Darcy/Kizzie/Genevieve/Scott

[emily]

How long had you suffered from anxiety before you were prescribed Paxil?
How frequent were your panic attacks? Was depression a serious component, too?

Me: serious anxiety since earliest childhood. First panic attack at age 26, though there are a few "episodes" from childhood that I now recognize as panic attacks. Was having panic attacks 3-4 times per day when I was
prescribed Paxil (at age 33). Depression only set in when anxiety was at its worst--I think the panic had just exhausted me!!

Not the addressee, but for me my first panic attack was at age 19. I had them occasionally until age 30 when the frequency increased and led to chronic daily nervousness. That's when I went on Paxil. I never had depression, just chronic anxiety disorder and panic attacks at the rate of 2-3 a week. The anxiety is what drove me to Paxil, my symptoms were basically having constant nerves, 24/7.

[emily]

THANK YOU Arthur---hearing others' stories helps me so much! "Constant nerves--" I know that feeling, to where minute-to-minute life is nearly as bad as a panic attack itself.

(BTW: as regards your other post: Scott27 battles the heart attack phobia, too. I myself battle a going-crazy-phobia--sigh.)

[Scott]

age 19.. i was in a stressful position at work and being a perfectionist didnt help any.. I worked in a busy store in which i had to maintain a department daily.. it was like climbing a neverending ladder. Its not good for a perfectionist to go in every day to find what they made perfect the previous day now a total mess. I was using excessive caffeine and not eating right i guess. I felt myself feeling down and worn out a few months prior but one night in may 93' I had an episode of my heart racing.. I didnt know what a panic attack was so i associated that with imminent death. Im still fighting the feelings that something is wrong they havent found yet. So for me it was the trauma of the initial attack that sent me into hypervigilance about my body. I was obcessed. I needed meds although i really needed someone to help me with the trauma. My md thought i was neurotic and sent me to a psychologist whos sole job was to eat crackers in front of me and offer me COFFEE. O and i cant forget him suggesting I go on meds with another doctor.. thank you dr. richter, i forgive you for ruining 11 years of my life.

My psychiatrist put me on buspar and paxil. Now that i look back on it i didnt like paxil and got off it shortly after starting because i never tapered up on it, i went on the full dose. I didnt know about effects of drugs so thought i was losing my mind. I felt spaced under the flourescent lighting at work.. what an experience. i dropped the paxil no doubt from the full dose... the experience of that, now that i think about it caused me to have more anxiety.. I traded the buspar for a large dose of xanax...

Later that year i complained of feeling down knowing he would give me something for this new feeling.. little did i know depression is a side effect of prolonged xanax use especially the elephant dose i was on. He suggested prozac and i took it. 1997 i complained of feeling really lethargic (xanax) so my doctor suggested i double my prozac dose as this makes people more awake.. what the hell?
Had a panic attack later in the year so i decided i wanted off the prozac, dropped to 20mg from 40 then to 0 a month later. Had all the symptoms although i associated it with needing a drug so my dealer was all too eager to give me the next one. Serzone, which made my vision starry and gave me an lsd reaction in the mornings where a comet trail would follow my hand.. I dropped it, but not after giving 4 months to it... Dec. 97 went on effexor, made me dizzy.
A month later i went on luvox and that worked ok.
May of 99 my girlfriend left me because I couldnt go many places.. I told God it was ok to just take me.. Luckily He didnt listen to me as He had other plans for me to go through, like the hell of starting paxil to do a 2.5 year xanax taper followed by round 2 in hell with a 3 month paxil taper.
I lasted 3 months off the paxil before i became agoraphobic and unable to leave my bedroom without discomfort.

That's 11 years, just over 1/3rd of my life in print. And i literally mean that.. changing drugs and going through hell every time, along with working without much ambition describes this time period totally.

As for my history prior to all this, I was always very shy around others feeling like I couldnt act how they did without them observing me etc.. school speeches and plays were horror for me. Back then they didnt have social phobia so it was just me, its how i was created. But i described in the beginning the reason for my downfall into anxiety.

too much info

[emily]

NOT too much info, Scott--you've helped me feel more human & less alone, so I sincerely thank you. And I *know* what you mean about having "given" so much of our lives to anxiety, & to meds--I'm 33 too--but really our lives have JUST BEGUN, & are still full of possibilities.
Are you getting any help in dealing with the agoraphobia?

[Scott]

just my own research but im not as bad now that im on something.. im only on 5mg of lexapro so i'll have to see what's going to come of it. I'd like to stay here but I'd also like to live more normally. Like I said its not as bad now so im using this time to learn more and take a short break from so much tapering.

[emily]

I think that TAKING A BREAK is really important; it almost seems strange to realize that most people don't go through their days so excruciatingly self-conscious about their brains & bodies.

I think it's wonderful that you're doing so much research--i'm practicing CBT stuff every day, vigilantly--but I wouldn't rule out the idea of seeing a therapist. Some of them really are compassionate people who went into the field because they wanted to help people. They're not Gods, or Cures, or Miracles--but they can be part of building a strong support system. (I really like my therapist).

Hi Emily

I was put on seroxat (paxil) after the birth of my twins.
Basically 6 weeks after they were born I was rushed to hospital because I collapsed. Was tested for everything possible including MS. In the end diagnosed with anxiety based PND.
Continued to have severe panic attacks. like you I think depression 'followed' the anxiety.

Anyway back to your question - I think I was always a 'worrier' - used to get v anxious about things like exams but nothing that actually affected my life. My parents were always strict and quite demanding that I be 'perfect' and i think this did have some effect - although at various times in my life they have also been incredibly supportive.

Then went through a number of family deaths followed by IVF treatment and a very difficult pregnancy. I think this is what finally pushed me 'over the edge'.

Not sure if this answers your question.
Kizziex

[genevieve]

Hi emily!
here is my story (part of it!!!)
I was prescribed paxil (with ativan and rivotril -I took those 2 for only 2-3 months I think... I just dont remember...) around my 18th birthday. I was having panic attack and anxiety so bad I did not want to leave the house. My parents decided that I needed medication and they brang me to the hospital. I had been bad for around 6 months before. I was sad because I had no boyfriend, no close friends (I had just entered college and did not like the people there) and had conflicts with my parents. I was in a constant "anxiety" state and maybe I was depressed too, as many others, BECAUSE of the anxiety! I though I was going crazy (did not know that a panic attack was not schizophrenia...) and I had this depersonalisation feeling really often.
I have always been anxious. I can remember having panic attacks at 3-4 years old!!!! But it was not often so not really a problem. I guess it is part biological and part my parents who are very anxious persons and I had always to be "perfect".
Paxil worked super : I was back in school and finished college with A+...
The rest of the story : tried to quit it 4-5 times and was tell by my doctor that I "need" it when I was experiencing anxiety. Learn about withdrawal in 2002 and decided it was enough!!! Now on 5 mg of celexa... I am seeing no effect... I have seen around 7-8 therapist (psychiatrists AND psychologists) since 97 and the last one (which I am seeing now) is the better. I will be 25 years old in 2 weeks and a new part of my life has begun!!!!!!

[Scott]

heh "brang"

[MizzT]

Scott
You make me LMAO!!!

[Scott]

je suis désolé genevieve

[emily]

Thanks again, everybody. Genevieve: Happy Almost-Birthday; I know your 25th year will be filled with good stuff!

[Scott]

genevieve are you seeing no side effects or no positive effects?

[genevieve]

I dont feel different at all... No side effects, no positive effects, no negative effects... Maybe it is because I take 5mg and the normal dose is 20... What is that "Brang" thing??? Sorry if I dont understand, I am pretty intelligent, but when it comes to english, my IQ goes down to 70...

[Scott]

Originally Posted by genevieve

My parents decided that I needed medication and they brang me to the hospital.

[Dream]

Originally Posted by genevieve

I dont feel different at all... No side effects, no positive effects, no negative effects... Maybe it is because I take 5mg and the normal dose is 20... What is that "Brang" thing??? Sorry if I dont understand, I am pretty intelligent, but when it comes to english, my IQ goes down to 70...

that's OK. I think he was commenting on the fact that the word you want is 'Brought" or "took" and not "brang".

It's a common mistake even among people who speak english as a first language.

hugs,
Andi

[Pat Shields]

Originally Posted by emily

Scott27 battles the heart attack phobia, too.

Hm. Is that a phobia? If so, I suffer from it and take myself to the ER sometimes because of it. Nobody ever finds anything, of course. One time they did find an erratic heartbeat, but I had been taking an ephedra-based bodybuilding supplement, too, that had jacked up my blood pressure as well. But twinges in the chest set off the panic system, and in the past off to the ER I would go. Now what I do, right or wrong, is just wait to see what it is that is hurting, and just in case I am on the verge of death, I genuinely ask God to forgive me for my sins and shortcomings. What is the pain? I don't know. I have started thinking I have angina. I am the right age and physical condition for it. When I told the doc this, of course I was sent right over for an EKG, and of course it was absolutely normal.

[Ariella]

Originally Posted by emily

How long had you suffered from anxiety before you were prescribed Paxil?
How frequent were your panic attacks? Was depression a serious component, too?

I've got a whole anxiety story shared here : http://www.paxilprogress.org/phpBB2/...highlight=1996

I had what I considered "suffering" anxiety from 1996 to 2001 although I was given Paxil. I took my last Paxil dose the last day of September 2000. I wasn't free of the kind of debilitating effects anxiety could cause until about 2001 . I hadn't completely conquered all old fears (like driving) until 2002.

My panic attacks were often all-day marathons. Depression was a component but only in that my whole emotional system was depressed since it was inundated with anxiety. I never went through the "I'm worthless" ideation.

[Pat Shields]

Originally Posted by paxilprogress

(from the linked diatribe)"You see, when I would do what others told me, emulate people I admired, my own opinion of myself mattered little."

I 'suffer' from exactly the opposite, at least now I do. When asked what person I admire the most or would like to pattern my life after, my whole-hearted response is "ME!" I think that is because I have learned that my own opinion of myself matters most. If I can go to bed with myself at night and sleep with a clear conscience, no matter how much of an eccentric others might see me as, then I have had a successful day.
A related topic - Once at work we 'girls' were having a discussion about self-esteem. I stated that there is no one who is better than I. One of the others was shocked and accused me of being egotistical. I let her know that she had heard me wrong; I did NOT say that I am better than anyone else; merely that no one is better than I. That means I do not feel inferior to anyone and I see us all to be on an equal footing unless you prove to me that you don't deserve to be thought of that way. They left work that day with a new thought to think. Everyone should chant as a mantra: "There is no one who is better than I."

[Ariella]

There is no one who is better than I! You got it!

It's so good to grow up and learn the truth isn't it? How young and naive I was back then hehe. Of course, when I'm 40, I'll be saying the same about the me of today.

[emily]

Wow, Darcy--what a life's story yours is--inspiring--& to think it all kicked in with a bus ride! Thank you for posting the link.

I SERIOUSLY think--guys, back me up here?--that you should post your own story as a permanent feature, maybe on your home page. I think it would be tremendously helpful for people first stumbling on paxilprogress to see a year-by-year account, 1996-2004.

THank you again--

Em

[Ariella]

I did have the history of pp.org online for a few years with a little dip into mine, but you're right...I'd like people to know my motives for this whole thing continue to be sincere and very deeply heart felt.