I NEED encouragement fast

I took my last 2mg on Wednesday the 4th. I did ok until Sunday.The dreaded 4th day(You see I knew this day would be bad cuz when I went cold turkey 2 yrs ago I almost gave up my life and sanity on the 4th day and went back on the pill from hell to survive)
I weaned myself this time very carefully. And believe me-it is a lot better than last time.
However, since sunday I have had a total roller coaster of emotions. And zaps like you would not believe. Every time I turn my head, move my eyes in another direction, or do anything other than close my eyes and lay down, my head zaps so hard I can feel it behind my eyes and it even moves my eardrum. When can I expect this crap to stop. I am so worried I have some sort of brain damage. Or will have. I cried so hard this morning at 5:00am that I went to work with swollen eyes. I'm a graphic artist and this is not good as I am glued to a computer all day. I can't understand why the zaps though are not lessening. Tomorrow will be a full week off.

[Toots]

Poor you.

They will ease. It takes time and unfortunately, it's not always easy to get that time to ourselves to heal quietly and undisturbed.

Try not to get down on yourself. You will not be brain damaged or feeling this way forever.

If you need to....take a couple more weeks off to be sure and then you will have that much less to worry about as you go through the worst of withdrawal. Hang on tight and try to laugh periodically. Even if it's forced and fake. Do it alone. It gets easier. My best to you.

Toots.

[MizzT]

Hi Nana
Im sorry you are in the rough of it. please try to hang in there. Do whatever you can to rest and stay relaxed. I hate to say that you know the symptoms...so dont be afraid of them. I know how bad it can be but you wont have permanent damage....it will end.

Lots of fluids to help flush out the body. warm baths. Bentonite is good to add to baths to help detox. funny movies. and as much sleep as possible.

just never forget that every hour you go farther from the drug....the healthier your body will be.

Peace
Beverly

[Ariella]

Nana, this is short lived. If you can hold on, rest your eyes by looking at distant focal points every few 10-15 min, close your eyes in between moving from a far focus to a near focus, do less reading (with your job, that's impossible to avoid, but at home you can try to do less), then within a few weeks, it will start to fade. A month is a good accomplishment to know that things will really get better then. This attention/sight/zap stuff is an intensity only when fresh from a reduction. That stuff will go away, although the zaps may recur every now and then for a few months after, only let's say...a few times a month, if that. My zaps were gone before a month once free completely.

[silence4now]

Congratulations on tapering. I wish I had been as smart. I've often felt the same way - wondering if I will survive this or if I will have permanent neurological damage. But I always pull through it and feel better eventually. Just tell yourself its the drug talking and that it will not kill you. It will be uncomfortable for a little while, but a lifetime is waiting for you to enjoy without this drug!

Thanks for all the kind words. Darcy thanks to you also for the info on your zaps. In all this withdrawl crazyness I guess this is the worst part for me. If you have an emotional symptom, like getting mad or crying at least you can walk out of the room from the person or thing your mad at. With these zaps they just stay with you where ever your at. No control type of thing. Today I have been better. Thanks again to all you wonderful people who share your experiences and paxhell wisdom.

[Ariella]

Better still: since being mad is your experience that you've decided to have in response to something, it's completely your freedom to choose a different experience, including not walking out. Moving your body may be good for the 'madness' after it's been had and impacts your body, but it does nothing for prevention from decided to be mad in the first place.

I'm saying this because I caught myself doing that a lot lately. Once I realized I was in control of my own dramas, I could then decide to dramatize my villains differently, so that I didn't make any more flee-flavored decisions. Took me months to catch myself though hehe.

[Dennis]

My wife Jackie has the same thing as you . . . I keep telling her that all of these symptoms of withdrawal are results of being on paxil . . . like being hungover is a result from drinking too much. Once you stop drinking . . . no more hangover! You cant get hungover - if you dont drink - right? Once off of paxil . . . no more symptoms - right?

Good luck - you'll get there!

Dennis I guess the hard part is my zaps although not as harsh as they once were, are still as frequent. I hope your wife's are going away some. They make me "brain tired".

Darcy- my point about walking out of the room when I get paxil symptom mad or sad is I can somewhat control that. I cant control or walkout on the brain zaps. And they are still with me day and night.

[Ariella]

Ah ok. I see the context now.

[Dennis]

Does anyone know what these ZAPS are. They are real and affect many people. Is there any actual info as to the science behind them?

[Ariella]

Sorry Denis, there's no science on it yet. The brain remains a mystery although humanity dangerously toys with its chemicals. There is no test for any mental illness that is biological in nature. It's all just a series of matching quiz questions to answers like:

Have you been feeling lethargic for more than two weeks?
Yes - you are depressed, take this drug
No - answer the next question

Have you had a change of interest in your hobbies last more than a few weeks?
Yes - you are depressed, take this drug
No - answer the next question

And so on. The higher the number of questions in a mental health quiz (and this is the foundation of mental health diagnosis folks, nothing more interesting the same quizzes you get in an issue of Cosmopolitan), the greater the probability that you have a mental illness. You'll notice the causes of the symptoms those questions address can come from not sleeping well from a new mattress.

Granted, some of the questions are more direct and more revealing when they get into things like "have you tried to kill yourself recently", but I mean...DUH! You need a quiz to know that that's the sign of a problem? And to rememdy that, you'll throw drugs which INDUCE suicidal thoughts at them?

It's funny, but drugs like Paxil were originally designed to be hypnotics. They were meant to make you too stoned to identify with your problems. Sure, that can make you too high to have a conscious thought about killing yourself, but does it actually help any? No. It keeps the body alive, at the expense of consciousness. You might as well prescribe a hammer to the back of the neck using that logic. If we're unconscious, we can't harm ourselves.

Or, if we're sedated enough... You've seen that logic used on your daughter.

Y'know, my view on what life is is extremely different than institutions. I see no benefit to keeping someone 'alive' if their awareness of being alive is so diminished, that the experience of life, is too crippled to really matter. I'd rather feel my full ocean of misery as a declaration that I am alive and fully participating, then to be numbed out of my skull just for the sake of improving the probability I won't stop breathing. Know what I mean? Who wants to be a heart beating and breathing machine, if the awareness of such an enxperience is medicated away?

It's like keeping an engine running while disconnecting it from the wheels, and trying to convince yourself you're still driving. There's no movement! Awareness/driving, does NOT occur, so what's the point? It's the same reasoning people who feel suicidal use. They feel so disconnected (engine not connected to the wheels), that they fail to see the point in keeping the engine running, and so they shut it off.

So if medicine is going to treat suicidal people, acting like the suicide itself (which they are doing by furthering the sense of disconnection for the patient by means of drugs), doesn't work. They've got to invite the person having the experience to first see it as an illusion, and then choose to see things differently. A drug will PREVENT that from happening since they lose control over their awareness of their experience.

And I've found myself on the rant again hehe. I'll stop here.