Advice/Thoughts anyone?

[mapaccio]

Hey everybody. Google brought me here and I found a lot of people with similar symptoms as mine so I figured you'd have the best advice. I'll start at the beginning...

I grew up living alone in a small apartment with my mom. She was a severe alcoholic. I lived with her for 14 years and I would not wish that upon anyone. The devils in the details as they say, so I'll spare you from all that.. but it is definitely what ****ed my head.

Symptoms:

No Emotion -except for anger every blue moon usually very short lived.
No Sex Drive
Startle Easy
Social Anxiety
Bad Memory
Had reoccurring nightmares when I was a kid.

I'm 19 now and it just seems pointless to me. What good is it all if you can't enjoy life - i don't even consider it living - to me it's more just existing. It really started bothering me after I went skydiving and was bored during it all..I really realized it after that. I am not a social person because I get no enjoyment out of it. Being friends with people is tedious - I have to wear a mask all the time so people think I'm "normal".

Anyways...

I am writing this because I will have medical insurance come January so I will be able to go see a doctor - which I haven't done in 2 years. I imagine the doctor might recommend some anti depressants or script of some kind and was wondering what everyones opinion on that would be. Is it worth taking or are will they leave me worse off than before? Albeit the before feels like I have no soul so..

Hopefully, something will allow me feel sometime soon cause it's way overdue. Otherwise I was kind of thinking of joining the army - take a bullet for someone. Or maybe the peace corps - maybe I can't be happy but I can make others happy kinda thing. I dunno, what do you think?

[fatcharlie]

Honestly, I wouldn't seek medication as a first option. I would seek out a Psychologist first to talk about things.

[paxilmania]

Cant say I agree with no medication if your feeling that bad. Although medicine isnt for everyone, Sometimes medication does help some people which is better than the alternatives such as living a miserable life. What made you consider paxil? are there others your considering?

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by fatcharlie

Honestly, I wouldn't seek medication as a first option. I would seek out a Psychologist first to talk about things.

Couldn't agree more.

If Googling brought you here, then you've probably read plenty of stories regarding the consequences of Paxil and other SSRIs. You're only 19, don't start down this path at such a young age.

Also, if you think you feel numb now; just wait till you've been on SSRIs for a while. SSRIs blunt your emotions, that doesn't sound like anything you'd want a part of, based on your story.

If you have insurance, you can seek out a good therapist (not a psychiatrist) and learn how to cope with what's brought you to this point, which is obviously your home situation.

[medsrnot4me]

Hi Mapaccio,

I wish I had had the foresight to check out a website like this one prior to taking an antidepressant. I really think it is great you are researching this and asking for opinions - that is so smart!

I would definitely agree with the other posters who suggest trying therapy first. As LC mentioned, antidepressants often come with side effects of things you are already experiencing - emotional numbness, loss of libido, etc. And on top of that, they are extremely difficult for many to withdraw from - many here, including myself, have ended up having way more problems than there were to begin with as a result of withdrawal from antidepressants.

Regardless, you have been through a lot given your family history (I am so sorry you had such a tough childhood) and therapy would probably be helpful to work through your experience.

Good luck with everything,
Michele

[Songbird]

I would definitely be looking for therapy. Be aware that there are different types, so if you try one and it doesn't help, don't give up, keep trying until you find one that suits you. It sounds like you have learned to bury your emotions deep. I would research different types of therapy and see if you can find something that sounds like it would suit you. Try to avoid meds, they don't cure anything.

[mapaccio]

Thanks for all the input. I guess I will pass on the meds and see how therapy goes at first. Hope it works since being so empty and apathetic makes life a meaningless chore. For example I decided to walk all the way home yesterday night just to kill some time- its about 2 hour walk from where I was. On the way I met this 92 year old woman who had gone shopping at Safeway. She was completely lost and had been wandering around for about 3 or 4 hours. I spent 2 hours with her just trying to find her house and get her home and then another 2 hours walking to my house. I didn't feel any happiness or joy or pride at all from what I had done. I also didn't feel annoyed or angry that it took so long. I was just empty like usual. Well anyways hope my insurance covers therapy =/.. Thanks for the thoughts everyone.

[kathleen2]

Ma,

It's telling that, even without emotion, you were able to know what the right thing is (helping) and do it. I think this says a lot about the good person you are, and the life you're going to have when the anxiety's under control.