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Old 04-28-2012, 09:25 PM   #1
tootsieroll
 
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Birthday and I am depressed.

Hi everyone, my birthday is on the 29th and I didn't think I would be so depressed before it. I'm surrounded by family but yet being surrounded only makes me feel how little and insignificant I really am.

Although I'm still in state of foggy brain, I get moments of consciousness where I realize that at age 29 I have nothing(literally nothing. No money, no job, no independence) and I am worth nothing. I am merely floating through life and always have been. So what does my birthdate actually mean??? A JOYOUS day I was brought into this LIFE?? What life?? I wish I could break away from all this and enjoy my birthday tomorrow but I really don't think this is going to happen.

I know this post makes it seem like I'm feeling this way because it's my birthday but I have been feeling this way long before. My birthday just seems to amplify what I already feel.

PS. I had a hysteroscopy 4 days ago. Could it be making me depressed because I am taking it easy to heal? I am also hella hungry all the time since then and I feel fat =(
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Old 04-29-2012, 03:10 AM   #2
Bilo76
 
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

1.) You are only 29. You have time enough to achieve goals you wanna achieve
2.) Do you trully believe this; "I am worth nothing" ??? Cause off course this is not true. If you believe so then start doing CBT.
3.) Do you value your life at those standards? Whether you have money or a job? Arent other stuff more important? Like how you act with other people especially the ones you love. That you are physical healthy, etc etc.

and above all:

4.) Cheer up tootsie. Try to correct this destructive way of thinking in your mind. It serves no purpose. Go out for a walk. Accept where you are now and float with it. And try to enjoy small things.
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14 years on Paxil 20 mg cause of a bad anxiety disorder (social anxiety, agoraphobia)
2011 Oct 16th: Cold turkey stop Paxil cause of poopout and switch to lexapro 15 mg. Hell started. Tapered lexapro. Tapered oxazepam. Med-free for 16 months. Now on Anafranil (clomipramine)


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Old 04-29-2012, 04:21 AM   #3
eileen
 
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

You have your whole life ahead of you and you are already doing something wonderful for yourself. Your taking your self off an AD. Everything will look a lot brighter when you've finished your weaning.
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June 13/07-reducing by .05mg. every four weeks to present. October 29/08-Paxil Free
2006-Cut Trazodone from 150mg to 100mg.
Sept 07/09- Trazodone 75mg. 4/10 Weaning Benzo. 12/11 Benzo Free! Trazodone 8/28/13 62.5mg. 10/11/13 50 mg. Started this journey of horror with AD's 1994, Put on Paxil 30 mg in Feb/1995
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Old 04-29-2012, 06:28 AM   #4
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

You are doing great. I hope that you have a good birthday xx
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30mg - October 1999
20mg - October 2002 - July 2011
20mg to 10mg - July 2011 - March 2012 (10% taper)
CRASHED when i got to 5.2mg
Back on 10mg - August 2012
Staying on 10mg - for the time being.
Pleased i am on half my original dose.
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Old 04-29-2012, 07:06 AM   #5
iwantpeace
 
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

Happy birthday Tootsie,

I understand what you are saying. I have said to myself many times 'I should be doing more, I should have more, I should, I should, I should'.

But, I remind myself every time that my JOB is to GET BETTER. You have one of the hardest jobs in the world right now - many people wouldn't be able to do what you're doing. Please remember that. Your job might not 'pay you' now, but trust me, in the long run the value of what you're doing will be worth more than all the money in the world.

Try to enjoy today as best you can, and have an extra piece of cake for me

xoxo
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Started Zoloft mid Nov 2011 - currently at 100mg
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early April 2012
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:46 AM   #6
babs
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

Happy birthday, Tootsieroll. You are not nothing, you are a person trying to find your way in life just like we all are. I hope you are feeling better today and enjoy your special day!
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Old 04-29-2012, 10:55 AM   #7
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

Happy Birthday !!!!
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Old 04-29-2012, 11:05 AM   #8
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

Happy Birthday and know that in many ways you contribute to other peoples lives, even in ways you may not see, you aren't nothing! Don't let the mood you're in fool you. It's not reality!
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Old 04-29-2012, 04:10 PM   #9
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

Thank you everyone for the birthday wishes!!! I instantly feel my attitude change upon reading your replies.

It is true, I know I have more than I will ever realize and that things can only get better after I am done weaning. But it is one difficult journey getting there.

I am grateful for this forum and all you fine people on here. I am off to go to dinner and hoping the sugar high from the cakes will give me a moment of giddiness(much needed). Cheers!!!
__________________
-reinstated 20mg Celexa
-liquid celexa 20mg June/23/11
-18mg July/20/2011
-16.2mg Aug/19/2011
-14.6mg Sept/30/2011
-13.1mg Oct/27/2011
-11.8mg Nov/26/2011
-10.6mg Dec/18/2011
-9.6mg Jan/9/2012
-8.6mg Feb/21/2012

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Old 04-29-2012, 04:19 PM   #10
LCrawford67
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Re: Birthday and I am depressed.

Tootsie, I'm betting your family thinks you're priceless You're not insignificant to them, nor to anyone else! As Babs said, you're just trying to make it in the world, just like the rest of us. Enjoy your special day and while you're celebrating with family and friends, realize just how important you are to them, and to everyone else around you!
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Today is the best day, EVER!
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