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Family Support Paxil affects whole families. This forum is to support those closest to our hearts (spouses, partners, brothers, sisters etc.) who need help to understand and support.

Adverse Drug Reaction Reporting    FDA Warnings    Published Withdrawal Studies    Pregnancy Warnings    Forum Psychology

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Old 02-24-2012, 03:00 PM   #1
Sadme
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
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Is it the meds?

Hi
My H has been on prozac for approx 2 years and, long story short became very irritable with me, decided he didnt love me anymore (twice), left me 6 months ago, happily walking away from any responsibility... is now reducing his drugs but hasnt told me any detail.... he as treated me so badly, totally without compassion, empathy.... says I am getting what I deserve because of the way I have treated him... generally is very friendly (still sees child) but then treats me with hatred.... sure he is also seeing soeone else.... this is all a complete contrast to the man he was but I know people with depression also do these things. How do we know whether its the meds or the illness or both?

Thanks.
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:17 PM   #2
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Re: Is it the meds?

I don't think anyone can say definitively that it's all drugs...but the best indicator is what was he like prior to the drug compared to what you are seeing now, on the drug?
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Old 02-24-2012, 06:24 PM   #3
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Re: Is it the meds?

You're really the only one or at least are the best one to make that determination. You know what he was like, how he acted, his boundaries and so forth. You'll need a pretty solid understanding of the things they can cause and you'll have to really think about the sequence of events and how they relate.
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Old 02-24-2012, 08:15 PM   #4
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Re: Is it the meds?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
You're really the only one or at least are the best one to make that determination. You know what he was like, how he acted, his boundaries and so forth. You'll need a pretty solid understanding of the things they can cause and you'll have to really think about the sequence of events and how they relate.
As always very well said Charlie!

I struggle with this every day in my situation! From minute to minute I go back and forth but I believe the patterns of behavior definitely changed when the drug dose was upped. Therefore as long as she is on the drug I will never know. If she weens and "wakes" I will post here and get as loud as I can about the out come. Until then only part of the process is complete....
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Old 02-25-2012, 12:48 AM   #5
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Re: Is it the meds?

I think I know its the meds - he just had anxiety before he started taking them.... but then I ask myself if he would have got this way anyway. I am just so hurt about the other woman and the fact he can be nice to her when being so hateful to me.... the one that has supported him through all of this....
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Old 02-25-2012, 12:46 PM   #6
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Re: Is it the meds?

Those of us suffering what you are understand! Search, read, learn all you can! I have made the choice to file for divorce reluctantly, unfortunately it seems to be the next step. If things are supposed to work out they will. I have faith in that. In the mean time it is very painful and I feel for your heart ache, you are not alone!

Hang in there and don't be a stranger! This is the place to be to ask, vent and feel better! Good luck!
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:40 PM   #7
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Re: Is it the meds?

Thanks all for your responses.

Ireallydocare - thank you. i wish none of us had to go through this. I read your posts and you sincerely have my respect and sympathy. To have a child in all this is so hard.... and yours is much younger than mine, I hope you have lots of support around you. I have put a divorce in motion but just am not ready yet.... initial papers have been drawn up for some time, he doesnt know but probably wouldnt care, as he doesn't care about anything in any real sense.

Charlie - I wrote a timeline and the change in his beleifs and boundaries changed in line with drug increases, but when I think this way i start to want to help him again and he is just so hateful towards me.... he just doesnt want me or my help. Though he doesnt seem to care about anyone he says its just me, that his feelings for everyone else are the same though they are clearly not.

Thanks again all!
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Old 02-25-2012, 01:50 PM   #8
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Re: Is it the meds?

sadme,

What I find the most disturbing is the constant and openly selfish acts and not being able to see that in themselves. I can't even begin to grasp the thought process. I have been the most giving, caring person to my wife and those are her words yet she today does not care and is only concerned about her path to "happiness". She won't recognize our past and could careless what happens to me financially And then to top it off she becomes condescending and very upset when I point out the reality we are in, she only cares about her plan. I told her today the choices I make now are for the baby and me first. She blew up and started getting very threatening and that is just not the person I know.
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:11 PM   #9
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Re: Is it the meds?

I'm so sorry to hear that, but I think you are doing the right thing.... you HAVE to protect that baby... and hopefully at some point in the future she will be able to thank you for it.

You could also be describing my husband - nice until you dont do what they want or you stand up for yourself. I tried so long to reason with him, remind him what we were together and he just accuses me of vile things that just couldnt be true. Smiling assassins....

What I have found to be effective in helping me to keep sane (and I dont know if this will help you) is to not get drawn in. I just respond that my memories of our relationship are very different. When he gets abusive I tell him to leave. I do not respond to his abusive e mails or texts. I try to be unemotional and factual.... and strong when I have to be about the child. He was bullying me for a long time and enjoying it....

And you are right, the arrogance, the complete selfishness without logic, the lies......
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:22 PM   #10
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Re: Is it the meds?

On a light note "the Smiling Assassins" would be a great name for a band!
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Old 02-25-2012, 02:54 PM   #11
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Re: Is it the meds?

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Old 03-21-2012, 04:56 PM   #12
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Re: Is it the meds?

Is it the drugs?

Well I just received a text from a close friend saying her clients wife just walked away from her marriage leaving two children and ran off with his best friend Saying "I just don't love you anymore". She is on Zoloft and drinking heavily- Sounds real familiar.

If that is not bad enough, and old girlfriend and I went out for a drink she heard about what happened and was concerned about me/baby …I thought that was nice. About 2 drinks in she starts to tell me how she is bored with but has a good relationship with her husband. She went on to tell me she almost had an affair with her boss. She then went on to tell me I was looking good and though I looked better than I did when we dated....(thanks!). THEN she tells me she’s been taking Lexapro- she has called me a couple of times and wants to "hook up" I told her she needs to rethink what she is doing, has 2 beautiful children and a husband that loves her. She had the I don't care attitude and was driving my neighborhood trying to find where I live.

We spoke on the phone and I told her to consider the drugs having an effect on her and she became almost like a caged animal with defense. I immediately dropped it. I finally told her we can't talk anymore and that she needs to work on fixing her marriage for the kids’ sake....Geez! I am really scared with what is happening all around....
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Old 03-21-2012, 05:01 PM   #13
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Re: Is it the meds?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ireallydocare View Post
Is it the drugs?

Well I just received a text from a close friend saying her clients wife just walked away from her marriage leaving two children and ran off with his best friend Saying "I just don't love you anymore". She is on Zoloft and drinking heavily- Sounds real familiar.

If that is not bad enough, and old girlfriend and I went out for a drink she heard about what happened and was concerned about me/baby …I thought that was nice. About 2 drinks in she starts to tell me how she is bored with but has a good relationship with her husband. She went on to tell me she almost had an affair with her boss. She then went on to tell me I was looking good and though I looked better than I did when we dated....(thanks!). THEN she tells me she’s been taking Lexapro- she has called me a couple of times and wants to "hook up" I told her she needs to rethink what she is doing, has 2 beautiful children and a husband that loves her. She had the I don't care attitude and was driving my neighborhood trying to find where I live.

We spoke on the phone and I told her to consider the drugs having an effect on her and she became almost like a caged animal with defense. I immediately dropped it. I finally told her we can't talk anymore and that she needs to work on fixing her marriage for the kids’ sake....Geez! I am really scared with what is happening all around....
MUCH Respect for you, my friend! I know it should be the norm that people do the right thing but it's not.
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Old 03-22-2012, 01:43 PM   #14
Sadme
 
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Re: Is it the meds?

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ireallydocare View Post
Is it the drugs?

Well I just received a text from a close friend saying her clients wife just walked away from her marriage leaving two children and ran off with his best friend Saying "I just don't love you anymore". She is on Zoloft and drinking heavily- Sounds real familiar.

If that is not bad enough, and old girlfriend and I went out for a drink she heard about what happened and was concerned about me/baby …I thought that was nice. About 2 drinks in she starts to tell me how she is bored with but has a good relationship with her husband. She went on to tell me she almost had an affair with her boss. She then went on to tell me I was looking good and though I looked better than I did when we dated....(thanks!). THEN she tells me she’s been taking Lexapro- she has called me a couple of times and wants to "hook up" I told her she needs to rethink what she is doing, has 2 beautiful children and a husband that loves her. She had the I don't care attitude and was driving my neighborhood trying to find where I live.

We spoke on the phone and I told her to consider the drugs having an effect on her and she became almost like a caged animal with defense. I immediately dropped it. I finally told her we can't talk anymore and that she needs to work on fixing her marriage for the kids’ sake....Geez! I am really scared with what is happening all around....
They've got you surrounded! Sorry, I'm joking but its just not funny is it.... feel like you have to joke or you just keep crying.... the pain these things cause....
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