do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it?

julieannboo · 01-11-2012, 07:30 AM

very anxious at the moment and i am beginning to feel hopeless - forever.

got thoughts that i am not gonna make this.

what do you do when you hit rock bottom?

caperjackie · 01-11-2012, 07:42 AM

Julie, these are just thoughts and although they 'feel' like reality, they are probably wd talking. Try to remember that wd and anxiety can make things seem worse than they actually are. I too had these thoughts but I am SO glad I stayed the course - and you will be too. Hang in there .....

miriza · 01-11-2012, 07:56 AM

Yes, all the time...

texgirl · 01-11-2012, 08:21 AM

Julie, sometimes all you can do is just take a deep breath and try to accept the fact that the anxiety is responsible for your feeling hopeless. Yet anxiety isn't permanent, nor is it even real. It's just a feeling and in and of itself is benign. Try standing back from your feelings and just observing them without putting judgments on them ("hopeless," "not gonna make it"). I know it's hard to do when you're in the thick of it, but I really do believe that with enough time and practice you can train your brain to respond to and deal with anxiety differently, to the point that you can simply observe it neutrally, essentially disarming it, and get on with your life.

One mantra that was very helpful to me was: "Thoughts, only thoughts." At times when negativity was overwhelming, those words really did a lot to remove some of its power.

Lotty · 01-11-2012, 09:18 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieannboo

Do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it?

Most days Julieann, most days.
You are not alone.
One foot in front of the other, minute by minute if you have to.
xx

julieannboo · 01-11-2012, 10:27 AM

thanks for all your kind words.

i feel a bit better now.

it is amd how anixety can peak then it slowly ebbs away.

texgirl · 01-11-2012, 02:23 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieannboo

it is amd how anixety can peak then it slowly ebbs away.

Interesting that you mention this. I'm reading Martha Beck's new book about mindfulness. In it, she tells the story of Jill Bolte Taylor, a neuroanatomist at Harvard Medical School who at the age of 37 had a massive stroke and had to relearn how to think, talk, everything. Beck writes:

These days, when Taylor finds herself feeling any sort of unpleasant emotional reaction to a situation, she says she simply checks her watch and waits 90 seconds. That’s how long it takes for her body—and yours—to process the hormonal reactions associated with fear, anger, or grief. If you experience them without resistance, the emotions then disappear, though they may return again, but only in 90-second waves. Taylor learned this experientially when she was still unable to think in language. Instead of pushing away or holding onto experiences through mental storytelling, she simply felt the negative emotion until it went away, leaving her back in euphoria.

audrealjade · 01-11-2012, 04:12 PM

When you read stories like that you realize that although we all feel immersed in our own personal hells there are people dealing with so much worse. Great strategy for helping those uncomfortable feelings!

julieannboo · 01-12-2012, 03:58 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by audrealjade

When you read stories like that you realize that although we all feel immersed in our own personal hells there are people dealing with so much worse. Great strategy for helping those uncomfortable feelings!

yes it makes me feel so guilty.

texgirl · 01-12-2012, 05:13 AM

That wasn't the point! The point of the story was the 90-second exercise! The woman's stroke was simply her means of arriving at a method for dealing with negative emotions.

Seriously.

julieannboo · 01-12-2012, 05:47 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by texgirl

That wasn't the point! The point of the story was the 90-second exercise! The woman's stroke was simply her means of arriving at a method for dealing with negative emotions.

Seriously.

sorry texgirl. i didn't mean to offend you. i appreciate your posts xx

babs · 01-12-2012, 11:56 AM

Tex, that's really fascinating. As I read that I strangely felt a twinge of jealousy that she didn't have to deal with her annoying mental storytelling the way the rest of us do. Not that I would ever want to go through what she did, but you know what I mean. I really struggle with this, all day long. I am so immersed in the constant narration in my head that I don't even notice any physical sensations, just the sudden changes in mood which my brain then starts analyzing and criticizing.

miriza · 01-12-2012, 12:23 PM

babs, I thought you were 100% healed. I truly hope so!!!

medsrnot4me · 01-12-2012, 12:47 PM

I don't think Babs is saying that she isn't healed. She is simply pointing out what we as human beings, regardless of medication history, have to struggle with difficult thoughts/storytelling. It can be very difficult to disengage from those thoughts. I am trying to use mindfulness meditation as a way to cope with the thoughts and have found it helpful - but sometimes so hard to put into practice, especially when dealing with bad withdrawal symptoms.

miriza · 01-12-2012, 12:59 PM

Thanks medsrnot4me. Uff! I truly hope she's healed after all this time!

babs · 01-12-2012, 01:14 PM

Yes, I wasn't referring to Paxil withdrawal symptoms; those are long behind me.

miriza · 01-12-2012, 02:05 PM

Oh, ok, glad to hear babs!

alivehope · 01-13-2012, 11:08 AM

Yeah I had thoughts that I won't get better but I saw recovery by my eyes. so I believe that recovery happens

julieannboo · 01-13-2012, 01:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by alivehope

Yeah I had thoughts that I won't get better but I saw recovery by my eyes. so I believe that recovery happens

thanks - gives me hope x

AmyK · 01-13-2012, 03:08 PM

I use the mantra "this too shall pass". You will make it!

audrealjade · 01-13-2012, 03:17 PM

I thought this was a wonderful thread from another site that really helps us all when we think we are never going to be free of this hell...

http://survivingantidepressants.org/...in-withdrawal/

GrandmaD · 01-13-2012, 03:52 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by julieannboo

very anxious at the moment and i am beginning to feel hopeless - forever.

got thoughts that i am not gonna make this.

what do you do when you hit rock bottom?

Oh yea, quite a lot.

When I hit rock bottom? Nature speaks to me a lot, and one day I was walking by a busy road and saw a turtle with his neck out and his eyes turned up looking at me. I took one step closer and he zoomed his little head inside his shell! I decided to follow his example when I am in danger (rock bottom) to just pull me head in and DO NOTHING until the danger has passed.
I even drew a picture of a turtle and put my saying up on it and put it on the fridge.

GrandmaD · 01-13-2012, 03:53 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by audrealjade

I thought this was a wonderful thread from another site that really helps us all when we think we are never going to be free of this hell...

http://survivingantidepressants.org/...in-withdrawal/

I had a quick look and this site is EXCELLENT. I will go back and read it later. It looks like something I need to read EVERY DAY, ESPECIALLY the bit about when you feel a bit better, you think you are "over it"!

JessG · 01-13-2012, 04:21 PM

Yeah, when I am unstable and the "doomcloud" has descended I have that thought quite frequently. I still haven't figured out a way to deal with it other than "white-knuckling" it and reminding myself that I have been here before and the doomcloud can disappear as quickly as it appeared. Distraction is good too so I'll watch funny TV/movies or play games. Anything to pass time and get my mind off it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by audrealjade

I thought this was a wonderful thread from another site that really helps us all when we think we are never going to be free of this hell...

http://survivingantidepressants.org/...in-withdrawal/

Yep, I love this list and it is spot on.

01-11-2012, 07:30 AM	#1
julieannboo Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,395	do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? very anxious at the moment and i am beginning to feel hopeless - forever. got thoughts that i am not gonna make this. what do you do when you hit rock bottom? __________________ Paxil History: 20mg - April 1997 0mg - Summer 1998 30mg - October 1999 20mg - October 2002 - July 2011 20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper) CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg Back on 10mg - STAYING HERE FOR TIME BEING.

01-11-2012, 07:42 AM	#2
caperjackie Join Date: May 2011 Location: Nova Scotia, Canada Posts: 801	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Julie, these are just thoughts and although they 'feel' like reality, they are probably wd talking. Try to remember that wd and anxiety can make things seem worse than they actually are. I too had these thoughts but I am SO glad I stayed the course - and you will be too. Hang in there ..... __________________ Was on Paxil 20mg for a few years Switched to Paxil 12.5 CR over 10 years ago Total time on Paxil around 14 years 2 failed attempts at cold turkey Tapered for over a year by skipping one dose per week each month Paxil free since April 14th 2011 Still having withdrawal symptoms but getting better LIFE IS GOOD TOTALLY DRUG FREE Supplements - Fish oils, Cal/mag, GABA September 2012 - Supplement free and feeling great

01-11-2012, 07:56 AM	#3
miriza Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,566	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Yes, all the time... __________________ Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME! Elavil: 75 mg -> 37.5 (12d) Imipramine: 37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia! 5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11) Now in w/d hell and missing my old self. Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.

01-11-2012, 08:21 AM	#4
texgirl Regina Benzodictius Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 6,073	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Julie, sometimes all you can do is just take a deep breath and try to accept the fact that the anxiety is responsible for your feeling hopeless. Yet anxiety isn't permanent, nor is it even real. It's just a feeling and in and of itself is benign. Try standing back from your feelings and just observing them without putting judgments on them ("hopeless," "not gonna make it"). I know it's hard to do when you're in the thick of it, but I really do believe that with enough time and practice you can train your brain to respond to and deal with anxiety differently, to the point that you can simply observe it neutrally, essentially disarming it, and get on with your life. One mantra that was very helpful to me was: "Thoughts, only thoughts." At times when negativity was overwhelming, those words really did a lot to remove some of its power. __________________ Adverse reaction to Lexapro led to Paxil, 10 months use, 2005. One month taper. Benzos (Xanax, then Klonopin), 2-1/2 years use, 2005-2007. 8 month taper. Completely free from psychiatry since 8/5/07 Face. Accept. Float. Let Time Pass. — Dr. Claire Weekes *We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.* — Carlos Castañeda

01-11-2012, 10:27 AM	#6
julieannboo Join Date: Jul 2011 Posts: 1,395	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? thanks for all your kind words. i feel a bit better now. it is amd how anixety can peak then it slowly ebbs away. __________________ Paxil History: 20mg - April 1997 0mg - Summer 1998 30mg - October 1999 20mg - October 2002 - July 2011 20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper) CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg Back on 10mg - STAYING HERE FOR TIME BEING.

01-11-2012, 04:12 PM	#8
audrealjade Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 458	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? When you read stories like that you realize that although we all feel immersed in our own personal hells there are people dealing with so much worse. Great strategy for helping those uncomfortable feelings! __________________ 10mg of Citalopram - 10/2011 to 12/2011 Adverse reaction - DP/DR Tapered: 7.5mg - 1 week 5mg - 1 week 2.5mg - 1 week Off all medication as of 12/17/2011 Found out my issues have stemmed from having the Epstein Barr virus which caused secondary thyroid/adrenal issues! If you are depressed and have anxiety get all of these checked! www.stopthethyroidmadness.com www.sabbaticalsoapbox.com *"Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final." - Rilke*

01-12-2012, 05:13 AM	#10
texgirl Regina Benzodictius Join Date: May 2006 Posts: 6,073	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? That wasn't the point! The point of the story was the 90-second exercise! The woman's stroke was simply her means of arriving at a method for dealing with negative emotions. Seriously. __________________ Adverse reaction to Lexapro led to Paxil, 10 months use, 2005. One month taper. Benzos (Xanax, then Klonopin), 2-1/2 years use, 2005-2007. 8 month taper. Completely free from psychiatry since 8/5/07 Face. Accept. Float. Let Time Pass. — Dr. Claire Weekes *We either make ourselves miserable or we make ourselves happy. The amount of work is the same.* — Carlos Castañeda

01-12-2012, 11:56 AM	#12
babs "dare to suck big!" Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 7,542	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Tex, that's really fascinating. As I read that I strangely felt a twinge of jealousy that she didn't have to deal with her annoying mental storytelling the way the rest of us do. Not that I would ever want to go through what she did, but you know what I mean. I really struggle with this, all day long. I am so immersed in the constant narration in my head that I don't even notice any physical sensations, just the sudden changes in mood which my brain then starts analyzing and criticizing. __________________ Babs Paxil 20mg 1994-2005 2 failed attempts to quit Tapered Jan-April 2005 Paxil-free since May 1, 2005

01-12-2012, 12:23 PM	#13
miriza Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,566	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? babs, I thought you were 100% healed. I truly hope so!!! __________________ Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME! Elavil: 75 mg -> 37.5 (12d) Imipramine: 37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia! 5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11) Now in w/d hell and missing my old self. Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.

01-12-2012, 12:47 PM	#14
medsrnot4me Join Date: Aug 2009 Location: Seattle, WA Posts: 365	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? I don't think Babs is saying that she isn't healed. She is simply pointing out what we as human beings, regardless of medication history, have to struggle with difficult thoughts/storytelling. It can be very difficult to disengage from those thoughts. I am trying to use mindfulness meditation as a way to cope with the thoughts and have found it helpful - but sometimes so hard to put into practice, especially when dealing with bad withdrawal symptoms. __________________ 2006 60 mg Cymbalta; off 3/07 7/07 ?delayed w/d? terrible anxiety, insomnia. 10/07 Zoloft and Klonopin tapered Klonopin 6/09 Start tapering 100 mg Zoloft 11/13/10 33 mg - updose 54 mg; 5% cuts: 2/12 37.5 - stressful time, lots of withdrawal sx - waited out for 2+ months but kept getting worse. ?poopout? Tried updosing but made things worse. 7/12 Attempting cross over from Zoloft to Celexa. Now at 35 mg Zoloft, 20 mg Celexa. Also on 1 mg Klonopin since 6/12.

01-12-2012, 12:59 PM	#15
miriza Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,566	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Thanks medsrnot4me. Uff! I truly hope she's healed after all this time! __________________ Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME! Elavil: 75 mg -> 37.5 (12d) Imipramine: 37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia! 5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11) Now in w/d hell and missing my old self. Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.

01-12-2012, 01:14 PM	#16
babs "dare to suck big!" Join Date: Mar 2005 Location: San Diego, CA Posts: 7,542	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Yes, I wasn't referring to Paxil withdrawal symptoms; those are long behind me. __________________ Babs Paxil 20mg 1994-2005 2 failed attempts to quit Tapered Jan-April 2005 Paxil-free since May 1, 2005

01-12-2012, 02:05 PM	#17
miriza Join Date: Sep 2011 Posts: 1,566	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Oh, ok, glad to hear babs! __________________ Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME! Elavil: 75 mg -> 37.5 (12d) Imipramine: 37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia! 5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11) Now in w/d hell and missing my old self. Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.

01-13-2012, 11:08 AM	#18
alivehope Join Date: Oct 2008 Posts: 736	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? Yeah I had thoughts that I won't get better but I saw recovery by my eyes. so I believe that recovery happens __________________ on and off paxil from 2004 to 2008 Last pill at 11/7/2008 Severe withdrawal for about 18 months had a nice life from 18 to 31 months off 80% recovered and was mostly there. Crashed at 31 months due to severe stress Took 20mg of paxil at 18/8/2011 Mild withdrawal Severe PSSD 20% recovered

01-13-2012, 03:08 PM	#20
AmyK Join Date: Aug 2011 Posts: 487	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? I use the mantra "this too shall pass". You will make it! __________________ 25 mg Zoloft - Two weeks March 2011 50 mg - Five weeks Bad reaction, zombie Started to drop every 2-4 weeks: 37,5 mg - 25 mg - 12,5 mg - 25 mg - 18,75 mg - 12, 5mg BAD! Aug 2011 Found PP, back to 18,75 mg End of 2011: 16,6 mg During 2012: 15,7 mg- 9,1mg 8,5 mg 4/1/13 8,2 mg 1/2/13 7,9 mg 1/3/13 7,6 mg 10/4/13 7,2 mg 1/5/13 MY JOURNAL

01-13-2012, 03:17 PM	#21
audrealjade Join Date: Jan 2012 Posts: 458	Re: do you ever think that you aren't gonna make it? I thought this was a wonderful thread from another site that really helps us all when we think we are never going to be free of this hell... http://survivingantidepressants.org/...in-withdrawal/ __________________ 10mg of Citalopram - 10/2011 to 12/2011 Adverse reaction - DP/DR Tapered: 7.5mg - 1 week 5mg - 1 week 2.5mg - 1 week Off all medication as of 12/17/2011 Found out my issues have stemmed from having the Epstein Barr virus which caused secondary thyroid/adrenal issues! If you are depressed and have anxiety get all of these checked! www.stopthethyroidmadness.com www.sabbaticalsoapbox.com *"Let everything happen to you, beauty and terror. Just keep going, no feeling is final." - Rilke*

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