Anybody else worried about their job/career??

Owl · 10-27-2011, 04:12 AM

I've been going through a brutal Phase 2 SSRI withdrawal. Among the many things that have been negatively impacted (and have given me a lot of worry) is my career, which requires high cognitive functioning and regular interaction with many people.

This career has been a very important source of self-esteem for me, but since about April, I have completely lost interest in it (indeed, the interesting nature of my work feels very cold and aversive) and have had a terrible time concentrating. I've been operating at a very low level (I'm probably getting around 10 hours/wk of work done) and it's been very tough facing many people each week while trying my best to keep it halfway together in front of them.

If anything, I've gotten better at finding ways and excuses to avoid work, meetings, new projects, gatherings, small talk, etc. Fortunately, I accomplished a lot in the 3 years before Phase 2 set in, and there is a fair amount of flexibility in this career so I have gotten by largely undetected (though some of my colleagues know that something is wrong).

However, I also know that I need to seriously step it back up at some point. So, I have been greatly fearing that I will not recover in time before my entire career falls apart (in today's global economy where we compete with the best workaholics from around the world, it seems like a derailment would be especially damaging and hard to recover from).

Is anybody else going through anything similar?

lotusflower · 10-27-2011, 04:33 AM

Hi Owl,

Welcome to PP!
You state that you job is a "very important source of self esteem" but is your heart in it?

Hip2bme · 10-27-2011, 06:17 AM

Hi Owl,

Work is very important to me as well. And yes it is kinda like a double edge sword for me, my work does suffer sometimes, but I think I do need it to recover!! What I have noticed is that I have worked during the most busiest of times, with outrageous anxiety and actually came through it. Also I was more aware of my own faults/stressors and anxiety than my collegues ever noticed.
Dont let the "What ifs" spiral out of control.

Keep Well!!

miriza · 10-27-2011, 06:29 AM

I am probably losing my job mid-November after ~7 months of absence due to adverse reactions to psych meds and now withdrawal. I WANT to work so badly and recover the life that I had before but unfortunately I am really unstable and hanging on to life by my fingernails...I may apply for long term disability while I go through withdrawal but seriously doubt it will get approved. I also cannot take care of my children during the day so they will have to go to day care which costs $1600 a month

I am terrified about our finances BUT we have good savings...and I know that if I had cancer or a similar illness we would put every single penny into treatment....well, this withdrawal is as bad and if that is what we need to do we will do it.

On the positive side I have great qualifications and already a couple job offers for when I am better, so I am not in the least worried about restarting my career. It is our finances while I go through withdrawal that worry me...

Brassmonkey · 10-27-2011, 10:59 AM

Being the sole income for the faimly, yes I am scared of loosing my job. I'm on good terms with the owner but haven't said anything to him yet. I'm pretty sure he thinks there is something wrong because I can't walk streight and my balance is shot. I will eventually have to confide in some one here at work about it, but don't want it heald against me.

kylelost · 10-27-2011, 06:01 PM

Owl - Yes, about 3 to 4 years ago my concentration level at work was non existent this lasted until I started tapering in February. My concentration level has vastly improved over the course of the last several months as has my workload, which is caused me to lash out irrationally at times to the six attorneys I work for as well as co-workers. Yes, I too am afraid I will say they wrong thing to one of my bosses. I think in time, your concentration will improve, this was the first benefit I noticed once I started tapering off paxil, but the anger and irritability has intensified.

Your concentration will improve, I promise.

Kylelost

aka Suzanne

Owl · 10-29-2011, 12:09 AM

Thanks for chiming in so far. It seems like some of you are or have been in similar positions. Losing or fearing the loss of a job/career is seriously scary. I look at all the successful, high-functioning people around me and feel like a ridiculous imposter. Concentration seems to depend highly on whether I'm agitated by something, and usually, I'm highly agitated. Decision-making is terrible, especially for anything personal (I think because all options feel bad).

Lotusflower: My heart was in it initially but not as much over time. I've never really been fired up over work of any kind, just the rewards, admiration, and status that comes with it.

10-27-2011, 04:12 AM	#1
Owl Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 46	Anybody else worried about their job/career?? I've been going through a brutal Phase 2 SSRI withdrawal. Among the many things that have been negatively impacted (and have given me a lot of worry) is my career, which requires high cognitive functioning and regular interaction with many people. This career has been a very important source of self-esteem for me, but since about April, I have completely lost interest in it (indeed, the interesting nature of my work feels very cold and aversive) and have had a terrible time concentrating. I've been operating at a very low level (I'm probably getting around 10 hours/wk of work done) and it's been very tough facing many people each week while trying my best to keep it halfway together in front of them. If anything, I've gotten better at finding ways and excuses to avoid work, meetings, new projects, gatherings, small talk, etc. Fortunately, I accomplished a lot in the 3 years before Phase 2 set in, and there is a fair amount of flexibility in this career so I have gotten by largely undetected (though some of my colleagues know that something is wrong). However, I also know that I need to seriously step it back up at some point. So, I have been greatly fearing that I will not recover in time before my entire career falls apart (in today's global economy where we compete with the best workaholics from around the world, it seems like a derailment would be especially damaging and hard to recover from). Is anybody else going through anything similar? __________________ Aug 03 - Feb 04: Lexapro 10 mg Feb - Mar04: CT 1 wk; 6 wk taper to 0 mg - phase 1 Aug04: phase 2 (bad depression, trauma) Sep04 - Oct06: Reinstate Lexapro 5 mg Oct06 - Feb07: ~4mo taper to 0 mg - phase 1 May - Aug 07: phase 2 (bad depression, anxiety) Aug07 - Jan10: Citalopram 10 mg Feb10 - Jan11: ~12mo taper to 0 mg Mar11 - present: phase 2 hits in month 3, peaking in mos. 6-8 (heavy depression, severe anxiety during peak, BPD and trauma, extreme irribitability)

10-27-2011, 04:33 AM	#2
lotusflower Join Date: Dec 2010 Posts: 1,202	Re: Anybody else worried about their job/career?? Hi Owl, Welcome to PP! You state that you job is a "very important source of self esteem" but is your heart in it? __________________ AKA Joanne 11/25/10 50 mg. zoloft 12/30 45 1/19/11 40.5 2/6 36.5 3/7 32.8 3/29 29.5 4/20 25 5/28 22.5 6/16 20.2 7/7 18.2 7/28 16.4 8/18 14.7 9/8 13.0 9/23 12.5 10/10 11.2 11/6 10.6 11/9 11.2 12/7 10.5 1/1/12 10 2/1 9.5 3/1 9 3/23 8.5 4/30 8 5/29 7.5 6/26 7 7/31 6.5 8/22 6 9/15 5.5 10/20 5 12/17 4.8 (made my own liquid) 12/26 4.5 1/28 4.1 2/4 4.0 February 9, 2013 last sliver zoloft 4.0mg. February 10, 2013- 0 mg. zoloft

10-27-2011, 06:17 AM	#3
Hip2bme Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Johannesburg, South Africa Posts: 47	Re: Anybody else worried about their job/career?? Hi Owl, Work is very important to me as well. And yes it is kinda like a double edge sword for me, my work does suffer sometimes, but I think I do need it to recover!! What I have noticed is that I have worked during the most busiest of times, with outrageous anxiety and actually came through it. Also I was more aware of my own faults/stressors and anxiety than my collegues ever noticed. Dont let the "What ifs" spiral out of control. Keep Well!! __________________ 12.5mg Jan 2010 for Panic Disorder 25.0mg Feb 2010 12.5mg Jan 2011 6.25mg Feb 2011 2 weeks Last Dose 9 February 2011!! Paxil Free Relapse 12.5mg 27 July 2011 25mg 25 Aug 2011 Total numbness and lack of emotion 12.5mg 30 Sept 2011 down to 6.25mg in 2 months 0mg Paxil CR 3 Dec - Pharmacy's out of Stock Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear - not absence of fear ~ Mark Twain

10-27-2011, 06:29 AM	#4
miriza Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,566	Re: Anybody else worried about their job/career?? I am probably losing my job mid-November after ~7 months of absence due to adverse reactions to psych meds and now withdrawal. I WANT to work so badly and recover the life that I had before but unfortunately I am really unstable and hanging on to life by my fingernails...I may apply for long term disability while I go through withdrawal but seriously doubt it will get approved. I also cannot take care of my children during the day so they will have to go to day care which costs $1600 a month I am terrified about our finances BUT we have good savings...and I know that if I had cancer or a similar illness we would put every single penny into treatment....well, this withdrawal is as bad and if that is what we need to do we will do it. On the positive side I have great qualifications and already a couple job offers for when I am better, so I am not in the least worried about restarting my career. It is our finances while I go through withdrawal that worry me... __________________ Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME! Elavil: 75 mg -> 37.5 (12d) Imipramine: 37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia! 5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11) Now in w/d hell and missing my old self. Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.

10-27-2011, 10:59 AM	#5
Brassmonkey Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: California Posts: 2,032	Re: Anybody else worried about their job/career?? Being the sole income for the faimly, yes I am scared of loosing my job. I'm on good terms with the owner but haven't said anything to him yet. I'm pretty sure he thinks there is something wrong because I can't walk streight and my balance is shot. I will eventually have to confide in some one here at work about it, but don't want it heald against me. __________________ AKA Tom 1994 started 20mg Paxil 1999 updosed to 30mg 2005 updosed to 40mg 2010 started not to work very well 09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night 09/2011 dropped to 36mg 06/2012 dropped to 19mg (past halfway point) 08/2012 dropped to 17.1mg 09/2012 dropped to 15.2mg 11/2012 dropped to 13.8mg 12/2012 dropped to 12.4mg 01/2013 dropped to 11.1mg 03/2013 dropped to 10.0mg

10-27-2011, 06:01 PM	#6
kylelost Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 919	Re: Anybody else worried about their job/career?? Owl - Yes, about 3 to 4 years ago my concentration level at work was non existent this lasted until I started tapering in February. My concentration level has vastly improved over the course of the last several months as has my workload, which is caused me to lash out irrationally at times to the six attorneys I work for as well as co-workers. Yes, I too am afraid I will say they wrong thing to one of my bosses. I think in time, your concentration will improve, this was the first benefit I noticed once I started tapering off paxil, but the anger and irritability has intensified. Your concentration will improve, I promise. Kylelost aka Suzanne __________________ Paxil 20 mg. - April 2001 Began taper - Feb. 3, 2011 15 mgs - 2 wks. 10 mgs - 2 wks. 5 mgs - 3-1-10 2.5 mgs - 4-6-11 5 mgs. - 5-8-11 5mgs. - liquid paxil 6-10-11 4 mgs - 6-24-11 4.5 mgs - 7-11-11 4 mgs - 7-29-11 3.6 mgs - 8-19-11 3.0 - 9-11-11 2.5 - 10-6-11 2.0 - 11-10-11 1.5 - 12-9-11 1.25 - 2-10-12 1.0 - 3-9-12 PAXIL FREE 3-12-12 Re-instated 3-15-12 10 mgs. "If you are casting a play in hell don't expect Angels to show up as the actors"

10-29-2011, 12:09 AM	#7
Owl Join Date: Oct 2011 Posts: 46	Re: Anybody else worried about their job/career?? Thanks for chiming in so far. It seems like some of you are or have been in similar positions. Losing or fearing the loss of a job/career is seriously scary. I look at all the successful, high-functioning people around me and feel like a ridiculous imposter. Concentration seems to depend highly on whether I'm agitated by something, and usually, I'm highly agitated. Decision-making is terrible, especially for anything personal (I think because all options feel bad). Lotusflower: My heart was in it initially but not as much over time. I've never really been fired up over work of any kind, just the rewards, admiration, and status that comes with it. __________________ Aug 03 - Feb 04: Lexapro 10 mg Feb - Mar04: CT 1 wk; 6 wk taper to 0 mg - phase 1 Aug04: phase 2 (bad depression, trauma) Sep04 - Oct06: Reinstate Lexapro 5 mg Oct06 - Feb07: ~4mo taper to 0 mg - phase 1 May - Aug 07: phase 2 (bad depression, anxiety) Aug07 - Jan10: Citalopram 10 mg Feb10 - Jan11: ~12mo taper to 0 mg Mar11 - present: phase 2 hits in month 3, peaking in mos. 6-8 (heavy depression, severe anxiety during peak, BPD and trauma, extreme irribitability)

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