Antidepressants and brain damage

[anxiousgal]

My anxiety has been worse since reading some of the posts on this site and now I wish I hadn't stumbled across it (no offence!) I must have OCD because I cannot stop obsessing and panicking over some of the posts that have stated that long term use of antidepressants cause damage or elimination of neurotransmitters or receptors or something like that. I have always felt comforted in knowing there was a non addictive way to calm my panic and GED but now I'm scared! I look towards the future now with fear because what's going to happen when the meds no longer work and I have brain "issues"? I've already been on them for about ten years. I only went off to see if I could cope without. But my thoughts won't let me! I'm seriously in a panic I have so many "what if" thoughts going through my head it's crazy. I honestly do not want to live life like this! Does this scare anyone else here? Just wondering. Time to grab a Klonopin.

[LCrawford67]

This site can be very scary, I was new here once myself and know all too well what you're feeling.

People have all kinds of opinions, but the FACTS are, there is nothing to prove permanent brain damage. Think about it; permanent means forever, until the day you die. So, that would mean that for the next 25-30-50 years (depending on age) you'll suffer from w/d, or damage. Sorry...there are absolutely no studies out there that can state that as a fact.

Many folks, myself included, have been on/were on SSRIs/benzos for many years. I was on for just over 10 years and I've been off for three. I can assure you, I'm not brain damaged. Now, I'm sure many would debate that, but that would have nothing to do with my medication use

Bottom line is this - if you went on medication for anxiety, you still need to find non medication related ways to deal with that anxiety. Medication doesn't cure a thing, it only masks it.

This is a perfect example - you've got yourself all worked up and are reaching for a Klonopin. These are habits and thought processes only you can change and the only way to do that is through therapy, relaxation techniques, lifestyle changes, etc.

Things that are stressful, scary, upsetting, sad, etc. are going to happen in our lives and if we're serious about being medication free, then we have to find ways of coping with the negatives that will always happen in life.

[Junior]

Your anxiety has control over you. Remember how you identified that you have a fear of fear? This is the cycle you need to break. Also remember that part of GAD is overanalysing in the mistaken belief that if you can just get to the bottom of 'it', the anxiety will go away.

Posts on the forum are just that. Posts on a forum. There is no need for you to process them all and understand them all. In fact, my recommendation for you would be: as soon as you get your copy of "hope and help for your nerves" (I think you ordered it online?) - read it. Ignore anything else. It will help you enormously.

[anxiousgal]

Thanks Laurie and Junior. Oh my gosh I'm a grown independent women and this disorder makes you feel like a scared little child. I feel like my fear is just as bad as the first time it happened. This isn't anxiety, this is PANIC. I don't think it's the fear of damage so much as the fear of being on them long term and them becoming inneffective. At first I was terrified of not finding one to help, now I'm terrified of this! I cannot rationalize. How can therapy help if I'm terrified of nothing but the fear? I honestly think no one is a bad as I am!

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by anxiousgal

I honestly think no one is a bad as I am!

Do you know how many times we've read that? Everyone thinks they're experience is the worst and no one can begin to understand, or begin to help.

That's simply not true. Many people have panic disorders, not just you. But, if you don't take that first step in doing something about it, nothing will change. And therapy has helped and does help many people. The journey of a thousand miles begins with that first step.

[kathleen2]

What makes you likes us is this very thought: "I honestly think no one is a bad as I am!" We've all been there!

One thing to keep in mind when reading stuff on any forum, including this one, is that we don't necessarily know everyone's full story, you know? So if you read something that's pure doom and gloom, there may be things in the mix beside withdrawal.

Having said that: I've never seen anyone pass through here with anything remotely resembling permanent brain damage. However, I've seen lots of folks with severe, disabling panic, OCD, and GAD, who've learned to deal with it thru various means and are leading rich, happy lives.

[kathleen2]

(Heh: Laurie: jinx/buy me a coke!)

[scotty]

Originally Posted by kathleen2

One thing to keep in mind when reading stuff on any forum, including this one, is that we don't necessarily know everyone's full story, you know? So if you read something that's pure doom and gloom, there may be things in the mix beside withdrawal.

This is the key point. Believe me...mental illness does exist. We cannot and have never denied that. So that must be taken into account when taking on the information that is offered in a public, anonymous forum.

What is written is only what a poster wants to right, OR, even more important, is willing to admit too. We have had many situations where we have discovered the posts don't match the true situation. We do our best to point these out when the occur.

You are you...you are not in anyone else's shoes, not living their specific situation. Concentrate on what you can do to improve your mental health, but don't get caught up in thinking that every post is absolute fact..it's not.

[anxiousgal]

I had a feeling that comment would get a reaction. I don't know. I really think it depends on how it affects you. When I panic, all I think of is wanting to die. Some people say they think they are dying. But I know it's my fear of it that keeps it going. So I never get any relief. I will panic all day and all night. It never ends.

[LCrawford67]

Originally Posted by anxiousgal

I had a feeling that comment would get a reaction. I don't know. I really think it depends on how it affects you. When I panic, all I think of is wanting to die. Some people say they think they are dying. But I know it's my fear of it that keeps it going. So I never get any relief. I will panic all day and all night. It never ends.

Well, then it's time to do something about it. You're obviously still panicking, even with medication. Time to change the channel on your thought processes and that's something only you can do with practice and patience.

You can either continue cycling through medications and worry about them not working, when they stop working, or adverse reactions - hoping to find the perfect one. Or, you can take charge of your own life and take the steps needed to gain control.

Again, this is something only you can do and only you can decide.

[kathleen2]

I think you're in what Weekes (in Hope & Help for Your Nerves) refers to as nervous exhaustion. I've been there, when life seems like a 24/7 panic attack. Your adrenal system's exhausted, your cortisol's whacked out, your nerves are shot, all you feel is terror, and if you're lucky, in your best moments, the terror reduces to mere fear.

People with panic fall into one of two categories: "I'm dying" or "I'm going crazy." (I myself fall into the latter).

So: question: why not go to therapy? If someone you loved were dealing with this serious, serious problem, wouldn't you tell them to get help? Many of us who deal with hardcore panic have found CBT to be the best.

You might find some useful stuff in the anxiety forum; here's a good place to start:

http://www.paxilprogress.org/forums/...ad.php?t=49641

[anxiousgal]

Laurie - you are so correct. Since I am so terrified of panic, I obsess about the only thing that I know to be of help. The meds. If therapy could change that, I would do it in a hearbeat. I will look into it.

Kathleen - you nailed it in how I'm feeling. Thanks for the link!

[Songbird]

The 'brain damage' issue is talked about here a lot. I don't think it is the real issue here, I think this just happens to be one of the things you are obsessing about or panicking over, it could be anything. No matter how much we reassure you that people eventually heal from withdrawal, you might still obsess about it anyway.

I think there are two things going on - one is your withdrawal or adverse reaction causing this symptom, which is very common - the other is that you never really addressed your original panic disorder, as meds only suppress it.

Therapy is a good idea, and the Claire Weekes book should be exactly what you need. If you like I can send you some audio files, just PM me.

If reading on this site is causing you problems, then stop reading. You can still come here and just post on your own threads. That's what I do when I'm feeling very sensitive.

[anxiousgal]

Well, I found a website that explains the whole theory of downregulation of receptors and why they happen (usually poop out). They say that changing meds doesn't usually help because the receptors need to repair themselves which they can over time. The problem is, I feel like I don't have that time to wait without something helping me. It scares the living crap out of me. I want to do mind over matter but the fear keeps taking over. It's like taking away my security blanket. Celexa never pooped out, I just stopped it but now I'm scared for the future. I just knew the day would come when something would throw me back to square one. I feel like I'm in a nightmare right now.

Songbird - I would love to have that link. I had it years ago but lost it.

[rangerNY]

Originally Posted by anxiousgal

I want to do mind over matter but the fear keeps taking over.

Two things here.

First, it's not "mind over matter" because there's no "matter" (actual danger or adversity) to overcome, and it's your mind that's creating the fear to begin with! You actually need to let matter triumph over your mind, so to speak. Don't think of it as having to endure some kind of horrible situation or danger. Think of it as simply learning to relax and accept the reality that there's nothing to fear.

Second, what EXACTLY are you afraid of when you say "the fear keeps taking over"? That's an important first question to ask. What is the fear that fuels your constant anxiety/panic state?