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Old 02-10-2012, 06:03 PM   #1
Pat Shields
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What is forgiveness?

That might sound like a stupid question, but I really don't understand it. What does it mean to you, and can you explain it to me? I don't think I forgive, because I hold people accountable for their actions, and I take steps to see that my boundaries are not crossed again. Then again, maybe I don't understand it because I automatically forgive everyone, as I protect myself but don't hold grudges. I just don't know. I don't stay awake pondering it, but I do occasionally wonder if I am doing the right thing.
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Old 02-10-2012, 09:33 PM   #2
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Re: What is forgiveness?

Pat-- From all your posts I have read you are one of the most levelheaded, careing people I know. Just be your self and don't worrie about it.
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Old 02-27-2012, 01:40 PM   #3
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Re: What is forgiveness?

I just heard this quote today and thought it was interesting regarding forgiveness:

"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a different past."
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Old 02-28-2012, 05:44 PM   #4
Pat Shields
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Re: What is forgiveness?

Quote:
Originally Posted by hopeful15 View Post
"Forgiveness is giving up all hope of a different past."
It makes sense to me. Maybe I have been forgiving after all, not wanting to go back and fix things, just accepting what is and moving on.
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Old 02-28-2012, 06:06 PM   #5
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Re: What is forgiveness?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Pat Shields View Post
I don't think I forgive, because I hold people accountable for their actions, and I take steps to see that my boundaries are not crossed again.

Then again, maybe I don't understand it because I automatically forgive everyone, as I protect myself but don't hold grudges. I just don't know..
Just because you take steps to protect yourself does not mean you have not forgiven them. A wife living with an abusive husband must not think that forgiving him, gives him the right to continue to abuse her and treat her like a doormat. I think you can forgive that person, but it is important to confront their abuse and tell them you are not going to put up with it.

It is a good thing to automatically forgive everyone, because holding onto a grudge just hurts yourself and you end up bitter and twisted he longer you don't forgive.

Pat, I think you are doing great!
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Old 03-19-2012, 03:16 AM   #6
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Re: What is forgiveness?

I used to ask myself the same question, since it seemed people had their own personal idea of it.

For example, my wife used to commit adultery; and people would tell me that I needed to "forgive" her by reconciling our marriage, because it was in God's will for me to do so. So I would take her back, while still struggling with my anger and pain over what she did. Then I would feel guilty and beat myself up about not having "forgiven" her, if I still felt hurt and angry about it. (My anger would recur, whenever she would manipulate and play games with my head.) Problem is, she eventually committed adultery again. Then the whole struggle with my pain, and beating up on self would start all over again.

I eventually came to the conclusion that forgiving her did not mean that we had to continue as husband and wife. The sexual relationship was simply too scarred to ever continue in marriage; and it was making me extremely unhealthy because I was trying to swallow more than I could chew. So I filed for divorce, hoping that we could move on with our lives and one day be on good terms, through "forgiveness". I've seen it happen.

So I don't really think it's complete restoration of a relationship (because sometimes, that's how relationships end up in the cycle of abuse), but I think its more letting go of your bitterness, hatred, ill will, and feelings of revenge on that person. Sometimes you have to do what's necessary (even to the point of terminating an unhealthy, manipulate, or abusive relationship), in order to get there.
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