I'M PAXIL FREE

[miranda1]

Wow, never thought i'd be able to say this but I'm Paxil-Free!! I know i did it abit faster then recommended and don't suggest it for others incase they have difficulty but god this feels great. I want others to know that if i can do this, you can too, i really thought my anxiety controlled me but once I learned not to fear it, it went away. I went to counselling and worked through my issues of worrying about an upcoming panic attack and seriously once I stopped thinking about when or if they would come and how i would handle it things changed dramatically.

I think exercising during this has helped alot physically and mentally! I have lost 15 pounds during this process and feel like I have gotten me back! I'm not anti paxil if you need it, but I really needed to know if it was something I could learn to deal with as I felt my issues stemmed from hearing my parents talk about my schizophrenic aunt and how they worried i was similiar to her in ways. After my first panic attack, she was the first thing I thought of, that i was becoming her. I don't think my parents meant for me to take this so strongly when they said it but it was very deep embedding in my head and I was so afraid that without the meds i was going to be like her and my kids mean the world to me so i stayed on it for 10 years to make sure they had a good mom.

My head feels so clear, i feel more energetic and like the shades have been lifted. I will admit that feelings like sadness are alot stronger, as I found out a family member is terminally ill and wow did that hit hard...i'm not use to feeling sadness like that, but i pulled myself out of deep saddness and crying jags after 3 days and told myself i need to separate myself abit from this emotionally while so not use to such powerful emotions.

Anyway, just wanted to share my story!!
Best of luck everyone!

[caperjackie]

Congratulations!!! Good luck!!

[LCrawford67]

Woo hoo!!! Way to go, Miranda!

[julieannboo]

Nice one. well done x

[miranda1]

thanks everyone!

[AmyK]

Happy for you!

[lotusflower]

Miranda, you are an inspiration. thanks for sharing your story, joanne

[aberdeen]

That's an amazing story thank you for sharing! I too had a schizophrenic relative, she stayed with us when I was small and she was not taking her meds at the time. She really scared me. That, and my grandmother spent a year in a psych. hospital for post partum psychosis and that also scared me that I would grow up to become like these two people. I know the irrational fear of going ":crazy" I have comes from hearing my relatives talk about it while I was young. I figure if withdrawal hasn't made me have psychotic episodes so far, I'm doing pretty good! Happy for you, and thanks for posting!

[Backtopaxil]

Great to hear !!

[audrealjade]

How wonderful! So happy for you!

[miranda1]

aberdeen and others
my husband said something too me that really made so much sense as well, he said Miranda crazy people need alot more then 20mg of Paxil to keep them from not being schizophrenic or anything

[Xpaxilslave]

Good for you Miranda!

[aberdeen]

Originally Posted by miranda1

aberdeen and others
my husband said something too me that really made so much sense as well, he said Miranda crazy people need alot more then 20mg of Paxil to keep them from not being schizophrenic or anything

Yes, my Dr reassured me with this too,lol. He also said if I was gonna go psychotic, the craziness I experienced in the months right off Effexor would have done it!

[miranda1]

Aberdeen! Well that is soooo true!

[bflosenrab]

Congratulations miranda! And I have noticed feelings being more intense as well. It can be overwhelming at first.

[miranda1]

bflosenrab,
How long have you been off meds? it's so different feeling feelings alot , guess i was just use to being abit flatlined. I'm trying to avoid thinking too much about my relative that is terminally ill. It's my cousin's 8 year old daughter, but they are in Newfoundland and I am in Ontario. I absolutely care, but need to separate myself somewhat emotionally or I could so go downhill in sadness, kids are a very sensitive spot for me.

Talk about bad timing...in the 10 years on it I haven't had to deal with death, and then i decide to go off and within 3 months of tapering off poof someone gets deathly ill...are the gods testing me here or what lol.

Hope your doing well,
Miranda

[bflosenrab]

Originally Posted by miranda1

bflosenrab,
How long have you been off meds? it's so different feeling feelings alot , guess i was just use to being abit flatlined. I'm trying to avoid thinking too much about my relative that is terminally ill. It's my cousin's 8 year old daughter, but they are in Newfoundland and I am in Ontario. I absolutely care, but need to separate myself somewhat emotionally or I could so go downhill in sadness, kids are a very sensitive spot for me.

Talk about bad timing...in the 10 years on it I haven't had to deal with death, and then i decide to go off and within 3 months of tapering off poof someone gets deathly ill...are the gods testing me here or what lol.

Hope your doing well,
Miranda

I've only been completely off for a week, I started a thread. My father died in 2002 (so I was 3 years into the medicine) and I really didn't cry at his funeral at all. Just something I noticed. Sorry about your young relative. As an aside, I've always wanted to go to Newfoundland. take care

[miranda1]

Wow we are both at a week off! Huge congrats to you too! We're you surprised that you didn't cry? My sister always joked saying she needed my meds during tough times now I get it. I haven't been to Newfoundland in a long time, my cousin moved here years ago but moved back when his daughter was about 2 or 3.

[bflosenrab]

Originally Posted by miranda1

Wow we are both at a week off! Huge congrats to you too! We're you surprised that you didn't cry? My sister always joked saying she needed my meds during tough times now I get it. I haven't been to Newfoundland in a long time, my cousin moved here years ago but moved back when his daughter was about 2 or 3.

A little surprised, but I guess I shouldn't be, because although I'm a woman I just don't do a lot of crying. If I do cry, it's always alone and usually in the shower or when I'm trying to go to sleep. I have noticed that while experiencing a "new" death of somebody close, I'm not Niagara Falls until a more inconvenient time. What I mean is that I don't burst into tears during the "acceptable" time to do it. (Wakes, the actual funeral service, burial). But it will happen a week or two later while walking down the street or attending a party...or something.

The closest I got to Nfld was the other 3 "Atlantic" provinces a few years ago

[lmac]

Congrats miranda! Some wise words spoken!
Someone mentioned their doc said they would have shown signs of psychotic after coming off effexor? What are signs of being psychotic? I'm 6.5 months after being off Zoloft I'm having a very hard time. Most days I feel so disconnected and then think I'm going crazy. People on here say this is normal and try to get through it as things will get better, but then I read stuff like doctors saying if you haven't felt crazy after then you must not be. Correct me if I misunderstood. My emotions are so all over the place for almost 2months now, I can't even work anymore due to the intense panic/anxiety I which also comes the feelings that I'm gone crazy.

[miranda1]

lmac,
As far as feeling crazy or worrying about going crazy...no need to worry hun, crazy people don't worry about going crazy...it's us sane ones that do all the worrying. I'm thinking your just overly sensitive to emotions and feelings and it's going to take time to re-adjust to feeling so much. I honestly can see it taking a full year to be back to your usual self.

You need to see that you feel things just like others and that worry and anxiety is totally natural in life, you just have to find outlets for it and do some self talk so that you don't get yourself into a spiral of panic. I tell myself, worst case scenario, if i do have a panic attack, will it hurt me? will i die, no! and it will pass, and definitely easier and faster if I don't fight it. I have learned in the past fighting them just drags them on, it's an uncomfortable experience and I can't stop it, so I need to go with it. Also my counsellor pointed out that i was preoccupied with the fear of having one..gosh i spent way more time anticapating an anxiety attack then actually having one. Silly when I think about it, but man the mind is a power thing and I just didn't connect this before. I refuse to live in fear of what may or may not happen, I instead will deal with things as they come and learn not to fear what I can't change. Makes sense right, since i'm not in any physical danger, it's all the physical sensations of an anxiety attack.

I really hope you can work through this stage, you would of been psychotic wayyyy before now being off Zoloft this long, people that need meds can't just keep those mental states at bay. It's just impossible. Perhaps not working right now is a good thing, but eventually i think you should try to get back out there, maybe start back part time when ready. It helps to do what you would normally do if you weren't so consumed. Too much time let's your mind wander and think too much sometimes.

Stay strong, you have done amazingly well off 6.5 month! Keep trudging forward and really try not to fear-fear.

Miranda

[miranda1]

bflosenrab
I guess we all handle death in different ways. I remember going to a funeral for a co-worker years ago, but still on paxil, gosh i was doing so well till they played "Yesterday, by the Beattles" wow that and Bet Midlers Wings Beneath My Wings should be banished from funeral homes lol...i was a weeping mess. Kinda funny when I think about it now..

[lmac]

Wow, Miranda! Thank you for such great advice. It is amazing how much we think think think. It can get dangerous. We really are our worst enemies. I truly hope to one day get to the point where I CAN accept my anxiety/panic for what it is and deal with it, ride it and let it flow! Yes you are correct, and if I were crazy, I prpbably wouldn't be thinking it or worrying about it. When I get in these states of "feeling crazy" it must be a form of panic on its own. I can really sit and think about going crazy for hours and keep frightening myslef more and more. Sometimes its so hard to snap out of that rut. I'm really hoping its just because my brain hasn't quite balanced my neurotransmitters. So if these terrible times come in waves, how do people decipher whether they need meds or its just waves and wil eventually dissipate? I've heard some people on here say its been over a year and they still gets waves of this. When do you know enough I enough? I've come pretty close to giving in and going back on meds (that's how awful I feel at times) but all my wonderful support keep cheering me on. Today is the first day I've poste anything on PP and the support is already so amazing on here. I should have started long ago!

[aberdeen]

Imac you asked : "So if these terrible times come in waves, how do people decipher whether they need meds or its just waves and wil eventually dissipate?"


For me I know the bad "waves" are withdrawal for two reasons: 1) the anxiety is worse than what I ever had before and it has no obvious triggers like my anxiety always does. 2) I get shakes and diarrhea and chills when a bad wave begins. Plus I have read so many other peoples stories on here that it really matches up with what they experience and nothing else makes any sense because I've been checked out by my Dr. Read as many stories as you can on here, you will feel so encouraged! You can do this.

[lmac]

Aberdeen - thank you. Your 2 reasons, I get the exact same things happening to me. That's why I feel the panic/anxiety is chemical because my body goes totally out of wack and all my tools I've learned somewhat work but not really. I have no triggers at all. Just comes almost all the time. I could be totally enjoying my moment and wham!
Thanks for the encouragement. It really does help when you can relate!