There is always Hope

[hopewillbe]

Hi All!

I am new around here, but I have been tapering for a year already. I would like to document the last bit of my journey, but I will also include the stuff I documented in the past year.

Sometimes I added a few comments regarding my nutrition/yoga practice/other events that I feel strongly influenced my withdrawal.

All the best to all SSRI sufferers. I hope we will all be happy and healthy soon

[hopewillbe]

04/2010: 4 mg (original dose)
02/2011: 5 mg (upped from 4mg during tough time)
04/2011: 4 mg (20% taper, didn't know about withdrawal yet. I was miserable: very sore neck, dizziness, headaches, tiredness, irritability, anger, anxiety, sweating, depersonaliztion for three weeks, split-second-long blackouts almost causing a few accidents)

Then I learned about withdrawal.

06/01/2011: 4 mg to 3.8 mg (5 %): headaches, slightly increased appetite, tiredness, pretty easy taper

07/01/2011: 3.8 to 3.55 mg (6.5 %): emotionally miserable: very sore neck, headaches, increased sweating, increased appetite, tiredness for two weeks; in third week irritability, sadness/major anxiety

08/01/2011: 3.35 mg (5.7 %): uncomfortable: tense neck, headaches, tiredness, hot flashes, irritable bowel syndrome (diarrhea/gas for no reason, for two weeks); ten days in: anxiety

09/01/2011: 3.35 mg to 3 mg (% not sure, because I had measured wrong previously and was at at around 3.2mg, not 3.35mg): anxiety, depression starting from day 3; tense neck, depersonalization from day 9

10/5/2011 3.0 to 2.7 (10 %): tense neck, headaches, not bad though... depression, low motivation, anger, anxiety after 10 days, worst on day 15 after taper, 25 after taper, all is well after 3 green smoothies on the weekend. After pizza -> depressed again, a bit anxious

11/4/2011 2.7 to 2.3 (14.8 %): tense back, short of breath (because of tense back/intercostal muscles?), depression/anger on day 4 after issues at work, agitation & lack of motvation between days 10-14

12/8/2011 2.3 to 2.0 (13 %): tense neck, headaches, hot flashes for a few days. A little depressed, anxious, cranky and a lot unmotivated/unsocial until day 14. Not too bad, all in all.

1/2/2012 2.0 to 1.65 (17.5 %): restlessness/anxiety on day 2/3, tense neck days 3/4, slightly depressed/anxious but nothing too dramatic

1/21/2012 1.65 to 1.4 (15.2 %): nothing at all until day 5 in a yoga class: anxiety, restlessness, derealization, a little sore neck

3/11/2012 1.4 to 1.1 (21.4 %): first week tired, cranky, overwhelmed, breakdown at dentist, second week derealization/depersonalization, lack of motivation

4/14/2012 1.1 to 0.95 (13.6 %): no physical symptoms, some anxiety/overall frustration/very hard to concentrate, as of day 6, week 2 anxiety, week 3 still a little anxious

5/05/2012 0.95 to 0.8 (15.8 %): some anxiety, depersonalization and sadness while traveling to NYC alone; feeling fine after 12 days

[wanting2quit]

Hi Hope!

YOu and I are both on Lexapro, and it is interesting, because your withdrawal symptoms pretty much mirror mine, right down to the hot flashes!

Can you explain your split second long black outs a bit more? I swear, I think I experience the same thing, but I can't quite explain it. Do you actually lose conciousness, or do you just feel like you do, or are going to for a second?

[hopewillbe]

Hi wanting2quit!

Thank you for stopping by. The split-second blackouts were very scary and disturbing to me (especially because at the time I didn't know I was having withdrawal). I am sorry to read you also have them.

What kept happening was this: I would be driving and would have a moment of confusion/lack of concentration. And all of a sudden I would find myself dangerously close to a pole (on a parking lot) or almost hitting a car while changing lanes because I steered to hard or not hard enough. It was so scary, because it literally felt like I was not present for a split second and the moment I came to, there was a pole/another car super close to my car and I had to really react quickly to avoid an accident. It was very, very disturbing because I didn't know what triggered the blackout. I don't think I was unconscious, I just think my brain was not functioning for a split-second. Like I was lost in my own brain and stopped processing the outside world.

Does this sound familiar? Do you always suffer from them (I hope not!!!) or is it when you have just lowered your dose?


BTW, I have not had this since the first, terrible taper I did. I still have pretty severe concentration issues though. Concentrating at work is very difficult most days

[hopewillbe]

Oh, and I just remembered. On another board, there was a woman from Belgium who just signed up to tell her traffic accident story. It sounded very similar. I'm not sure if I'm allowed to link to another board, but here is what she wrote:

Hello,

I want to post this message because I have been involved in a car accident which I believe was caused by escitalopram withdrawal. This drug is know as "Sipralexa" over here (Belgium, Europe).

I have been on Sipralexa for about 18 months before I discussed with my psychiatrist (actually also a professor at a well known university) to taper off. This has been going on since july. I was on 20mg and went down tot 15 -> 10 -> 5 -> 0 every 2 weeks.
The first two steps were nothing special so I thought I was doing the right thing and nothing could happen. Last week saturday however, I was expected at a wedding at 4pm. I got up at 9 and immediately felt something was wrong. I felt sick and nauseous, however not to the point that I could say I was really really ill. So I decided to text my mother about the situation and tell her I would wait and see if things would get better.
Well, things DID get better by about 2pm so I decided to hit the road anyway, a trip of about 45minutes which nevertheless involves the ring road around Brussels, of course loaded with road repairs so I DID leave with the notice of being extra careful.
During the trip, and past the ring road (which went rather well) I came along this secondary straight road and I felt suddenly quite distracted and surprised by an unexpected somnolence. I can't say when it happened, but suddenly I found myself hitting the car before me HARD. The airbag went off and I was at first of course left in a state "what just did happen"?
I tried to explain to the man in the other car what happened, he seemed to be understanding and relaxed in a couple of minutes. Other than relieved that no one was injured, I felt very "empty" inside. At the time I thought it was just the shock, but I didn't feel anything at all, not even now. It's as if it happened in a dream or so... I have no recollection in my memory of the moments before the crash, it's as if my brain stopped working for a moment.

A couple of days later I had some drinks with friends. Later that night, when I was in bed, I experienced some kind of electric buzz in my head, accompanied with a sound one could describe as the buzzing of a large transformer, but very sharp. At the same time, I experienced extremely intense visuals, moving in a tunnel-like fashion (I've done psychedelic drugs in the past and I would compare the visuals with those of a rather intense trip, except shorter in duration).

The last days, I've experienced emotional lability. I mean, I can't even watch Ally McBeal without crying (what the hell?!). I took my last 5mg dose yesterday.

I would like to urge anyone trying to quit escitalopram to THINK HARD before taking that driver seat. It caught me completely unexpectedly.

Comments wellcome

She never returned to that board, so I guess the link does not matter anyway.

The bolded part sounds just like how it felt for me. Only, and I thank my lucky stars for this, I never actually hit any cars, only came close to it.

[GrandmaD]

I was just wondering why your taper percentages go UP each time?

[hopewillbe]

Originally Posted by GrandmaD

I was just wondering why your taper percentages go UP each time?

Well, I do not go by fixed percentages, but rather by how I feel. I currently try to stay around 15-18%. From the 13 tapering steps I have done so far, I have found this to be my limit regarding a comfortable taper. I also have a feeling that as I am getting closer to 0 mg, the tapering steps are not as rough on me anymore. But the jury is still out on that one.

In the beginning I was strictly in the 5-7% realm. One of the reasons why I didn't do an even 5% each time is that it is hard to measure.

5% down from 4mg is 3.8 mg. Then 5% down from 3.8 mg is 3.61 mg, so that is another reason I wasn't 100% strict with the percentage.

Also, if I feel pretty good about the last taper, I might do a bigger step next time. I am aware that this is not strictly be "the rules", but my issue is this: I had only been on Lex for one year before I started tapering. Now I've been tapering for more than a year already, so that is bringing me up to two years of Lex use already. I do not want to drag this out anymore. I firmly believe that the longer I stay on it, the harder it will be to become completely lex-free and for the nervous system to heal.

So one could say I am trying to find a balance between coming off as quickly as possible and following the rule of "small tapering steps, every 3-4 weeks".

I'm pretty happy with how it is going. I have never had a brain zap and rarely have any withdrawal effects than go beyond a little anxiety and derealization a few hours at a time.

I am currently thinking about how low I will go with my dose before I stop and go to 0mg. Maybe my last dosage will be 0.1mg. I have not been able to find any information on this, so I am going by my gut feeling.

[wanting2quit]

Hope... the way you described it is exactly what happens to me!!! It never happened while I was on Paxil or withdrawing from it. It started happening after my daughter was born, right before I started Lexapro. I think it is more of an anxiety related thing for me... not necessarily caused by withdrawal, but a byproduct of my anxiety during w/d if that makes sense?

Dehydration and getting overheated for me is a HUGE trigger for these coming on as well.

[hopewillbe]

Hello diary

I am on week 3, day 3 of my last taper. I would consider tapering again, but I have a busy week with company ahead, so I will wait until that's over and taper again at the 4 week mark.

My last tapers were very good physically, but emotionally they were eeehhh. I have been experiencing anxiety which I have never had like this before Lex. Also, a good amount of derealization, making it very hard to concentrate at work (which then brings on more anxiety, because I worry about getting laid off). Talk about vicious cycle

Blah. Not having very good days lately... feeling dazed, derealization, zoned out, whatever. I would really like to snap out of this soon. I guess it's good I'm giving myself another week on this dose.

[Kay2020]

I see why you asked about my dosage. I was really at .80mgs when I jumped off, but my drops started to have less and less WD symptoms, maybe a day or two and then they subsided. Because my drops became so easy I decided to jump off.

[hopewillbe]

Originally Posted by Kay2020

I see why you asked about my dosage. I was really at .80mgs when I jumped off, but my drops started to have less and less WD symptoms, maybe a day or two and then they subsided. Because my drops became so easy I decided to jump off.

Hi Kay! Thank you for your replies. They are helping me plan this a little better. I figured I would have to go lower than most before going off completely. I have always been relatively sensitive to drugs, heck, even caffeine, so I assume that 0.7 mg is actually an active dose for me while for others it might be pretty much inactive. I will play it by ear, as I have since I started tapering. I assume I have to go down to at least 0.5mg, maybe lower. I will just keep my eyes open for how long the w/d symptoms last the lower tapers. Thanks again and lots of health to you!

[hopewillbe]

Originally Posted by hopewillbe

Hello diary

I am on week 3, day 3 of my last taper. I would consider tapering again, but I have a busy week with company ahead, so I will wait until that's over and taper again at the 4 week mark.

My last tapers were very good physically, but emotionally they were eeehhh. I have been experiencing anxiety which I have never had like this before Lex. Also, a good amount of derealization, making it very hard to concentrate at work (which then brings on more anxiety, because I worry about getting laid off). Talk about vicious cycle

Blah. Not having very good days lately... feeling dazed, derealization, zoned out, whatever. I would really like to snap out of this soon. I guess it's good I'm giving myself another week on this dose.

Alrighty, I guess I just had to write it down and get it out. I have been feeling much better in the last couple of days. I'm making better (healthier) food decisions and avoiding stress.

I tend to think "more yoga is always better than less yoga" and it has led me to get up at 4:45am to go to a yoga class before work, since I wouldn't be able to fit it in my day otherwise. Yeaaaah, I need to rethink that strategy. I think a good sleeping schedule is more important for my mental well-being right now than a steady yoga practice. The yoga helps me with my depression and Lex-induced anxiety generally, but I can't afford more stress either (makes me anxious)...

Gonna start on a new dose on Saturday

[Kay2020]

Originally Posted by hopewillbe

Hi Kay! Thank you for your replies. They are helping me plan this a little better. I figured I would have to go lower than most before going off completely. I have always been relatively sensitive to drugs, heck, even caffeine, so I assume that 0.7 mg is actually an active dose for me while for others it might be pretty much inactive. I will play it by ear, as I have since I started tapering. I assume I have to go down to at least 0.5mg, maybe lower. I will just keep my eyes open for how long the w/d symptoms last the lower tapers. Thanks again and lots of health to you!

Plus My original dose was 40mg for years! That is twice the recommended dose.

So what might "feel" small to me, is larger for you, because of the insane amount of lexapro I was on, sadly. But onwards and upwards or downwards in mgs! *hugs*

[hopewillbe]

Originally Posted by Kay2020

Plus My original dose was 40mg for years! That is twice the recommended dose.

So what might "feel" small to me, is larger for you, because of the insane amount of lexapro I was on, sadly. But onwards and upwards or downwards in mgs! *hugs*

Yes, I agree. Thanks Kay

[hopewillbe]

Hi All!

I started another taper on Saturday (6/2/12) from 0.8 mg to 0.68 mg which is 15%. I am staying positive that this will be an easy taper. The other Lex-veterans say they quit taking it at 0.8 mg, so I'm hoping I will have an easier time with it at this low dose

Also, I need it to be an easy taper. I got some bad news from my family over the weekend and I will have to travel overseas to see a very close family member. I am very worried that I will not be able to fly over in time. She seems OK so far, but I am so scared that she will pass before I make it there! Where is the super anxious smiley?!

[hybridpollo]

Wish you the best of success with your next taper. Bad news are unfortunate but they are part of our lives. It seems that we need all the strength we can muster during hard times, so I wish you strength and a clear head as you continue your journey.

[hopewillbe]

Thank you, hybridpollo!


Day 4 of my most recent taper. I am feeling good. No effects so far, just feeling a little impatient/short with my boyfriend. It feels like this is the "anger" that many of us know, but it's not very pronounced.

My grandma is getting released from the hospital today. She is OK, and excited to see us soon. We booked our flight and it's 17 days away! If I get any more w/d from this taper, it should be gone by that time

[hopewillbe]

^^ OK, add salt/carbjunk food cravings to the w/d symptoms on day 4.

Hmmmm, pizza, chips, yummy!

I did have 1.5 green smoothies today, but I think for dinner I will be naughty

[chantallie]

Hello
I am a new member living in Belgium
During 3 years I take medication after burnout and postnatal depression
I wanna stop this but I don't know how

Thid is what I Take :

Sipralexa 10 mg 1,5 tablet in the morning
Before sleeping :
Trazolan 1/4 tablet
Zolpidem 1 or 2 tablets
Alprazolam 1 mg 2 x 1


Can somebody help me
Thanks a lot
Chantal

[hopewillbe]

Hi Chantalle,

it's good that you found this website before you started getting off your meds. Whatever you plan to do, you should also discuss your plans with your doctor. We are not doctors here, so we can give good tips for tapering from SSRIs (like Paxil, Lexapro, etc), but we do not know everything. For example, I am not sure how your other medications will influence your tapering from Sipralexa (called Lexapro/Cipralex in other countries) or how you can taper from your other medications.

Maybe you can start reading here: https://www.paxilprogress.org/forums...ad.php?t=40020

Also, this e-book has a lot of information in one place: http://www.paxilprogress.org/pdf/Pax...Guide-2005.pdf

General rules for tapering from SSRI (like Lexapro):
- do not taper more than 10% per tapering step (example: 10 mg, then 9 mg, then 8.1 mg, ...)
- stay on each dose for 3-4 weeks OR longer (until withdrawal symptoms disappear)
- take the same dose every day (do not skip days)

You can ask questions here: https://www.paxilprogress.org/forums...isplay.php?f=7

All the best to you!

Originally Posted by chantallie

Hello
I am a new member living in Belgium
During 3 years I take medication after burnout and postnatal depression
I wanna stop this but I don't know how

Thid is what I Take :

Sipralexa 10 mg 1,5 tablet in the morning
Before sleeping :
Trazolan 1/4 tablet
Zolpidem 1 or 2 tablets
Alprazolam 1 mg 2 x 1


Can somebody help me
Thanks a lot
Chantal

[hopewillbe]

Day 18 on my most recent taper (0.8 -> 0.68mg)

This taper was very comfortable. I had some slight anxiety, though I suppose it hasn’t really been full blown anxiety in a long time. It is more of a nervousness, restlessness. Anyway, that and some increased hunger was all I had in withdrawal effects.

We are leaving for overseas in a few days, to visit my grandma who recently in the hospital. It was a big scare, but she is better, so we are looking forward to just spending some quality time together. I am pretty nervous/anxious/restless/whatever about going. I am not afraid of flying, but I am nervous about being away from home and being around family for 10 days straight. Sometimes they get to be a bit much, even though I love them a lot.

I should do another taper on the day we are flying over there, and I think I will. I will go from 0.68 to 0.6 mg. It will be a small taper and will make measuring easier (different syringe without 0.01 markings). I hope it will not be too stressful with the traveling and all related issues (away form home, family, jet lag).

[hybridpollo]

Hope things are well with you Mrs. Hope and that these gaps between posting activity means things are going well for you !!!!

[hopewillbe]

Thank you for stopping by, hybrid!

Things are going well for me, you are right I am still tapering and still have some effects, but nothing that really affects me terribly day to day. My outlook is much better thanks to that! As you mentioned on your own thread, I am also trying to let it all happen and stay calm. Of course that is easier when you feel better, but it is a positive cycle! Feel better, stay calmer, then feel even better because we are calmer... YAY!

One of the big issues for me is still the dry eye and even more, dry mouth. Actually, my whole body is pretty much dehydrated even though I drink WAY more water than anybody else I know (and never soda or coffee or caffeine-containing teas). For one, the dry eyes make me not tolerate my contacts. Then, the dry mouth made me need 8 fillings in my previously almost filling-free teeth (had maybe 5 fillings in 26 years, then these 8 in 1 year ). It was pretty traumatizing for me (and of course expensive).

So I try to drink high-quality water, eat fruit, and take electrolytes to keep everything in check. The very hot weather is not helping. I still take a multivitamin, fish oil, lecithin, and Calcium/Magnesium daily.

I just returned from Europe and I have more travel coming up, so I don't know when/how much I will be tapering in the near future.

All the best to all SSRI quitters

[hopewillbe]

04/2010: 4 mg (original dose)
02/2011: 5 mg (upped from 4mg during tough time)
04/2011: 4 mg (20% taper, didn't know about withdrawal yet. I was miserable: very sore neck, dizziness, headaches, tiredness, irritability, anger, anxiety, sweating, depersonaliztion for three weeks, split-second-long blackouts almost causing a few accidents)

Then I learned about withdrawal.

06/01/2011: 4 mg to 3.8 mg (5 %): headaches, slightly increased appetite, tiredness, pretty easy taper

07/01/2011: 3.8 to 3.55 mg (6.5 %): emotionally miserable: very sore neck, headaches, increased sweating, increased appetite, tiredness for two weeks; in third week irritability, sadness/major anxiety

08/01/2011: 3.35 mg (5.7 %): uncomfortable: tense neck, headaches, tiredness, hot flashes, irritable bowel syndrome (diarrhea/gas for no reason, for two weeks); ten days in: anxiety

09/01/2011: 3.35 mg to 3 mg (% not sure, because I had measured wrong previously and was at at around 3.2mg, not 3.35mg): anxiety, depression starting from day 3; tense neck, depersonalization from day 9

10/5/2011 3.0 to 2.7 (10 %): tense neck, headaches, not bad though... depression, low motivation, anger, anxiety after 10 days, worst on day 15 after taper, 25 after taper, all is well after 3 green smoothies on the weekend. After pizza -> depressed again, a bit anxious

11/4/2011 2.7 to 2.3 (14.8 %): tense back, short of breath (because of tense back/intercostal muscles?), depression/anger on day 4 after issues at work, agitation & lack of motvation between days 10-14

12/8/2011 2.3 to 2.0 (13 %): tense neck, headaches, hot flashes for a few days. A little depressed, anxious, cranky and a lot unmotivated/unsocial until day 14. Not too bad, all in all.

1/2/2012 2.0 to 1.65 (17.5 %): restlessness/anxiety on day 2/3, tense neck days 3/4, slightly depressed/anxious but nothing too dramatic

1/21/2012 1.65 to 1.4 (15.2 %): nothing at all until day 5 in a yoga class: anxiety, restlessness, derealization, a little sore neck

3/11/2012 1.4 to 1.1 (21.4 %): first week tired, cranky, overwhelmed, breakdown at dentist, second week derealization/depersonalization, lack of motivation

4/14/2012 1.1 to 0.95 (13.6 %): no physical symptoms, some anxiety/overall frustration/very hard to concentrate, as of day 6, week 2 anxiety, week 3 still a little anxious

5/05/2012 0.95 to 0.8 (15.8 %): some anxiety, depersonalization and sadness while traveling to NYC alone; feeling fine after 12 days (and coming home from NYC); some residual anxiety until day 24

6/02/2012 0.8 to 0.68 (15 %): increased hunger, feeling impatient with/slightly annoyed at my boyfriend for no reason, nervousness/restlessness

6/23/2012 0.68 to 0.65 (4.4 %): tiny taper due to using a different syringe... still I had withdrawal symptoms, but nothing bad, just annoying: vivid dreams! Not really nightmares, but weird and uncomfortable and vivid dreams for 12 days (and I'm sure the jet lag didn't help). I will start using my more accurate syringe again.

[wanting2quit]

Man oh man... you are sooooo close! And yes... the trip to Europe and jet lag? I am sure those are playing in to the w/d issues. If I had taken a trip to Europe right now, I would be a wreck!

What kind of electrolytes do you take?

So proud of you... hang in there!