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Old 04-26-2012, 11:42 AM   #1
miriza
 
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My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Hi all!

Lately I've been feeling like I'm back in acute withdrawal. Seriously. Symptoms that have left me (terror, feeling like I have to run away and escape something, etc.) are back and the ones that hadn't left me seem stronger now. I'm SO afraid. I can tell how fragile is my brain still...

For example, last night from about 8-10 PM I was on tagxedo.com playing and making word clouds for my kids...I was SOOOO excited that I got lost in it and for the most part forgot withdrawal for a while. At about 9:30 PM or so I feel this sudden wave of adrenaline cursing through my veins and anxiety came...I was like WTF? I'm so excited here and having so much fun, how can anxiety be visiting me with no reason at all???

Then I go to bed at ~11:30 PM (1.5 hours after being on tagxedo) and my mind felt hyper and I was bombarded by racing thoughts...all sorts of horrible things: images of skulls, seeing corpses of dead relatives, etc. I also had tons of intrusive memories of my life. It was as if my whole life was fast-forwarding before me. I did not feel anxious anymore (not even afraid of the images and thoughts---so used to it by now). But I could not sleep...my mind was WAY too hyper. It took me until 4 AM to fall asleep and only slept for 4 hours. Ugghhhh! It had been 5 months since I had any insomnia. I've been sleeping 9-10 solid hours. This also happened about 3 days ago but I was able to at least put in 6 hours.

This shows how fragile my mind still is to overstimulation...and to think that some family members are suggesting that I go back to work. WHAT?!?!?!? If I go back to work, they'll have to call an ambulance after 10 minutes and take me to a psych ward to be zombified forever. It seriously is going to take a long while before I can work...I mean even leaving the house and going to a store for 10 minutes is too stimulating some days...

Does this get better? It's like my brain doesn't want to let me be happy...because every time I feel joy or love or something positive it's unsustainable...
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:38 PM   #2
aberdeen
 
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

I don't think it's because you stimulated it, I don't think so. I think when that crap hits it just hits. I had a really long window of almost complete normality, it lasted months. At first I assumed it would be like all the other times I had glimpses of feeling normal, that it would last about an hour and vanish again, so I was scared to enjoy it or trust it. But after a few weeks I slowly came out from under the rock and started doing things, and still the other shoe didn't drop. I finally just got right back into stuff again! Loud music in my car, even a few drinks now and then, crafts with the kids, staying up all night chatting with an old friend and being exhausted all day...and NOTHING triggered the next wave. The next wave finally did come, and it came during a quiet week with not much happeneing and nothing I hadn't already been doing. It was full on original symptoms, lying awake at 4am worried my kids would have cancer soon, anxiety through the roof all day with no break, diarhea, shaking hands, couldn't get warm...all the same crap I had before. I think you'll fid that the normailty sustains itself longer and longer eventually. It's like your brain is doing a trial run and then shuts down for more repairs and continued work. I'm sorry your fun got snatched away, it feels so cruel when it happens, I hate it! But it's not you or anything you did. I also don't think (like my mother does, which drives me crazy) that you can just purposely leave the symptoms behind and forget about them when you make yourself have fun. It's the other way around...the symptoms leave and you CAN have fun for awhile. This isn't within our control, not for me. Not at all.
Your probably closer to healing than you think! Just keep doing what you're doing, you've come this far right?
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 01:54 PM   #3
miriza
 
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Hi aberdeen! I see everything that you wrote and it's very valid...and I've thought the same way about it...

But this is not the first time when I overdo something close to sleep time and then have major racing thoughts and insomnia. This is like the 5th time. In fact, I do not have racing thoughts anymore except on those 5 days when I've done too much close to bedtime...I mean and by "too much" I don't mean running a marathon, doing the dishes, etc. I just mean reading something or watching a video or speaking on the phone for a few hours...very NORMAL stuff, but I guess we're not normal in w/d.

The way I see it is a combination of the two...it's like the brain in withdrawal has less neurotransmitters or functioning neural connections available to sustain positive thoughts/feelings and normal functioning. As time goes by and the brain repairs itself, the positives are more sustainable and so we have longer and longer windows. At least that's how I see it. It's not that we have the control to bring the positive thoughts/emotions back--we don't. We only get those positive things when the brain gives it to us...as time goes by we gain more and more control. It can be a subtle improvement for some people or it can be window-wave pattern for others.

I can literally feel when a love/joy thought suddenly does a 180 and turns to fear or anger or dread. Or if I laugh too hard I end up feeling horrible after...I realize we all have this issue with laughing too hard and feeling bad afterwards but this is in ANOTHER league...It may also be related to adrenaline...If you remember your children when they were little they would most often laugh whenever you did something that scared them (e.g. sneeze, shred a piece of paper, etc.). It's like the feelings of excitement and anxiety/fear are very closely linked in the brain for some reason...think about rollercoasters and haunted mansions...

Anyway, I wish someone would do the research. I'm just frustrated that this is happening still...
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:04 PM   #4
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Ok I see what you mean! My son used to laugh when he was overtired and then start bawling and become inconsolable. Once that happened you couldn't get him to sleep very easily, he'd need hard core rocking in the rocking chair for a long time to settle again. He's still excitable and it sometimes seems unpleasant to him when he gets too worked up. Does this happen to you in the day or more at night when you're tired? Gosh it's like blowing a fuse! I guess you need to be very gentle to yourself. One thing I notice sometimes, at night, not in the day, is if I'm on the couch and someones hand drags across my skin, like near my ankle or on my foot, I can NOT tolerate it. Last night the edge of my sons jacket was barely touching the skin between my pants and sock, and everytime he moved my whole leg jerked. It would happen when the cat's tail dragged there too, or any light touch. Must be extreme sensitivity. I connected it to a tired unwell nervous sytem being at the end of it's rope for the day. I like to remind myself that we haven't been damaged, just temporarily altered by these meds, and nothing has been done that can't be undone with time. We'll get there.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 02:15 PM   #5
miriza
 
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Yes, exactly aberdeen! It's like I've blown a fuse like you say. I usually only get these racing thoughts at night when I'm about to fall asleep (never been an issue before drugs). I do get hyper thoughts during the day sometimes but much shorter lived than at night.

If I overdo things I also sometimes crash with fatigue from about 7-9 PM. It comes and goes in waves. Again, I think the brain is very vulnerable to fatigue in those waves and it's only when I have the overstimulation that I feel the fatigue...If I don't overdo things then even when my brain is vulnerable to the fatigue during a certain period of time, I don't get it. Other times I can do a lot more and don't get the fatigue at all. So there's some play between what the brain can do and what we ask it to do...but one thing is for sure, the brain is in control (not us)
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 04-26-2012, 04:42 PM   #6
lmac
 
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Blown fuse! That's exactly what it feels like! Again Miriza, I get the same. I see it as very low stress tolerance. Perhaps you feel like things can trigger you back into wd because you're still totally in wd, just not as intense. This is how I feel. I have to be VERY gentle with myself (like Aberdeen mentioned) because I find that an occurance can send me back down into the abyss. I feel this happens because all my doom/gloom/scary thoughts/despai are always hovering over me which means its still there ready to pounce as soon as I over stimulate somehow. I definately make it a point to have NO over stimulation at night so I can go to sleep. And the cal/mag vitamins I take from my Naturopath actually feels like a drug. Within an hour of taking it every night, I feel so calm, relaxed and sleepy!!
BUT, I too cannot wait for those days to come like Aberdeen has described. When there is no fear anymore or sustainable negativity!!
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 04-26-2012, 04:57 PM   #7
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

My fuse could potentially blow where I'm at right now, I can sense it. It would take A LOT, and I think I'm getting better even this week over last that way.... But when I was in my window of awesomeness, I knew it couldn't blow anymore. I knew it. Well, of course it could if my family died in a crash or my house caught on fire, but not like in w/d.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 05:04 PM   #8
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

I'm going to share something that I actually find funny now but you all can relate to. There is a retro version from the 80's of the My Little Pony movie. My daughter was watching it last year when I was in hell. There is a scene where their whole village gets wrecked by an evil witch, and I FELT the despair of those dang ponies like it was own town being seized by Nazis or something. But I weathered it and kept watching, then there was a scene where the witch made this purple stuff flood the land, it was called Shmooze or something. This purple stuff was like waves, and when a wave crested it had two eyes and it would growl. I was so *ucking scared. Not in the pleasant way Miriza talked about where we thrill ourselves with ahorror movie, I mean...deeply unsettled and full of horrible anxiety and dread. In my mind, that is what anxiety looked like...this awful purple muck, reaching and grabbing with these eyes, wrecking everything beautiful. I can still hear the moaning roar sound it made, it got right into my soul the way watching a human being get tortured in real life might feel. It was messed UP. I was so upset by it that I hid the CD. I found it the other day and kind of laughed but then...threw it out, OMG, lol. I actually threw it out a year later. No more schmooze. It's (almost) funny now, but it really messed with my head. Can anyone relate or have I just alienated myself from even Paxilprogress now?
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:38 PM   #9
miriza
 
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Aberdeen, one of my biggest fears in w/d is people's or animal's eyes especially when looking straight at you...the sick thing is I'm even afraid of pictures or cartoons that are looking straight at me. Top that!
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 04-26-2012, 06:45 PM   #10
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Aberdeen. LOL!! You did not alienate yourself even from paxilprogress. LoL. That is very strange but it goes to show how our VERY hypervigilant frame of mind latches onto crazy things and we fear really anything. I notice the theme for all of us is plain FEAR. Whatever our minds seem to latch onto while having this fear!! Like the tree you painted too. You have quite a vivid imagination. I tend to latch onto faces of dead people I know and only their faces. Like faces floating around with no body!! We all have a different fear story but nonethe less its ALL FEAR! Like we're 3 yrs old again with crazy wild imaginations, except we don't have our mothers to protect us, instead they think we've gone off the deep end!!
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 04-26-2012, 07:54 PM   #11
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

You are so right, it IS like being 3 again, I ever even thought of that! That is somewhat comforting actually, because then it seems more like Miriza said earlier, a reversion to a more primitive place in our natural mind. I remember being really scared of a hole in my ceiling as a toddler, my Mom said I would get hysterical at bedtime and point up to it. I guess it was a piece of plaster cut out to expose some pipe for plumbing work that was being done. But I went completely wiggy over this hole. And like a child, you don't really even know WHAT you're afraid of exactly, it's just that the stimulus (visual, or auditory or whatever) creates a deep fear. So strange.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 07:55 PM   #12
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Quote:
Originally Posted by miriza View Post
Aberdeen, one of my biggest fears in w/d is people's or animal's eyes especially when looking straight at you...the sick thing is I'm even afraid of pictures or cartoons that are looking straight at me. Top that!
I can't say I can top that, but I can actually understand it!! If you explained this to me 2 years ago, I wouldn't have a clue, but I do now!
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:00 PM   #13
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Quote:
Originally Posted by aberdeen View Post
You are so right, it IS like being 3 again, I ever even thought of that! That is somewhat comforting actually, because then it seems more like Miriza said earlier, a reversion to a more primitive place in our natural mind. I remember being really scared of a hole in my ceiling as a toddler, my Mom said I would get hysterical at bedtime and point up to it. I guess it was a piece of plaster cut out to expose some pipe for plumbing work that was being done. But I went completely wiggy over this hole. And like a child, you don't really even know WHAT you're afraid of exactly, it's just that the stimulus (visual, or auditory or whatever) creates a deep fear. So strange.
Exactly, like monsters in the closet or under the bed too! I also feel like I'm 3 again with my emotions. Well, I'm definately able to get a grasp now but for months I couldn't handle any emotion and they felt so out of control and didn't even match the situation ever. I felt like an out of control 3 year old just not knowing how to deal with ANYTHING!!
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:02 PM   #14
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
Aberdeen. LOL!! You did not alienate yourself even from paxilprogress. LoL. That is very strange but it goes to show how our VERY hypervigilant frame of mind latches onto crazy things and we fear really anything. I notice the theme for all of us is plain FEAR. Whatever our minds seem to latch onto while having this fear!! Like the tree you painted too. You have quite a vivid imagination. I tend to latch onto faces of dead people I know and only their faces. Like faces floating around with no body!! We all have a different fear story but nonethe less its ALL FEAR! Like we're 3 yrs old again with crazy wild imaginations, except we don't have our mothers to protect us, instead they think we've gone off the deep end!!
So strange how we all get triggered by different things. These faces of dead people, are they the faces of loved ones who have passed, or are we talking, like, zombie faces that are what you think these people look like now (how awful!) Yeah my Mom doesn't get any of this either. I've stopped talking to her about it. She would be understanding if I had something physical but this is beyond her.
__________________
2 Timothy 1:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

2005-2010 Effexor XR 112.5mg-262.5mg for PPD
June-Dec 2010 Poop-out (crash)
3 month cross taper off Effexor onto 40mg Cipralex, switched to 20mg Celexa, switched to 20mg Paxil
Nothing helped except waiting 7 months to stabilize on Paxil then starting to taper:
Oct'11 to Nov '12 20mg-10mg
March'13 to Feb'14 9mg -4mg
Feb 7/14-4.0mg
April 1/14-3.6mg
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Old 04-26-2012, 08:22 PM   #15
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

These faces are all people I know. Their face as I remember them. Buts its strange, when my anxety is about health then its images of people that have died of a sickness that keep popping into my head so randomly. When my anxiety is about that blanket of despair/scary thoughts/depression the images are of people I knew who commit suicide and they're just people I knew from highschool or an old job etc but its like they're haunting me. At one point I was convinced I see dead people and their spirits were all around me because the images were insanely intrusive. I thought maybe I see spirits, maybe they're here to give me a message. I know, crazy.... But I couldn't figure out why my brain wouldn't stop spitting these images out. Like one time I was at a store trying on a top. All of a sudden I got that thought "why am I even trying on a top, life sucks and I'm gonna just die anyways, why bother doing anything joyful". Then instantly images of a bunch of people's faces kept popping in my head, one by one, all people I know who have committed suicide! Like my brain just wants to keep freaking me out and scaring me. I've read so many books on how we CAN control our thoughts and what we think about. Its been so discouraging because I'm sorry but I CANNOT seem to control any of this. Sure when I feel better I find it much easier to divert my thoughts to more positive ones but during a wave, no way, can't do it, have to suffer through it!
__________________
Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:29 AM   #16
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Yes agree lmac. In w/d these thoughts cannot be controlled. Distraction helps sometimes but the chattering is still going on in the background...
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 04-27-2012, 08:31 AM   #17
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Quote:
Originally Posted by lmac View Post
Exactly, like monsters in the closet or under the bed too! I also feel like I'm 3 again with my emotions. Well, I'm definately able to get a grasp now but for months I couldn't handle any emotion and they felt so out of control and didn't even match the situation ever. I felt like an out of control 3 year old just not knowing how to deal with ANYTHING!!
Yes my thoughts and emotions are still incongruent with the situation or if they happen to match the situation they are WAY out of proportion!
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*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
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Old 04-27-2012, 09:29 AM   #18
lmac
 
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Location: Ontario, Canada
Posts: 1,108
Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Miriza - I hope you slept better last night. We didn't end up chatting. Did you sleep well?
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Lmac
- 1998-2002: Celexa 20mg
- 2002-2010: Paxil 20mg
- 2009 - 20-0 mg paxil in 5 mnths(with prozac)
- 2009 (Dec): reinstated after 4 mnths off (crash)
- 2009 Dec -2010 Nov: Paxil 20mg
- 2010 Nov: switched to Zoloft 50mg (Paxil poop)
- 2011 Mar: tapered Zoloft (5.5 mnths)
- March: 37.5mg for 2 weeks
- April: 25 mg for 2 weeks
- April: 12.5mg for 18 weeks
AD free since Sept 4th, 2011
- Feb - March 2012: Crashed
- May 2012 - Finally seeing SOME real windows
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Old 04-27-2012, 02:04 PM   #19
marie6749
 
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northern Ca
Posts: 436
Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Miriza,

I went through the same thing last night. I had racing thoughts with intense fear and couldn't sleep. Finally fell asleep around 6am and slept for about 3 hours. Hang in there, the good thing is that it has only happened five times.
__________________


8/01/08 20mg (liquid Paxil) started taper at 10% drops
6/10/10 10mg Had to updose back to 10mg
7/06/11 9.0mg
7/15/11 9.5mg Trying 5% drops only
8/15/11 9.0mg
9/05/11 8.6mg
9/26/11 8.1mg
10/26/11 7.7mg
11/18/11 7.4mg
12/09/11 7.0mg
12/30/11 6.6mg
01/20/11 6.2mg
02/12/12 5.8mg
03/05/12 5.4mg
03/26/12 5.0mg
04/23/12 4.8mg Had to stop for awhile....
01/06/13 4.6mg Resumed taper at .2mg every 3 weeks
03/17/14 1.2mg
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Old 04-27-2012, 02:45 PM   #20
miriza
 
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Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Ugghhh, marie! SO ANNOYING!!! I was not even anxious last time it happened. My mind was just hyper and could not stop! The worst thing is that the thoughts are usually scary (like I see skulls, dead people, etc.)...I used to get anxious about the scary thoughts but I'm so used to them by now....I've had the scary thoughts many times as soon as I close my eyes but those usually last a few minutes and I fall asleep almost immediately. The racing scary thoughts lasting for hours have been rare though (about 5 times like I said).

Did you have a tough or stressful day or some kind of overstimulation before bedtime. I find that I can handle some daytime stress or overstimulation, but if it's too close to bedtime I get the racing scary thoughts
__________________
*Poly-drugged since May 2011 (14 meds in 4 months-paradox. reactions to all). From mild anxiety to almost psychosis on meds. IT IS THE MEDS, NOT ME!
*Elavil:
75 mg -> 37.5 (12d)
Imipramine:
37.5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,10/08/11): akathisia!
5 mg -> 0 (1 mo,11/29/11)
Now in w/d hell and missing my old self.
Please go to http://www.askapatient.com and leave a review of your med(s) and w/d experience.
miriza is offline   Reply With Quote
Old 04-27-2012, 07:16 PM   #21
marie6749
 
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Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: Northern Ca
Posts: 436
Re: My brain is still SO fragile :( racing thoughts/insomnia again

Miriza!

I took some Skullcap today and instantly felt better. The restless thoughts and anxiety dramatically went away. I feel much better.

I had a stressful argument with the husband last night which made my already bad anxiety worse. So I'm pretty sure that's why I was up all night.

I think your body is just healing and occasionally your mind gets bombarded with some minor anxiety. I'm sure it will keep getting better. HUGS!
__________________


8/01/08 20mg (liquid Paxil) started taper at 10% drops
6/10/10 10mg Had to updose back to 10mg
7/06/11 9.0mg
7/15/11 9.5mg Trying 5% drops only
8/15/11 9.0mg
9/05/11 8.6mg
9/26/11 8.1mg
10/26/11 7.7mg
11/18/11 7.4mg
12/09/11 7.0mg
12/30/11 6.6mg
01/20/11 6.2mg
02/12/12 5.8mg
03/05/12 5.4mg
03/26/12 5.0mg
04/23/12 4.8mg Had to stop for awhile....
01/06/13 4.6mg Resumed taper at .2mg every 3 weeks
03/17/14 1.2mg
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