The Journey continues

[scotty]

This has been a very trying week. As you know Ryan didn't make it back to school after the first day. We decided to wait a while and try again today. We had met with the school psychologist on Monday who encouraged us to get Ryan classified under the Disabilities Act. I was horrified!! Who was she to tell me my son wasn't normal!! Well, last night was a wake up call. Ryan was an angry mess just thinking about going to school. My husband had me convinced that we had to push him to go back or his life would be ruined. I went with my brain and not my heart and agreed to push him a bit. He was an emotional mess last night. He's scared of never getting better(even though he's so much better that 5 months ago), he was afraid that the school would insist that he be medicated, he was afraid to be locked into a building and feel out of control. He was just plain scared!
We cried together and I made the decision to have him evaluated for special education under the Disabilities Act. This would give him an Individualized Education Plan that the school would have to abide by. It would allow him home instruction,half days,smaller classes etc... I had to accept that FOR NOW he has a disability and its called Paxil withdrawal.
Ryan's psychologist today put it in perspective. "We are in uncharted territory with withdrawal. What Ryan is going through is new to the medical profession since no one recognized it before. Now that the word is out, we have to learn how to deal with it together". He ordered home instruction and encouraged getting the IEP. He is a wonderful man.
I then had the opportunity to relay Ryan's story to a well known teenage counselor who has been working with kids for 20 years. My cousin works with him and told him Ryan's story. His first words were"Paxil is an evil drug". This is a man who works with cocaine addicts. His message to me was "Let this child stay at home. It would be like putting an animal in a cage to send him to school. I wouldn't even care if he finished high school at home. Don't even bring up going to school. He will bring it up when and if he's ready. If you send him back when he's not ready you'll be dealing with next year what you dealt with this year, but it won't be paxil. It will be cocaine, or alcohol or some other substance that he's had to use to get through the day. He needs to be where he feels safe and loved and thats home".
I can now relax a bit. I let others influence change my mind about my child. That will never happen again. Ryan tonight is calm, happy,and able to rest(even with a fever of 101.6). His Dad is supportive and now see's what has to be done.
Paxil has taken away almost 2 years of my sons life. It won't take anymore. As I talk to paxil survivors and their children the bond is one that will change us all for the better.Ryan will be fine. He will grow up and do whatever he chooses to do and I will be there supporting him all the way. Another lesson hard learned. Listen to your heart and trust what you feel.

Now, the second Congressional hearing was today and as soon as I get info I'll let you know on how it went. Watch out I'M BACK!!!!

[Scott]

what is normal? ryan is normal for ryan.. it sounds like he's pressuring himself to fit the common mold.


I'm not good at long posts like darcy I've never been good at expressing the thoughts in my head

[scotty]

I think we were pressuring him Scott. That has ended. He is who he is! That was hard to learn for this WASP who did everything the traditional way. There is no normal! What a relief to give permission to myself to let him be what he is!!!

[MizzT]

Hi Laurie!
Glad to hear you sounding so strong. Interesting comments from the psych about being in uncharted territory. I have felt like that since the very beginning of my WD.

Apparently what the experts (US) are figuring out as WE go thru it.....is it just takes time. and we dont know how much time but you certainly cant rush it. the body just wont let you.

Ryan will be fine!!! He's only 5 months off. It seems like a long time...but in the scheme of things it really isnt. Just keep taking wonderful care of him and fighting the fight. Its about all we can do for now.

peace
beverly

[elisa]

Scotty - Ryan's senses are probably very much hightened now. You know that he was doing a lot better at home with less noise and less stress from the outside.

I can relate with Ryan eventhough I am still on an antidepressant. I have not been able to stand noise and other stimuli what other people would consider normal for the past 8+ years. The noise in the malls still sounds like a massive beehive and I have got to time exactly when to go there.

I am sure that he will get over this in time. You have made the right choice for him.

[safarigal]

Hi Laurie,

I think we were pressuring him Scott. That has ended. He is who he is! That was hard to learn for this WASP who did everything the traditional way. There is no normal! What a relief to give permission to myself to let him be what he is!!!

This is a difficult thing for most parents to understand. There is so much pressure and expectation in our society for parents and kids. Our kids are expected to be "normal" and attend school, go to college etc etc. As parents we are expected to have "normal" kids.

All kids are unique, most are "normal". Then there are kids like Ryan and my son who are different.

For awhile my son would experience panic attacks at the thought of going to school. For about a month he refused to go to school because he was afraid of the panic attacks. He misses on average 20 days a year of school because of anxiety. In the beginning I tried to get him to school but it didn't work.

I finally accepted that he is who he is and that if he misses a day of school here and there its not gonna kill him.

I've also accepted that if he doesn't graduate high school, so what. He can get a GED and go to tech school. Its been done before.

There is plenty of info out there on alternative education and some interesting reading about why schools are bad for kids.

Let Ryan guide you in his education.

Good luck!

[RockSinger]

The one thing I worry about with my kids....

It's just if you agree to go along with the Disabled thing....

I'm afraid the kid will be labled that way for a long long time...

My X-wife did the Munhausen By Proxy thing...

She had my kids on so many drugs and so much counseling. And then she got one declared DiSaBlEd with ADHD!

Finally one of the kids counselors figured her OUT and turned her in to the state.

now I have SOLE custody of both kids and she is the one mentally disabled.

The first thing I did was get the kids off ALL the drugs......

It was bad.....my oldest was on steroids for ASTHMA staht he didn't really have......

When I got him off the steroids......his immune system malfunctioned and he got a rare deadly disease and almost died!

And the youngest that SUPOSSEDLY had ADHD......is no longer deemed disabled...

And he has NO behavior problems now that he's AWAY from his screwed up mother.

BUT......he's still on 50mg of Zoloft........

I don't know how I'm gonna get him off it.

I'd like to.....before puberty.

It's just NOT RIGHT to grow up with a STUPID drug hindering your emotions.

How can he ever grow into a man correctly if he can't FEEL PROPER EMOTIONS!

[hope]

Scotty, I homeschooled my kids for about 5 years. They were great years. When my kids were middle school aged I put them in a program we have here called family school which is half day school, half day home school. By middle school they wanted to go back to school. My oldest hated school. I let him get his GED at 16 and he got a job and after working that job for a while he's motivated to go back to school. I did take him to a psychiatrist at one point because I thought he might be depressed (was doing some teenage stuff that was making my heart skip a beat) and the shrink thought he had ADD and wanted to give him strattera. I had him tested by a psychologist and he didn't have ADD. He did have a processing speed problem but it wasnt too bad. His IQ was good.

Scotty I've been off Paxil for a while and I'm still having a hard time. When I go into situations that require a lot of physical and mental it's difficult. I used to be very outgoing and did well in school, etc. I taught aerobic exercise classes for 5 years. I'm just different now.

I don't know how this is going to affect your son later in life. I am frightened because coming off the drug you go nuts and it takes the body a long time to recover - for me anyway.

Are there some alternative programs in your area for Ryan, smaller schools, charter schools, computer oriented, etc???

Just my thoughts.

[sarah]

My god Rock, what sh-t you have had in your life. All you can do is love your kids and when the time is right you will be there to help your son get off the zoloft. I am so glad that I suffered from panic attacks because I realised the onset of them in my 9 year old. He absolutely freaked my hubby out a couple of months ago, but straight away I recognised the signs and we have been doing some work on his anxiety. I know if I hadn't have been on the seroxat for mine I probably would have been looking for "help" from the doctors. God knows what they would have put him on, and worse, with my consent as a caring mum. I am thankful for the knowledge being on this poison has given me. I am also thankful that I now know that only I, and I alone, can be responsible for mine and my kids' health. I will decide what medication, if any, they put in their bodies. Yes it was earned the hard way, this knowledge, but I will use it to great effect, as I am sure we all will.
Sarah x

[sarah]

Laurie, you sound like a fantastic mum. Ryan is one lucky boy.
Lots of love to you both.
Sarah x

[silence4now]

Scotty, In times like this I try to focus on what is really important. For Ryan, I imagine that right now it's more about survival than it is about society's plan for success. Can't we all relate? High school is difficult enough, without this post-trauamtic stress to deal with.

The home schooling or a smaller structured learning environment seems like a great opportunity. He's old enough to understand the game of "labeling". Have you discussed this with him? Compared to what he's already experienced, he's likely going to be very grateful to have some options.

I wish you all the best for him. He has several advantages, mainly two loving and caring parents.

[RockSinger]

Sarah:

Yes....The Department Of Human Serviced finally decided that I was SUCH a good dad......that all the children's counseling was dropped also.

The counselors said there was no more work to be done.....and that I was doing all the same things that they could do.

That definatley made me feel proud.

I can't beleive that eveything was SO stable and good......

And then these drugs decide to turn on me and rip me apart.

The weird part is...........

I look in the mirror........and I still look FINE and GOOD!!!...

From the way I feel.....I CANNOT beleive that the outside of me is the SAME.

I'm sure others have felt the same.


BTW: The kids biological mother is so powerless now........and I have total control......the kids have grown in so many way in the two years since she's had any power.

They are 11 and 12 now......and they are QUITE self sufficient.....

Two years ago they couldn't do ANYTHING for themselve's...

I hope I've done my job....

Because sometimes now It seems as if these drugs have frigged me up so much......I don't know if I'll ever be the same person that EVERYONE said was such a good and stable father.

I'm gonna try hard tho.....

[scotty]

The Disability act is called a "504". This designation doesn't carry past high school. The whole file is kept under lock and key in the principals office as is returned to us after high school is complete. From what I understand now it actually can work to your advantage for college since the "alternative schooling" has a reason ie Paxil withdrawal.Thats only if you choose to reveal that to the college. Ryan's transcript will still be from his regular high school with no mention of the 504.
Alternative schooling option are really quite available under this 504. He would be allowed alot more flexibility in his schedule, school choice, alternative school,more time for test taking,smaller classes etc...or for now home schooling.
What I have learned over the past few days is that quite a few children dealing with paxil withdrawal have gone the 504 route to continue their education. Most didn't need the designation after 1-1/12 years post paxil withdrawal and were able to return to a standard high school and move on to college. Time will tell, but this is what we need to do for right now.

[RockSinger]

That is VEry Very good info....