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Old 03-25-2012, 09:16 AM   #1
lmac
 
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anger, saddness and Fear

All I have left to feel is anger, saddness and fear. I'm either shaking with anxiety, I get mad at every stupid little thing or I feel so depressed and hopeless. I can't even get through getting groceries. I'm trying so hard to go out and just do one thing. Its sooo painful. Why? I've never ever felt depression before, this must be it. I feel like the longer I wait this out the harder and worse I am getting. Why can't I even go to the store or clean my countertop or make a meal without wanting to cry my head off, curl into a ball and just be left for dead. This is HORRIBLE!! They say make yourself do things even if it doesn't feel good but when I do it actually makes me feel worse because I have no joy, hope or happiness in anything. How do you live like this without wanting to just die???!! What am I waiting for here? Its 6.5 mnths and getting worse and worse. Really, I don't think its w/d anymore. I think I've fallen into the abyss!!
Sorry to be so negative. Its just really hard to not let my teenager know how I'm feeling anymore (she senses it), my husband is getting impatient with this whole thing. I just don't know what to do anyone.
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:46 AM   #2
Johnnny off Paxil
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
All I have left to feel is anger, saddness and fear. I'm either shaking with anxiety, I get mad at every stupid little thing or I feel so depressed and hopeless. I can't even get through getting groceries. I'm trying so hard to go out and just do one thing. Its sooo painful. Why? I've never ever felt depression before, this must be it. I feel like the longer I wait this out the harder and worse I am getting. Why can't I even go to the store or clean my countertop or make a meal without wanting to cry my head off, curl into a ball and just be left for dead. This is HORRIBLE!! They say make yourself do things even if it doesn't feel good but when I do it actually makes me feel worse because I have no joy, hope or happiness in anything. How do you live like this without wanting to just die???!! What am I waiting for here? Its 6.5 mnths and getting worse and worse. Really, I don't think its w/d anymore. I think I've fallen into the abyss!!
Sorry to be so negative. Its just really hard to not let my teenager know how I'm feeling anymore (she senses it), my husband is getting impatient with this whole thing. I just don't know what to do anyone.

Well there are many things you can do to "survive" withdrawal..one is to understand some of the illusions that withdrawal foists upon you..like

1) this will never end
2) it will go on FOREVER
3) it will NEVER get better
4) its hopeless

get the picture...... so the distress is REAL ok..its not NOTHING...but you need to pull a few things together that help you aim, through, above and beyond what is is happening.
1) remember that prior to being exposed to these drugs, this was not so
2) that if you have the inner strength and patience, that you will see eventually , that all of this is temporary
3) don't allow yourself to become a victim of your own thoughts, thinking and mind..this is where prayer or meditation helps.. and I mean a deliberate concerted sustained effort over time, can and if you let it , will become an important tool and resource to help you overcome this.

Of course lets not forget the obvious:
1) CT( cold turkey ) not only doesn't work, but is dangerous
2) only a slow , long term gradual tapered drop by small increments of no more that 0.5 mg per 4 to 6 weeks. works. ..well at least without the hell associated with CT
3)switching does not work
4) be especially cautious if you are withdrawing from Effexor, it has a very short "half life" and the effects of any drop are felt almost immediately
5) stay away from benzos, alcohol, caffeine, high sugar, high starch etc
6) make deliberate efforts to minimize your exposure to NN( Negative News)... music, video and things that "stimulate" the nervous system
7) if and when you can, take the time to walk( at first, I could only walk about 300 yrds)...gentle exercise will help you get back into your body and away from the gerbil wheel of rambling, chaotic, anxiety , fear ridden thoughts.

Lastly always remember this.. it will pass and you WILL heal.... IF you give yourself permission to and the have the care and patience to "see this through"..no matter what.

Its important to take an "ACTIVE" role in your healing and a deliberate effort on your part to move away from the role of passive victim.In that respect, only you are the leader in this and the power is in you to help move that ship, gradually, in the right direction.....thats not BS... it is possible.
The many of us that got past this are testimony that this is so!!

Johnny
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Old 03-25-2012, 09:57 AM   #3
Wld
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Oh iMac I'm so sorry. I have 3 teenagers myself and I had to tell them about my situation, I couldn't hide it any longer. You might be surprised at how compassionate they can really be. Problems arise when they see you have a few good days and they think you're all better. That's the tough thing to explain...

I understand all the feelings you're having. But it sounds exactly like wd to me. You need to hang in there and give it some more time. I think you're right in the thick of it. If I didn't try to reinstate I'd be there right with you, same time frame. But we're gonna get thru this, please don't think it's you, it's just the drugs and your brain trying to heal.
__________________
Started Celexa 20 mg. 5/2001
Quit Celexa CT 7/15/2011
AD free for 5 mos.
Reinstated Celexa 10 mg. 12/14/11
Up to 20mg. 12/21/11 sick, horrible time
Down to 10mg. 2/7/12 giving up reinstating
5mg. 2/15/12.
4mg. 2/27/12.
3mg. 3/7/12
2mg. 3/14/12
1mg. 3/21/12
Last dose 3/27/12



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Old 03-25-2012, 10:24 AM   #4
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Awww, you have done SO Much switching around and fast tapers, just like I did. It is hellish. I waited it out and got better. I was on Paxil though after my crazy med switching and decided to stop tapering, stop switching, and just hold on and wait. I started to feel better around month 7. Paxil hasn't stopped the bad waves from coming and going, I think the w/d stuff happens despite taking a new SSRI...for me anyway. But it took a good 7 months to see a light at the end of the tunnel. My kids are 5 and 7 so it was easier to hide it from them, but I do know one day I forced myself off the couch to take them sledding and spent the whole time trying to not cry. I recall falling apart and sobbing at a parent teacher interview because the teacher said my son doesn't always put his hand up before he speaks. Yep, loony toon Mom, poor teacher looked lost. But I lived through it. I don't know what to suggest for you, I don't know if re-instating at this point would be silly when maybe relief is just around the corner? It's so hard, we know. Keep chatting to us, we'll help you through!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:25 AM   #5
lmac
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Thanks for the encouragement Wld and Johnny. You are right, I need to stop being the victim (so hard not to after months with no relief). I tapered off Zoloft over 8 mnths (37 mg - 25 - 12.5 - 7 - 0). I've been off for 6.5 mnths. I started to feel anxiety come on slowly around 3 mnths. By 4 mnths WHAM - panic and anxiety hit full force. I was so physically I'll from it and couldn't function. Then I slowly got better physically but the the anxiety hasn't wavered. I meditate daily, read books on spirituality, I Pray, I try to do little walks, get outside into Nature. I just felt the depression coming on slowly and the obsessive negative thoughts that intrude my mind every nano second of the day. I can't get away from the thoughts. I try not to read into them but Its almost like I'm being possessed with these horrible thoughts of I won't get better, this is too painful.n I should just kill myself. I used to get scared of the suicide thoughts but now they make me sad and feel utterly hopeless. I'm trying so hard to learn to ignore this BS going on in my head but somedays its just so unbearable. I keep looking for the answer for how to find my inner strength and peace within. I know there probably isn't even an answer and its probably so simple. I'm so overly educated on what I need to do to be stronger, what needs to happen, I just don't know how to apply it all and just believe myself. Seems so easy to believe the begative stuff but when it comes to the positive, its such a challenge. I'm starting to wonder, was I aklways a negative person under all that Paxil/zoloft for the last 14 years. I take care of my health, I eat gluten free (I'm Celiac), I don't eat processed foods. I quit smoking and drinking caffiene 3.5 years ago. I don't drink alcohol at all since I even started tapering last year, I meditate daily, I stopped all news etc in my home (was more of a spiritual decision) months ago, I still can't even liste to music (it makes my race and I feel aggitated). I've taken so many steps and precautions. My biggest issue is listening to these negative obsesssive thoughts, ruminating from them. I can't get away from my mind and that's the most painful thing. I try so hard to be mindful and yet my thoughts keep bombarding me with negative BS like I'll never get better. I feel like I'm 2 people. Ugh
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:29 AM   #6
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
Thanks for the encouragement Wld and Johnny. You are right, I need to stop being the victim (so hard not to after months with no relief). I tapered off Zoloft over 8 mnths (37 mg - 25 - 12.5 - 7 - 0). I've been off for 6.5 mnths. I started to feel anxiety come on slowly around 3 mnths. By 4 mnths WHAM - panic and anxiety hit full force. I was so physically I'll from it and couldn't function. Then I slowly got better physically but the the anxiety hasn't wavered. I meditate daily, read books on spirituality, I Pray, I try to do little walks, get outside into Nature. I just felt the depression coming on slowly and the obsessive negative thoughts that intrude my mind every nano second of the day. I can't get away from the thoughts. I try not to read into them but Its almost like I'm being possessed with these horrible thoughts of I won't get better, this is too painful.n I should just kill myself. I used to get scared of the suicide thoughts but now they make me sad and feel utterly hopeless. I'm trying so hard to learn to ignore this BS going on in my head but somedays its just so unbearable. I keep looking for the answer for how to find my inner strength and peace within. I know there probably isn't even an answer and its probably so simple. I'm so overly educated on what I need to do to be stronger, what needs to happen, I just don't know how to apply it all and just believe myself. Seems so easy to believe the begative stuff but when it comes to the positive, its such a challenge. I'm starting to wonder, was I aklways a negative person under all that Paxil/zoloft for the last 14 years. I take care of my health, I eat gluten free (I'm Celiac), I don't eat processed foods. I quit smoking and drinking caffiene 3.5 years ago. I don't drink alcohol at all since I even started tapering last year, I meditate daily, I stopped all news etc in my home (was more of a spiritual decision) months ago, I still can't even liste to music (it makes my race and I feel aggitated). I've taken so many steps and precautions. My biggest issue is listening to these negative obsesssive thoughts, ruminating from them. I can't get away from my mind and that's the most painful thing. I try so hard to be mindful and yet my thoughts keep bombarding me with negative BS like I'll never get better. I feel like I'm 2 people. Ugh
If you were like this before meds, you would remember this feeling. If it's new and shocking, it's withdrawal and it will go away! I know what you mean, I obsess about how I was before meds, but I kept journals and when I re-read them I'm seeing that no, I wasn't THIS bad, I was happy, I had a life. Don't think it's you. It's not!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:33 AM   #7
lmac
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Aberdeen, I didn't hink I really switched meds much. Just once in the beginning couple of years and once in the last 6 mnths before I started to taper. My doses have always also been so minimal. I never took a high dose of anything. I hear you about the kids. I know my daughter is uncomfortable with me. The funny thing is she's 15, never wants to be around the parents, hides in her room. But since I've been in rough shape she seems to always be in the same room as me (no disrespect but this is the time I don't want her around). She only knows I've come off these meds and am having a hard time with anxiety but 6.5 months off and 8 mnths of tapering, that's almost 15 mnths of not having a normal mom in her life.
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:47 AM   #8
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
Aberdeen, I didn't hink I really switched meds much. Just once in the beginning couple of years and once in the last 6 mnths before I started to taper.
Sorry I saw Celexa and Zoloft and paxil and thought it was switched around all within a couple of months. That's what I tried, and it was a bad time for me. In the big picture, your daughter won't even remember much about this year, and eventually you will return to normal and you can just put it behind you! Can you two just chill and watch movies together? (There was a time where I couldn't watch movies, everythig made me upset and jittery) As long as she knows it's not her fault, she'll be ok!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:53 AM   #9
lmac
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Yes, we tend to watch a lot of funny movies. Although lately I can't even do that. Everything seems so hard these days. I can't stop toying with reinstating. Its been so long and I feel I've come this far but then because its been this long with no relief, I'm starting to wonder if I need the meds. How do I decide? I just want to feel normal again. Keep telling myself I will but then how I feel, I keep thinking what if it gets too bad and I just give up on life???!!! This is living HELL!! And then to think if this is just wave and I'll have more? OMG
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:00 AM   #10
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Were you depressed before these meds? Is that why you started them? If not, it really must be withdrawal. I hope someone else can pipe up with any advice whose been there. I had the depression but anxiety was more my symptom during w/d, and still is when I have a bad wave. Depression for me is short lived, thank GOD. I just don't know how to advise you, I'd be asking all the same stuff you are if I were in your boat. Oh, and you won't give up on life, I think you would reach out for help if you got that low, right? And someone would take care of you and watch you. Please don't worry about that. Maybe reinstating and trying to get off even slower would help...? Hang in there.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:10 AM   #11
lmac
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

I was put on Celexa when I was 23 because I went crying to my doctor. I was in a very bad marriage (new husband was a crack addict and I didn't know until after we married). Basically my life was a living hell with him AND we had a baby to boot. So I'm not even sure if it was depression as much as very high anxiety. This feeling I get, that depression clicks on and off. Its kind of really scary how it clicks on and off. It feels like a chemical wave that just turns me into this helpless, hopeless person who is being tormented with suicidal thoughts. And then it willl click away leaving me scared that it will return and willl I give in to the negative thoughts next time?? I've never experienced this in my entire life. (Except more mildly last time I tapered and was off for 4 mnths. Then I reinstated because the thoughts scared me so much). This time I'm trying to ride them but after all these months its becoming unbearable. To reinstate, I'll feel like I wasted all this time and effort, especially if I try to taper off again, I will have to go thru it all over again!!
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:23 AM   #12
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

I think you've been too long on meds, so the meds were the ones regulating your emotions, making you feel always "calm", now after all those years you are off meds, so now you have to learn to deal with these emotions, it's like being born again I think. I know it's difficult, I've been dealing with the same things, we all do or we all have...

I think everybody feels what you feel, it's just that some people know how to deal with these emotion and some don't, for example, I get sad and mad easily, and everytime I get mad I get very desperate and I think I'm going to die, last december I got so mad that I had a panic attack in the streets, it was awful...

I know how you feel, but you'll have to put a big effort to relearn how to control yourself, I know you'll make it, I'm trying too, we all are
__________________
March 2007 - March 2009 / 20 mg Paxil
March 2009 - January 2010 Paxil Free
January 2010 - April 2011 / 20mg Paxil
April 2011 - April 2012 / Paxil Free
April 2012 - Today / 20mg Paxil

This is an unknown awareness

(I've also tried Lamictal and Trileptal)
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:43 AM   #13
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

lmac,

Do you also have windows? That is, a day or days when you feel better than you have been feeling lately? The length of my ssri use is very similar to yours...I'm still tapering off zoloft and the past month was HELL. Then I had about a week of feeling fine....that assured me that what I was going through was withdrawal. joannexo
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11/25/10 50 mg. zoloft 12/30 45
1/19/11 40.5 2/6 36.5 3/7 32.8
3/29 29.5 4/20 25 5/28 22.5
6/16 20.2 7/7 18.2 7/28 16.4
8/18 14.7 9/8 13.0 9/23 12.5
10/10 11.2 11/6 10.6 11/9 11.2
12/7 10.5 1/1/12 10 2/1 9.5
3/1 9 3/23 8.5 4/30 8
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12/17 4.8 (made my own liquid)
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February 9, 2013 last sliver zoloft 4.0mg.
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Old 03-25-2012, 11:53 AM   #14
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

I'm so sorry you are feeling so hopeless. It is truly a frightening experience. Have you tried soothing yourself with the fact that this is withdrawal and you will survive it and come out the other side strong and happy again. Hold onto those thoughts and repeat them over and over to get through it. I feel like for you this is the worst before it gets better. Many prayers and hugs.
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10mg of Citalopram - 10/2011 to 12/2011
Adverse reaction - DP/DR
Tapered:
7.5mg - 1 week
5mg - 1 week
2.5mg - 1 week
Off all medication as of 12/17/2011

My story ends with finding out I have Lyme disease which caused my nervous system and hormones to go haywire. Currently in treatment.
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Old 03-25-2012, 12:06 PM   #15
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

It totally sounds like withdrawal related emotions. The suddenness of it, and the intensity without having any identifiable triggers in your life right now? Totally withdrawal. It's temporary, but who knows how long it can go for, just that it can't last forever. Maybe you'll turn that corner soon and start to see some better days and weeks.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 12:21 PM   #16
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Thank you everyone for the encouragement again! You are all so amazing and loving! Thank you! Lindelea - what you said about being born again with your emotions sounds about right. I've been feeling this for weeks now, that maybe I just don't know how to deal with emotions now that I'm off meds. I'm in constant distress. I went to see a Psychologist last Friday and begged her to teach me CBT. After assessing me she decided that CBT may not help me right now as my problems seem to stem from my out of control emotions. She said CBT in a sense teaches you to avoid the emotions, whereas DBT (dialiectical behaviour therapy) helps teach you how to DEAL with your emotions so everything doesn't become all of nothing every minute of everyday. At this point I'm not even sure what emotions are and how to NOT go into fight/flight everytime my emotion changes. I even wake up in the middle of the night and as soon as I remember I'm going this trauma, my fight/flight response is already activated. Joanne - I'm not sure I would call them windows. I have times that I feel very temporary relief and just feel sane for maybe an hour or two (sometimes longer) but its never lasted more than a day except 3 weeks ago I finally felt semi normal for 3 whole days (I was so excited) only to have one bad day after another again for weeks to follow. Instead of holding on to that I felt discouraged, like it was a tease and I'll never feel that again.
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- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 03:45 PM   #17
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
I'm not sure I would call them windows. I have times that I feel very temporary relief and just feel sane for maybe an hour or two (sometimes longer) but its never lasted more than a day except 3 weeks ago I finally felt semi normal for 3 whole days (I was so excited) only to have one bad day after another again for weeks to follow. Instead of holding on to that I felt discouraged, like it was a tease and I'll never feel that again.
I would call that windows! They even seem to be getting longer, which is a common pattern. Those hours and days will become weeks and months, eventually they will become the normal (the good times I mean). Also the feelings you describe sound (in my opinion) too strong for "normal" emotions. I really think withdrawal is causing them to be so strong. Don't beat yourself up because you can't control them, if it's withdrawal, they can't be controlled right now. They need to pass in their own time. You can learn how not to get really scared about them, by knowing it's just your brain trying to reset itself, which it will, and then you might not be as scared of them. I don't think these are your regular emotions that you will now have to battle for the rest of your life.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 03:55 PM   #18
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Thanks Aberdeen. I kinda of think that too. Actually I'm praying to God I'm just super sensisitve right now. Regardless, I'm going to get the help for this. It can't hurt!! I need to learn how not to be scared. Unfortunately I've always been a scared person about a lot of things (like sickness and death) like a lot of people aren't.
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Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 05:41 PM   #19
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

I think that's a good idea. I just wish therapists understood withdrawal so that they could reassure you that that is what most of your issue is right now. It would suck to bang your head on the wall trying to get yourself past this with your own thinking , when time is your best friend right now. But learning relaxation techniques will at least help you calm down while you feel awful, right? You ARE super sensitive right now. I went through a scary phase (that my Dr brushed off) where certain colours made me want to cry and brought on panic. How utterly crazy does that sound? I had painted my son's room really bright and I almost couldn't bear it, emotionally. How could a colour affect my emotions? I thought I'd lost it! I thought I had experienced a nervous breakdown, it was awful. But it went away 100%. That was about 2 months after I had felt pretty normal for awhile too! THis stuff is crazy, what we are going through.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 06:31 PM   #20
lmac
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Aberdeen - it doesn't sound crazy what you went through about the colours! Its amazing what these meds have up their sleeves. And what a shock that your Dr just brushed it off!! If my Dr calls me mentally I'll one more time I'm afraid I may do something that WILL land me in a Psych ward. I can't believe how little faith I have in Drs nowadays. I switched doctors because mine was getting so old (I've had him since I was 3). I chose a nice new one fresh outta school a year ago thinking and hoping she would be more intune with todays real world and not just the medical books. Ya, I struck out again. If I could just find a really good Dr who understand SSRI hell and w/d I'd drive 10 hours for my apts if I had to!!
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Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 03-25-2012, 07:16 PM   #21
aberdeen
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

I drive an hour to mine,lol. He brushed off a lot of my symptoms and said they were possibly other issues than w/d, but he DID at least recognize that it can take a long time to readjust after SSRI use, even a year. He also gave me reassurance that I wasn't crazy, but he didn't really tune into the part where withdrawal symptoms seem to be able to clear up completely and then resurface again. The window thing...he didn't get that, but he didn't say it was impossible either. He just had never seen anyone go through it.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-25-2012, 10:27 PM   #22
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Quote:
Originally Posted by aberdeen View Post
I would call that windows! They even seem to be getting longer, which is a common pattern. Those hours and days will become weeks and months, eventually they will become the normal (the good times I mean). Also the feelings you describe sound (in my opinion) too strong for "normal" emotions. I really think withdrawal is causing them to be so strong. Don't beat yourself up because you can't control them, if it's withdrawal, they can't be controlled right now. They need to pass in their own time. You can learn how not to get really scared about them, by knowing it's just your brain trying to reset itself, which it will, and then you might not be as scared of them. I don't think these are your regular emotions that you will now have to battle for the rest of your life.
Exactly. ^^^
It just amazes me that doctors do not get this.
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Old 03-27-2012, 11:17 AM   #23
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

lmac, how are you doing? I have been thinking so much about you and saying prayers!!!
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Old 03-27-2012, 11:39 AM   #24
lmac
 
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Re: anger, saddness and Fear

Thanks Sparkswallace - I am not as bad today as I have been the last couple of days. Although the doom is always lingering over my shoulder and I'm wondering when I'll be in that deep dark hole again!! I really need to learn to not wait for it. Thanks for your prayers. I really need them right now
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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