Ok.....Gonna Post now......

[RockSinger]

Well ........I'll try out the new system here.....
Looks like same system.....new version.........

Looks like I'm stabelizing on a minimal dose of Effexor.....At least I thought I was...

This had been subsiding pretty well......until last night........what a freaky night

It was one of those nights where you just keep waking up feeling all SiCk.........but you can't put your finger on it........You feel REAL sick......

It's definatley withdraw........cause it's too weird....

I'm not taking any supplements.........maybe I should start back up with the magnesium and Omega 3 (Non-Fish-Burp coated)

Prob shouldn't detox until I'm off the drugs completely.

Got wicked waves of depression feelings during the day.......but it's wierd.....you know...

I'll get that sinking feeling in my stomach.....Like everything sucks.......gloom and doom.

And then it will lift!.......just like that......

I hope when it decides to stay one way or the other.......it's the happy one.

Man what a terrible thought...........I'll try force myself to think the good side of this.........try to use the power of my own mind molding.

But I've only been sober from the Paxil for less than three months.......So some of the emotions could still be lingering Paxil stuff....

But which is it.........when I feel good and happy....is it the DRUG working........or is it the REAL me?????????

I'm sure i'm the only one that's delt like this......RIGHT??????

Hey Rock singer,
Just wanted to let you know I liked your song alot. Could you post the words?
Related to the above, Your brain neurotransmitters, that before paxil, did alot of release and re-uptake, have had the job altered for them for years? They now need to re activate. Your brain has to make more serotonin, put more in the synapse, then take it back store it, and then release it again. What the drug did, was have it released and kept it in the synapse longer, hence less release-re-uptake work. It's been on a message roller coaster. It will find homeostasis, that's it's goal.

[RockSinger]

Thanks.........very much


Lyrics to Past Hell...............So far

Did you ever think.....I ain't what I used to be....
Hey wait a minute.....This ain't how God made me!....
Kneel down and pray.....Oh God I'm sorry.....
I ever swallowed this misery.....

I've been walking down this lonely road....
I've been waitin' for things to go my way...
I pray to god most every day but I don't know....
If I'll ever be the same...

There's more now....I've come up with a few more licks and lyrics along the way..

[mapleleafgirl25]

i feel like i am on a rollercoaster ride. like shaney said ..up down..up down..today i woke up really happy ..and now i want to scream.....

[RockSinger]

So you guys think that even tho they took me Off Paxil cold turkey almost three months ago that I can still have withdrawal from that???

Even though they put me on Effexor to take over Paxil's role in serotonin??

I guess it's hard to say........cause since then I've dropped the Effexor from 150mg to 37.5mg.......So I'm getting withdrawal from that too.

It's all such a mixed up crappy mess.

[rdjanis]

RockSinger, going off cold turkey is bad. My daughter was taken off it cold turkey, put on effexor as well, although only for a couple of days. You bet the withdrawal lasted more than three months. In her case, I would say it was several months before the real bad symptoms stopped, and occasional episodes up until almost a year later.

The worse part was over at approx. 5 months, the nightmares and mood swings held on.

It is the withdrawal. At times I felt I made a mistake, and she really needed meds, I was told she had various mental illnesses.

Today she is fine, all symptoms gone, other than the orginal social anxiety disorder, which she pretty much has under control as well.

This WILL get better!

[safarigal]

Hey Rock, be patient with yourself Give your poor brain some time to adjust to all the changes its going through.

You've seen how Shaney and Darren have done, they've both had up and down days and weeks but each of them has come through alive and sane.

You can do it too Rock!!!

[RockSinger]

Nope.....I'll be the 1st one in the world to die of withdrawal....

Then you guys can sue for me......


I can't believe things got better for a week and now this weird crap is comin back....

Pins and needles even.....Muscle twitches....

But the mental over all body sick feeling all night while I'm trying to sleep is bad.

Good thing is I've never had it two nights in a row.

[Abby]

Hey Rock


If things were better for a week...hang onto that thought. Nothing stays the same, which is a great thing, at times like this. I always think..if you've come right & gone downhill...at least you know you can come right!

It's also cool that you're getting a night off in between.

Man, I can't BELIEVE how bad you're having it. I am so sorry for you...it's everyone's worst nightmare...

[RockSinger]

I don't feel good tonight.......pins n needles return........weird...

Why does this stuff keep comin back....

[Bern]

Rock Singer:

I just wanted to say that I feel bad that you have to go through this. I hope you get better! Although I'm not completely off of the paxil, I know that their is a light at the end of the tunnel. There's a light at the end of every tunnel!!

[mapleleafgirl25]

i get the pins and needles at night too.. and muscle twitches on my bad paxil days.....Trevor you will NOT DIE FROM PAXIL!!!!!!..its all part of the withdrawl road.....I am now just getting over the nausea..i started tapering in July..and am now 8 days paxil free..and i know there is more to come..but i am prepared for it...i look at it this way..we are all very lucky to have this place to come to...imagine the people who knew nothing about paxil withdrawl and how alone and scared they felt..we have people here who have gone through it and they give us that hope to go on...

[RockSinger]

Thanx.........

I can't imagine the amount of things people have been through and medical dollars that have been spent trying to figure out what's wrong with them....................when they never even make a connection that it's the drug that's the problem......

Rocksinger,

I would like to be one more voice telling you that you are on the road to recovery. Patience, acceptance, and perseverance are priceless commodities. Faith in your own strength to withstand the onslaught of withdrawal is priceless as well. It isn't a neat and predictable process. Just as with "normal" recovery from a severe sensitized anxiety state, there are setbacks and "shape-shifting" symptoms. Just as you get used to one set of symptoms and lose your fear over them, another set may soon settle in to trick you. Don't be fooled. You will get through this ever the wiser. Just think, you've got so much juicy new material to work your musical magic on.....

Hoping you are already feeling stronger when you get this reply. I found that although there were many setbacks, there was a growing undercurrent of stability. I often envisioned my experience like being in the eye of a hurricane. Such chaos in my mind and body, but as long as I didn't try to cling on to something I may PERCEIVE as grounding, I could stay in the center and not be completely consumed by it all. Going with the flow was not one of my strengths pre-ssri, but I certainly have developed the skill since.

The storm does subside. But just as the weather in Maine, it's good to be prepared for anything - and even if it's stormy, you can always sing in the rain. Soul-wrenching though the song may be...
Take care,
Gwen

[RockSinger]

Thanks Gwen....And Everyone....

It's just nothing like I've ever experienced.....or want to experience again.

It's not llike being sick or having a disease.....

It's more like being possesed by something real evil.......

[Abby]

the great news is...from the lessons of this..you will minimize your chances of ever having to go through something like this again. I know, for sure, for me, I will ask so many questions next time...and I will never again blindly just believe...and I will never, ever, every again take another psychiatric medication. Not ever.

The biggest thing for me is..I feel like having gone through this..my kids are safe. They will never be exposed to crap like Ritalin or this garbage, no matter how 'expert' the opinion. It's worth every minute of withdrawal to know that.

You're right, it IS like being possessed...but the cool thing is, that means it's not a part of you..it's something you can 'exorcise' and be free of.

I am not making light of what you are going through, Rock, I know how bad it is for you...and there but by the grace of God go all of us here. I consider myself so, so very lucky to be getting off as lightly as I am.

[RockSinger]

I know.....

I just some things that I need to NOT think about until I'm through this........like...

My little boy (11 years old) is on 50mg of Zoloft......and has been for a few years.

My wife is on Paxil CR25 and has been for about 5 years......

You see.....Even when I'm done with this myself.....

I think I'm going to be dealing with SSRI withdrawal for a long time to come....

BUT......I have learned a LOT about these drugs and how to help my family be rid of them.

5 years ago I suggested to my wife that she get a script for Paxil.........because it was such a cool little M&M that will cure feeling blue.......

You see.....I TOLD her to try it.......now I think I've got a responsibility to get her off the mind bending crap.

And It's definately my resposibility to get my boy off the friggin Zoloft before he hits puberty......Nobody should grow up a Zombie.

His mother did the Munchausen By-Proxy thing............And had him on LOADS of drugs......for no reason.

As soon as I got sole custody of him and his brother............I had them taken off a whole SLEW of drugs they didn't need to be on......

But my youngest is still on Zoloft and Stratera...........and I'm glad I didn't have the docs take THOSE off cold turkey.

It looks like I've got some major work ahead of me.....

But 1st I've got to get myself straightened out.

I swear I'm a good person......

I swear....

I don't lie.......I don't steal........All I do Is good stuff.....

I wish I never heard of these drugs.....

But now I've gotta learn everything I can about them.......For my loved ones sakes.

[Abby]

Hi Rock...

You are doing so great wading through mountains of crap. And your son is so lucky to have a dad who is there for him, and not burying his head in the sand, and sees that the kid needs help. He's one lucky, lucky kid...man, the world needs more dads like you.

I understand and remember where you are in the withdrawal process. I ALMOST put my oldest on Paxil per a psychiatrist's advise. It was very hard to deal with severe 10 year old's anxiety while I was struggling so much myself. I remember deciding that one blessing of withdrawal was the insight I would eventually have about the anxiety condition so that I can support my son... and anybody else who will listen to me..

I know things seem unbearable and bizarre beyond belief at times, but I can tell you it will lighten with patience and the passage of time. I found that careful attention to diet and exercise was critical for a long time. Sometimes my reaction to unhealthy food or habits would be delayed up to 48 hours. Lord knows how inefficient our digestive systems become during withdrawal. Please try to drink lots of water, get out in the cold brisk Maine air, and treat yourself to healthy nurturing food. It makes a huge difference. Caffeine can instigate a terrible bought of anxiety/agitation. Sugar is the same. You require gentle loving care.

I remember telling a few people that withdrawal is like being trapped in a Hieronymous (Jheronimus) Bosch painting - specifically "Garden of Earthly Delights" (which is far from delightful). Those who were familiar with his work, looked at me like I need serious help (my doctor being one of them). I quickly stopped sharing that analogy... but unfortunately it was accurate. I remember feeling a deeper appreciation for many artists that I once admired, but thought were maybe "too intense or negative". I now know where they were coming from. Actually, being able to relate to William Blake or Hieronymus Bosch helped me to keep things in better perspective. They struggled with similar stirrings, but they didn't have ssri's to blame. I had to work hard at not buying into fears of how ssri's may have permanently damaged my brain. We can heal, we are having a very challenging human experience, but hope is not lost.

One other thought.. When I was struggling with the feelings you refer to (about "evil"), I would lean on Buddhist philosophy often. Specifically to the the idea that there is no true evil, but that suffering is simply dilution and confusion which is a temporary state caused by clinging to "desire" (desire to be "normal" for instance). I certainly could relate to the confusion part and to let go of grasping onto fears and simply BEING - without judgment or opinion- helped me get through many bad days.

Blaa, blaa, blaa, I could go on for hours... well, if your not sleeping yet, take care of yourself. Your family is in great hands. Just try to be patient with yourself. Think of how gentle and patient and loving you will be with your family members if they have a turn with withdrawal (they may not have such a hard time), you need to treat yourself with the same compassion at this time. One step at a time. We are here for you.

Gwen

[RockSinger]

Gwen......

You blow me away......

You remind me what it's like to have a mind not clouded with this.

Boy.....I guess I'm not the only deep thinker 'round here.

You..............are deep.

And it stimulates the three good brain cells I have left.

Heh heh......keep on talkin.....

I like it...........a lot.

[scotty]

Rock, It's got to be hard to see loved ones on these drugs. But look at it this way, YOU are going to be so much support to them when the time comes to get off these drugs. You will be physically there to say"It's the drugs, you'll be OK, I've been there and look at me now!"

[puggo63]

Boy, I can relate to you Rock Singer... One month ago my doc. took me off Paxil 30mg and switched me to Lexapro 20mg (cold turkey, no tapering). After all the "typical" symptoms of Paxil withdrawal, I am left with "waves" of intense depression and/or anxiety. I would get this "jolt" of heart sinking my life sucks feelings suddenly then it will stop or I will get a "jolt" of severe anxiety. My problem is sleeping... sometimes I can fall so fast like if I ran a marathon, other times I feel I drank 10 Starbuck's expressos. Currently I feel tired and worn out. Man this crap takes a toll on you