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Old 04-06-2012, 09:16 AM   #1
iwantpeace
 
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Join Date: Feb 2011
Posts: 249
Learning to ask for help....

ok.. i'm reaching out. I feel like crapola. My psychiatrist says it could last 6 months to a year...at least she understands....but sometimes it feels like it will never get better.

I shake most of the time, my muscles twitch. My head feels weird. I know it's the paxil, and luckily i'm not panicking but i'm losing strength. losing faith. I found myself saying 'I want to go back on Paxil' - I know I don't...and I know an attempt at reinstatement at this point might be futile because i've been off for quite some time and it had stopped working for me anyways.

I'm a shell of the person i used to be. I used to be strong. I was in investment banking. I travelled. I know how GOOD things can be, so feeling like this make it that much worse.

Please tell me to tough it out. Please tell me it will get better. Please tell me slowly but surely the girl I once was will come back....better for having experienced this.

Please tell me this is not 'forever'. Please tell me all this 'weird' is just my body reacting and 'healing'.

Please don't judge that I switched to Zoloft, I felt I didn't have a choice at the time, I was in a dark, dark place. I had never been depressed before in my life. I was put on paxil for a few panic attacks I had in 2001, but i've always been a 'happy' person.

I just want some relief, I guess just like everyone here. I want peace.
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Paxil 20mg from 2001-December 2010
Nov 2010 - 20mg
Dec 2010 - 15mg
Feb 2011-July 2011 - 10mg
July 2011- Sept 2011- 30MG
Sept 2011-Nov 2011- 25mg -17.5mg
Nov 2011- JAN 12: 17.5mg -1.25mg
January 27th 2012- PAXIL FREE
Started Zoloft mid Nov 2011 - currently at 100mg
Feb 8 2012 - Zoloft 75mg
early April 2012
April 11 2012: 62mg - compounding pharmacy - side effects at 75mg not acceptable
April 21 2012 - 50mg - feel much better - staying here for a while.
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Old 04-06-2012, 10:59 AM   #2
Kay2020
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

Your taper was very rapid, I could see why you are feeling this way now. And this will not last forever and you will heal. Since the fast tapers your brain has to catchup, this is how I felt in my previous attempts. Your brain has to catch up to the level you are at now, even if you didn't take anything else. It is like putting the breaks on in a car while going 60mph.

In my previous attempts I made tapers like yours and thought they were very conservative, the only difference between you and myself is that I was told about this site before I repeated my mistakes the next attempt(not knowing they were mistakes because of no real help from the medical profession, just denials).

That being said who can judge anyone who is suffering so much.

You will heal, you will not be stuck where you are and it will take time which is why the thought of it not healing ever is in the forefront because of the time it takes.

I don't know if this will help, but coming off of lexapro is very hard for me, and I approach it as my job temporarily, I developed a plan and am sticking to it, the fish oil, mag, exercise (especially aerobics helps my wds more than weights and exercises)

Good days and bad days will pass by and I try and remind myself that this is not the outcome rather the journey although it involves suffering.

You will greatly improve when you actually feel some improvement (for me it was less physical symptoms that revived my faith of healing), that is when you will know you are healing, right now it is all about faith and other's progress that was formerly in the same place you stand right now.
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Old 04-06-2012, 11:43 AM   #3
Backtopaxil
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

Hi

Your signature shows a happy face, I would thought that your switch to Zoloft, unlike mine, was successful.

I had a similar experience but got off Zoloft in 1 month,as I had the tremors and unease and could not deal with it. I did reinstate am in the process of getting off paxil. I cant deal with the aches and joint pain that it is giving me.

My motto is, "if I am going to suffer, at least I will be paxil free."

6 months will fly, I hope you get better soon.
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Started April /03-Jul 30/11 10 mg Paxil
2nd Paxil Tapering
Off as of May 28th, 12


"This will take time but it will happen!"
"I've been shouting: it takes at LEAST a year " -- Ariella
"If I am going to suffer, at least I will be Paxil free" -- me!



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Old 04-06-2012, 11:57 AM   #4
aberdeen
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

It's so worth hanging in there. It took me many many many months of suffering to get over coming off effexor too fast. Switching to Paxil didn't stop the withdrawal. I'm doing better now, but very numb and foggy still, and I don't know if it's withdrawal or Paxil. I just have to believe getting off Paxil will be the best thing I've done for myself in a long time and since I don't feel great anyway, I may as well keep going. I'm going to taper off really slow this time so I don't crash. You'll get there too. We're all in this together.
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2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
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Old 04-06-2012, 12:02 PM   #5
audrealjade
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

No feeling is final and I firmly believe that. You will make it out of this. You are such an encouragement to others on this board and such a sweet girl. Things will get better for you and one day you will wake up with that inner peace and all this hell will be worth it. Keep reaching out to all of us on the board because that is what we are here for.
I also like to daydream about the new and healthy me. That visualization helps distract my mind and quell some of the anxiety. Many hugs your way!
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10mg of Citalopram - 10/2011 to 12/2011
Adverse reaction - DP/DR
Tapered:
7.5mg - 1 week
5mg - 1 week
2.5mg - 1 week
Off all medication as of 12/17/2011

My story ends with finding out I have Lyme disease which caused my nervous system and hormones to go haywire. Currently in treatment.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:09 PM   #6
iwantpeace
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

Hi,

Thank you all so much for your kind encouraging words.

Back to Paxil, I updated my signature when I was having a much 'easier' time. As i've said in previous posts, the zoloft by no means helped the paxil withdrawal (I went completely DEPRESSED in Mid December) but I think it did help a bit taking me out of that depression. I was in a very difficult situation in that the paxil had pooped out, and I was in a mess of a state and had to make a decision and chose to cross to something else. Had I been 'ok' and just wanting to get off Paxil, I never would have made that decision. EVER.

I do get 'windows', but it seems things are only getting worse before they get better. January was good for me, actually - Everything was good until *ahem* my cycle in Feb, which really got me off track. Been fighting to get back on track now.

I usually don't post stuff like this, unless i'm really down - But i need to work on this - reaching out - (or so my therapist says). It helps me to help others.

I'm so glad I flushed the Paxil two weeks off, because after these past few days, I would 100% be tempted to pop 2.5mg and see if it helped. ugh.
__________________
Paxil 20mg from 2001-December 2010
Nov 2010 - 20mg
Dec 2010 - 15mg
Feb 2011-July 2011 - 10mg
July 2011- Sept 2011- 30MG
Sept 2011-Nov 2011- 25mg -17.5mg
Nov 2011- JAN 12: 17.5mg -1.25mg
January 27th 2012- PAXIL FREE
Started Zoloft mid Nov 2011 - currently at 100mg
Feb 8 2012 - Zoloft 75mg
early April 2012
April 11 2012: 62mg - compounding pharmacy - side effects at 75mg not acceptable
April 21 2012 - 50mg - feel much better - staying here for a while.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:14 PM   #7
iwantpeace
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

One more thing. Just an FYI @backtopaxil, I couldnt tolerate Zoloft at 100mg, so I had to step down to 75. I started to experience HORRIBLE tremors and derealization. 5 days after I stepped down, I felt much better.

I will talk with my psychiatrist on Tuesday and see if she feels I should start my 10% taper from Zoloft sooner. I don't know what to do.
__________________
Paxil 20mg from 2001-December 2010
Nov 2010 - 20mg
Dec 2010 - 15mg
Feb 2011-July 2011 - 10mg
July 2011- Sept 2011- 30MG
Sept 2011-Nov 2011- 25mg -17.5mg
Nov 2011- JAN 12: 17.5mg -1.25mg
January 27th 2012- PAXIL FREE
Started Zoloft mid Nov 2011 - currently at 100mg
Feb 8 2012 - Zoloft 75mg
early April 2012
April 11 2012: 62mg - compounding pharmacy - side effects at 75mg not acceptable
April 21 2012 - 50mg - feel much better - staying here for a while.
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Old 04-06-2012, 02:35 PM   #8
Backtopaxil
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantpeace View Post
One more thing. Just an FYI @backtopaxil, I couldnt tolerate Zoloft at 100mg, so I had to step down to 75. I started to experience HORRIBLE tremors and derealization. 5 days after I stepped down, I felt much better.

I will talk with my psychiatrist on Tuesday and see if she feels I should start my 10% taper from Zoloft sooner. I don't know what to do.

My psyc wanted me to go to 150 and then my intuition said Hell No. And decided to reinstate to get off. Granted I went to 20mg for a month to make sure that I was not *missing anything* and am glad I did, as I know there is no turning back and no regrets.

I just dont see why you should be having tremors after all these months. I had those and they went away when I dropped Zoloft. And have not had them even while tapering this Paxil crap.
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Started April /03-Jul 30/11 10 mg Paxil
2nd Paxil Tapering
Off as of May 28th, 12


"This will take time but it will happen!"
"I've been shouting: it takes at LEAST a year " -- Ariella
"If I am going to suffer, at least I will be Paxil free" -- me!



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Old 04-06-2012, 02:49 PM   #9
LCrawford67
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

Quote:
Originally Posted by iwantpeace View Post
Please tell me to tough it out. Please tell me it will get better. Please tell me slowly but surely the girl I once was will come back....better for having experienced this.

Please tell me this is not 'forever'. Please tell me all this 'weird' is just my body reacting and 'healing'.

Please don't judge that I switched to Zoloft, I felt I didn't have a choice at the time, I was in a dark, dark place. I had never been depressed before in my life. I was put on paxil for a few panic attacks I had in 2001, but i've always been a 'happy' person.
You ARE toughing this out and are a hell of a lot stronger than you even realize! I DOES get better, I promise! No, the girl you once were will never come back, this experience changes us and time itself changes us. But, a new and improved you will come out. Oh, you'll always be you, but this new you will be stronger and wiser than the old you could ever imagine!

No, this isn't forever and yes, ya gotta go through a crap ton of "weird" before it's over. But, the suckola waxes and wanes and eventually, the good far outweighs the suckola. Of course, it still sucks when you're going through it.

No judging here. People usually don't find us until they get to where you are now, why would they? Sure, if you'd have found us sooner and gotten different advice, things may have been different. Then again, maybe not. There's not a one of us here who, at one time, would have listened to our doctor's advice before a bunch of strangers on the Internet. No biggie...unless those towels start talkin', you're gonna be just fine!
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aka LC
aka Laurie C.


Paxil, 20 mg since 1997, for IBS
Two unsuccessful attempts to quit.
Started tapering 11/27/06
PAXIL FREE 12/29/07


Today is the best day, EVER!
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:08 PM   #10
iwantpeace
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

Thank you Laurie....and everyone else. i'll hang tough. Keep focusing on small things i've found - knitting, treadmil, my new kindle.....making tutu's lol.

Hopefully one day after this whole mess of a situation i'll be knitting and making tutu's for my own child..............

I appreciate all the support. It brought a tear to my eye - it would have brought a flood but I think my husband has seen me in tears enough lately that i'd rather not scare the poor guy

hugs to all of you.
__________________
Paxil 20mg from 2001-December 2010
Nov 2010 - 20mg
Dec 2010 - 15mg
Feb 2011-July 2011 - 10mg
July 2011- Sept 2011- 30MG
Sept 2011-Nov 2011- 25mg -17.5mg
Nov 2011- JAN 12: 17.5mg -1.25mg
January 27th 2012- PAXIL FREE
Started Zoloft mid Nov 2011 - currently at 100mg
Feb 8 2012 - Zoloft 75mg
early April 2012
April 11 2012: 62mg - compounding pharmacy - side effects at 75mg not acceptable
April 21 2012 - 50mg - feel much better - staying here for a while.
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Old 04-06-2012, 03:10 PM   #11
lmac
 
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Re: Learning to ask for help....

You are such a strong person for even trying to make your life better. You WILL get to where you want to be, it will take time and some suffering. We're all suffering, especially when in the thick of things.
Just remember (and I know its hard as I sometimes can't take my own advice) "This too shall pass". And "Happiness ALWAYS returns".
Every single thing you mentioned that you feel, I have felt and still feel on and off so this just goes to show we are NOT alone in how we feel, it IS the meds and we WILL prevail! Keep posting. I too waited so long to start posting but I'm so glad I started because everyone here is so supportive and caring!!
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Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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