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Old 01-23-2012, 09:36 PM   #51
miriza
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Julianne, got to say I love your avatar too cute! How have you been doing lately?
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:28 AM   #52
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Lovesthebeach View Post
How are you doing Julie? Hope things are going well!
i seem to be doing okay the past few days - been busy so my mind hasn't been thinking the usual rubbish thoughts.

how are you? x
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 01-24-2012, 04:28 AM   #53
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by miriza View Post
Julianne, got to say I love your avatar too cute! How have you been doing lately?
go sindy!

i am okay thanks - how have you been? x
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 01-24-2012, 10:00 AM   #54
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

texgirl wrote this to someone - it also applies to me - i have got too caught up in the whole withdrawal process:

Quote:
Originally Posted by texgirl View Post
I'm going to play devil's advocate here and suggest that, instead of more books and Googling and posting online about w/d and the evils of psych meds, you look for distraction and enjoyment instead. It's so easy to get wrapped up in w/d that we can't focus on anything else, but it's been shown time and again that taking time away from our issues to lose ourselves in a novel, a funny movie, a distracting game is much better medicine than burying ourselves in the world of w/d. I know how important it is to crave and seek validation for what you're going through, but you've got that here at PP, and anyway, Breggin, Glenmullen, et al, aren't going to tell you anything you don't already know. For now, give yourself a break. Look in another direction. Lighten up. Laugh. You may think you can't or don't remember how, but trust me, if you can loosen the hold your fears have on you for even a few moments, it will make a world of difference in your attitude and your healing.

Remember, we can't change our ways of thinking and behaving in one fell swoop; it takes a series of small steps, repeated over and over and over again.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 01-24-2012, 10:09 AM   #55
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

i managed to find this quite that texgril wrote in november - one of the best quotes on here:

Quote:
Originally Posted by texgirl View Post

There's no great mystery to becoming med-free. One of the beauties of this forum is that we see ordinary people accomplish it every day. You don’t have to be especially strong or smart or courageous. But first, you do have to recognize and admit that the current plan, however well-intentioned, isn't working. Next, you have to shift your focus from short-term pain to long-term gain. Instead of worrying about what happens tonight, when you can’t sleep, or tomorrow, when shakiness or fatigue or anxiety hits, or in two weeks, when your leave runs out, focus on the goal at the end of all this, which is yourself fully restored to physical and mental health, able to be present for your self, your family, your friends, and your job in a way that’s impossible under the present circumstances.

Part of getting through withdrawal requires accepting that there may be bad days and bad waves. But it’s easier when you see each day, each hour, as one step on a path toward your ultimate destination. If you wanted to run a marathon, you wouldn’t start by running a 26.2-mile course, but by jogging, or walking, around the block. If you wanted to write a book, you’d write it page by page, a chapter at a time.

Until you allow yourself to stop fearing the present, you’ll never truly be able to envision the future.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 01-24-2012, 10:15 AM   #56
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by julieannboo View Post
texgirl wrote this to someone - it also applies to me - i have got too caught up in the whole withdrawal process:
I feel the same way about myself where I have been looking for more and more information about withdrawal almost to try and continually to prove to myself over and over again that it is not all in my head. I know that it is not all in my head but also like Texgirl said, we need to practice over and over again til is sinks in. It will one day as there are so many folks that have overcome this!
__________________
June 2011-Sept 2011-Weaned 5 mgs every few weeks

September 25, 2011 PAXIL FREE[/size][/font]

Major Crash-January 18th 10 Mgs Fluoxetine

February 17th 20 mgs Fluoxetine and benzo (only as needed)-doing ok

March 30th 2012-started HRT doing MUCH better. Also started weaning off benzo

May 15th-Benzo free-started weaning off Prozac-lowered HRT doses
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Old 01-24-2012, 11:14 AM   #57
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Great quotes from texgirl Julie - thanks for bringing them up.
__________________
Was on Paxil 20mg for a few years
Switched to Paxil 12.5 CR over 10 years ago
Total time on Paxil around 14 years
2 failed attempts at cold turkey
Tapered for over a year by skipping one dose per week each month
Paxil free since April 14th 2011
Still having withdrawal symptoms but getting better
LIFE IS GOOD TOTALLY DRUG FREE
Supplements - Fish oils, Cal/mag, GABA
September 2012 - Supplement free and feeling great
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Old 01-24-2012, 12:17 PM   #58
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Julieann-- Great to hear that your doing better. I also find that keeping active really takes my mind off it, I think having to go to work every day is a real benefit.
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AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 3.6mg
08/2014 3.2mg
09/2014 2.9mg
10/2014 2.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 01-25-2012, 04:35 AM   #59
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Brassmonkey View Post
Julieann-- Great to hear that your doing better. I also find that keeping active really takes my mind off it, I think having to go to work every day is a real benefit.
yes - i work full time so it does help.

hope that you are well. x
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 01-25-2012, 05:38 AM   #60
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

a good quote from laurie about after me and another member get off this junk will we suffer up to a year later:

Quote:
Originally Posted by LCrawford67 View Post
Several things here: First, not everyone tapers slowly, as recommended. Notice how many people say, "but I did a slow taper." When in fact, they did large drops very close together. Then, feel like crap for months after.

Second, many times what people are referring to AFTER the taper is the adjustment to life without medication. If you've been numbed on meds for years, you're going to have your full range of emotions to deal with, once you're done tapering. This is a big issue for a lot of people and can take months to deal with as well. You also have the original reason you went on medication to begin with; which, if left untreated, will still be there.

Third, don't go borrowing trouble. If you feel fine while tapering, then you feel fine. Why wait for something to happen that probably won't? I tapered as recommended here and it most certainly didn't take a year after to feel better. Yep, I had mild symptoms at some drops and yep, it took a few months to get use to having full emotions again after I was off. But, it most certainly wasn't anything that effected my quality of life.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 01-26-2012, 04:52 AM   #61
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Re: given in and doing a journal

scotty wrote this - i need to remember this every single day:

Quote:
Originally Posted by scotty View Post
You prepare by not preparing! You take each day as it comes, you enjoy the good ones, you tolerate the not so good ones, and you just keep going.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-02-2012, 04:56 AM   #62
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

i had chocolate again last night - my number one weakness.

anyway my anixety has come back - so i feel that there is a def. link between chocolate and me feeling 'uneasy' and 'on edge.'

i need have more willpower and cut chocolate out of my diet.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-02-2012, 02:10 PM   #63
chantingjo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

yep. why is it that everything bad for you is so nice. i am the same with wine as u know but not had a drink all week so pleased. maybe just allow yourself a small piece?
__________________
20mg Paxil 10 years
17th Jul 11 - 18mg
16th Aug 16mg
21st Sept - 14mg
30th Oct 13mg
5th Dec - 12mg
1st Feb 12 - 11mg
2nd Mar 10 mg
28th April - 9 mg
27th May - 8
29th July - 7.2
16th Oct 7
23rd Oct - 6.8
15th Nov - 6.6
24th Dec - 6.4
10th Feb - 6
9th June - 5.8
25th oct - 5.6
25th nov - 5.4
27 dec - 5.2
22 jan 5
3 apr 4.8
24 may 4.6
22 jun 4.4
06 Jul 4
03 jul 3.6
22 sep 3.4
13 oct 3.2
6 nov 3
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Old 02-03-2012, 02:07 AM   #64
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Good for you becoming aware of your chocolate-feelings link julieannboo.

If you are tempted again I'd recommend dark chocolate over others, and treats that have less added ingredients like soy or wheat related products... some people even use carob chips to make their own healthier chocolate. Just in case ;-)
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Old 02-03-2012, 04:17 AM   #65
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by jcsneddon View Post
yep. why is it that everything bad for you is so nice. i am the same with wine as u know but not had a drink all week so pleased. maybe just allow yourself a small piece?
that the thing with me - i cant just have a small piece it has to be the whole lot.

greedy i know.

alot of people have said try dark chocolate - maybe i should look into that.

hope everyone is well x
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-06-2012, 07:15 AM   #66
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

another good quote:

Quote:
Originally Posted by LCrawford67 View Post
Babs said this just a short while ago: "I have poor concentration (literally cannot read a book), poor memory, more anxiety than I had pre-Paxil and a general oversensitivity. The first three could also be from age or menopause, but the sensitivity seems like it's a nervous system issue. I suspect that it's not directly related to Paxil but rather from the experience of going through withdrawal, that is, the trauma."

And this describes me to a T. I don't think anyone should expect to be the exact same person they were pre Paxil (or other SSRI) it's just not gonna happen. The experience itself changes you and, in my case, I was 29 when I started and 39 when I stopped; age itself changes you.

It seems some people miss that entirely and blame life changes, the natural aging process, etc. on withdrawal and believe that just because they're off the drug, they should be who they were before they started it. Unfortunately, they believe they're ruined and damaged in some way, when they're really not. They're just not willing to move on from that part of their life.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-07-2012, 06:18 AM   #67
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

i have been wishing my life away these past weeks.

i am itching to get to this friday as this is when i drop 1mg and go down to 10mg.

i cannot wait.

halfway there and that all thanks to the person who discovered the 10% rule every 3-6 weeks.

i cannot thank them enough.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-07-2012, 06:25 AM   #68
chantingjo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

thats great juliann!!! your signature says you are at 12mg so are you actually at 11mg? great result either way!!!
__________________
20mg Paxil 10 years
17th Jul 11 - 18mg
16th Aug 16mg
21st Sept - 14mg
30th Oct 13mg
5th Dec - 12mg
1st Feb 12 - 11mg
2nd Mar 10 mg
28th April - 9 mg
27th May - 8
29th July - 7.2
16th Oct 7
23rd Oct - 6.8
15th Nov - 6.6
24th Dec - 6.4
10th Feb - 6
9th June - 5.8
25th oct - 5.6
25th nov - 5.4
27 dec - 5.2
22 jan 5
3 apr 4.8
24 may 4.6
22 jun 4.4
06 Jul 4
03 jul 3.6
22 sep 3.4
13 oct 3.2
6 nov 3
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Old 02-07-2012, 08:15 AM   #69
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by jcsneddon View Post
thats great juliann!!! your signature says you are at 12mg so are you actually at 11mg? great result either way!!!
yes. i like to do my 'time' before i put the current dose in my signature.

just a weird old superstition i have!
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-07-2012, 10:11 AM   #70
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Re: given in and doing a journal

reading your journal.

One comment:
"got a unhealthy obsession towards holidays - this has come on during the past 5 years. i go on holiday 3 times a year - that isn't normal. i get obsessed with going somewhere - anywhere to get away from reality."

That is completley OK. I dont take 3 holidays a year. I take like 7!
And have tons of airline miles.

Last year I went to South America, Spain, Holland, Canada, Chicago, LA and missed Washington DC and Asia cause I had to reinstate.

Granted, I have a good job and 6 weeks vacation time. So don't feel bad for this one.
__________________
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2nd Paxil Tapering
Off as of May 28th, 12


"This will take time but it will happen!"
"I've been shouting: it takes at LEAST a year " -- Ariella
"If I am going to suffer, at least I will be Paxil free" -- me!



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Old 02-07-2012, 10:20 AM   #71
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by Backtopaxil View Post
reading your journal.

One comment:
"got a unhealthy obsession towards holidays - this has come on during the past 5 years. i go on holiday 3 times a year - that isn't normal. i get obsessed with going somewhere - anywhere to get away from reality."

That is completley OK. I dont take 3 holidays a year. I take like 7!
And have tons of airline miles.

Last year I went to South America, Spain, Holland, Canada, Chicago, LA and missed Washington DC and Asia cause I had to reinstate.

Granted, I have a good job and 6 weeks vacation time. So don't feel bad for this one.
dang - i gotta hang with you!
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-08-2012, 05:28 AM   #72
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

i went to the theatre last night and half way through watching i thought: 'i am like everyone else', which was comforting.

also a woman was laughing really hard on the train this morning - that made me smile.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 02-08-2012, 06:57 AM   #73
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Re: given in and doing a journal

WTG Julie!!!
__________________
Was on Paxil 20mg for a few years
Switched to Paxil 12.5 CR over 10 years ago
Total time on Paxil around 14 years
2 failed attempts at cold turkey
Tapered for over a year by skipping one dose per week each month
Paxil free since April 14th 2011
Still having withdrawal symptoms but getting better
LIFE IS GOOD TOTALLY DRUG FREE
Supplements - Fish oils, Cal/mag, GABA
September 2012 - Supplement free and feeling great
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Old 02-08-2012, 12:34 PM   #74
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Re: given in and doing a journal

Julieann-- That is wonderful to hear, glad you enjoyed the show.
(((((Celebratory HUGS)))))))
__________________
AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 36mg
06/2012 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 11.1mg
03/2013 10.0mg
01/2014 5.4mg
02/2014 4.9mg
03/2014 4.4mg
05/2014 4.0mg
06/2014 3.6mg
08/2014 3.2mg
09/2014 2.9mg
10/2014 2.6mg

"Feel like crap and carry on" --Junior
"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
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Old 02-09-2012, 10:07 AM   #75
julieannboo
 
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Re: given in and doing a journal

i have just ordered different syringes for when i go under 10mg as i need more markings on the syringe.

it felt good in a way as in a months time i will be below 10mg but it also felt horrible ordering syringes.

when people are below 10mg do they just squirt the paxil liquid straight into their mouth as opposed to put the liquid in the cup that comes with the liquid?
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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