Newbie to site and tapering

[Kilpleztim]

Hi, Im new to this site and sites like this in general.
I have been taking Paxcil on & off for around 7-8 years.
Lately I have trying to get off and it has been hell.
Im perscribed 40 mg but only take 20 and not even that latley since
I have been tapering on my own.
At first everything was ok, then I started having these bouts of not being able to sleep. Then I started feeling massive anxiety when I did take my meds once I hit the 5mg mark.
This morning after another nite without sleep this week I found this site looking for information on whats a proper tapering messure and realized Im tapering way to fast, compared to what everyones saying here. I read alot this morning and was able to calm down long enough to have a 2 hr nap.

When I was first perscribed paxcil I was misdiagnosed as Pankreatitis and was told I had a massive chemical imbalance after the blood work and tests, when infact I had a lower back issue with buldging disks that the drs didnt find out untill a year later when I threw out my back.
So for years I took paxcil thinking nothing of it untill I felt like I was ok. My medical dr at the time said "You can quit whenevr your ready no problem", and I did, cold turkey from 20mg - 0mg. About 1 & 1\2 - 2 weeks later I started waking in the middle of the nite with panic attack. Went back to the drs where they put me back on and said dont try that again.

20mg worked great for a few years then from nowhere I started having panic attacks again and told the medical drs, so they uped me to 40mg. That was way too much, I started having heart palpitations right away. I just went with the flow hoping it would be ok but after 10 days of my pounding heart I had to drop back down to 20 mg, and it was better. Infact so much better that about 2 months ago I started tapering and went from 20mg to 10mg with no problems what so ever.
So I take 10mg for like 2 maybe 3 weeks and drop again to 5 mg with no problems. Another week maybe 9 days go by and I dropped again by just going every other day on 5 mg for the past week and it has been brutal.

Next to nothing in the sleep department. From mon-thurs this last week I only slept maybe a total of 12 hrs. Fri I got 6-8 hrs sleep and last nite Sat I could not fall asleep. I was up since sat 8 am and going out of my mind.
When the gods must have had pitty on me and showed me to this wonderful site. I was able read many stories this morning and the one thing I realized was I was tapering way to fast for me & my body to adjust to the new level of chemicals natural and unnatural Paxcil.
All week I had been feeling like the meds were causing me to feel so terrible but now I know its the lack of the meds thats making me go nuts.

Now 4 years later and Im feeling good enough to try to get off paxcil again but this time I have the internet and many pages of people telling how they did it and how to do it.
I'm driving my family crazy too with roller coster ride I decided to take us all on called paxcil tapering hell. I have been living a very hectic life style the last 3 months too. I have been in and out of courts for the past 3 months fighting my remaing living family over a probate issue and to top it off my dad has been on me to move across country from cali to alabama and has been just terrible to me over it, also he wants me to leave me Girlfriend of over 19 years, my sons mother and no way in hell thats going to happen. Shes my best friend in the world, ya sometimes we hate each other and want to end it all but what couple doesnt after 20 years. lol
My mom passed away suddenly 2 years ago and my girlfriends mom passed away the year before that. On top of all that my dad has been fighting 4th stage Non-Hodgkins lymphoma for 5-6 years, so my level of depression and anxiety have been through the roof for many many years.

Ofcorse I have a ton more to tell and say but for now I will leave it with that and say I'm in desperate need of any human conections that can be made to ease this hell called Paxcil Tapering. Ty for reading my storie and I look forward to reading more of your stories and getting to know all of you.

[nicole55]

If you want to get off Paxil, you can and will do it . Just read the tapering guides, and take your time and you will do it. It is not easy for a lot of people but the slow taper makes it easier/more manageable.

Just reading about all you've been dealing with makes me want to add/suggest some therapy/ counseling. I always suggest this and it is really hard for a lot of people to do this/take that step/make that phone call. I know a lot of people don't believe in therapy. But I say try it see, you don't have to commit to it if you don't want, and can stop anytime. I always suggest a therapist not a psychiatrist (who can and usually want to prescribe meds. ). Let them know your goal is to not take meds . right off the top. That you want to learn/ talk about your stress/ techniques. to deal with it, etc.

I suggest regular exercise too, it can help, just don't do it too close to bedtime.

Good luck to you!!!

[Kilpleztim]

this is how i how I have been feeling daily;

racing, irregular heart
depersonalization/​derealization
sense of impending doom
confusion
racing thoughts
stomachaches or spasms
irritable bowel/diarrhea/constipation
sense of not being able to breathe/catch breath
sense of jumping out of one's skin (akathisia)
insomnia

all because I am getting off my SSRI called paroxetine. Believe me when I saw it has been utter hell trying to do this. I have been feeling like my medication is what has been causing me alot of my panic attacks of late. I take the medicine and instead of feeling no panic Im full of panic.
I am very hopeful now that I am here and have all this great information and such great people to help see me through this horrble moment in my life. ty

[Kilpleztim]

So this morning after what felt like an eternity of feeling like crap I broke down and took 10mg of paxcil, and infact it did make me feel a little better. I even got to sleep 2hrs aftwer being awake for 30hrs.
My question since I am tapering is should I go back to my full 20mg dose and start tapering fresh after I feel more normal?
I wanted to do it this morning, take 20mg but I also didnt want to open the flood gates and take 4 times what I have been taking since I have been on
5mg that last 2 weeks or so.
This is so aweful, I love how the drs dont tell you that if you take these kind of meds it will screw things up in your brain. I almost feel like I need to be detoxed in a hospital, esp since I have lost my sleepy feelings.

[TryingtoGetWell]

Welcome, Kilpleztim!

I'm so glad you went back up to 10. That's pretty much what I was going to suggest you do at this point - your taper was much, much too fast and explains what you've been going through.

Unless someone more familiar with reinstating/updosing advises you otherwise, I suggest you give 10 mg. a chance to get you stable. Meaning, don't start even a very slow taper just yet. It takes a while for these meds to fully take effect, including updosing in many cases.

Start looking into whether your doctor will prescribe paxil in liquid (suspension) form for you - that will make it easier to do small drops in dose once you're stabilized. If not, many people here do the small (no more than 10% of most recent, not original, dose) drops in dose every 3-6 weeks or longer, with other methods, so no problem. Lots of information and support here how to do that.

Keep in touch here with any questions and also to let us know how you do at 10. That can be fine-tuned if necessary to stabilize, but if you were OK before at 10, that might be fine for you right now. You were right to realize going back up to a large dose might be too much for your system. Just give yourself a chance to get stable and know we're here for you and that people doing very slow tapers do much, much better not just short-term but long-term in having quality of life while recovering from these meds.

[Kilpleztim]

Thank you for your kind words of support. I will def keep in touch on a regular basis. I need all the support I can get. I have no one to talk too about this and just knowing I can get help and advice makes me feel more at ease. I will keep at the 10mg mark for now, so I can stabilize and Im going to see if I can get in to see my dr about the liquid paxcil when Im ready to give it another go in a few weeks.
For me the not sleeping part really breaks me down. I have gone 4 days without sleeping before and the hallucinations plus lack of meds in the system can be alot to handle.
Again thank you all for any input or advice, it means alot to me. Will post again soon.

[aberdeen]

Welcome, keep chatting here, it really helps!!!

[Kilpleztim]

Thank you, I need all the communication from other people that I can get. I try to live 1 minute at a time right now. Almost cant even do that.

[julieannboo]

Welcome and stick around.

you probably know this by now but you have dropped too quickly.

the only way to get off this junk with minimal symptoms is to drop 10% every 3-6 weeks.