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Old 03-30-2012, 10:39 AM   #26
aberdeen
 
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Oh Imac I'm a horror movie fan, and I had about 4 months where I felt ok again, and I read a Stephen King novel and watched a few thrillers, I couldn't believe it! So yes, it totally comes back. I'm getting better with noises and colour but I had to take about a year off from playing Bejewelled on Facebook b/c the explosions and colours were torture.lol. And when the one jewel makes an electric sounds and shoots lightening bolts, it made me scared (yes, actually scared) that it would look like that if I could see inside my head. I play it again now though! Most of that has passed for me for now. I'm mostly just numb and apathetic these days. I still can't watch a movie about depression, there's one at the movie store with one of the Judd sisters in it, I want to see it but it invloves mental illness and depression so I just walk by that one, maybe one day when this is long behind me.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:45 AM   #27
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Love love love the pics...total tears...The one of you and ur daughter is so beautiful I cant wait to get back to that mommy too...Oh the guilt of laying around is getting to be too much to bear...That pic reminds me to just...pull thru this bc they need us to be those mommies again....
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Ambian 2001 -Feb 20th 2012 Various AD's 2002-2005 (zoloft) (Lexapro)
switched to cymbalta in 2005
Provigil and similar one 2006-2008
Lyrica 2007- 2010 ?
Cymbalta 60 mg. 2005-2011
75 mg.Effexor (Venlafaxine) march 2011
Remeron march 2011-jan 2012 ct off
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Old 03-30-2012, 11:52 AM   #28
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by obliviousjo View Post
Love love love the pics...total tears...The one of you and ur daughter is so beautiful I cant wait to get back to that mommy too...Oh the guilt of laying around is getting to be too much to bear...That pic reminds me to just...pull thru this bc they need us to be those mommies again....
Oh I know. Lately my kids are bonding better with hubby because I look so serious and am quiet a lot, or sometimes just impatient and grumpy. I ignore them too much and I hate it hate it hate it. I do try to do stuff with them, but I feel blah about it. When I do laugh or get silly for even one second they really notice it.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:01 PM   #29
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

[QUOTE "Sorry, I can't paint right now because I spontaneously developed a phobia about painting, my hands shake and I'm scared of colour and noises are really loud and I'm really scared the land fills are going to overflow and our ground water will get contaminated so I have to lay on my couch and think about that all day instead of living my life....so your order will have to wait until I'm done my drug withdrawal." then.[/quote]

FUNNY!!!! see, you DO make me laugh every day!

I have no talent so I can't really relate.... I used to love to decorate my house and shop. I used to love to work in my yard too. Mostly my "talents" were physical I guess--tennis, fitness, dance. Aside from going to the gym compulsively I don't do any those things either. The only thing I'm really good at is being a mom and omg we don't want to go there again today. So suffice it to say....gosh I hope we all get better....soon.
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Old 03-30-2012, 12:34 PM   #30
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Oh Aberdeen those pictures are so beautiful like everyone has said and to see you laughing with your little girl like that makes me so sad you have to deal with this but I know you will be there again soon at the end of this arduous journey. You are such an inspirational and beautiful soul and you have given me comfort in some of the darkest times in my life.

I can't wait till you get to become the person that you truly are. So much love and prayers to you for your journey! And I'll always be here to cheer you on!
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:00 AM   #31
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Thanks Audrealjade, so good to know everyone here looks out for each other. Yes, that picture reminds me of better times. That was Valentines Day 2009, and I started to go downhill later that year. My girl was 2 1/2 there and she's 5 now. She's seen me feel good many times, but it will be nice one day when I can trust my own peace of mind to stay in place until something *actually* goes wrong in life, rather than having my peace of mind be controlled by something internal and inexplicable and unpredictable. To feel safe again, from my own brain....that would be really nice. It's the main reason I want off meds, life is hard enough without having a chemical pick and choose when you'll be happy!

I am REALLY jumpy today. My mind is racing and my hands are shaky. I have PMS and am irritable and revved up. I wouldn't say I'm anxious mentally (thank GOD) but really flighty. I made the mistake of having 2 coffees when I usually have one, even on a good day 2 can do a number on me, so I brought this on myself. I'm too sensitive for coffee right now I see. Even my legs keep jumping and twitching. Definately feeling that drop, but it's nothing I can't handle. Going to the woods with my son's scouting group to watch them collect the maple sugar for syrup. We had summer weather for a few weeks and now there's some snow again, so it should be nice...if I can stand still long enough....
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:19 AM   #32
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by KittyQ View Post
Wow, Aberdeen....I'm an artist too and have supported myself that way for years. Now, I too get anxious and freaked out if I have to do anything creative. My confidence seems to be gone as well.

I have improved a lot in the last year, but, I'm still waiting to have my creativity back, so, I totally understand your frustration. I did wonder if anyone else had the same kind of reaction like you described. Now I know.

Hang in there....we have to make it back.

KittyQ
We will! I can't imagine how frightening to lose creativity when you support yourself with it! I wonder if I wopuld have been able to support us somewhat with my creative efforts had I not crashed. I was going to start doing festivals and craft shows, go into a partenership somehow with my sister for the crocheting of photography props for her business, I had such big plans. I don't even want to think of it right now because I get anxious, like somehow all the creative stuff *caused* this somehow, like I have a chip on my shoulder towards it. I actually started to hate what I was doing. I don't know what happened. I hope it had to do with meds and it passes one day. I remember a time when I loved it so much. Now it's as inviting as going to the dentist. Maybe even less so.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-31-2012, 10:35 AM   #33
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Aberdeen - we must live near eachother here in Canada. Sounds like our weather is the same! You should PM me sometime about this
Its nice that you know what to expect so you don't catastrophize your symptoms. I on the otherhand sometimes still panic, although I KNOW what I'm going through and what to expect! LoL. Enjoy your time in Nature.
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- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
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- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
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Old 03-31-2012, 01:47 PM   #34
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

LOL< I just mentioned that we must live close in the other post about butterflies. That's kinda cool! I'll send you a message...
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 03-31-2012, 04:54 PM   #35
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by aberdeen View Post
I don't even want to think of it right now because I get anxious, like somehow all the creative stuff *caused* this somehow, like I have a chip on my shoulder towards it. I actually started to hate what I was doing. I don't know what happened. I hope it had to do with meds and it passes one day. I remember a time when I loved it so much. Now it's as inviting as going to the dentist. Maybe even less so.
Aberdeen, You just spoke my mind! That's how I feel when I "have" to do a job. On the up side, however, since we, and others I suspect, experience the same type of thing, then this too is due to the drug interference in how we function and it WILL go away. I have had times when it receded a bit and I felt close to my creative self again, so, I know "I'm" still in there somewhere. It beats me as to why this business affects our creativity so harshly, but, it sure does. I'm impatient for my healing from ALL of this, but, it's the time thing. It just takes time. Meanwhile, I do the best I can and I am improving.

Bless you and your beautiful family AND your speedy recovery...

KittyQ
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Old 03-31-2012, 06:28 PM   #36
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Thanks KiityQ, the same for you too! I wish you many lost hours painting again someday! I had a nice break from all of this in the winter this year. I didn't get into painting, still haven't had any desire for that in a couple of years, but I made some beautiful hats (crochet) for my friend's daughters. It was spontaneous and I kind of got into it. Then my sister, who does newborn photography, suggested I open my online shop up and sell "props" for baby photographers, blankets, wraps etc. I thought about it and got really anxious and weird about it and said no, then I didn't even finish a few things I promised her. It's normally something I would love to do! Gosh I even used to sew. My little girl will be too old to wear anything I sew for her if it doesn't come back soon! I made all her cloth diapers with fitted elastic leg openings and velcro, cute patterns, handmade wool diaper covers....wow....just remembered that. Where did I go,lol?
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-01-2012, 07:41 AM   #37
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

No jitters today. Head not as swooshy. A bit shakey. No anxiety , no depression. Just the same old thing: anhedonia and laziness. Trying not to say things like: "Anywday now the hideous anxiety should hit". Because that would be negative. So I wrote it instead, which is kind of the same thing....hmmm. OK< off to church!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-02-2012, 08:49 AM   #38
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Yesterday was Palm Sunday. Last year I was going through the beginning of a horrible w.d period, and bawled my eyes out when the kids waved their palm leaves around in chucrh in a little parade. This year...not even a teensy scrap of emotion. Neither one is very much like me. Maybe next year I'll have found the middle ground and be myself again!
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-03-2012, 07:19 PM   #39
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

I Hope ur feeling good todayIt is really nice to kno about other mothers who are going thru this crap..It was beginning to feel like I was the only mom on earth who felt this guilt, this shame of having their dad go to the school functions bc mommy was too...um...sick to want to get out of bed...I was starting to hate myself that they were hanging out in the living room with him instead of being with me 24/7....but...I'm getting better everyday and doing everything with them again...my last three days have beem awesome....I almost gave up hope when I got that strep just the other week..but it cleared and so did I....so I KNOW we ARE able to get back to wanting to spend our usual amount of time with our kids and feeling well enuf to actually do that..Thank God!!!! Yeaaah I'm a lil impatient, a lil grumpy, a tad nauseous, a bit head wooshy but its managable....And I still have all my fibro crap going on so...Anyway I'm again very optimistic for us all..whew Again, I hope today is a good one and you WILL get back to YOU!!!!
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Ambian 2001 -Feb 20th 2012 Various AD's 2002-2005 (zoloft) (Lexapro)
switched to cymbalta in 2005
Provigil and similar one 2006-2008
Lyrica 2007- 2010 ?
Cymbalta 60 mg. 2005-2011
75 mg.Effexor (Venlafaxine) march 2011
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Old 04-04-2012, 09:07 AM   #40
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

I'm feeling pretty good...no dizzyness or whooshy head or shakes anymore. It's been a week since my drop. My mood is what it's been now for the last 3 months...blah. Not unhappy but not happy either. Very hard to get even a spark of excitement going for anything. Also my eyes are bugging me, blurry and heavy feeling on and off. I can't complain though....the anxiety that w/d gives me is hell and so far it's not here right now and for that I'm so grateful! If it comes back you'll all know because I'll post 15 times a day,lol.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-04-2012, 10:54 AM   #41
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

So glad you're doing well Aberdeen! I truly hope this nice slow taper will really help you just get back to normal!
I've been getting the odd brain zaps and swooshes lately. Kind of strange. Just the odd one here and there. I'll take that anyday over wwhat I've just experienced the last few mnths.
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- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:09 PM   #42
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
So glad you're doing well Aberdeen! I truly hope this nice slow taper will really help you just get back to normal!
I've been getting the odd brain zaps and swooshes lately. Kind of strange. Just the odd one here and there. I'll take that anyday over wwhat I've just experienced the last few mnths.

Thanks and yes, I would take that over what the mental agony feels like! Do you get the swooshes when you first lie down at night? That's when I get them most.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-04-2012, 08:25 PM   #43
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Aberdeen - I got the swooshes every night in bed. They frightened me because of my health anxiety, I was convinced I had a blood clot in my head. My head kep swooshing and all I could hear was my heart beat and speeding up eveytime I even moved while lying down. I went to my doctor bout this about 6 times in a month until she agreed to do a CT scan. It finally went away before the CT scan so I cancelled it feeling like a foolish silly girl. LoL
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- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:08 PM   #44
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

I feel for you Imac, I'm so glad I don't have health anxiety. My thought process is completely different from yours, so i'll share it and you can borrow it,lol...though I have other triggers (environmental stuff, like pollution and toxic air, and trees being cut down, landfills etc...and financial anxiety no matter how secure I am so I totally get the irrational fear thing). But my thinkiing is when I lie down and get whooshes I think "Ok, I know that feeling from when I missed a dose of Effexor, it's withdrawal! I just made a dose drop last week so it's definately withdrawal because it happens everytime I mess with these meds, because of the fact it comes everytime I do this, and thousands of others report the same feeling for the same reason the chances of it being something else are almost impossible. I'm glad it's withdrawal because that's temporary". That's sort of what I think. I don't know if that helps b/c I know how I am aboutmy stuff and no ones opinions help me much but there it is anyway,lol.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:10 PM   #45
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

One week since my last dose drop and my period started today and I'm feeling a bit anxious not about anything in particular, just anxiety and DR-the w/d kind. Hands are shakey a little and my eyes feel heavy and tired. I've had lots of sleep though so i'm not actually tired, just brain dead and flat...nothing new!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:50 PM   #46
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Aberdeen - thank you, yes of course it helps to see how people CAN rationalize symptoms. I seem to forget this step quite often. I go from symptom to catastroph in a millisecond! LoL
The typical wd symtoms never scared me (suprizingly). It the symtoms that could definately mean other serious conditions like, heart palpitations, and having high BP etc: these are and can be serious issues for any general public, so I tend to not associate these with wd. I have a hard time believing that stress can actually cause high BP. I've had my BP checked when highly stressed in the past and it was normal. Either way I REALLY hope this fluxuation of up and down with my BP IS part of my body adjusting. It frightens me to think I've gotten rif of one pill, just to substitute it with another can also be dangerous?
I don't have the greatest luck with health in my family. My sister and father have already passed away and my mother has every ailment known to mankind. I probably have developed quite the health anxiety from all this!
Anyhow, I'm very happy that you can rationalize your symptoms. I wouldn't wish this kind of constant fear on anyone.
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Old 04-06-2012, 07:04 PM   #47
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Quote:
Originally Posted by aberdeen View Post
, just brain dead and flat...nothing new!
Ughh me too. Hey I went on a field trip today, with my sister's 4th graders and thought of you--no arctic dwellers tho just local history stuff. I was bored out of my mind, which is very unlike me and the kids ughh they weren't very appealing either.
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Old 04-07-2012, 11:12 AM   #48
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

lol Wld, no environmental anxiety for you I guess, lucky you! Stuff like museums etc bore me to no end as well. Probably why I get anxious in places like that, I've always hated being bored, it makes me nervous, lol.
Imac, yes that would cause health anxiety, my husband has a bit of it too, and he's seen a lot of health issues in his family as well, it can create fear no doubt! Effexor made my bloodpressure higher, and now that I'm off it is lower. I never had it checked in between but it likely did fluctuate while I was levelling out. High BP is more of an issue when it is constant or up for the majority of the time. I'm sure you're fine!
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
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Old 04-09-2012, 05:28 PM   #49
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Just checking in Aberdeen! Hope your tapering is going well! Sending you hugs and prayers always!
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Old 04-10-2012, 08:16 AM   #50
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Re: Aberdeen's journal

Thanks audrealjade! I'm sort of at a plateau it seems (though I'm sure things are still doing their thing up there). I don't feel bad really, just numb. Just blah. I don't have much anxiety at all, not any depression, just blips here and there last last minutes or maybe an hour or so, nothing major. My eyes feel better and I don't feel as sluggish (my period os almost over so that has helped with that). I just find it hard because the days are so long when you can't feel the effects of fun. I have no "enjoyment". Reading or crafty projects or even the sense of satisfaction from housework...none of that brings joy, or any feeling at all. I'm just so flat. I do the necessary things but don't bother with the fun ones, why force myself to read a novel when I get no enjoyment from it? I migt as well clean teh toilet, at least someone else will benefit. This is where I'm at and it's unrelenting. Not much I can do about it I guess...just keep praying and trying to not think about it. I'm glad you guys can relate. When I tell "normal" people about this they say stuff like "I hear ya" "We all get those days" "Life isn't supposed to be always fun and games" or my favorite "Oh I know, it's this weather (insert some other mundane normal thing to blame it on here)" No, they don't understand. I'm not tired, bored,irritable, or just meh for a few days. I don't FEEL. I simply do not FEEL. Anything. There is no variation to it, no ups and downs, a walk will not help, a laugh will not help, a bath will not help. The lack of feeling will not change if I do those things...but thanks for coming out. LOL, I don't actually TRY to explain this to people anymore, because of those annoying answers, well meaning, but not applicable.
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2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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