Need to talk.

[hope]

Hi,

I'm staying at a natural healing center trying to detox my body and feeling very alone and sad. I just need to go somewhere and just say what I'm feeling. Many here know my story. I took my last Paxil last September and have been going through a roller coaster ride since. I was so sick I couldn't work. I was on Paxil 7 years - my doctor convinced me to take it for postpartum depression and assured me it wasn't addicting. I read the literature that came with the samples and it said the same thing, "nonhabit forming." I was so naive then. I didn't realize people could tell such big lies.

So anyway, I'm at this natural healing center. I've been doing these liver/gallbladder flushes. I did three and felt a lot better. A lot of my neurological symptoms had lessened and I was sleeping up to 6 hours at a time, sometimes 7. And I could go back to sleep and not have bad dreams. My neurological symptoms were still there, the twitches, vision disturbances, slight dizziness. I did a 4th gallbladder flush on my own at home and got sick sick sick. Most of my symptoms came back,and I couldn't breathe, was depressed. My husband was mad at me. I was mad at myself. I booked a flight and came back to the healing center. I did another flush and felt better. I started getting some sinus symptoms, cough, ears plugged. I went to a naturalpath here in the town I'm in and she gave me some stuff for all the congestion. She said there was some congestion in my left lung. What does that mean?? I told her I wanted supplements to help with the neurological symptoms. She said she needed to clear up this URI first and then do the neurological symptoms. It was expensive. Anyway, I am wondering what I'm doing??? I am so desperate that I'm trying all this stuff. I am alone here and wish my husband was with me. I asked him to come but he won't. I have felt so alone through all these months. I feel like I've been going through this alone. My kids have been so wonderful. I don't know what is wrong with me. I am tired of spending all this money. I am tired of searching. I am tired of being a pain in the *** to everyone. I want a hug but I'm here by myself. I've had so many days like this where I feel I can't go on.

This whole ordeal has been more difficult than my wildest dreams. It might have been different if I'd had an accident or an injury that people could see. But my injury is inside me and all people can see is what they can imagine from what I say.

I have been praying all the time. Sometimes I feel God is with me, sometimes I feel he is far away. I really want my life back. I am determined to get it back, but it is so so hard.

[rdjanis]

Hope, it saddens me that you are having such a difficult time. There was a time, not so long ago, where I was devestated thinking my daughter would never get through this. Well, she has!

Don't forget that you were on the Paxil for a long period of time, and I believe it will take you longer to heal... but you WILL heal. Be strong, have faith, you will get past this.

It is sometimes hard for those of us who are not experiencing this to fully understand what you are actually going through, so do not feel so alone, your family are probably feeling as you are, and not knowing how to help.

Give yourself time to heal, your husband is probably frustrated in not being able to help you, people handle stress in different ways.

[Scott]

Originally Posted by hope

This whole ordeal has been more difficult than my wildest dreams. It might have been different if I'd had an accident or an injury that people could see. But my injury is inside me and all people can see is what they can imagine from what I say.

I know just how that feels

[tommyd]

Hope,

Have you ever thought of suing? I am looking into it myself.

My darn symptoms dragged on like that and are just now lightening up. My last paxil dose was in March of '03. I was only on it for about 5 months total and Celexa 3 yrs prior to that. My doc ASSURED me (he's a neurologist) that the segway from celexa to paxil would be smooth. I questioned him directly and he reassured me. I knew nothing of ssri's at the time so I trusted his opinion. I was very wrong in doing that. In fact, I was naive to allow them to prescribe the Celexa for an episode of dizziness to. Thet's what got me into this mess.

I know how it feels to wonder if it will ever get better. I struggled with that for almost a year, constantly complaining to my wife that I didn't feel myself and wondering if permanent damage was done. I really believe over time it will get better, but you're left with knowing you endured this hell for such a long time. That's one of the worse parts about this whole thing, feeling violated.

Tom

[jeff225]

Hope,

I just want to let you know that your messages have helped me immeasurably when I needed them most. I can certainly relate to feeling alone and scared. This withdrawal business is harder then I could've ever imagined. But I know there is an end to this. We WILL get better. It might take time and a lot of patience, but it will happen. Believe that.

I concur with everything that is being said here. When I was first given Paxil, I was extremely desperate, naive and misinformed. In no way was I told how difficult it would be to get off the drug. Knowing that, I would never have filled the script to begin with. (BTW: I resisted taking Paxil for one full year despite 3 doctors pushing it on me. Finally, my will was broken.) I would love to sue GSK for the toll that their product has taken on mine and so many other's lives. I just don't know how to go about doing that. I think the majority of people on this forum would be justified in doing the same thing.

Jeff

[Scott]

Originally Posted by tommyd

Hope,

Have you ever thought of suing? I am looking into it myself.

My darn symptoms dragged on like that and are just now lightening up. My last paxil dose was in March of '03. I was only on it for about 5 months total and Celexa 3 yrs prior to that. My doc ASSURED me (he's a neurologist) that the segway from celexa to paxil would be smooth. I questioned him directly and he reassured me. I knew nothing of ssri's at the time so I trusted his opinion. I was very wrong in doing that. In fact, I was naive to allow them to prescribe the Celexa for an episode of dizziness to. Thet's what got me into this mess.

you won't have any luck suing the makers of paxil.. the first thing they will look at is your celexa use and will blame it on that. Forest pharm, the makers of celexa will blame it on paxil. As for your doctor, you will have to pretty much prove that you have a permanent disability in order for this to go anywhere.. Unfortunately we have a disability that cannot be measured or seen by anyone. Our word goes nowhere in court.

[puggo63]

I am almost in my first month 100% Paxil free...I still feel weird, moody. These forums have been a great source of support. My consolation is knowing I am not alone, look how many of us are going through this hell. I think we as a group should start thinking of forming "real life" support groups within our own communites with the folks we meet here. Just an idea.

[tommyd]

I was urged by Dr Tracy to file suit. My withdrawal was similar to Rob Robinson's and he seems to have a solid case. I am investigating it at this time. We'll see what happens.

[genevieve]

Hi!
3 subjects I want to discuss:

1) HOPE. I really feal sorry for you. I wish I was there to help you but I am really far away. The others have had really nice words for you. I could not do better with my strugglings in english so... I will just give you a big internet hug:

<<<<HUG>>>>

Things will get better. You are not alone.


2) SUING. I think that for most people, suing would be a waste of time. Because, first, it is hard to proove what we are feeling. How can you proove you are having zaps? nausea? vertigo? And how can you proove that you are feeling depress because of withdrawal and not because you are a depress person? Second, those companies have really good lawyers so I dont think I could afford all the money they would put to proove me wrong. I think that the best thing to do is to SPEAK about this thing. We have to get everybody informed about these drugs. We dont have to hide. We must not hide but SHARE our experience because we have been abused but suing would be of no use I think. The best thing that could happen is that everybody would understand how hard it was for us. Like the thalidomid crisis : we all now what happen to those children and because of that clinical trials are more severe now (not enough, I know, but this crisis helped to change things). So people in 5, 10, 50 years have to remember, and say "you know that paxil scandal? we should not make a mistake like this anymore". So SPEAK LOUD about your experience and dont be ashame. I love the idea of the bumper sticker (I dont remember who brought it to the forum but it is nice)


3) SUPPORT GROUPS. I am really really sorry to see that at the support group I go to (It is a support group in quebec for people with anxiety problems) we dont discuss drugs. They say "we dont discuss drugs because we are not doctors so we should not talk about it and it could make some people inconforable". I think it is so silly... I mean, we discuss psychology (the support we give each others, and the cognitive-behavioral tips we give each others... this is psychology!!) and we are not psychologist!!! So why not discuss drugs? Should we be a bunch of zombies having 100% confidence in their doctors? If I had listen to my doctor only I would be on 3 ADs now and thinking I am crazy! I am really glad I listened to you on this forum who are not doctors but who have been the best help I could have through this journey. Anyway, I will try to talk about this drug taboo on the next meeting with my group. Things have to change.

[dar7726]

Hope, I am sooo sorry you are feeling alone. Please know that you are not. We are with you. We all share this kind of pain and our only crime is that we looked for help and recieved lies and misinformation. What the Drug Co's, FDA and even the Government is doing by promoting these drugs is and should be considered criminal and prosecutable.

I mean where the hell, is the war on drugs NOW. It's going nowhere cause the drug pushers are wearing suits and most likely have degrees and come from money and power. I mean, you can't advertise beer and cigarettes on TV, but the Drug co's can tell you to ask your doctor for every kind of drug under the sun. It is criminal.

Anyway, a big hug to you. I hope you fell better soon.


To TommyD, I'd like to hear more about your lawsuit, your discussion with Dr. Tracy and your story. Maybe we would all benefit from this information.

As for suing, don't be so sure that at some point we won't all be on a class action suit. If we ask the higher power, whatever you determine that too be, who knows, we might win this battle yet and make them pay through the nose and pocketbooks.

[MizzT]

Hi Hope
Im sorry too....to hear you feeling so bad. Im having a rough day today but im sure nothing compared to where you are at.
I started some new problems at around the 10 month mark too.
I know how rough it can be.....but hang in there and keep on the path you are on. It does get better.

enjoy the fact that you are taking really good care of yourself. try as much as possible to pamper yourself. and know that we are all thinking about you and sending you good wishes.

Beverly

[dar7726]

Just saw this on curezone.

Drugs never cure disease. They merely hush the voice of nature's protest, and pull down the danger signals she erects along the pathway of transgression. Any poison taken into the system has to be reckoned with later on even though it palliates present symptoms. Pain may disappear, but the patient is left in a worse condition, though unconscious of it at the time."
~ Daniel. H. Kress, M.D.

Hope,

You are not alone! We have all been through and like me still going through this with you. I read the posts and say WOW - look at everyone who CARES! I have to admit, this is the hardest thing I personally have ever been through and still going through, but the support here is amazing.

I know you are one who has always replied to my posts and helped me out greatly, I have to say - Thank you and you truely have a purpose here and feel like in due time you will heal. We will all heal, its that time thing that gets in the way. I say this because I have a hard time with this also. "its been 3 mths. already how come I am not the old me again" - this is my newest favorite line!

I encourage you to keep faith and pray, it will get better and keep talking with us all - WE CARE!

(hugs)

[hope]

Thank you everyone for your kind responses. I checked the scale and I've lost 4 lbs within the last couple of weeks. I know Paxil is stored in the fat cells so I'm thinking this could be raising some hell. I'm angry because I keep going to these naturalpathic doctors because I want some supplements to help the neurological symptoms, and they keep sidetracking me. This last one said I had an upper resp. infection. I ended up spending umpteen dollars on stuff for that and didn't get my supplements. Sheesh!! My mind is all over the place. I need someone to go with me places and think for me half the time!

I am sad because for about a week I felt as close to myself as I ever had in a long time. Then it all came crashing down. I know deep down I will get through. How in the heck could I have lived through this whole thing for this long??? Trudging through the desert it feels like. I went for a walk today and had to turn around because I was so achy and tired. I have that stupid ball in my throat too. That had gone away. I did have it when I was withdrawing early on so I am pretty sure that it's withdrawal related.

As far as the lawsuit. I am part of the classaction lawsuit. I will tell you they have some pretty heavy powered law firms going after the makers of Paxil. I checked them out and they do some bigtime lawsuits. Currently there are 4 or 5 thousand suing. Someone said the firm I'm with isn't taking any more clients. But there are some out there starting lawsuits. I would encourage anyone interested in suing to search with the words "paxil" and "lawyer". You will be asked to fill out an online questionairre. It took a month or two for me to get a response. I got a response from a couple of firms. I went with the biggest one. I've spoken with my attorney personally several times. It may take years. But heck, I'll go as long as it takes.

Again, thanks for all the cheering up. I still feel crappy but I'm getting closer to my pre-paxil weight so hopefully there won't be as many fat cells to dump paxil into my bloodstream after a while.

To everyone who says I've helped them, thanks. I know I'll be feeling better soon so I can start cheering again, I hope I hope I hope.. Pleeeeze!!

[tommyd]

Dang!

I talked to one of the head lawyers at Baum Hedlund yesterday and he said Michigan passed a law last year that does not allow individuals to sue the makers of drugs if their drug was approved by the FDA!! Talk about crap!

We talked at length on the whole Paxil issue. He said he works 8 hrs a day, 5 days a week on these Paxil cases. He was very sympathetic and suggested I look into a malpractice case against the doctor that originally prescribed it (my neurologist). I don't think that would go very far though. I fully believe the neurologist is a dumbass that should not be practicing medicine.

Also, the lawyer told me I know more than 90% of the doctors prscribing Paxil. An intersesting comment, I thought!

[genevieve]

Originally Posted by tommyd

Dang!
I fully believe the neurologist is a dumbass that should not be practicing medicine.

If we had to put every doctor who is a dumbass out of work I dont think their would be many doctors around! (no offense to the ones that are good doctors...)

[Kelly]

Hope,
I just wanted to say that you are such a strong person you will get through this tough time.Try to remember the string of good days you had and believe they will be back.I also wanted to say that I had taken some supplements to help detox my digestive track and within 2 days of starting I had the worst withdrawal symptoms that I have had since the very beginning. I am hoping that the detox is related to feeling crappy again but if it is how long does this stuff stay in you. It really is a wonder that there is so much more info not known about this drug than is know.
Anyway maybe getting it out will help speed recovery, and some day this will all be a bad memory.
Best Wishes,
Kelly

[hope]

Is is viable to sue the FDA???

[dar7726]

Wow A good point Hope. Wouldn't that be something!!!!!!

[MizzT]

a very good thought.....but it wont happen under the current administration. They are making laws so we cant even sue doctors.

[quote]I talked to one of the head lawyers at Baum Hedlund yesterday and he said Michigan passed a law last year that does not allow individuals to sue the makers of drugs if their drug was approved by the FDA!! Talk about crap! [/quote/

So you cant sue if the drug was approved by the FDA in michigan....I would think that goes to figure that if the FDA approved it...you cant sue them either. bushy boy just wont allow you to talk badly about one of his agencies.....unless its the CIA of course.


beverly is still fighting a headache and is very pesimistic.

Hope, I am new at all of this too. I have felt so alone even with a very supportive family. I don't rely to much on friends, I've been disapointed too many times. I hope that everyday you feel stronger. I'm not a vendictive person but right now If I could get my hands Glaxo Smith Kline I would rip them apart !! I will never let this rest, I never want anyone to go through this!!! I will take my last breath making sure that GSK gets some kind of punishment for the crime they have committed against so many people. I am not and have never been a weak person, I know I will get through this and it is talking with people like you that give me the strength to get out of bed and face another day of this. I want you to know that I do care and I am so sorry that you are going through this too. My kids are my and my husband are my saving grace, I can't thank God enough. My mom always used the words she was told by her mom and I think it's so simple but such a strong message " And this to shall pass" no matter how hard how how troubling, I cling to those words.....and it helps.

[darcyb]

A reply from Bonnie who's having account problems and asked me to post this for her:

this is my third or fourth attempt at posting, so we'll see how it goes...just...man. I'm sitting here tears streaming down my face because I just in the past month started having tolernace issues and am now going through the withdrawal process....i'm in grad school and its so hard to try and tell people, let alone get them to really understand what is going on. ANd it is such a blessing to have things like this out there, because NA isn't the right track and maybe the doctors aren't the right rack either since they kinda got us into this mess..MY family doesn't understand, though I have sent them searching here and ssricitizen and, its so hard. I'm tired of being sick....and now i'm sick again in a different way. and, man, this place is such a great place to try and build from...

Well bless your heart! I wish I could hug you and tell you it's gonna get better I promise!!! I am still going though the withdrawl myself and it's been sooooo hard! I started with the sobbing and curled up in a fetal position, then the nausea, then the zaps (absoutley the worst!). Now after 10 days I still get very nauseated, still get the zaps but the emotional rollercoater has slowed down a bit (I credit this site for that!!) I have a step daughter that is in her 2nd year at A&M, I cannot imagine her having to go through this at this time in her life! I would really want to harm someone at GSK!! I guess you never want your kids to go through anything like this!!! I'm kinda a mom to every stray kid that comes along if it had not been for being so sick during my pregnancy I'd probably have a dozen of em. If you ever need an extra mom I'd be more than happy to help you through the ruff stuff! I'm going out to look for stars to wish on for apappala I'll see if I can find one for you!!!!! BIG HUG!!!!!! Mom22boys