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Family Support Paxil affects whole families. This forum is to support those closest to our hearts (spouses, partners, brothers, sisters etc.) who need help to understand and support.

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Old 04-18-2012, 09:14 AM   #1
USMCmatt
 
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Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

So my girlfriend and I have been dating 2 years now. Late last year she started suffering from severe anxiety due to a ****ty boss that couldn't run his pharmacy for ****. It basically led to an anxiety attack and the mere thought of going into work caused her to start shaking. *She goes to a doctor and he diagnoses her with situational anxiety and depression. She is given Xanax for severe attacks and started on a daily dosage of 20mg Citalopram an SSRI. She tries that but it doesn’t work. Needless to say, they moved her to a different department.

So around this time (about 2-4 weeks into her new medication) there are subtle changes I start to notice in her at first. Let me start off by saying we were that disgustingly gay overly loving type of couple. I start to notice she seems to be pulling away from me. I use to get daily texts whenever she could squeeze in a text at work of "I love you" and I would do the same. We would always say it to each other. We had talked about marriage being a serious possibility some day. Fast forward to beginning of March (about 2.5 months in at this time); I notice the random texts have all but ceased. The sex....maybe once a month. Twice if it was a good month. Holding of hands slowly fades away. Her saying I love you in person dwindled. I only hear it if I say it to her. The cuddling has stopped.

As of today I have a shell of my girlfriend left.
I'm confused. Angry. Wondering what I did wrong. Mind you I changed nothing. It gets to the point where we need to have a serious talk. We have it finally and she is telling me that she feels the spark has gone. That she has thought of breaking up with me. I'm blown away. The main meat and potatoes of this talk were I wasn't doing my part around our place. Getting groceries. Cleaning the bathroom (when the agreement was I clean the living room and her the bathroom). The fact that she washes the sheets all the time. In the big picture trivial things. Of course during all this time did she ever once ask me to do one of these things.....no. I agree to make changes and I voice my concerns addressed previously. This was about 3 weeks ago.

I have made all my changes and she hasn't. I'm at the point where I can't take not feeling wanted or loved anymore. Tomorrow she is going to see the doctor about weaning of the medication. So tonight I start researching her medication and its side effects on relationships. I find a slew of articles basically stating that because it's an SSRI type of medication. This is common and has been known to cause people to fall out of love. So basically it confirmed my all along hunch. I'm going to approach her about this tomorrow before she goes to the doctor to let him know that whether she knows it or not. She is experiencing these symptoms. Makes me feel better but hate what prescription pills that are suppose to help a person can do.
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Old 04-18-2012, 01:30 PM   #2
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

It sounds to me like you are in a strong position actually - I only wish I had realised it could be the drugs at this early stage when we were still together and that he had been willing to get off the drugs.... I think in these situations it can work.... just get her off the drugs.... slowly. Good luck.
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Old 04-18-2012, 01:44 PM   #3
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Thank you. She should be at her appointment right now. She wants to get off of them and I showed her alot of websites and articles including some posts here that validated my fears. Hopefully she takes my intentions to heart. These drugs are very scary things
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Old 04-18-2012, 04:44 PM   #4
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

We've heard stories like this a lot here. You're lucky that she's believing the information that you are giving her.
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Old 04-18-2012, 08:07 PM   #5
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Quote:
Originally Posted by USMCmatt View Post
Thank you. She should be at her appointment right now. She wants to get off of them and I showed her alot of websites and articles including some posts here that validated my fears. Hopefully she takes my intentions to heart. These drugs are very scary things
My wife said "Its not the drugs, you won't destroy all of the hard work I've done" referring to talk therapy...
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Old 04-21-2012, 08:47 AM   #6
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Ok. So an update

We had a pretty serious talk. She was telling me that she felt she needed some space and sayin that she wanted to deal with this on her own. When pressed to say the words we need to breakup. She could not say them. We both cried alot during the whole thing. She says she feels like a drug addict and that she doesn't want to say something and me to tell her it's because of the pulls or she feels and why she is sayin the things. She said that she didn't want to hurt me and that I deserve to be treated with love. That was why she she wanted to do what she was hinting at. I told her she would be hurting me more if she did break up with me. I basically told her I won't let her do this on her own and that because of how much I love her I will stay by her side even though it's going to be a hard time for us both. she agreed we can try and make it work. I was talking with her sister and my GF is mad at her be jade she said something about the pills Changing her Too. Her mom won't talk to her about it either beciwse my GF gets very defensive and feels attacked.

The doctor dropped her dosage from 20mg to 10mg. Her goal is to get completely off the pills this year. So right now I'm wanting some advice on how to deal with this and how to help her through the roller coaster of emotions that are coming as she weens off. Im going to utilize free counseling I can the through the miltary. My GF is against psychiatrists. But it's ok for me. I don't mind. Hopefully it will help me.
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Old 04-21-2012, 09:32 AM   #7
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Quote:
Originally Posted by USMCmatt View Post

The doctor dropped her dosage from 20mg to 10mg. Her goal is to get completely off the pills this year. So right now I'm wanting some advice on how to deal with this and how to help her through the roller coaster of emotions that are coming as she weens off. Im going to utilize free counseling I can the through the miltary. My GF is against psychiatrists. But it's ok for me. I don't mind. Hopefully it will help me.
How long has she been on citalopram?
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Old 04-21-2012, 12:45 PM   #8
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

I wanna say since nov-dec latest
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Old 04-21-2012, 12:57 PM   #9
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

She's in that hard to predict use time. If she gets to many withdrawal symptoms, she may have to go up to at least 15mg and stabilize. A 50% drop can kick one's butt, but see how she goes since the use time is pretty short....but long enough to require weaning.
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Old 04-21-2012, 01:49 PM   #10
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Quote:
Im going to utilize free counseling I can the through the miltary. My GF is against psychiatrists. But it's ok for me. I don't mind. Hopefully it will help me.
If you go to a psychiatrist, he/she will try to put you on a drug. Do they have therapists or psychologists that you can go to instead?
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Old 04-21-2012, 02:39 PM   #11
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

It's labeled as relationship counseling. I wont accept any medication if they even try to get me on it or reccomend
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:33 PM   #12
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Unfortunately as of last Wednesday...we are no longer together. She stated that after I voiced my opinions to her that she had changed and wasn’t the same person it seemed I was attacking her. She felt like I was judging her and that every time she would say or do anything that I would be analyzing her and telling her it’s not her, it’s the pills. She couldn't take it anymore. She said she would dread coming home to me because of this. She said that she needed some space. I will be moving back home with my parents for now it seems. We ended on very good terms. I have hope that she will realize she made a mistake and that we will get back together. She wanted us to still talk and such, but right now I'm doing what I have to and ignoring her for now and giving her her space that she needed. I still have to look out for myself. We both parted ways saying we still both loved each other. It's been hard on me. I stayed at my buddy's house that night. We decided to go for a midnight drive and we ended up in San Francisco for a few days. I'm back at work as of today. The trip really helped me. Now I have to get use to life without her. Wish me luck guys....
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:46 PM   #13
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

I'm so sorry that this has happened, but sadly we hear it all the time.
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Old 05-05-2012, 07:47 PM   #14
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Thanks man...I have a strong network of friends getting me through this. Her sister being one of them too.
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Old 05-13-2012, 10:31 AM   #15
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Been having a lot of trouble dealing with this lately. I feel so helpless and mistreated. I had gotten her to reluctantly agree to talk to me about us. Her reply was there is no us anymore. Basically need to get closure from this so I can heal. Then she texted me asking if it was ok if she moved our bed (she is still staying at the place). She refused to sleep in the old bed. And has since set up a new one.... We were suppose to meet last. But she was working later than she expected. Of course she never replied to me. She's changing so much so fast. It hurts. Needed to vent
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Old 05-13-2012, 11:21 AM   #16
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

I have been talking to her sister alot during this. I just found out today that she was trying to talk to her and see how she was doing. Her sister brought up if she thought she changed somehow during the course of their conversation. Apparently my ex flipped out on her and told her and her mom that she was on my side. Now she wont talk to her sister and vice versa. She has noticed much changed also. I have hope though. She has been on 10mg for 2-3 weeks now. So there is an end in sight over the next few months. I'm in no state to begin to move on because I'm still in love with her. I'll wait for her as long as I can. It's just right now because I'm so worried about her....
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:34 PM   #17
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

This sounds a lot like what I went through. I was in awful pain for four months. I have moved on. Thank God! I feel as though I was in a war with my heart. My guy changed into a manipulative monster. He forgot that he gave me his e mail code and I went finally went browsing. I am so glad I did, it helped me to get over him. He is playing his new lady for a fool and many other woman. The paxil has turned him into a lying, cheating, manipulative man. He even lost his job and has money. He is 41 living back with daddy. He has turned into someone I don't like and I am glad it is done. The man I once knew died, whoever this guy is I don't know him. I do feel sorry though for his new girlfriend. I can tell she is very nice and does not deserve what he is doing to her. The e mails show just how much he changed since we were together. He is even on web sites looking for transvestites. Whatever floats your boat. I would never date a man on anti depressants again. That stuff causes apathy.
I hope your heart mends.
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Old 05-26-2012, 01:38 PM   #18
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Quote:
Originally Posted by USMCmatt View Post
Been having a lot of trouble dealing with this lately. I feel so helpless and mistreated. I had gotten her to reluctantly agree to talk to me about us. Her reply was there is no us anymore. Basically need to get closure from this so I can heal. Then she texted me asking if it was ok if she moved our bed (she is still staying at the place). She refused to sleep in the old bed. And has since set up a new one.... We were suppose to meet last. But she was working later than she expected. Of course she never replied to me. She's changing so much so fast. It hurts. Needed to vent
Yeah the anger I felt from feeling mistreated was the worse part.
You will heal. I never thought I would, but I have moved on.
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Old 05-30-2012, 02:24 AM   #19
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

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We've heard stories like this a lot here. You're lucky that she's believing the information that you are giving her.
At least she believes you. My brothers don't believe anything I tell them, since our mother died. As a matter of fact, they'd rather I live on the street. Had I known 15 years ago the crap Antidepressants puts you through, Inwould have said no, thanks. I probably nOt be on welfare because of it.
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Old 05-30-2012, 11:48 AM   #20
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

She didn't believe anything I said. I'm actually at her place with a UHaul and she's made sure she wasn't here
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Old 05-30-2012, 09:55 PM   #21
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

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She didn't believe anything I said. I'm actually at her place with a UHaul and she's made sure she wasn't here
I see by your handle you were a Marine. The brother i am currently living with is ex-Army. To him, I'm a whiny twerp. How do I get through to him that Viibryd has me screwed up so badly, I don't know which end is up? How do I impress upon him it might take month's, if not years to get off this stuff? If you think Paxil is bad, Viibryd is even worse, and I'm on the lowest possible dose available.
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Old 05-30-2012, 10:01 PM   #22
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

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She didn't believe anything I said. I'm actually at her place with a UHaul and she's made sure she wasn't here
I see by your handle you were a Marine. The brother i am currently living with is ex-Army. To him, I'm a whiny twerp. How do I get through to him that Viibryd has me screwed up so badly, I don't know which end is up? How do I impress upon him it might take month's, if not years to get off this stuff? If you think Paxil is bad, Viibryd is even worse, and I'm on the lowest possible dose available. I'm trying to wean off way too fast and am finding out the hard way what kind of demon this drug has become.
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Old 11-02-2012, 03:46 PM   #23
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

After reading this, I thought "wow, this is happening to me!!!" A week ago today I began taking 10mg of Citalopram daily, and am scheduled to double it starting tomorrow. I have noticed quite a few major changes such as i sleep more deeply, wake up extremely tired, I never want to eat, my surroundings don't feel real sometimes, like I'm liing in a world that is under water, like a fish tank (ha ha, I know...weird, right?!).....and I have been having relationship problems. My Dr. gave me this med for anxiety (caused by my college math class) because I didn't want Xanax, given the combination of it's high dependency rate and my family's history of alcohol/drug abuse.

I am convinced that my own issues with my relationship are truly rooted in my thoughts and feelings towards the events that take place within it; but the Citalopram prevents me from having any spike-like emotions (i.e. excitement, despair, anger), so really all I have to keep me motivated to keep my relationship alive is my logic. Do I like what is going on? Do I want it to continue? Do I really care enough to work through our problems? Is this relationship worth fighting through problems to fix? The answer to all of these questions yesterday to me would have been no. But after realizing that just one week ago I was so crazy in love with my boyfriend of almost two years that I'd do just about anything for him.....it dawned on me that a recent change has contributed to this. My prescription.

After finding and entirely reading this thread this morning, I have decided to try Colonopin for on-the-spot anxiety relief and to stop the Citalopram, which has taken away the feeling of passionate determination that should urge me to fight for my relationship. There is no man that could ever take his place, and I want to say thank you so much for posting this thread, it has given me my wake-up call before it was too late, and urged me to not let the love of my life slip away.

I hope your situation has improved, USMCmatt, you are in my prayers.
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Old 11-02-2012, 04:30 PM   #24
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

Your doctor gave you Celexa for anxiety over ONE CLASS??? Now I've heard it all. If a class gives you that much anxiety, drop the class, don't start an ssri, and even worse a benzo.

I'm happy you decided to ditch the Celexa, but remember Klonopin is also addictive.

When will doctors recognize that these are mind altering drugs with LONG term effects? Unbelievable.
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Old 11-02-2012, 05:33 PM   #25
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Re: Citalopram is ruining my relationship....

The anxiety attacks (he says they are "panic attacks") is a pretty regular part of my life, and I've asked about a benzo before because of it. I usually have an "attack" maybe once a week, but the class has had me stress out and have been having about 3-4 "attacks" a day. The class is taking all my time, and I have little time for my relationship, and none for myself. It's just work, school, dinner, homework, bedtime, repeat. I am full time school and work both.
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