our logo
Freedom is in you...
You are enough. You are your solution.  
Go Back   paxilprogress > Paxil > General Discussion
User Name
Password
Register Moderation Guidelines Members List Calendar Search Today's Posts Mark Forums Read

General Discussion Open discussion about Paxil, Paxil Withdrawal, successes and progress, good stories and bad, with and without.

Adverse Drug Reaction Reporting    FDA Warnings    Published Withdrawal Studies    Pregnancy Warnings    Forum Psychology

Reply
 
Thread Tools
Old 04-05-2012, 02:34 PM   #1
shannon2012
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 67
Saving my marriage

My husband of 21 years started taking paxil six months ago for anxiety. It worked beautifully for him and his anxiety is gone.

Having said that, our marriage has gone in to a steep decline and I blame the paxil. My husband has just ceased to care about much of anything to do with me or our marriage. He doesn't see that anything is wrong at all but it is almost impossible to have a meaningful conversation with him.

I have no idea what to do. He refuses to stop taking it. He just doesn't see the damage. He thinks he is fine. I am afraid of losing him. I feel like he doesn't care about me anymore. In fact, I am pretty sure he doesn't.

Any ideas at all on what I can do?
shannon2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 03:27 PM   #2
LCrawford67
Moderator
"Freakishly Optimistic"
 
LCrawford67's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2006
Location: Ohio
Posts: 34,675
Re: Saving my marriage

Sadly, no. This is what Paxil does and it's ruined many a relationship. As long as he takes the drug and refuses to see the changes, nothing will change. The best you can do is maybe talk to family members about it; ask if they've noticed the change in him. Have them talk to him about it, give him examples (gently) of the things that have changed in your marriage since he started taking it. Show him the dozens and dozens of threads we have about this exact subject.

These are pretty much the only things you can do. He has to recognize it for himself, which is very difficult to do when you're living in a Paxil haze.
__________________
aka LC
aka Laurie C.


Paxil, 20 mg since 1997, for IBS
Two unsuccessful attempts to quit.
Started tapering 11/27/06
PAXIL FREE 12/29/07


Today is the best day, EVER!
LCrawford67 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 03:32 PM   #3
mustangwoman
 
Join Date: Sep 2008
Location: Tennessee
Posts: 295
Re: Saving my marriage

I am so sorry you are going through this! I knew it was time to do something different with my meds when I just did not care about anything that much anymore. I agree with Laurie's suggestions. I'll be praying for you both.
__________________
zoloft 2004-08 tapered too fast, severe WD-6 mos out hospitialized and restarted on ssri. Finally learned the problems were from WD.
Luvox 5/08 100 mg
07/10 40mg via small reductions, 08/10 39mg, 09/10 38mg, 10/10 37mg, 11/10 36mg,2/11 35mg, 5/11 34mg, 8/11 33mg, 11/11 32mg, 01/12 31mg, 03/12 30mg, 4/12 29mg, 5/12 28 mg, 8/12 27 mg, 11/12 26 mg, 1/13 25 mg, 3/13 24 mg, 4/13 23 mg,6/13 22 mg, 7/13 21 mg, 8/13 20mg, 10/13 19 mg, 11/13 18 mg, 12/13 17 mg, 1/14 16 mg, 3/14 13 mg.
mustangwoman is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 03:35 PM   #4
julieannboo
 
Join Date: Jul 2011
Posts: 1,412
Re: Saving my marriage

I am sorry to hear this too.

I am the same most of the time with my boyfriend. even seeing him sometimes requires too much effort.

Hopefully people on here will be able to advise you.
__________________
Paxil History:
20mg - April 1997
0mg - Summer 1998
30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
julieannboo is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 07:37 PM   #5
shannon2012
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 67
Re: Saving my marriage

This is so incredibly sad and life altering. I am just devastated.
shannon2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 07:42 PM   #6
Backtopaxil
 
Backtopaxil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Posts: 1,323
Re: Saving my marriage

Paxil at its best. Makes you think everything is OK when it is not. And it does it very slowly without you knowing it. Final goal: Apathy.
__________________
Started April /03-Jul 30/11 10 mg Paxil
2nd Paxil Tapering
Off as of May 28th, 12


"This will take time but it will happen!"
"I've been shouting: it takes at LEAST a year " -- Ariella
"If I am going to suffer, at least I will be Paxil free" -- me!



Backtopaxil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 07:59 PM   #7
aberdeen
 
aberdeen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,146
Re: Saving my marriage

I feel for you! I'm sure my hubby feels that way. I have taken other SSRI's before and they helped my anxiety and did NOT make me apathetic like this. But I take Paxil now and I do feel very flat. Even if your hubby doesn't realize it, it doesn't matter it hurts you. However you need to remember this, I'm sure he still loves you! I still love my hubby and children very much, I just can't find the *emotion* that makes it obvisou to them. I'm sure it appears forced and flat to them, but the caring is still there. My 7 year old is sick tonight and I don't really feel sad about it like I usually would, maybe I appear cool about it all...but you can be sure I'll be at his side all night with a cloth and rubbing his back because I love him!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
aberdeen is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 08:31 PM   #8
shannon2012
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 67
Re: Saving my marriage

It is starting to seem like there is really no hope.
shannon2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 09:09 PM   #9
Johnnny off Paxil
 
Johnnny off Paxil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Persona Non Grata... I am No Expert on Nothing
Posts: 3,113
Re: Saving my marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon2012 View Post
It is starting to seem like there is really no hope.
Well, its not a matter of hope or no hope..its what these drugs do, period.
Maybe the best solution is that he needs to know without the slightest shade of doubt that for you.." I am doing fine" is unacceptable and that the for the time being you go your separate ways, not to abandon him or the marriage, but to outline by your actions what is unacceptable, so in fact its done out of love , for loves sake. If you keep that in mind, that the love is real( assuming that you really love him) and you keep that as your main focus in this endeavor and change.
Change it must, and maybe by knowing he is alone in this " I'm doing fine, with Paxil"..but that you are not there for that part of that journey, its not a price you are willing to pay.
If he has it in him and does love you, maybe in time he will realize what is important, maybe not.
I know this sounds harsh, even callous, but sometimes thats the only way your going to be able to bring that boat home safely to harbor .

Even the best swimmers end up drowning with a drowning person trying to help, doubling the calamity, in this case your trying to save all that can be saved before it becomes truly impossible to extricate yourself.


Johnny
Johnnny off Paxil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-05-2012, 09:20 PM   #10
shannon2012
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 67
Re: Saving my marriage

Thanks, Johnny. I appreciate the input. I do not want my marriage to be over but they way things are now, wow. Too difficult. Yes, I do love him. I just honestly don't think he will care at the moment if I am in his life or not.

Is there anything I can do while I wait? Should I tell him daily how much I love him? How I wait for him? Pine for him? Sounds pretty lame, but I believe he is a man worth waiting for. Worth the effort except for this one, little (ha) thing.
shannon2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 11:25 AM   #11
Brassmonkey
 
Brassmonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: California
Posts: 3,877
Re: Saving my marriage

Shannon--Before I started my taper in October paxil had me in a very bad place. My wife and I had been married for 32 years at the time (it's 33 now so don't interperate the "had been" wrong). The paxil had been pooping out on me for quite a few years and I didn't know it. I was drinking very heavily and couldn't quit, and all in all was treating my wife very baddly. But I didn't care, because I felt NOTHING, I didn't even care enough to not give a s**t about anything. Underneath it all though, during the more lucid moments I knew I loved her more than anything in the world. I hit bottom in October and realized that I needed help, primarly because of the drinking. Once I got the help for the drinking (via AA) and then I found this site and learned about the effects of paxil and started to taper. Its been five months and my wife says she can't belive the changes in me, but I had to recognise the problem in my self, otherwise I wouldn't have cared enough to make the changes. It's a catch 22 and the drugs are in charge.

I don't know if this sheds any light on your situation, but I hope it helps.
__________________
AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 dropped to 36mg
06/2012 dropped to 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 dropped to 11.1mg
03/2013 dropped to 10.0mg
01/2014 dropped to 5.4mg
02/2014 dropped to 4.9mg
03/2014 dropped to 4.4mg

"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
Brassmonkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 11:29 AM   #12
Johnnny off Paxil
 
Johnnny off Paxil's Avatar
 
Join Date: Feb 2007
Location: Persona Non Grata... I am No Expert on Nothing
Posts: 3,113
Re: Saving my marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon2012 View Post
Thanks, Johnny. I appreciate the input. I do not want my marriage to be over but they way things are now, wow. Too difficult. Yes, I do love him. I just honestly don't think he will care at the moment if I am in his life or not.

Is there anything I can do while I wait? Should I tell him daily how much I love him? How I wait for him? Pine for him? Sounds pretty lame, but I believe he is a man worth waiting for. Worth the effort except for this one, little (ha) thing.
Thats something impossible for me to answer, also its best to stay away from "shoulds, coulds and woulds"
This all comes down to the troublesome issues of limitations, which most of us would rather avoid.
So, its to the degree of compromise and decrease you wish to go.
Is this worth losing your dignity , self respect and self esteem for?
Are you able to abide by your core values both inside and outside a "relationship"?
Do you feel you have to "martyr" or sacrifice" yourself because you are a woman and your husband( Father knows best)?
No relationship on earth is worth the degree of self destruction people put themselves through, that much I can tell you. In a moment of lucidity , by looking back you say to yourself, why in the hell did I not back out and leave him to his own rationales and devices?
Sometimes a "relationship" is "salvaged" by stepping away, by separation , by taking a break, it doesn't mean divorce, it means for the time being its impossible for you to live with that man, period, nothing dramatic.
People are so afraid of being alone, they are willing to give life and limb to avoid this, but at what price?
We live in a society where" community" would take over at this point, but that's precisely what we don't have, community, if we did, we as a people would not have such extreme anxiety or go to such extremes in our relations.

You alone have to make that decision, it would help if you had friends and relatives and basically as many people as you could possibly reach out to about this, then make your decision and stick to it.

Johnny
Johnnny off Paxil is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 11:29 AM   #13
shannon2012
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 67
Re: Saving my marriage

It does help, Tom. Thank you. Is there anything your wife could have done or said to help you see it? Maybe I should send him this thread. I think more than anything it would make him mad, though.

The paxil and drinking combination has made him mean a couple of times. He apologizes afterwards but he doesn't even really remember it.

I am afraid that he doesn't care about our marriage anymore. I don't think he cares much to hear from me on any topic.
shannon2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 11:32 AM   #14
shannon2012
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Posts: 67
Re: Saving my marriage

Thanks, Johnny. Currently, we do live apart. As of one week ago. We have been living overseas and I have now moved back to the States. It is our plan that he join me in one years time when his job is finished. We are so disconnected right now that we don't even talk on the phone. I am afraid that after a year, our relationship will be finished. I don't want that, but I cannot stay there with him anymore.
shannon2012 is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 12:33 PM   #15
Charlie
 
Join Date: Nov 2005
Posts: 8,286
Re: Saving my marriage

Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon2012 View Post
The paxil and drinking combination has made him mean a couple of times. He apologizes afterwards but he doesn't even really remember it.
Drinking while on Paxil is not a good idea (I'm sure you know this) I've read that one can double the effect of the other because of the way they interact.

Quote:
Originally Posted by shannon2012 View Post
I am afraid that he doesn't care about our marriage anymore. I don't think he cares much to hear from me on any topic.
Please believe me when I say that it's not you, it's just the way people that are unlucky enough to have this reaction to the drug are. They tend to believe thier significant other is now all things evil and responsible for every bad thing that's ever happened to them. They got in trouble in first grade....it was your fault even though you weren't there.

Being away from him might be the best thing for your relationship right now (I don't know) even though it can't be easy.
__________________
The truth is the truth even if no one believes it, and a lie is a lie even if everyone believes it."

Knowledge speaks ....... Wisdom listens

Charlie

www.ThePaxilProtest.com
Charlie is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 12:46 PM   #16
babs
"dare to suck big!"
 
babs's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: San Diego, CA
Posts: 7,917
Re: Saving my marriage

Well ... if he doesn't care about you or your marriage any more, I'll bet there's something he DOES care about -- his sexual desire/performance. Showing him threads here about loss of relationships might not evoke much response in him, but if you made him aware of how many men suffer from sexual dysfunction due to these meds it might catch his interest. I'm just thinking that you need a way to make him realize he's better off without the med, without it being about the relationship, since that doesn't seem to be working.
__________________
Babs

Paxil 20mg 1994-2005
2 failed attempts to quit
Tapered Jan-April 2005
Paxil-free since May 1, 2005
babs is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-06-2012, 04:09 PM   #17
Brassmonkey
 
Brassmonkey's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: California
Posts: 3,877
Re: Saving my marriage

Very good point Babs, both the paxil and the alcohol can cause great problems in that area. (I's knows fo sho). So it may get his attention.
__________________
AKA Tom

1994 started 20mg Paxil,1999 30mg,2005 40mg
2010 pooped out
09/2011 CTed from 15oz vodka a night
09/2011 dropped to 36mg
06/2012 dropped to 19mg (past halfway point)
01/2013 dropped to 11.1mg
03/2013 dropped to 10.0mg
01/2014 dropped to 5.4mg
02/2014 dropped to 4.9mg
03/2014 dropped to 4.4mg

"Find a place inside where there is joy, and that joy will burn out the darkness." Joseph Campbell
Brassmonkey is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-07-2012, 06:41 AM   #18
aberdeen
 
aberdeen's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2012
Location: Canada
Posts: 4,146
Re: Saving my marriage

This may go against the grain of this site, but not all SSRI's cause the same side effects in everyone. I took 3 other SSRI's that didn't cause apathy. Only Paxil has had this side effect. If he insists on being on an SSRI and it really is helping other issues, maybe a switch is in order. It would have to take some time though, a direct switch over could just make things worse.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
aberdeen is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply


Currently Active Users Viewing This Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Thread Tools

Forum Jump


All times are GMT -6. The time now is 02:15 AM.


We are not in any way affiliated with Paxil's manufacturer GlaxoSmithKline.
Our ideas and suggestions are anecdotal, inspirational, and they work.

Get the best web browser, FireFox

Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.5
Copyright ©2000 - 2014, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.