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Old 10-24-2011, 08:16 PM   #1
Brassmonkey
 
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Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Hello All,
I go by Brassmonkey but you can also call me Tom. I am so glad I found this site ten weeks ago before I made a very big mistake. I have been suffering from a lot of aches and pains for several years, have had no strength and all I want to do is sleep. My wife suggested that I switch from Paxil to Cymbalta (sp.) because she had heard that it is good for fibramialgia and such. I did a google search and started researching abut switching to Cymbalta and found this wounderful community. After reading up on things I decided that the Paxil I have been taking for 18 years was the problem and it was time to get off of it.

I went to my PCP to talk about it and he was less that helpful, saying that if I wanted off then to stop taking it. I said what abut the withdrawl problems? He said there are not, just stop. I said that on line they say... and he gave me a rambling anicdote that ended with dont elive what you read on line and if your sore and tired all the time you more that likely have Luchemia (sp.).

So now I am six weeks into a self directed taper guided by the gang at PP, and so far so good. I am not doing 10% drops, but 10% slides over four weeks, and will be holding at the final level for four to six weeks before sliding again. So far I have been having minimal W/D symptoms.

There is a lot more to talk about, but I am sure that it will all come out in the future.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-24-2011, 08:40 PM   #2
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Yay!!! I love it when this site saves somebody from tragedy. Welcome.
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Old 10-24-2011, 09:23 PM   #3
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Welcome to Paxil Progress!!

So glad you listened to us and not your doc.....this saved you from much misery my dear friend.

Again, welcome aboard.....I hope your journey is an easy one, just remember to go slow while tapering.

Kylelost

aka Suzanne
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:06 PM   #4
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Good for you for listening to the PP advice! And good for you for not being lislead by your doc. Sometimes doctors have their heads up their asses.
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Old 10-24-2011, 10:13 PM   #5
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Dang!!! You three are bringing tears to my eyes.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-25-2011, 07:56 AM   #6
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Seriously? He said that if you're sore and tired all the time you must have leukemia? His ignorance of SSRIs aside, I would never go back to such a crass and dismissive doctor again for anything.
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Old 10-25-2011, 10:59 AM   #7
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

He's usually a pretty good guya and we have a long history together, but I was shocked by his replies. I'm starting to look for a PDOC that knows about paxil to go to instead.

To one of the moderators, I was intending for this to be my journal but appearently got it in the wrong place. If you would be so kind as to move it, I would really appriciate it.
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1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-25-2011, 12:16 PM   #8
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

tom,

I have been on it 18 years also. Doc more or less said the same thing to me. He caused me to go through three living hells and told me I am like a diabetic -- they need inslin and I need paxil. Never helped with withdrawal. Just said to stop it.

I dont' think doctors want to "help' because they don't know how and they don't want to admit a mistake in medication. My opinion only.

Listen to the people here. Until one goes through this, they have no idea.
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two weeks later Cymbalta 60 mg
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Old 10-25-2011, 02:10 PM   #9
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Welcome, Tom! We're glad you're here and I've moved your thread to the Journals forum.
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Old 10-25-2011, 05:32 PM   #10
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

It has been a pretty good day so far. I'm very tired after a full day at work, but it is a fairly physical job so that is expected. I woke up feeling excited about the day which lasted for several hours and then gave way to the tight chest and headache of anxiety which came and went the rest of the day.

Now to do errands, a little work on the Halloween display and Dancing With the Stars.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-27-2011, 10:47 PM   #11
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Yesterday was rather stressful in that it was frantic at work, or that I made it frantic for my self at work, plus I had a flat tire which I called the Princess of the Garden to help me with, the whole thing made me only a little late for my AA meeting. Yes, I have a drinking problem on top of the paxil,or from what I have read because of the paxil, but that is another thread.

Today was much better, still quite hectic at work but much calmer. Had a little anxiety and tight chest but not all that bad. Only a slight headache for part of the day.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-28-2011, 05:17 AM   #12
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brassmonkey View Post
Yesterday was rather stressful in that it was frantic at work, or that I made it frantic for my self at work, plus I had a flat tire which I called the Princess of the Garden to help me with, the whole thing made me only a little late for my AA meeting. Yes, I have a drinking problem on top of the paxil,or from what I have read because of the paxil, but that is another thread.

Today was much better, still quite hectic at work but much calmer. Had a little anxiety and tight chest but not all that bad. Only a slight headache for part of the day.
Welcome to PP Brassmonkey!! So happy you have found this website.
I can relate to your experience with your doctor, so sorry that happened to you. I spent 13 years trapped on zoloft because I always crashed following doc's fast taper guidelines. Then was told that was proof that I needed to go back on the drug.
I go to AA too, been sober for 19 years and the program principles, esp. one day at a time have helped me a lot with withdrawal. I have to say though that quitting alcohol was nothing compared to this.
Tell me, what do you mean by a 10% slide? Is that method supposed to make tapering easier? best to you, Joanne
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Old 10-28-2011, 10:44 AM   #13
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Hey Joanne
I"ve been going for five weeks and am just beginning to get a feel for it. One day at a time, one craving at a time makes the most sence right now.

A 10% slided is my own idea, I think it was Maggiepoo who inspired it but I can't remember. It involves dropping the 10% in a series of steps over four weeks 2.5% a week and then holding for several weeks before repeating. This was my sixth week of the first drop and although I had symptoms they were quite tollerable. My reaction to reading other peoples post was whyeven shock your brain with a 10% hit when you can ease into it.

Thanks for your welcome, its nice to be here.
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1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-29-2011, 10:28 AM   #14
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

The last couple of days have been pretty good, I've actually beenso busy that I have hardly noticed any symptoms. I think that is one of the keys, to keep yourself from thinking about it all the time, and not focuse on every little twitch and heart beat.

From reading a lot of other posts I am making myself nervous about what will happen after I am finally off this stuff, but that is thinking ahead and second guessing the unknown. I'll face it when it arrives.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-30-2011, 11:58 AM   #15
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Yesterday was fairly hectic as it was opening night for our Halloween Haunt, not as bad as in years past, but still quite busy. Felt a little off all day, mild anxiety and being down, but the activity helped keep those at bay. After we had been open for several hours I had to go to the back yard and sit in the quieter area bacause the loud music was getting to me, it helped a bit.

By the end of the night I really wanted drink but we were all out so I was forced to make it past those cravings, and guess what I'm still alive!!!

Slept pretty well even though my enitre right side hurts as usual, I find it interesting that it is just my right side that has all the pain, eacept for my left wrist the rest of me is fine. I am tired and feeling neutral right now and the morning is just getting going.

I have to remember to shave some more pills this evening, I used my last one this morning.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 10-31-2011, 12:03 PM   #16
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Spent the day fixing the things that broke in the Halloween Haunt yesterday. I was supprised at how well things held together. Felt a little off all day neutral and just below, not a lot of anxiety. Had a good evening with friends going around to other Halloween displays but the crowds and the long car rides bothered me so I had some trouble getting to sleep after we got home. I did however,sleep quite well only waking up once and then right back out. Had some wierd dreams but nothing out of the ordinary.

We are all out of vodka so I didn't have any drinks either yesterday or the day before, so I have been dry for two days and I just noticed a small wave of anxiety about it as I am typing.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 11-02-2011, 01:11 PM   #17
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Didn't get to post on Monday, too busy most of the day. The Haunt went off really well with about 350 guests, and everything worked like it was ment to. Felt good most of the day but ended up with a headache in the evening, but I think that had more to do with having to stand in a small enclosed space and not getting dinner until late.

Yesterday took it easy most of the day but spent a few hours starting to take things down.Again felt good most of the day but got quite tired during the evening.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 11-02-2011, 02:01 PM   #18
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Im glad you are feeling good. I wish you continued success!
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Old 11-02-2011, 04:44 PM   #19
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Keep up the good work!!

Kylelost

aka Suzanne
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5 mgs. - 5-8-11
5mgs. - liquid paxil 6-10-11
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Old 11-03-2011, 01:18 PM   #20
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Back to work yesterday,again it was so busy that I didn't have time to notice any symptoms, I would get hints of anxiety when I stopped to catch my breath but that was about it. I did have a strong brief flash of it while driving to my AA meeting and trying to decide if I wanted to share or not. Six days dry, longest stretch in almost two years I was so pleased I celebrated by having a drink. (Just joking) I am doing it one day, one craving at a time.

This is my eight week on this dose, and things are going quite well so I am planning to start my slide to the next level on monday but droping 2.5%, then another 2.5% the next three weeks for a total of 10%. We will see how it goes.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 11-04-2011, 11:01 AM   #21
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Yesterday was even busier that the day before, got up at 6am and didn't stop moving until I got dinner at 8pm. I haven't been feeling much in the way of WD symptoms, but I think it is because I don't have the time to dwell on them. I was sooo tired and achy when I got home I would have loved a drink or three to calm the pain as I have done in the past, but I kept talking to my self and made it through the evening with out even a beer. Started reading the AA Big Book. I have a feeling that there is a new breed of Alchoholic coming into being with their cravings powered by ssri's and not the hopeless cases refered to in the Big Book.

Starting to read up on "water titration" for down the road when I get to the smaller doses that you can't get by cutting and grinding pills.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 11-05-2011, 11:58 AM   #22
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Yesterday ws a kick back Friday. I only work half days on friday so it is almost like it doesn't happen. Got home and took a three hour nap, then wasted the rest of the afternoon. Left overs for dinner and Tourchwood on TV. No real symptoms all day, mild headache inthe evening but that could be due to the changing weather.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 11-05-2011, 03:59 PM   #23
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Hello Brassmonkey,

Just wanted to let you know that I'm here reading your journal and wishing you the best. I like your sliding taper method. I sort of did the same thing but one taper I totally forgot and just tapered to the next level. I was tapering over 10% though. Now I only taper around 5%. Just goes to show where a person's head can be on this stuff. It worked out well (as well as can be expected) and I stopped the slides and now taper around 5% with at least 6 week intervals. Am waiting until the beginning of next year to taper again because in the past the shortening of the days really puts me in a funk.

hugs,
IG
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06/07/11: 6.66mg Paxil
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07/28/11: 5.80mg Paxil
08/19/11: 5.40mg Paxil
09/14/11: 5.00mg Paxil
12/24/12: sliver off 5mg
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Old 11-05-2011, 07:10 PM   #24
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Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Guess whet, when your not extreamly busy the symptoms sneek up on you. I was working at a leasurly rate this afternoon taking down the Halloween Haunt and kept getting dizzy, out of breath and having a generally fuzzy head, it wasn't bad but a lot more noticeable than things have been all week. Also just a few hours of work have let me quite tired and achey, just want to take a big drink and go to sleep, but the drinking is RIGHT OUT, I think some dinner will help.

Thanks for the interest IG, I will be starting my next slide on Monday so we shall see how it goes.
__________________
AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 11-06-2011, 07:48 PM   #25
Brassmonkey
 
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Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: California
Posts: 4,539
Re: Letters From the Island of Anhedonia

Had a really good day today, hardly any symptoms. Took it wasy all day, reading the paper and such, played around with cleaning up my studio and had a great time watching a thunderstorm go past. Got my pills all ready to start my slide tomorrow and now it is time for shrimp for dinner.
__________________
AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 dropped to 3.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
Brassmonkey is offline   Reply With Quote
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