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Old 12-29-2010, 08:11 PM   #51
cyclist
 
Join Date: Dec 2010
Posts: 17
Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Hello and welcome PR- Best of luck to you on your journey thru this mess! I am astonished at how long your taper schedule is, you must be extraordinarily sensitive. Sucks you'll have to take it for three more years to get off
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Old 12-30-2010, 01:03 AM   #52
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Yes I agree it does suck!
However sensitivity comes with experience.

Over the 15 years of taking this medication I have tried many ways to come down off of it, all of which have led me to disastrous places. I have now decided that it about time to get serious and sensible about my goals to be medication free.

As I start to move through my forties and I look back at the many years of ups and downs through this medication since my early twenties, time does not really become an issue with me. How long it takes is arbitrary to me at this stage. Fifteen years has passed so far, if in another fifteen years time I find myself free of medication, to me this is success.

The journey I am on hopefully will take me much further than a quick fix of pulling myself off medication. I must remember that many years back there was a reason for me starting on this path of neediness. Now that I am looking to bring this path to and end, I must be sure that there is somewhere else ready for me to travel, rest and explore.

Coming down off of a dependancy is much more than omission and withdrawal. It is an opening of doors that may have securely contained much fear and confusion.
I have unfortunately over times past tried quicker escapes from this medicated world, and doors have flung open before me exposing their secrets. These unhealthy flash experiences have led me to hospital, self harm and complete breakdown of normal living.

I think it is important for me to remember that it is not the Seroxat that is the overall main issue to be dealt with through this journey I am on. It could be many things besides that I became dependant upon, that I used to block up and secure doors to past experiences, present worries and future fears.

In fact I take back what I started this entry with, no it does not suck!
I am more positive than I have felt in my life.
I have goals that are now within my reach.
I am on a great and adventurous journey.

Time can often appear slow and distant when you try and look too far forward. However when you really try and stand in the present and look around, you realise that the bulk of existence is in your past and the future has not even begun.

Good luck to myself
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Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
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Old 12-30-2010, 04:30 PM   #53
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

It seems long to me since my taper schedule has been 5mg every two weeks so far. However, I am paying for my impatience in the form of feeling sick every day. I admire your patience, keep it up!
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Old 01-02-2011, 04:38 AM   #54
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

It is so good to be able to get up in the morning and make the long awaited change to my signature. This is the first big drop for me of two milligrams in one stage. I was meant to be going for a 1.8mg drop, but the equipment that I am measuring with at the moment is not accurate enough, so I am going with the 2mg down to an even 16mg.

I expect that I will be reporting a few side effects over the next week or two, but I am really holding out for nothing too dramatic.

Here is hoping
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-04-2011, 05:03 AM   #56
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Hi pokie, the offer of luck is very much appreciated and needed at the moment.

Big time crash for me over the last couple of days. Could not get out of bed at all yesterday, swamped in negativity and cold shades of darkness.
The one thing that is keeping me going is that I know this is withdrawal and nothing more. I have to work hard to keep that notion of clarity alive and not let it fall to the confusion of patterns of the past.

I am so lucky to have had the opportunity to have built this safe place around me to go through this withdrawal process. I have the security of knowing that I can slip under the waves of darkness for short periods and that near by, within reach, is safe and familiar land.
Even though like yesterday when the waves are crashing over my head and I am sinking slowly through the fathoms of darkness, it is all consuming.
It is hard not to just stop fighting and let my body sink deeper and deeper, to be overcome and finally drift off into a comfortable numbness.

However, I seem to have again floated back to the surface and the seas have calmed around me. I am slightly battered and exhausted and for now will just float with the tide and see where it lets me drift.

I hope soon I will again find Terra firma.
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-06-2011, 03:08 PM   #57
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Not such a bad today with a little bit of light back and a glimmer of hope.

- Very, very tired and finding in hard to do much, could simply snooze all day.
- Slightly sharper thoughts with a degree of fuzzy background noise.
- Slightly dizzy and light headed when I exert myself too much.
- Restless sleeping with sweats.

When I look back at my previous medication drops in this journal so far, this all seems to be very similar. This is the sixth day after the 2mg drop and I hope a somewhat level stabilisation yet again. This will also mark the greatest single amount that I will be tapering at any one time.

If this pattern continues...six days of withdrawal for each taper will be acceptable to me.

Hopefully and fingers crossed that I have settled at 16mg
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-07-2011, 02:10 PM   #59
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Thanks for that Pokie, yea I am defiantly feeling better and more settled again.

I suppose that the 2mg does seem like quite a lot in one go and I defiantly felt it over this last week. I think I will continue with the 10 percent drop each month and hopefully my body in time will continue to get familiar and understand.

I am already looking forward to my next goal and the next drop down to under 15mg. This to me will seem like my first big land mark quarter of the way down. Of course I know that I must not be getting over confidant in the process and there is still a long way to go. I know that there will be once again plenty of down time, but more importantly I seem to beginning to also see that it is always temporary down time.
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-11-2011, 03:05 AM   #61
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Yep, i had tried a few times in the past to come off. However they were all disastrously un-structured with no guidance or particular goal set besides aiming for zero as quick as possible.

This is completely different for me. I know exactly where I am at the moment, I know where I will be every month for the next years and most importantly I know that i can record my progress here and view others ups and downs for comparison.
I am feeling safe and positive and that I am going in the right direction.

It is still not easy and there is a lot of work involved.
I am again feeling the side effects of difficulty in sleeping and also the uncomfortable heart rhythm.

The sleeping situation is probably the most annoying side effect at the moment. Lying in bed tired but unable to sleep, restless and awake is a horrible place to be late at night.
I will take a look through others posts to see what is getting recommended to assist with this problem, or if any one reading this has any suggestions.

I mentioned in a past post that I am free from alcohol or any kind of drugs, and that my only real vice that I still entertain is caffeine. Even so i have cut this right back and usually only have two cups (strong) in the morning. I love my coffee and had hoped that this too would not be taken from me.
However I am now wondering If I should try ditching it altogether. It is almost like I have started to develop an intolerance to caffeine. It could well be the culprit in the current side effects and even though I do not really want to admit this, I think I am going to have to try and go without for a week and see what happens.

I know the withdrawal from caffeine can also be quite a task...anyone got any suggestion how to avoid the caffeine withdrawal headaches?
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-18-2011, 06:17 AM   #62
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Keeping quiet these days.
Not feeling great.
Nervous, anxious, confused and tired.
Hopefully will be back out soon.
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-18-2011, 07:42 PM   #63
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Poxyroxy,
Just wanted to share my "coming off party" with paxil. I was put on it for anxiety/panic for about 12 or 13 yrs.Basically cold turkeyed (went from 30mg to 15mg then 0mg in a 2 month time period...ouch!!! I suffered more than needed because of it.) my last pill was taken on september 7,2007.

Boy what a ride I was in for!!!! I took an educational buyout from an auto company here in the states,enrolled in nursing school for 4 yrs and lost 3/4 of my income,meaning my wife had to now work full time. We also are raising 2 girls one being a teenager......that's enough to scare ya without paxil withdrawal...lol

Fast forward to today.....I graduated with honors from nursing school,have now found a job which I'll be starting soon. It was/is a tough journey. I was a wreck physically,emotionally and financially (we also managed to lose our home of 13yrs....it was a sad occasion). However I made it!!!!! I still suffer from mild anxiety and I worry about things from time to time,but I guess that is a part of being human.

My best piece of advice is to get a great support system and to taper SLOWLY,do not do it like I did!!!! I'm extremely thankful to my wife and others on this board who helped me out of the pit of despair Ifound myself in at times.Just keep plugging along no matter what your feelings tell you....remember they are just feelings and if you don't let them define you they won't.

take care and make sure to utilize this site often,they are truly angels
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Old 01-19-2011, 01:58 AM   #64
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Hi PR, following your thread with interest.
We have both been on this rubbish the same amount of time, and I have begun tapering too, albeit not from a very stable place.
Hoping we can give each other support.
x
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Paxil 20mg 1995 for panic/anxiety.
2003-2007: 30mg.
30mg-20mg over 2007.
20mg-15mg (Jan 2009) - big problems, back up to 20mg. Recovered slowly.
20mg-15mg (Dec to Feb 2010) - suicidal. Back up to 20mg May 2010, could not stabilise.
Dec 2010~19.5
07/01/11~19
11/02/11~18.5
12/03/11~18
28/03/11~17.5
09/05/11~17
22/06/11~16.5
23/07/11~16
13/08/11~15.5
03/09/11~14.75
01/10/11~14
22/10/11~13.2
12/11/11~12.4
30/11/11~11.6
21/12/11~10.9
10/01/12~10.2
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Old 01-20-2011, 10:28 AM   #66
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Hi chumpn80, lotty and pokie, thanks for the words and keeping in contact with me and my tread. It is so nice to go onto the forum and see that someone has looked, read and taken the trouble to reply.

I am not too bad now and seem to have got myself up and out of the dark side once again.

I really appreciate hearing about a success story and call for celebration. I hope that one day I will be posting advice based on my own success as well. Since I have just started part time study through a correspondence course, maybe I will also be able to mention my honours in the future. Thats all a while away now, but slow and steady I hope will get me there.

It is also nice to know that there are others out there going through the same stages as me at the same time. I often wonder, in fifty years time how will society look back on us as the chosen guinea pigs of the age of the modern dispensing of antidepressant to cure so many ills.

pokie, you also have me thinking hard about the next drop. I hear what you are saying and will consider over the next couple of weeks where I stand. Basically it would mean that I would change to smaller drops but on a more regular basis. It does seem to make sense.

There seems to be no black and white around this process, just many shades of grey, with thankfully the occasional splash of yellow thrown in.
Hopefully the sun will keep rising with Spring on the way here in Cork, Ireland and yellow will prevail.
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-20-2011, 01:02 PM   #67
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

I am currently going through zoloft withdrawal. I wwas on zoloft from 1999-2005 and kind of C/T'd back then. Last year I got back on zoloft around late April early May. Last part of december I started getting an adverse reaction. Now I have to go off. I was on 50mg and went down to 25mg. Its rough but so was/is the adverse reaction. I will pray for you and your journey off Paxil. I know how scary it can be.
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May-ish 2010 Zoloft 50mg
Late Dec. (maybe 27 or 28 ) adverse reaction
Jan. 2011 - taking it here and there (due to reaction)
Jan. 17, 2011 - starting taper 25mg.
Jan. 26, 2011 - approx. 16.7mg. (maybe a little less)
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Old 01-23-2011, 02:14 AM   #69
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Defiantly back on better form again here.

I am so lucky for the moment to be able to allow time for these ups and downs.
It has taken a lot of planning and organisation to get into this position that I am free to learn the pattern of withdrawal, with plenty of support and very few pressures.
However, somewhere along the line I am going to have to ease myself back into the real world of work, social interaction and normal life responsibilities.
I hope however, that in time I will have developed a clear and responsible understanding of the ups and downs of my withdrawal.

I continue my counselling with my therapist once a week, I keep my progression towards a healthy lifestyle and I allow myself time to understand.

I suppose working off this medication is probably the most important link in my life chain for now.
It is good to be able to work so precisely on this chain link for now, and make sure that it is well and strong before I look to far along the rest.

I am already looking forward to my next (small) dosage drop next week.
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-28-2011, 11:27 PM   #70
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

I am not writing here so much these days, and maybe this is a good sign that I am on top of things and the path ahead is currently nice and smooth.

Besides this journal of the basic up and down process of working through the withdrawal process, I also keep a private journal of my day to day experiences and feelings. This is now many, many pages long as I keep strictly to writing in it first thing every morning. I do not re-read what I write but rather just rely on the process of putting down my thoughts in to free up some space in my head.

Today is the official start of my correspondence science course.
The last couple of weeks I have started hypnotherapy counselling.
I am due to be starting a "start your own business" evening course next week.


These are three new time consuming and mind active steps for me through this process of getting back on my feet. I am feeling nervous and fear that I might be taking on too many things at once considering where I am at the moment.
I will still hold strong however. The most important aspect of my life for now and into the future is continuing the process of working my way off of this medication.

If it all becomes too much and something needs to crumble, I want to be determined that it will not be the quick fix of going back up to 20mg.

I look forward to the next drop in my tapering process. I have after much thought decided that I will go down to an even 15mg (from 16mg). This will be just half the amount that I dropped last time, and I hope will ease the usual first week of withdrawal symptoms that seem to be my pattern.
I am already excited about Tuesday morning and taking my first dose of "only" 15mg.
This for me will be a mile stone mark.
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-30-2011, 08:56 AM   #71
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Hi PR,
I am inspired by all that you are doing while tapering, poxy. I'm sending lots of good thoughts your way. I'll be interested to hear if your next lower taper makes a difference in how you feel. I'll be thinking of you on mile stone day.... Tuesday, Joanne
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11/25/10 50 mg. zoloft 12/30 45
1/19/11 40.5 2/6 36.5 3/7 32.8
3/29 29.5 4/20 25 5/28 22.5
6/16 20.2 7/7 18.2 7/28 16.4
8/18 14.7 9/8 13.0 9/23 12.5
10/10 11.2 11/6 10.6 11/9 11.2
12/7 10.5 1/1/12 10 2/1 9.5
3/1 9 3/23 8.5 4/30 8
5/29 7.5 6/26 7 7/31 6.5
8/22 6 9/15 5.5 10/20 5
12/17 4.8 (made my own liquid)
12/26 4.5 1/28 4.1 2/4 4.0
February 9, 2013 last sliver zoloft 4.0mg.
February 10, 2013- 0 mg. zoloft
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Old 01-30-2011, 10:56 PM   #72
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Hi Joanne, it is becoming busy for me at the moment and I am now a little nervous to see what the next few days will bring. The drop is a smaller one, but I think that I can still expect some of what came before.

Even if it hits me again. Even is I slip back temporally into a dark place. Even if it again feels that everything is going to fall apart around me. I will try to accept it as just yet another passing stage.
It is a strange place to be sitting here now, realising that in a few days time I might be sitting at the bottom of a dark hole and thinking that I am stuck there for ever.
The natural reaction would be to avoid the dark hole in the first place.

However I am committed to keeping this progress going and freeing myself up from the dependant clutches and reliant support of this medication.

I hope this 1mg drop will be smooth. I hope that I keep myself positive. I hope that I will be able to enjoy the fact that I am now quarter of the way through my journey.

Putting on my crash helmet just in case!!!
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Seroxat/Paxil 10mg
Priadel (Lithium Carbonate) 400mg
Dolmatil (sulpiride) 100mg
Optimax (L-tryptophan) 2500mg
Lexotan (Bromazepam) 4.5mg - reducing by .75mg every 4 days
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Old 01-31-2011, 01:17 AM   #74
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Re: Over 15 years and time to stop...!

Quote:
Originally Posted by poxyroxy View Post
However I am committed to keeping this progress going and freeing myself up from the dependant clutches and reliant support of this medication.
My sentiments exactly......beautifully expressed, you go girl!!!!


Quote:
Originally Posted by pokie View Post
PR,

I do not think you are going to need a crash helmet and am congratulating you on a 1mg drop! Like I always insist-some of us need to drop at lower mgs- and why not when you can enjoy life while doing it!!
Good Luck to you !!
Pokie,

I am amazed and inspired by your philosophy. Impatience is my worst flaw, indeed and it has always trumped my desire to take it slow in past tapers.
Thanks for your example...I think I believed that it was going to be miserable no matter how slowly I went, so why not just get it over with? I think I believed that any amount of the med in my body would never allow me to enjoy life while tapering. I so much appreciate your posts. Joanne
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11/25/10 50 mg. zoloft 12/30 45
1/19/11 40.5 2/6 36.5 3/7 32.8
3/29 29.5 4/20 25 5/28 22.5
6/16 20.2 7/7 18.2 7/28 16.4
8/18 14.7 9/8 13.0 9/23 12.5
10/10 11.2 11/6 10.6 11/9 11.2
12/7 10.5 1/1/12 10 2/1 9.5
3/1 9 3/23 8.5 4/30 8
5/29 7.5 6/26 7 7/31 6.5
8/22 6 9/15 5.5 10/20 5
12/17 4.8 (made my own liquid)
12/26 4.5 1/28 4.1 2/4 4.0
February 9, 2013 last sliver zoloft 4.0mg.
February 10, 2013- 0 mg. zoloft
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