checking in

[hope]

Hi everyone.

I haven't been posting too much, not sure why. I think I'm trying to normalize my life as much as possible. I've been looking into trying to get a fairly unchallenging part-time job, just to tie us over until I can maybe go back to school in the fall.

I'm going on 7 months off the paxil. My doctors don't think this is still paxil related. My head still feels foggy. I still feel spacy and disconnected. When I go to bed my head still beeps and roars until I eventually fall asleep. I wake up a few times a night but go back to sleep. The anxiety which started with the withdrawal is still there a bit, it wanes occasionally which is a relief. I think I'm experiencing what are mild head zaps - everything seems to kind of go out of focus for a few seconds and I feel this wierd sensation in my head. Have a few twitches now and then, not the full body ones I had a month ago. I think I'm seeing small bits of progress daily. I'm on no meds other than vitamins. (just had a zap - wierd). That horrendous depression seems to have subsided. I do feel down now and then, but I think it's from this whole ordeal. I just don't feel myself yet. After 7 years on this stuff, I often ponder and try to remember who that person was (is).

This has been very very hard. There have been times when I wanted to go crawling back to the drug. Even today as I was driving home and everything seemed slightly out of focus, I wondered what just 5 mg. of Paxil might do.

It's got to get better, right???

Hi Hope - I know it must be really hard for you to see but your note is sooo much more positive than a few weeks ago.
I really hope this is the start of your major recovery!!
The part time job sounds likes a great idea as it may take some of the pressure off you at home.
Kizziex

[genevieve]

Hi hope!
dont give up. You are not feeling wonderful, I know, but you are feeling better than, let's say, one month ago (if it is not better, it is not worst, isn't it?) I am more and more convinced that you are one of the unlucky one with a long and hard withdrawal, mainly because you have physical symptoms typical to paxil withdrawal and because you have this anxiety which was not there for you in the first place... Here are my tips :
-take care of yourself : if you had had cancer, people would tell you "this was really though, take the time you need to come back from hell and be yourself again". Why should that be different with paxil withdrawal?
-I too think the part time job is good : financially, of course
but also to regain your self esteem (being sick all the time is not a good thing for self esteem : " I can not do anything, I am so worthless and a burden for everyone..." you know?)
-dont give up with doctors : continue to tell them that you HAVE a problem, that IT IS NOT IN YOUR HEAD and that, if they would do a little more research they will se there is thousands of people like you. This could be good for their careers : the first doctor to study the long term paxil withdrawal

you are progressing, continue the good work!!!!!!