View Single Post
Old 12-22-2004, 09:10 AM   #3
Ariella's Avatar
Join Date: Apr 2002
Posts: 7,099
How do I know if I have a hidden emotional agenda?

You look at how you RE-act based on prior experiences versus how you ACT in the moment. You are taught who to be your whole life, and this can work against you when you seek a new direction for your life.

You may experience withdrawal symptoms that feel like depression, and because it triggers a sense of familiarity, you may mistakingly think it's a previous depression returning when in reality it's just a short term symptom. As natural as this is, it does get in the way of your ability to recognize withdrawal symptoms as they happen. The process of remembering WHAT ONCE happened predisposes you to ignore what IS happening.

But that only scratches the surface. We've used the term 'emotional agenda' for a good reason. Consider the following amusing scenario:
Imagine youíre standing in a checkout lane and you break wind. Youíre not sure if it was loud enough for another to hear, but as soon as youíre done, you hear the person right behind you snort and let out a little chuckle. Probably laughing at you right?
But are they? Would you have asked them to find out, or would you have just assumed that it was about you because of the level of embarrassment you felt which put you on the defensive and looking for a reaction from the world? How much eye contact did you automatically seek to see if anybody noticed? Why does it matter but to give you more validation for your own programmed/chosen level of embarassment?

You probably learned a long time ago that passing gas was unfavorable depending on your gender, public position and so on. This is emotional agenda RE-acting, when you donít act according to the moment with acceptance, but according to emotional instructions from the past made so automatic from excessive repitition, you donít even challenge it for its worth anymore.

Despite the humour in the example, consider the weight of this automatic process in terms of the stigma to mental health, your self judgment and self worth, or discrimination.

If you're on Paxil and/or going through a withdrawal from it, you need to be made aware that what you think about the experience and your progress in it, may have little accuracy compared to how well you really are doing.
Panic attacks started Dec/1996
Zoloft summer 1998 (quit CT after a few days - bad reaction)
10mg Paxil fall 1998 / 20mg Paxil winter 1999
10mg September 2000 / 5mg October 2000 / FREE November 2000
Intense Withdrawal symptoms well into 2001
Withdrawal symptoms freedom by 2002

Last edited by Ariella : 12-22-2004 at 09:21 AM.
Ariella is offline   Reply With Quote