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Family Support Paxil affects whole families. This forum is to support those closest to our hearts (spouses, partners, brothers, sisters etc.) who need help to understand and support.

Adverse Drug Reaction Reporting    FDA Warnings    Published Withdrawal Studies    Pregnancy Warnings    Forum Psychology

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Old 03-28-2012, 06:08 AM   #1
Sadme
 
Join Date: Feb 2012
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Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Sorry, feeling sorry for myself today.... thought things were getting better but just found something out about my separated H that shows he is still harbouring feelings of hatred and blame towards me.... its so unfair.... if I was the person he seems to believe I am why would I have looked after him for years, held him whilst he rocked on the floor... kept life running around him whilst he did nothing to help.... I just feel like crying. Every time I feel a bit positive something knocks me back....
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Old 03-28-2012, 07:25 PM   #2
Charlie
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

The person he believes you to be may not have anything to do with what he says to you or tells others. He's likely trying to convince them how bad you are so they believe what he's doing and how he's acting is justified when it's not.
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Old 03-29-2012, 01:00 PM   #3
Sadme
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Thanks Charlie - so he could actually 'know' the truth but not use it because it doesnt serve his purpose? Why is this never simple???
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Old 03-29-2012, 04:34 PM   #4
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Keep in mind that knowing the truth and admitting it to yourself is not the same thing. They really believe they want to do "X" so they fabricate a situation that justifies it in their own mind and try to sell it to people that might otherwise say hold on that's not right.

It's not simple because the drug has screwed with their mind and turned their belief system inside out.

I hope it gets easier for you very soon!
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Old 03-30-2012, 01:05 PM   #5
Ireallydocare
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Charlie,

You helped me with the last 2 posts! This is what I know and believe what is weird is I can feel my wifes struggle when she is trying to justify....

Sadme- I'll get back to you with a time!! Hang in there kido we're in this together!!
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Old 03-30-2012, 04:01 PM   #6
Sadme
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Thanks Charlie - you make so much sense.... do you recommend a way for dealing with it?

IRDC - Thanks buddy, looking forward to it!
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Old 03-30-2012, 06:44 PM   #7
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

I wish every day that I knew how to deal with it in a way that would turn things around for people.
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Old 03-30-2012, 08:18 PM   #8
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Quote:
Originally Posted by Ireallydocare View Post
Charlie,

You helped me with the last 2 posts! This is what I know and believe what is weird is I can feel my wifes struggle when she is trying to justify....

Sadme- I'll get back to you with a time!! Hang in there kido we're in this together!!
I'm glad I was able to help you in some way I just wish I could do more..
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:04 AM   #9
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
I wish every day that I knew how to deal with it in a way that would turn things around for people.
Thanks Charlie.... I suppose we are all different, thats the problem.... and with personality / possible mental issues added into the mix there is no magic formula....

Your insight helps so much, thank you!
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:15 AM   #10
ivelost
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

I am new to writing here, but I have been reading for a while. I was on Paxil for about 2 years. Back in feburary I lost my insurance so i slowly weaned off of them. I never would of thought that the last 2 years of my life and terrible choices were because of this medication. I just assumed I had lost my mind and changed. That is until a few months ago.

When I first got on it, it was because my husband of a year and a half, although together for 5 years, begged me to get on something for my anxiety. I have always had a problem, though not severe. I am very loud spoken and I had 3 boys and a job and a husband. Of course I would feel crazy at times. Anyway, I went to the doctor and thats what she prescribed me. I cant remember if it was 20mg or 30mg.

When I look back, it all started with me wanting to be alone in the bedroom all the time. My husband would spend a lot of time in the garage building things, and for a long time, until paxil, I would get upset because I wanted him to spend time with me. That was no longer the case. I started being mean to him and very hurtful. Hes a very tough man emotionally, and didnt bring it up much at all. I would sit on the computer at night and ignore him. There were a few times that he would fall asleep on the couch and I would get a text from a friend about going out, and thats what I did.

I started wanting to be away from him a lot and that was very unlike me.
I ended up going out one night with a friend and seeing a guy that I had know from school. A few weeks later I made the biggest mistake I ever could have. I ended up cheating on my husband.

Of course At the time I felt like it was all for a reason and I must not be in love with my husband anymore. after several weeks of treating him like crap, I moved out with my kids. I continued seeing the other guy and still with him today.

My problem is that every since I have gotten off of the Paxil, I have been wanting my husband back. I want my family back. I do love the guy I am with, but it's not the same kind of love. It,s more of a care kind of love. I am such a mess right now and very emotional. It has been 3 months since I took my last doseage. I spoke to my husband about this when I figured out that it was the medicine that changed me, but I have done too much. He thinks Im just making excuses for my actions.

Did I mention, I even got my tubes tied, and now I regret that very badly..
Please give me some advice.

Whats a girl to do??
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Old 05-22-2012, 10:44 AM   #11
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

I did some inexplicable things while I was taking Paxil, it numbs the control mechanisms in our minds and leads to very strange behavior.

Try posting a new message in the family forum, this topic deserves a new thread. I've read many stories here about broken families and relationships after one started taking an SSRI. It's heartbreaking and maddening to see what these drugs are capable of.
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Old 05-22-2012, 01:31 PM   #12
ivelost
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

I did. I reposted in the family support forums. Ive never been on here, so i dont know if it was what you were talking about. But thanks! Hope to hear more from you!
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Old 07-24-2012, 08:13 AM   #13
TEL
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

It's taken me a long time to reconcile the fact that no matter what you do, it's never enough. Time will heal all things (hopefully) and I have to believe until the other realizes you are trying to work with them instead of against things will not begin in a positive direction.
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Old 12-15-2012, 08:09 PM   #14
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

if I may - in my admittedly brief manner - share a couple of thing in order to help.

IVELOST: that took a huge amount of courage to tell your story. Believe me, I hear you on that one. And I wish you only the best in working through this.

SADME: as others have mentioned - this medicine does not care about you or anyone else. The target of the medicine is the brain of those who are prescribed. it's only goal is to supposedly fix bad wiring and make some a$$holes a lot of money. At eveyone's expense.

I can see one thing in your post that I wish I had - someone as convicted and dedicated as you are and helped someone and still want to.

Paxil will influence people to do things they may not do otherwise - before the Black Box warnings - my son had his first panic attack and the dr put him on it straight away with atavan. He went through CBT and it helped. He then weaned off. He DID complain of shocks - head fuzziness - all of that in withdrawal. As my 8 / 9 yr old son struggled - I was thankful more because we got him help immediately and knew what it was. Unlike my journey

My daughter then was put on PAXhell. She was in middle school and was smart enough to put her feelings into words telling me she could not stop hoarding and counting ceiling tiles. CBT and PAXHELL. She did things on that med that I was pretty dumbfounded by. Of course I defended her - but then it was happening so much and she was literally distressed at her own behavior and had no answers. Got her off the Paxil.

You are a good person with a wonderful heart. What he says is not necessarily what he means. Been there - done that - and I look back as many paxil wd experienced people speak of - - - -they read those posts and are surprised but at the time it was clear and present danger.

He may feel some of what he says - but Paxil is not your friend and its not his right now either. Much of the anger is part of the effect of the drug. The delivery and chosen words can be terrible even with truth. But please remember - I dont know you and I see an amazing soul among our world. thank you

I had it still have it and I am not letting it haunt me. I do grieve for the losses and my bad behavior for things I said and do.

You held him while he rocked on the floor - you are truly a blessing and a wonderful contribution. In his heart - as hard as those moments were and are - he knows you were there. He knows and it matters. Blessed be

Last edited by PaxilizedNoMo : 12-15-2012 at 08:15 PM. Reason: detail
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Old 12-16-2012, 03:26 PM   #15
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Quote:
Originally Posted by Charlie View Post
The person he believes you to be may not have anything to do with what he says to you or tells others. He's likely trying to convince them how bad you are so they believe what he's doing and how he's acting is justified when it's not.
Omg thank you for this. I thought I was going nuts myself!
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Old 01-10-2013, 03:45 PM   #16
Sadme
 
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Re: Really struggling with the blame and accusations today

Quote:
Originally Posted by PaxilizedNoMo View Post
if I may - in my admittedly brief manner - share a couple of thing in order to help.

IVELOST: that took a huge amount of courage to tell your story. Believe me, I hear you on that one. And I wish you only the best in working through this.

SADME: as others have mentioned - this medicine does not care about you or anyone else. The target of the medicine is the brain of those who are prescribed. it's only goal is to supposedly fix bad wiring and make some a$$holes a lot of money. At eveyone's expense.

I can see one thing in your post that I wish I had - someone as convicted and dedicated as you are and helped someone and still want to.

Paxil will influence people to do things they may not do otherwise - before the Black Box warnings - my son had his first panic attack and the dr put him on it straight away with atavan. He went through CBT and it helped. He then weaned off. He DID complain of shocks - head fuzziness - all of that in withdrawal. As my 8 / 9 yr old son struggled - I was thankful more because we got him help immediately and knew what it was. Unlike my journey

My daughter then was put on PAXhell. She was in middle school and was smart enough to put her feelings into words telling me she could not stop hoarding and counting ceiling tiles. CBT and PAXHELL. She did things on that med that I was pretty dumbfounded by. Of course I defended her - but then it was happening so much and she was literally distressed at her own behavior and had no answers. Got her off the Paxil.

You are a good person with a wonderful heart. What he says is not necessarily what he means. Been there - done that - and I look back as many paxil wd experienced people speak of - - - -they read those posts and are surprised but at the time it was clear and present danger.

He may feel some of what he says - but Paxil is not your friend and its not his right now either. Much of the anger is part of the effect of the drug. The delivery and chosen words can be terrible even with truth. But please remember - I dont know you and I see an amazing soul among our world. thank you

I had it still have it and I am not letting it haunt me. I do grieve for the losses and my bad behavior for things I said and do.

You held him while he rocked on the floor - you are truly a blessing and a wonderful contribution. In his heart - as hard as those moments were and are - he knows you were there. He knows and it matters. Blessed be
Thank you so much for your wonderful words - I'm getting so emotional! My H had a 'window' of clarity back in October when he was able to tell me he knows I would never do anything to hurt him and he thanked me for my kindness and compassion towards him when he was 'ill'.... it meant so much to me and I hope that will give others hope that the person they love will reappear... unfortuneately my husbands battle continues but I pray every day that he will get to a good place. Please know that as much as my husband has hurt me, I understand and dont want him to beat himself up about it in the future... I'm sure your loved ones feel the same x

... just edited to add I hope your kids are ok... I cant believe they give this **** to kids, it is just not acceptable x
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