Afraid to use the phone!!!

[Toots]

Hi all.

Just wanted some tips on dealing with severe anxiety over answering the phone and making calls. It's to avoid unplanned, uncomfortable confrontation. Not because I have received horrible calls in the past. I'm pretty sure I know why. Now I have to change it. It's a hell of a hurdle.


I am on a waiting list to see someone and in the interum I am working like hell on myself. Little steps but a lot of positive talk. I've run out of things to tell myself to get over the phone thing.


Currently, as I write, it's 2:28am. I called into work at 1:51am and left a message letting my employer know that I"ll be off for another 3 months. I had a progressively worse headache as the evening drew later. I was nervous, shaky, and nauseous. I called and had written down what I wanted to say and I flubbed it!!!! I had to tell her I was reading, voice all shaky and sounding like an idiot. So in the am, she's gonna listen to yet another message from me as I don't do phones very well. ....... .


So, if anyone has any CBT ideas or anything I could be telling myself to work out of this, it would be great!


Thanks so much.


Toots.

[Toots]

Forgot to mention.....I had to talk myself into posting, too. I'm always frozen when I'm confronted with initiating or getting caught off guard in person.

It's hard to keep from telling myself, "You're a freak!" Instead, I laugh at it. But in all honesty, I need some tips if you got 'em.


Embarrassedly yours,
Toots.

All i can say is, you are NOT a freak! You don't need to feel anxious or embarresed about writing here to us. We don't judge you, EVER. Remember that.

When i first came here, i had a hard time too writing how i felt and was unsure what people would think of me. I still feel a little insecure on what i write, because of what people might think, but only a little and i won't let it stop me.

What has helped me in this situation, since it also affects my daily life, is to accept that people were not put on this earth to pass judgement on me. They have far better things to do. If you think about, aren't they thinking the same as you? Worrying about if you are judging them?

I hope you overcome this fear. I know how hard it is.

[Toots]

Thanks, Hellbilly.

Logic tells me a lot. But how can I start putting into practice what I know is logical?

I think I just answered my question....PRACTICE!

Any tips would be appreciated.

Thanks.

Toots.

Yes Toots, i think practice is the magic word.

A saying i have always liked.....

"Practice what you preach"

I've never had trouble posting on forums, but I still schedule phonecalls when they're unavoidable. And that's five years after intense therapy to treat phone-phobia. As un-social as I am, I still deal better face to face where I can nod and shrug than over the phone.

[Scott]

Originally Posted by Toots

Logic tells me a lot. But how can I start putting into practice what I know is logical?

this reminds me of something I just read which i'll type out below in how our emotions get in the way of rational intellect.

Emotional Development

Denial of self creates numerous effects. Two of the most important effects, in relation to our anxiety disorder, are our passivity and our need to be in control. We are extremely passive people. We have needed to be so, as this is part of our ideal model and ensures we don't express our emotions. We remain passive despite the onslaught of an anxiety disorder that can destroy our life as we knew it. WE don't realize that being angry at our disorder is a natural and normal response to the devastation of our lives. Any anger we may feel towards our anxiety is turned back on ourselves. 'I'm stupid, hopeless, useless.' Anger directed at our disorder can be the rocket-ship to recovery, yet many people are afraid of becoming angry, even towards their anxiety and fear. They feel it is a loss of control rather than a major step forward in their recovery.
To be who we think we should be takes an enormous amount of self-control. We have needed to be in control of ourselves, our emotions and our environment at all times to ensure that the image other people have of us is not diminished. This self-control is not what it appears to be. It is the 'glue' that holds the createdself together, and keeps our natural emotions and feelings at bay.

When anxiety and panic attacks blast into our lives we are thrown back onto ourselves. No matter how hard we try to fight and control our anxiety and panic, we can't break through. Our panic and anxiety escalate along with our fears and a growing sense of inadequacy and increasing helplessness. The more we fight for control, the more helpless and isolated we feel, and our anxiety and attacks gain momentum.

In becoming who we thought 'we should be' we have blocked our emotional development. We are still relating emotionally to ourselves and the world around us as we did as a child. It is within this framework that we relate to our anxiety disorder. This is why it has power over us.

Intellectually, we have matured and, intellectually, we may know and understand that our symptoms of anxiety and panic. Intellectually, we know there is nothing physically wrong with us. Intelletually, we know our thoughts are creating our ongoing distress. Emotionally, we do not feel the truth of this and, emotionally, we do not believe it.

We don't believe that we will not die or go insane from our anxiety and panic symptoms. WE don't believe we will not lose control, make a fool of ourselves or embarrass ourselves in some way. Emotionally, we do not feel the truth of the countless positive statements and affirmations that we repeat endlessly, or the realistic statements we say to counteract negative thoughts.

Emotionally, we sabotage our intellectual understanding of our disorder and we become caught in a never-ending cycle of fear. In dealing with fear, we are dealing with emotions and no amount of intellectual dissection will bring the two levels together without further understanding.

I speak about recovery as a change of perception. We need to bring our emotional understanding of our disorder to the same level as our intellectual understanding. Emotionally, we need to learn to see and feel our panic attacks and anxiety for what they really are==panic and anxiety, nothing more. This does not negate the severity and stength of them. They will still be as violent as before but, emotionally, we can learn to see and feel why there is nothing to fear. Until we can see this, we are a prisoner of our fear.

Recovery is the loss of fear of our experience. When we can see and feel our intellectual understanding at an emotional level, our symptoms and fears lose their power over us. We then have power over them.

When we first begin, it appears to be an intellectual exercise going nowhere. Initially, there is no connection between the 'head' and the 'heart', the intellectual and the emotional. With practice, we begin to understand at an emotional level the dynamics of our anxiety disorder. We begin to 'see' and feel, at an emotional level, how our thoughts create so much of our ongoing distress, which in turn creates the many fears we experience. We begin to see the subtle and not so subtle physical effects of our thoughts. We begin to see the mind'body connection very clearly. And as we do, our emotional understanding of our disorder develops, and the 'power' balance between ourselves and our anxiety disorder begins to shift. Our panic and anxiety becomes easier and easier to manage and control, and we begin to reclaim our lives.

We all assume recovery will mean going back to who we were begore our disorder. This isn't recovery. How can it be if it involves 'going back'? Going back means we do not lose the fear of our experience. Recovery means we go forward, not backwards. If we go back, we remain at the level of emotional development we had before the disorder developed. This sets the stage for a possible recurrence of our disorder in the future.

As we work through to recovery our emotional development evolves as part of this process. As it does, we begin to see how the inherent negativity of our disorder can actually be transformed into the most constructive experience of our life. This becomes the gift of recovery. This is the reason why those of us who have recovered consider our anxiety disorder to be the most valuable experience of our life.




As for how best to work on your fear... like any other fear you should do exposure to it first by imagining how it will go in your mind as you meditate on it. Then you would talk on the phone for a length of time without anyone on the other end.. You could read something your written or just talk. Then you would record yourself talking on the phone with noone on the other end. This will show you that you don't sound as out of it as you imagine yourself to be. The only bad thing is, we are our own worst critics so it's hard to hear our own voice and not be critical even if it is flawless. Then you would talk to someone for real realizing that it doesn't matter what you sound like because noone is perfect.

Dear Toots:

Although I don't "normally" have phone phobia, I do so now because I too must call into work and let them know I'm not going to make it. I don't want to answer the phone because I don't know who is calling, and after all I have voice mail. I'm afraid someone will ask me something embarassing and I guess in some ways I want to "deny" the way I am feeling.

Practice is the key to overcoming phobias.

So call a bookstore to see if they have a certain book. Call the library to get some information. Call stores to ask for the address or hours of operation. These seem less anxiety producing then having to phone work or to talk with some people. The more you use the phone, the less anxiety you'll have.

I have had to do this with driving. Driving has been a difficult thing for me even when I was at a non panic stage. And believe me, every time I drove further than the time before I was well aware of how many blocks, lights or other details that most would never notice.

Give it a try, you can always hang up if you want.

Best of luck to you,
Blessings,
Alisha

Hi Toots,
I've had life long phone phobia and I'm now 55. I've had all kinds of treatment and nothing works for me.
I just have to psych myself up to using it.
Good luck you are not alone!