Darcy -- A Question

[Sage]

Hi Darcy-

One time a long time ago I was on this site and read your story. I remember being inspired. I'm going through a horrible time (Serzone withdrawal has been 100 times worse than my Paxil withdrawal if you can believe that) and I was wondering if you could point me to where your story resides or repost it? I would really appreciate it.

Thanks!

[darcyb]

Hi Sage! I remember you asking about it too. I'm sure your journey is no less spectacular.

You can now conveniently find it in the About section of the site.

Just go to http://www.paxilprogress.org/about.php, and there's a "Darcy's anxiety and Paxil story" link at the bottom of the page.

Or, just click here: http://www.paxilprogress.org/about_anxiety_story.php

[darcyb]

Oh man, I haven't read "my story" in 6 months. I just found two paragraphs that I think are just amazing for someone to go through. Check this out with things I find really amazing bolded:

What I got myself into by seeking to withdraw from Paxil was a frightening world of alien thoughts, false impressions, painful physical symptoms and severe disorientation; all of which were infinitely more challenging experiences than any anxiety, agoraphobia or poverty. Where anxiety helped me feel listless, Paxil withdrawal caused me to feel monstrous. Whatever comforts I had found with faith, knowledge, books, spiritual strength, friends and family, virtually evaporated during the battle I had to fight trying to rid my system of Paxil. I had to learn how to lie still for countless hours during nights of terror that wouldn't end, and wait. Just wait.

Just breathe, right Laurie? Continues:

It was a humbling experience to have to learn how to remain still (again, like when anxious), how to detach from distressing thoughts, and how to release the need to feel a sense of self and just...BE. However difficult, it's an experience I'm grateful for. I learned how to stop THINKING who I am, and just BE in the moment. You see the world in a completely new light when equipped with this skill. You begin to be able to see through the illusions of the world and find what is the only source of all of its discomforts: fear. There is no problem on this planet that cannot be resolved by just focusing on the fear that keeps propagating it. We truly have nothing to fear but fear itself.

I get so uncomfortable re-reading stuff I've written at times, because it feels like it comes from a different place than just the reality of me sitting at the computer. There aren't words for it, and although it may sound flaky to to some, it feels inspired. I think Paxil withdrawal is such an intense mind boggling experience that you really get pushsed into places of awareness the mystics and monks talk about, that you normally can't notice because you're too distracted by the TV LOL!

Anyway, I'm in awe of my journey all over again.

Any of you feel that way when you review old journals or remember what you've been through?

[scotty]

Just breath is my favorite line!! Ryan's psychologist has another that I like too "If you don't know what to do, maybe your not supposed to do anything!"

[Lilly]

I know what you mean Darcy, I exactly know what you mean. Sometimes things push us back there and get us to remember all that stuff.

I also get that feeling when I see others going through it, but then I remember what they will find in the end and somehow it's all worth it, but it is such a journey!

Lilly

[darcyb]

Oooh, good one Laurie!