to flair and dump the "fight or flight" chemicals. Man, I had to really have some positive self talk.. "this to shall pass". "It will ease up".. These past 5 days, my anxiety has really gone up and sadly, I have no idea why.

You know what, I'm still living "as if" everythings fine even though my neck and trap muscles are rock hard from the stress..

[Pat Shields]

Originally Posted by anjopom

am prepared to try anything except more drugs lol !!!!

Good, you just send those drugs on over to me, I want some more, I ache so bad.

I believe so much in the theme of this thread that I oftentimes overdo it. I get so freakin' weary of being a disabled person, not able to do what I used to do, that I go overboard acting as if I have no limitations. I'm wicked tired, I'm sore, I itch from all the poison ivy and insect bites. I have a nasty bruise between my index and middle finger from the lawn mower starting cord snapping me. I hurt. My leg looks like hell where I tripped over that concrete block. I can't move my head because my neck is so sore. I SHOULD have been taking it easy and sipping a cuppa, thinking of who I can hire to do this. But nooooooooooooooo. And I can't scratch every place it itches.

And you know, I wake up happy that way. Acting "as if" and having a supply of Vicodin and ibuprofen make life satisfying.

[Amaya's Nana]

Originally Posted by warbird

These past 5 days, my anxiety has really gone up and sadly, I have no idea why.

Hey Warbird - I highlighted your above quote because I used to think this way all the time. Why am I feeling anxiety? Not enough sleep? Too much caffeine? Too much stress at work? I would ask myself over and over and over and over again until I made myself more anxious trying to figure out from where it was coming!! Then, if I knew from where it was coming, I could "control" it, stop the behavior that made me feel anxious and panicky. I strongly believe that most anxiety and panic come because we feel a loss of "control" and we must have control!!!!!!! LOL. You know what?? As soon as I stopped trying to figure out from where it came, I just accepted it for what it was and that's really when the "as if" thinking began to change me. It did not make the anxiety go away, but it slowly changed my perception of what I was feeling. Yep, anxiety sucks but I just keep acting as if I've never heard of anxiety!

[kathleen2]

Today: telling myself emphatically that this morning anxiety will pass, because it always does. Going to a meeting re: my p-t job. Working on my cover letter for f-t job apps.

[rangerNY]

Stood my ground and smiled all the way through a 5 minute surge of pure panic just after arriving in the office this morning. Kept plowing through some initially anxiety producing profit/loss reports, then mapped out a way to fix the problems. Just like the a normal person would!

Tired, but didn't use that as an excuse and hit the gym after dinner. I'm actually posting on my phone from there right now. If anyone wants to instantly simulate every physical sensation of a massive panic attack I suggest a few sets of 400 pound deadlifts. That was rough, but I just did what everyone around me was doing. Breathing hard and sweating my rear end off.

[kathleen2]

Go Drew! Go everyone!

I'm actually learning to enjoy the surge on the treadmill as adrenaline kicks in. Slowly, slowly.

So funny how there are gazillion-dollar industries & countless sports, regular & extreme, dedicated to provoking the sensations we dread. In therapy, one of our exposure exercises was to spin in a circle; accelerates the heart, makes you dizzy, nauseous, triggers unreality. It was my least fav thing. And every time, I would think: I CAN'T BELIEVE SMALL CHILDREN DO THIS FOR FUN.

Humans: truly the weirdest creatures on the planet.

[rangerNY]

Originally Posted by kathleen2

In therapy, one of our exposure exercises was to spin in a circle; accelerates the heart, makes you dizzy, nauseous, triggers unreality. It was my least fav thing.

For those keeping score at home, thats called interoceptive exposure and its REALLY useful in breaking the cycle of fear over how you feel.

Originally Posted by kathleen2

And every time, I would think: I CAN'T BELIEVE SMALL CHILDREN DO THIS FOR FUN.

Uhm, I know 45 year olds that still do it for fun.

[rain]

It was easier getting up and out this morning... could it be that bits and pieces of this thread are sinking in? "As if" wasn't as difficult today.

[Amaya's Nana]

Originally Posted by kathleen2

I'm actually learning to enjoy the surge on the treadmill as adrenaline kicks in. Slowly, slowly.

Kathleen - this is still very, very difficult for me. The other night, got some scary news about my mother (she's 81). She's okay but my INITIAL reaction was fear and panic and when I get the surge of adrenaline, it can take me hours to calm down. I still believe it stems from the horrendous adrenaline dumps I got during paxil withdrawal and may not be just psychological. Our adrenal glands get so overtaxed in withdrawal I believe it can take years for them to right themselves.

[Amaya's Nana]

Originally Posted by rain

It was easier getting up and out this morning... could it be that bits and pieces of this thread are sinking in? "As if" wasn't as difficult today.

Rain - I'm so proud of you!!!!

[Amaya's Nana]

Originally Posted by anjopom

Looks like im " faking it until i make it" again lol, maybe tomorrow!!!

One step at a time Angie! You'll get there and you won't have to "fake it til you make it" every day. Living "as if" will become second nature the more you practice it.....I promise!