Happy to find this board-need support

[shorty]

Hi everyone its nice to find this board.

I was placed on Paxil CR back in September for severe panic attacks. I am now on my third attempt at quiting Paxil. I dropped down to 5 mg and on Friday I went cold turkey. I am on day 3 right now which is worse than all the other days. The zaps are awful and sometimes they bring me to my knees and my eyes roll back into my head. I am VERY moooody, and with 3 young children home for the holiday it hasnt been a happy day for me suffering so bad. Crying, anger, my 10 year old finding me on the ground. I was looking for support from other Paxil users that have gone or are going through withdrawals someone that can sympathize with me. I feel like crap and the second time I had thoughts of suicide. I have to say I know longer want to be on Paxil and currently taking Welbutrim XL 300mg.

Thank you for listening and thank you for this board.

regards,
Toni

[safarigal]

Hey! We've got this great Paxil Withdrawal FAQ forum that answers these kinds of questions in a very quick and thorough way. You'll certainly benefit if you visit the Paxil Withdrawal FAQ, and save tons of time! Waiting for everyone to post replies, can take a while. We made the FAQ for that reason.

Click http://www.paxilprogress.org/faq

You may want to try getting back on Paxil and weaning much slower.

[shorty]

I read everything on the board, including Paxil Withdrawal. I was just looking for some support I feel very much alone right now. After I reached 5mg the doctor wanted me to end the Paxil I did the weaning and cutting pills etc.. I am just scared thats all.

Toni

[safarigal]

Hi Toni,

How long did you wean Paxil for? How long were you at 5mg?

Its really really hard to get off Paxil without a lot of side effects. The suicidal thoughts are part of the withdrawal effects as are really bad nightmares and the feeling like you are losing your mind. That's how I felt when I tried to quit cold turkey.

You could try going back up to 10 mg of Paxil for a few weeks and see if that helps you feel better. Then try decreasing by 2.5mg at a time with a 2 week wait between drops.

Some people swear by magnesium and fish oil supplements.
Why are you switching to Wellbutrin?

[MizzT]

Hi toni.
I went cold turkey 2 years ago. its not fun at all. I know people who go even more slowly....when you get down to 5 mgs or so...you can take liquid and go really slowly. It might be easier on you than just going CT, especially with kids around.
It was hard enough to do it and just deal with myself.

Its really a scary time. And i can not tell you that next wednesday it will be over because it probably will not be. Its taken me 2 years to recover to a point where i THINK its over. im still not sure and only time will tell.

until then....just do what you can. avoid stress. try to relax. try not to make plans. explain to the kids exactly what is happening and that you are not mad at them and its got nothing to do with them at all....mom is gonna have a rough time for a while and it will help if you can talk about it. you will need support!
do you have another adult who can help you out??

[Cyndee]

Toni--this is definitely not a fun time for you. I found day 3 of each lower dose to begin the real body/brain problems. Everyone here is here for everyone else--you're in the right place. Peace to you going through this.

[Bern]

Originally Posted by shorty

I read everything on the board, including Paxil Withdrawal. I was just looking for some support I feel very much alone right now. After I reached 5mg the doctor wanted me to end the Paxil I did the weaning and cutting pills etc.. I am just scared thats all.

I feel very alone too. I'm afraid I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm use to being alone....it's just that I'm afraid of being alone in the future. I'm 21, I have no friends, and never had a boyfriend. At least you have kids around.

I only want to be heard. I'm trying my best not to pity myself. I'm also looking into going to socializing support group for the mentally ill. It's a place where the mentally ill socialize with each other. I also work a lot so I'm not alone. I'm also looking into another support group for OCD, and plan to go next Wednesday when they meet.

I'm only telling you this is becuase I'm not self-pitying myself and I'm trying my best to get out there. I've isolated myself for 2 years. I've had acquantinces, like study groups in college, and go out to the bar with people I work with. It's just that I'm afraid of being alone without a mate or friends, becuase I can't get close to anyone for some reason.

[Cyndee]

Originally Posted by Yanks1083

I feel very alone too. I'm afraid I'm going to be alone for the rest of my life. I'm use to being alone....it's just that I'm afraid of being alone in the future.

Yanks--I'm sorry that you are alone. Most of my life (I'm almost fifty-eight) I've lived alone except for my extraordinary kitty cats. When I was young, like you, I was afraid. Now I know I can do just about anything--I'm strong and not afraid. There is no guarantee you will be alone! And, may I say that you are NOT mentally ill, although you may find comradeship in a support group--that's a great idea. Your mind is probably pretty healthy--but it is your brain, part of your body, that needs a little nurturing. And you deserve friends, love, companionship, understanding--and, you will get it

[Wolfie]

Hi Toni, welcome to the family. I too made several attempts at quitting Paxil before I made it. A whole month now! Dropping the last 5mg had to be the worst. My brain fought me ever step of the way. If you can, get the liquid Paxil and drop 1mg at a time. Wait at least a week before each drop, or until you feel stable. Don't stop cold turkey, it's not a pretty way to quit as you are seeing. It will be hard with the kids at home, so the slower you do this the easier it will be on you and the kids. We are here for you. Come back and let us know how you are doing, as often as you like.

Wolfie

[Bern]

Originally Posted by Cyndee

Yanks--I'm sorry that you are alone. Most of my life (I'm almost fifty-eight) I've lived alone except for my extraordinary kitty cats. When I was young, like you, I was afraid. Now I know I can do just about anything--I'm strong and not afraid. There is no guarantee you will be alone! And, may I say that you are NOT mentally ill, although you may find comradeship in a support group--that's a great idea. Your mind is probably pretty healthy--but it is your brain, part of your body, that needs a little nurturing. And you deserve friends, love, companionship, understanding--and, you will get it

Thanks for the support. How many cats do you have? Do you like living alone?

[Cyndee]

Hi Yanks--I lived with a man for awhile, and since that ended I have LOVED living alone. Most of the time, I'm not even lonely, but I do have to make sure that I keep up social contact with people--I'm retired, so no work to take me out and about (thank God). I have 3 Cornish Rex cats: Rosebud, almost 18; Cassidy, almost 13; Woodstock, almost 4, with kidney lymphoma--has been getting chemo and home-holistic treatment for 21 months. (Did you notice that my avatar is Woodstock from Peanuts--a friend to your Lucy avatar!)

[Bern]

Originally Posted by Cyndee

(Did you notice that my avatar is Woodstock from Peanuts--a friend to your Lucy avatar!)

LOL...now that you bought it up I did.

I'm sorry to hear that your cat that desease.

[shorty]

Thank you all for the warm welcome to youre board.

I am on day 6 without Paxil. day 4 was rough, day 5 for the first half of the day was unbearable. Every step I take I would get zapped and the crying...OMG..the crying. My doctor saw me yesturday and said I was half way through with the witdrawals and should be proud of myself. I am fighting a battle and its not easy winning.

Here I am on day 6, still not doing great having zaps and mood swings and not sure about the thoughts that run through my head. Its not as bad as day 3, 4 and day 5 in the morning.

I am on Welbutrin XL for depression. Its a very long story and all this depression/panic/anxiety is fairly new to me since September. At the age of 36 my childhood has come and reared its ugly head.

Thanks Toni

[Cyndee]

Originally Posted by shorty

Thank you all for the warm welcome to youre board.

I am on day 6 without Paxil. ../

Here I am on day 6, still not doing great having zaps and mood swings and not sure about the thoughts that run through my head. Its not as bad as day 3, 4 and day 5 in the morning.

I am on Welbutrin XL for depression. ... At the age of 36 my childhood has come and reared its ugly head.

Thanks Toni

Hi Shorty--sounds like my story too. Both paxil and wellbutrin--I started weaning from 40 - 20 mg paxil over 2 years. Then started weaning from wellbutrin until I was down to 10 mg/every other day. Then went off the wellbutrin and tapered the paxil--now 7 weeks off paxil, almost 3 months off wellbutrin. Very moody today and crying, and I have anxiety and panic often. Yes, my childhood returns, but this time, I'm ready--I'm older (almost 5 and wiser...I know all of this is temporary, although they all might return any time. Hard times. Hang in there.

[Wolfie]

Hi Toni,

My doctor saw me yesturday and said I was half way through with the witdrawals and should be proud of myself

Your doctor is misinformed like most doctors. If you look over the posts here your will see that withdrawl lasts longer than 12 days. I wish! Some have experienced symptoms months or years after stopping Paxil. I'm a month off Paxil and I wish it was over....boy do I.


Wolfie

Does anyone know if it is safe to take cal-mag supplement and cod liver oil while on paxil?

[shorty]

Wolfie I will get back to you on youre comment as YOU are sooooo right. I didnt get on Paxil because of this doc. I will explain later today, got to have a tooth pulled out today..should be fun zaps and novocaine. I hope I can hold my head straight for them to pull the tooth.

Quickie though....Bad depression comes with withdrawal? Because I am ready to kick out the dh and removed my rings last night.

Toni

[Wolfie]

Hi Toni,
If you are coming off Paxil you are in for a roller coaster ride. Your brain must learn to re-balance itself with no Paxil so you could expect some wild mood swings.

I am ready to kick out the dh and removed my rings last night.

dh? You talking about your Hubby? If so don't send him away just yet. I would wait a few months and see if what you are feeling is true or Paxil related. My wife has been REALLY patient with me, I havn't been the easiest person to get along with the past few months (Understatement of the year).
I've also lost 2 friends and been fired (For punching out another employee) while coming off Paxil. It's no easy ride, that's for sure. But coming here and even reading some posts each day helps me realize that I am not insane (Well, maybe) and others are in the same leaky pink boat.


Wolfie

[shorty]

Wolfie


Thank you for replying/helping. I had my tooth removed and so far I am ok. I have noticed the mood swings, my poor kids last night I yelled at them for no reason and went and hid in my closet for an hour. I felt sooo awful and couldnt understand the behaviour.

I was put on Paxil back in September by my primary care physician because I was experiencing panic. He put me on it for 1 WEEK and decided it wasnt working so he dropped the dose(morroon) He thenn sent me to a mental health group were the physciatrist kept me on the paxi and added Klonapan which got rid of the panic attacks until the paxil had a chance to work which can be over 6 weeks. I would love to sue the *** off my primary care, he didnt know anything and I trusted him and in the state I was in he didnt take care of me. I will never see him again.

I would probably still be on the Paxil if it werent for the sexual side effects and that 20/20 epsiode(if that is the correct show).

My life is hell right now, I dont know what to do, sometimes I want to run and hide and leave it all, I am suffering so much and have suffered my whole life. Long and sad story.

dh is dear husband, 7 weeks ago he did something unexcusable I dont think this is the place for it, but because of what he did my life is so messed up and I dont know what to do. I removed my wedding ring last night. He wants to help be here for me right now, I have no family in New York, knowone that can understand what I feel. I hate this sooo much the loonliness is sooo hard(tears running down my face)

Thanks for listening..Toni

[Cyndee]

Originally Posted by Wolfie

Hi Toni,
I havn't been the easiest person to get along with the past few months (Understatement of the year).
I've also lost 2 friends and been fired (For punching out another employee) while coming off Paxil. It's no easy ride, that's for sure.


Wolfie

Wolfie--thanks for posting this. I've been feeling so pitiful--had to leave my teaching and my business after realizing that they were hurting me, lost friends, was feeling ok, but now, not so ok. Your post sure is wise and helpful to those of us on this roller coaster as it plumets down down down.

[Wolfie]

Hi Toni,
Yikes you are in need of support that's for sure. Is there anyone that you could call to look after the kids if you need a break? Could your hubby take some time off work (provided he can) to help you out while you do this?
You might consider going back on the Paxil and weaning youself off more slowly. If you can, get the liquid and drop 1mg at a time. Cold turkey is a horrible way to stop. I halluciated and was non-functional within 4 days of stopping cold turkey. I came here and found out about the liquid Paxil, and dropped 1mg at a time until I felt I was ready.
The reason I suggest this is because of the situation you are in. The stress from your family situation will be compounded by your withdrawl, and you might find it too much. You need a friend or someone to lean on through this. Maybe one of our members in the New York area could call you? It's no good to be alone through this, and you sound like you are hurting bad.


Wolfie

[shorty]

Wolfie

I am hurting so bad!! The kids well the kids sometimes are the one thing that keeps me going and makes me concentrate so hard to be there "normal" mom. I am on day 7 there aint NO WAY in HELL I am going back on the Paxil just to go through this again. I have come to far already, tell me am I wrong?

Wolfie thank you for caring..Toni

[MizzT]

Hi Shorty.
you have come far....but " every distance is not near".
who knows...it may not last long for you....
I had the same attitude....NO WAY IN HELL am i going back on paxil. And its not a matter of coming thru this again....you are going thru it.....going back on at a lower dose to stabilize and then wean slowly...is not going thru it AGAIN....Its continuing the process in a way that will be easier for your body and mind to handle.

You have kids....you have struggles....it is not necessary to take this journey thru the path of MOST resistance....you can still be on the journey...just in a gentler method that will let you deal with your life as it is.

IF you want to keep going.....know there are things you can do, supplements you can take...that will start helping you heal. we can help you get thru it. Never feel you are alone. you have support, love, caring, knowledge here at your disposal.

peace
Beverly

[Cyndee]

Originally Posted by shorty

I am hurting so bad!! The kids well the kids sometimes are the one thing that keeps me going and makes me concentrate so hard to be there "normal" mom. I am on day 7 there aint NO WAY in HELL I am going back on the Paxil just to go through this again. I have come to far already, tell me am I wrong?

Toni--I second Bev's advice. Is there a way you can be gentler with your withdrawal? That said, I wouldn't go back on paxil either--but then I didn't have a husband and kids. If you can get a copy of the book "the Mood Cure"--it has good advice and a list of supplements that helped me, and still help me. I absolutely could not have done the withdrawal without them.

[Wolfie]

Hi Toni,

I have come to far already, tell me am I wrong?

Well who am I to tell you wrong from right? But you may be causing yourself more suffering than you need to go through I think is the point we are trying to make. Don't think of it as a step backward, but a more positve forward step. By quitting cold turkey, you have eliminated any control you have over the withdrawl process. By ramping yourself down, at least you are in control of when you are ready for another drop in mg, and can give yourself as much time to stabilize at the lower dose as you need. For me, it was better than the instant insanity of just quitting cold turkey.

Wolfie